|
Boyfriend dated and slept with someone while on a break
Boyfriend of two years broke up with me started dating someone a week later and then came crawling back 4 months later. I took him back but we've been fighting so much lately that I question if I even should be with him. I know I'm still angry with him and that is the reason why I keep trying to find reasons to get mad and leave but he doesn't make it easy. Last night we were talking about trying to have sex again and I asked if he slept with the girl he dated and he got quiet and I told him to answer but he wouldn't. He said it shouldn't matter but it matters a lot to me cause I couldn't even think of another guy let alone have sex with someone. I said it mattered to me and he just got up and went home. He didn't even try to talk about it or reassure me. In fact the last couple days he just makes everything a joke and doesn't take any of my feelings seriously. I think it's time to move on but I just spent almost 6 months being sad over someone that I wanted to come back so bad but now I'm not sure if that's what I want anymore. Any advice?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You describe your boyfriend as someone who doesn't respect your feelings, came "crawling back" and you're not sure you want anymore. You're finding reasons to be mad and he has made it easy by dating someone within a week of breaking up with you (presumably she was waiting in the wings and he was looking to throw away a two year relationship in the hopes of trying out something new with this girl). He isn't communicating and it sounds like you've already done the grief, you're just now left in wonder that all that sadness was really over someone you don't really like that much anymore. If you're over 23 or so, you should know by the end of two years if this is someone you could commit to. He's shown you he really can't. And your gut seems to be saying you don't want to. If you're under 23, even more reason to bail. Very very few relationships begun below that age work out, especially when there's been a breakup already, so you might as well save yourself months of constant fighting and another 6 months of being sad. Hold out for someone who is a good enough friend to communicate honestly and caringly.
]
I can't say what is going on inside of him. He could be a player, just more interested in satisfying his baser needs and have no interest in the girls needs and wants. Or perhaps he does love you in his own way but knows zilch about making a commitment or about what makes up a healthy relationship. This is most certainly a possibility when the guy in question is young and inexperienced, and immature, being in his teens or 20's. Some can be very mature and ready for a real true loving relationship at that time but a great many are not.
There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I've experienced the first husband, who finally admitted he loved me as a person, and as mother of our kids but he's never been in love with me. And now in my 2nd marriage, hubby and I are in love with each other. One thing I can tell you right now, being in love...we couldnt dream of ever doing anything to hurt each other. And another, though we may be fair looking to each others eyes, the beauty of youth is fading as we're getting older and neither of us has interest in finding any companion outside of marriage to find someone with different looks or for sexual excitement, because we are so totally satisfied by each other that there is no room left to want to even accomodate flings on the side. We found life is more fun and exciting just because we are at each others side experiencing it together. This is more likely what you are looking for. You must look for a man who already is like that, not one needing change.
The one who needs change must have a desire within himself to change and devote himself heart and soul to one woman. No other person can make him change, not even you. You're welcome to try. But it would be a waste of time. Its basic psychology about humans, change must come from within, not from someone outside.
The feelings you have for him are real, I believe you. But there comes a time when after years and years of having your feelings trampled on by him, that they will die, like a neglected seedling in the garden. Or you could choose to walk away, even though there are feelings and wait for them to slowly go away over time. Both are painful, but trust me, I lived with the trampled on love and feelings and I have also experienced with someone else the pain of having to walk away. The break up walk away is a far easier pain to experience. I'd choose it any day over the other.
]
Knowing your ages would make answering this question easier, especially the sex part. I am going to guess you two are in your late teens to early twenties.
If I'm correct then there is a big difference to sex for a guy then there is for a gal. Women even very young women most do not have it in them to jump for bed to bed. To have sex with a guy there must be some emotional attachment. There is good reason for this as she is the one who is allowing him to penetrate her body with his. No matter what type of sex takes place between the two it is her body that allows his body into hers and this is a very emotional thing for her. She is also the one that runs the risk of getting pregnant and therefore there has to be a degree of trust that if that were to happen he would be there for her.
Men, boys do not have the emotional attachment to sex that women have. They can get an erection, young men and boys, if a girl bats her eyelashes at him. Then is she orifice an orifice for his erection it simply becomes a mechanical action. Simply put men are more lustful than women are.
I can't tell you whether to stay with him or not, that is something for your to decide. What I will say is it is wrong to feel as if he cheated on you when you were not together. While absence may make the heart grow fonder there was no reason to believe, possible, that he and you would get back together so he had no reason not to have sex with someone if it was offered to him.
Just because you were still broken up over him and didn't date or have sex with anyone I don't think is a reason to be upset with him. As far as not taking other issues you may have and turning them into jokes. Well that is a bit immature of him. If it is an issue you have then it needs to be resolved especially if you are going to give him the trust you require before having sex with him. This is what you should base your decision on, the other issues not the fact he slept with another women.
]
More Questions: |