about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I weigh 140lbs, I am 18 years old and i am 5'2 ft. I exercise almost everyday with atleast 30 min of cardio but no matter what I do I dont seem to loose weight. I want to know if doing Insanity will help me since I need to burn 20 lbs. My waist is 26 in. I want to know based on my weight and height and if I follow a good nutrition plan how many lbs will I be able to burn when in 2 months. will I reach my goal?

Before you go on some insane crash diet you need to check something out.

You say you exercise almost everyday. By doing so you may have turned fat into muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat. By average your weight for your height and weight you are at the high end of a women your height who is large framed.

If you have traded muscle for fat you are no longer average and do not fall into the category of any of the standard weight charts. You need to have you BMI measured to find out just where you weight falls.

If you exercise at a health club one of the physical trainers can do this for you or your doctor can do this for you. Knowing this is important before you try to lose weight.

Besides losing weight, if needed, you need a proper exercise plan. One that will not build muscle but will help you lose weight if need be. Here again a personal trainer at the gym or fitness club can help. Then consulting a nutritionist can help with meal planning.

Your desire to be 120 lbs. may actually put you under weight which is actually worse than being overweight. So consult first with either your doctor or a fitness instructor to find out what you BMI is and what your weight should be. Then decide if you need to lose weight and how much.

This is a much safer way to go about this than to do so blindly.

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I am 15 and my boyfriend is always pressuring me about sex, what should I do?

When it comes to sex there is a hard and fast rule. No means NO and stop means STOP. You have said no you do not want to have sex. That should be the end of the conversation. For him to continue to pester or harass you into having sex with him he has crossed the line into sexually harassing you.

Sexual harassment is a legal term that could cause him real legal trouble should you or your parents wish to make this kind of trouble for him. Even if he is under age this charge knows no age limit. One way to stop his pressuring you is to tell him just what I wrote and that if he doesn't stop pressuring you for sex you might have to take that action. That should cool him down.

From my view point his pressuring you for sex say many things to me. The first is he does not respect you. IF he did he would have taken no for an answer the first time you said no.

The second is a little more complicated. Guys and gals at your age have a different definition of love. Yours is more the adult definition of love. For guys his age the definition of love is more equal to the definition of lust. Guys his age confuse the two.

Guys going through puberty are hard wired to have sex. They need to relieve the sexual tension caused by the hormones produced by puberty. This can be done through masturbation and most guys do resort to this as do gals. Though boys will pressure their girlfriends for the real thing before resorting to masturbation for relief.

One of the oldest lines a boy will use on a girls to get what he wants is: "If you love me you will have sex with me." If a boy ever says this to you or something like it. This should tell you that the boys love for you is of the lust type and not the love type you know and define. Don't fall for this as once he gets from you what he wants he will move on to another girls to see if he can get sex from her.

Another thing that is as old as that line is a game boys play which is to see how many girls they can have sex with. Each group of boys play this game for different reasons, mostly for bragging rights. Every girl they have sex with is worth a point. Sex with a virgin is more points.

I've told you this so you know what is behind your boyfriend pressuring you for sex. You don't and should not give into him until you are ready for sex. You don't have to take my word for it, you can ask your dad about this and I'm sure if you ask he will confirm what I have told you.

Sex is a beautiful thing and should be between two people who are old enough to enjoy it and are in a long term committed relationship that is hopefully headed for marriage. Sex should not be a recreational activity done in stolen hours behind the bleachers at school, in the backseats of cars or at home in a slam bam thank you mam way to avoid being caught.

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I say the most violent, idiotic things when I'm mad. It's like the steam from my anger melts the connection my brain has with my mouth, and it just spurts out crap I don't even mean, and that I regret instantly. I said something REALLY stupid about one of our bosses at work to a coworker, and two of my other bosses heard it, and scolded me for it. I feel awwwwwwwwwwwwful, immature, and just plain stupid. I didn't even mean what I said at all, either. I actually like our boss as a person.

Has anyone else been there? I feel god-awful, I legitimately almost threw-up at work. I'm paranoid what I said about my boss is going to get back to her, I think my rep with the other bosses is ruined, and I work so hard to be seen as a nice person. This one thing is gonna screw me over, and I feel overwhelmed with guilt. :((((

It is hard to put something back in the box once it has been let out, though you can always try.

What I would suggest is you ask to have a private meeting with your boss. Explain to her that you have a flash temper when you become overwhelmingly frustrated and you say things you really don't mean. You regret saying them even as you are saying them for as you are exploding, you are also calming. Apologize for what was said and tell her you are working hard to control your temper.

You would probably want to ask if she could ever forgive you for what was said. I would not ask for if she will forgive you she will offer to do so.

I don't know how old you are but when I was younger I too had a temper which I had to learn to control. Part of the control came with age and maturity. The other part was just realizing when I was about to go off on someone and finding a place to give myself a timeout to cool down. In other words instead of standing my ground and venting with someone or just spouting off I would go to the men's room or go outside and walk around, depending on the weather.

One other thing you might try is if you have an EAP program at work is to contact them and ask to be put in touch with a therapist who can help you find out why you have a short fuse and help you manage it better.

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17/m


My girlfriend and I are sexually active. She started to give me head and it feels super good... obviously but I don't come like when I do when I have sex or masturbate by myself.

When I do it myself or have sex it feels like a normal good feeling when I come.

When she gives me head my tip gets really really sensitive where I have to stop her cause it's so sensitive. The only other time I have felt this is when we grind with clothes on and it gets sensitive but never to where I have to stop.

I noticed when I get super sensitive when she goes down that I kind of come... it looks more just like a lot of pre-cum then normal cum.


What is the cause of this? I would rather have a normal orgasm when she goes down cause it feels better and she likes it when I finish.

Any help is appreciated.

Thank you.

This is normal for many guys. Your girlfriend is concentrating on the head of your penis where there are a lot of nerve endings. In a sense she has gotten these nerves over stimulated and instead of pleasure you are feeling a strange sort of pleasure-pain.

When you start to feel this happening ask you girlfriend to back off a bit and concentrate more on your shaft or switch to a handjob to bring you to completion or to allow the nerves to calm down so she can go back to sucking on your penis again.

Most guys feel what you're feeling right after ejaculating. The fact that you have some cum or see some cum says you may have had a mini - orgasm and are now super sensitive as are most guys. This is normal.

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Does anyone know the meaning for sex and why and who invented it?

There are many definitions of the word sex. The two most popular definitions are:

1. either the male or female division of a species, especially as differentiated with reference to the reproductive functions.(noun)

2. to have sex, to engage in sexual intercourse.(Idioms)

Origin: It is believed the word originated between 1350–1400; Middle English> Latin sexus, perhaps akin to secāre to divide (see section)

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I love my boyfriend. We've been together for 2 years, but he's my first boyfriend.

He wants to marry me eventually. He's positive about it. He tells me all the time. And I love him so much and he's my best friend...

But I feel like... we're not right for the long run. I feel like we're perfect for each other at this point in our lives though.

But I know I'd never be sure about marriage with him since I've never dated anyone else.

I'm happy, but I feel like I'm still not sure what I want in a relationship because I haven't had experience with other guys...

But, is it okay to date someone you don't want to marry as long as you're both happy at the time?

Am I being unfair by staying in the relationship when he wants marriage? Is it okay to date someone you love but don't think you'll marry?

We're both happy and we both love each other... but looking to the future... I feel like he's not the one. Though I always want him to be my best friend.

You learn about someone by dating them. So by that definition I would say it is alright to date him.

Feeling as you do, which I have no problem with, I think you owe it to him to tell him you feelings for him are that of a BFF and do not see the two of you as having a life together as anything else.

As for him knowing that you're the girl he wants to marry. There may be nothing wrong with him feeling that way. I know a couple of guys that have married the only girl they ever really knew. One met his wife in kindergarten. Started dating in high school and married right after high school. Last time I check in on them they were still married and grandparents. They were married over 40 years ago. The other couple were highschool sweethearts dated all through college, even arranging to go to the same college and married shortly after graduation. Their marriage lasted 5 years.

One couple dated around and thought they had found their dole mates, the other never dated anyone but the other. One would think the first couples marriage would succeed and the other fail but it was the other way around. So there is no way to tell.

The fact that you feel as you do says you need to search not settle. As I said you owe it to your friend to tell him how you feel so he knows where he stands.

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So I'm a female and I am thinking about losing my virginity to my boyfriend. I'm kind of shy and I can't really ask anyone I know but....on a scale from 1-10 how much does it hurt the first time? And what kind of hurt is it? If it's one of those questions that varies, then sorry for even asking, but I'm curious. Please and thank you!

This is one of those question that the answer varies by several different factors. First each of us feel pain differently so even scaling it by the 1 to 10 scale what would be a pain of say 5 for one person may be a pain of 10 for you or 1 depending on how you feel pain.

Then their are the other factors to take into account. You're age is a very big factor in how much pain you feel. The younger you are the more it will hurt. You may have the body of a women but your body is still developing. If you cannot use tampons because it is painful to insert them or you cannot insert them. Then how do you expect a boys penis to get into your vagina.

Your vagina muscles are still maturing and need to learn how to expand to accept a penis. This will happen as you go through puberty. If you try to rush it you will end up with a very painful experience that might cause you to fear sex for quite sometime afterward.

The last factor is just how relaxed can you be. If you are not comfortable, if you do not feel secure from being discovered you will not be relaxed enough. You will be tense and that will add to the trouble in penetration and the pain you will feel.

If you Hyman is still intact, they can break for a variety of reasons without you even knowing. The tearing of them is just a sharp pain as the boy breaks through. It usually does not last. The pain of stretching, forcefully stretching your vagina is where the majority of your pain will come from and it will last as long as the boy tries to penetrate you or as long as he is in you if he is successful in penetrating you.

All a boy need to have sex is an erection, something that happens many times a day. For a girl she needs to be in love something the definition for boy is different from the girl. She needs to be comfortable and she needs to feel secure.

For the boy the back seat of a car in a secluded area is fine for him. It is not all that fine for the girl.

Many boys use the line; "If you love me you will have sex with me." Don't fall for that one as it is as old as time. Love to a guy is the same as lust. He needs to have sex in order to quench the raging hormones he has from puberty. Hence the word horny.

Sex is not something you do to prove your love for someone. Sex is the end result of a loving relationship. A relationship that hopefully will conclude in marriage.

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When I'm looking at myself, I see myself as a normal to chubby girl, but actually I'm underweight. I can't guess anymore what's normal, what's a attractive person, what's a normal meal.

Any examples for those points???

There is an old saying about beauty; "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." This is a very true saying. To those that sell dresses and cosmetics, diet pills and bathing suits they have their own idea of what beautiful is and that is not truly what beautiful is. That is just the exterior of a person.

Their are men that fall in love with women that are fat, flat chested, big butted, and have big noses or big ears. It is not their body they fell in love with but the person the real person under the outward appearance.

Ad agencies at one time used images of dumb Blondes with big breasts to sell things to men thinking that is what turned men on. Sure they were nice to look at but most of us wouldn't bring one of them home to meet mom.

Normal is who you really are, not what you pretend to be or what you see in magazines. As to your proper weight, that should be left to you and your doctor. It is actually worse to be 10 pounds under weight then to be 10 pounds over weight. For a quick guide to what your weight range should be, look at the chart in the following link.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/weight-chart-for-females-by-age-and-height.html#weight-charts-by-age-and-height-2-20-years

As to what is a normal meal? At one time a normal meal was a well balanced meal eaten three times a day. These meals consisted of Milk, eggs, meat, cheese, fish, vegetables and poultry. Of course these were spread over the three meals. Today nutritionists are thinking that six smaller meals are better.

TO find out what is the best or normal meal(diet) for you starts with a visit to your doctor for a physical. The doctor will tell you if you need to gain or loose weight or if you are in your weight range. Armed with this information you visit a nutritionist who can help you with meal planning.

From what you have written you could be taken as someone who has a self image problem. You shouldn't. You sound like a girl, if I was younger I'm retired now, that I would like to meet and get to know. Looks would not be important as I already now the real person behind the looks and she sounds like a very beautiful young lady.

I'll let you in on a secret. Some of these models who are looked at as the moist beautiful women in the world are also the most lonely women in the world. Why? Because men are afraid of being rejected by then that they are not handsome enough for them. So it goes both ways.

You are a beautiful person, let that shine through.

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god told me show him how much he means to me i dont know who and how please help me !

There is not enough information here to answer your question. Are you asking if you should have sex with this boy?

If that is your question I don't think god would tell you to have sex with anyone just to please them.

Before any of us can give you any better answer we would need better information. We would need to know your age, how long you have known this boy and just what you think you are asking us for.

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Hi there,
I am a 13 year old male and i reaaaallllyyyy want to have sex but i don't have a way to buy condoms or lube because i barely have any money and i cant ask my mom or dad to take me to the store to get them because if i do they will lecture me and they will forbid me from having sex until at least 20 because they are mean parents and they will not let me date until 18 so how should i fill my sexual desires?

The feelings you have are caused by the hormones of puberty now coursing through your body. Masturbating is the best way to relieve these feelings.

Masturbation is quite normal and even good for you in these circumstances. If you don't masturbate at some point you will start having wet dreams. This when your body release the pent up sexual energy through nocturnal ejaculation. Meaning you ejaculate or cum in your sleep. Many boys who have this happen find it quite embarrassing as it leaves a stain on the sheet and your underwear for mom to see when she does the laundry.

Just so you know most people, adults included masturbate. According to a recent survey over 85% report they masturbate. This would include your parents, which as you will learn as you grow older, there is something called mutual masturbation that is part of foreplay prior to intercourse.

As to a 13 year old having sex? Even if you were able to buy condoms and lube. The chances of a girl you age saying yes are slim and none and slim left the building 10 minutes ago.

Masturbation is normal and allows you to get in touch with your sexuality. To find out how you like to be touched and caressed. It is something you do in the privacy of your room. Not because it is bad, but because you want do not to be disturbed. It is not unusual for a teenage boy to masturbate up to four times a day. Also teenage boys will get an erection many times during the day without conscious thought. This is all part of those hormones I spoke about.

So relax, don't try to force some girl to give you sex when you can take care of your problem yourself. Trying to force a girl to give you sex will give you a reputation at school you don't want and you will end up being very lonely.

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what will happen if i eat my own poop cuz i really want to

Your stool, as is the proper name for poop, is your biological waste and is very toxic. This is one reason why after going to the bathroom you are suppose to wash your hands well. Eating it can make you very sick/

If you are doing so you need to stop. IF you have ideations of doing so you need to see a doctor to find out why and help you control these thoughts.

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I'll try to keep this short. 20s/Male. Basically I want to adopt. I don't want to have children that are mine genetically. My parents have a few negative genetic traits each and I seem to have pretty much all of them. Having children biologically would risk having children with addictions, anxiety, heart and digestive problems, and more. Still, I think I would be a good parent, so I would love to adopt and give a childhood to a child that wouldn't have one otherwise. A problem I have had when I date is when to break this information to my significant other. If I say it too soon, it seems like I'm entering the relationship too quickly. If I say it too late, it seems like I'm withholding an important fact and wasting someone's time. If anyone could give me some insight, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks -Sam

I think what you want to do is admiral and I will address your question in a moment. Before we get to it though I have some advice you may want to try before you figure out the best time and way to break this news to a significant other.

The traits you're speaking of do not always pass from parent to child they on occasion skip generations or are not present in you as a genetic fault to pass to you children.

What I am about to suggest may not be covered by your health insurance but is well worth the investment to find out just what genes you may pass on to your biological children.

What I am suggesting is you contact a geneticist. Meet with the doctor and tell him or her just what your concern is. We have come a long way in or ability to gene map. It may be possible for a geneticist through a simple, painless test from you to see if any of the traits you are concerned with will be passed on to your biological children. Once you know this for sure then you can plan on when to tell your significant other.

As when to tell your significant other. If it is necessary to do so then the time I believe would be when you start to talk about a long term relationship. In every relationship there is a time when you go from dating to being in a relationship. This is when you talk about a life together. How many children you both want, what type of home you want. If your significant other wants to maintain a career outside the home. What responsibilities each would take on in maintaining the home and child care.

Of course these discussions don't take place all at once though they do start to be discussed as you transition from dating to being in a relationship. This is the time when you find out more about each other and what life would be like as a couple. The possibility of living together happens somewhere in this time frame.

When these discussions begin to take place is when I feel you should have these discussions with her. She may be relieved not to have to bear children as she would prefer to be a career women and adopting would be easier. Then of course she may be a girly girl looking forward to the whole birthing experience. This information may not be a deal breaker for her if you have the information from the geneticist and she knows in advance just what she is to expect.

Addictions and anxiety are not inherited traits, they are learned or experienced. As a good parent you can avoid subjecting your children to these traits. The heart and digestive problems with todays medicine, if they are inherited problems, are more manageable today than they were when you were a child. You just have to let the pediatrician know of this so it can be watched for, managed and corrected early if need be.

I know I have been a bit long winded here. I believe you are concerned over something that may not be that great of concern. You need to get the facts before you make any type of decision as to have biological children or not.

As I said the degree of advancement in medicine and genetics since you were a child relatively speaking is light years of difference. Get the facts that will let you know just what you might pass on to your biological children then base your decision on facts as to what if anything you need to discuss with a significant other.

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My children and I had plans with a friend today. We made the arrangements ahead of time and decided we would eat lunch on our own and then meet up. Around the time we were supposed to meet, this friend let me know that someone else was joining us and the two of them would be getting lunch first. I didn't think it was a big deal, so I went along with it. Then, she was 30 minutes late. She didn't start eating for another 15 minutes. By this time, my children were tired of waiting. I decided to try to calm them down, but to no avail. An hour and 15 minutes after we were supposed to meet, we finally started to do what we were there for. But, my children were in such foul moods from waiting around that I had to leave. I felt that the whole thing was very inconsiderate since we had made plans the day before and she changed them last minute. I felt rude for leaving, but really didn't have a choice. Should I be upset for this person's lack of concern for my situation or just chalk it up life and not think twice about it.

As I see it was your friends friend who was rude and inconsiderate. Having joined your outing at the last minute it was up to her to be timely and prepared to go with the plans as they stood. If she could not then she should have made plans to meet you at your destination when she could.

Being ten to fifteen minutes late can be understood and even tolerated although this too is considered rude if it can be avoided. After and hour and fifteen minutes it is understandable you children would be tired and cranky. I'm sure they must have been excited to go where ever it was you were going and the delay upset them. Children have a low tolerance for delays when they are excited and they handle it poorly. You did the best thing by leaving and not ruining the outing for the others when they were finally ready to go.

Should you be upset with what happened? Yes, you promised your children something that through no fault of theirs or yours you were unable to deliver. You were not rude for leaving, had you not we would probably be hearing for them about how your children ruined the outing. Yes this is something that you in a sense chalk up to one of life's more quirky things that happened. Though in the future you may want to say something to your friend when planning any other outings with this friend in the future you should say that we need to stick to our plans as made . That any last minute changes as happened last time didn't work out too well and your children were disappointed.

That one line said whenever you make plans again with this person should convey what I'm sure you would like to say now. Saying it later though will be more meaningful and less hurtful than if you were to say it now.

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Sorry for the ineloquent subject/title. Anyway, I'm going to start out by saying I don't want this to turn into a debate. I just want my question answered. :)

So, possession of marijuana is illegal where I live (unless you have a license or whatever). And I haaaaaaaaate drugs, alcohol, things of that nature. Those things make me extremely uncomfortable. Now don't get me wrong, people have the right to smoke that stupid crap, but in a state where it's LEGAL. Here where I live, it's illegal, end of story. Well, I work at a grocery store, and let's just say some of my coworkers don't make the best of decisions... Sometimes, they come to work high. At it makes me so sad, mad, and anxious to be around that. I get SO uncomfortable. I think I have a right to not want to be around that. It's different if I'm at a party or something. If someone brings out the booze for us minors or people start blazing up, I can leave. But I can't do that at work. If I walked off the job, I'd be fired. I have to work close by these people, too.

I'm not making plans to sue or anything like that. And whether or not I should tell my supervisor isn't the concern. I was just wondering, because a friend and I were talking about this, and I said "When they come to work high, it takes away my choice to want to be around that crap or not. It infringes on my rights." Well, he goes "It only infringes on your rights when it's harming you. They're not harming you, so you can suck it up." I think that's bogus. My argument is, what about laws against sexual harassment or religious discrimination? If someone says "HEY, nice tits, baby! -Motor boat noises- ;)" that's considered sexual harassment, and they can get fired for that. That would violate my right to an unoffensive/non-hostile work environment. Same with drugs, I think. They're illegal, and they make me uncomfortable, and offend me. I choose to stay away from them. By being forced to work with those people, it takes away my right to choose.

What do you think? Do I have the right to choose to not be around that crap? Or is my friend right, they're not harming me, so my rights are not being infringed? Thanks for reading!

Your friend is very wrong. Someone who comes to work high is potentially harming you and anyone else that may be in proximity to where he is working. Then there is how that person got to work. If they are old enough to drive they were a menace to themselves and others on the road. If they rode a bicycle to work they could in their drug induced haze cause an auto accident, be hurt or killed themselves. Even walking to work they could in a drug induced haze step off the curb at the wrong time causing cars to have an accident trying not to hit him/her.

Just in the one paragraph above I sited three incidents in which their drug use could cause harm and they have not yet reached work.

You work in a grocery store. Grocery stores appear to be safe environments for the general public. They should be if the people working there are working in a safe manner and are not high on drugs or alcohol.

When I visit my local supermarket they are always stocking shelves. Stocking carts are in the aisles or being moved about the store. Pallet jacks are being moved about. Displays are being built. If the people doing this work are high then the patrons are at risk as well as fellow employees.

As a fellow employee and the patrons of your grocery store, you all have the right to be as safe as the store managers can make it. If you know a fellow employee is working unsafe or is high on drugs or alcohol you owe it to yourself, your fellow employees and the public to report that person to the manger.

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I moved to a new town when my hubby deployed, and I couldn't sleep without him. I dreamed of being held and snuggled, and I told him I wished I had a gf (I wouldn't risk another man). I'd had girl-girl make outs in college, but I love men, my husband above all.

He began scouring dating sites to find a woman for me to have sex with, talking to them online daily posed as me. The attentions he gave these women made me jealous, and he wouldn't talk about anything else... until he suggested a second man for double penetration, which sounds like something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I figured it was the desert talking, that when he actually got back and got laid again he'd settle down-and he has, mostly.

He just went to a bachelor party with strippers the first night and prostitutes the next, he walked out on the 2nd (he's faithful, these extra people in his fantaies are for touching me only, he says). I complained abt the party, so he hoped to make it up to me by hiring a prostitute to pleasure me (ethical and hygienic no-go, IMO, plus huge waste of $). He started getting pushy about it and saying I should do it for him, since I came up with the idea, and now he can't help thinking about it nonstop, that I'm denying myself some superior 3-way pleasure ~ backward responses to rectifying the things I didn't like about that party: sex workers, disrespect of monogamy, etc. He steers every conversation to it, or another man, giving me the silent treatment when I say I'm not interested. He usually talks things out like a champ. My fear was that being around guys/behavior like that party made him lose respect for me, that it's ok to do whatever he wants and my feelings don't matter. I hope it's the fact that he is just extremely stressed at work that's driving this again.

Please tell me how to get him to stop pressuring me to give in to these scary fantasies and to start respecting my boundaries and desires. I want him to keep telling me his mind, and I don't mind him having the fantasies (though I wish they were a little variable and not just all of the same the filthiest porns), but I don't want any real life person encroaching on us. I don't want to be intimate at all with anyone but my husband.

When it comes to sex I have two rules that I offer up front as part of any advice I offer.

Rule 1. Both parties have to be consenting to anything the other may want to try. Be that bringing a third person into their bedroom or trying a new position or fetish.

Rule 2. No means NO and stop means STOP. Refereeing to rule one; should you both agree to try something at any time either party can say no to it or part of it or either party can say stop. This means you Stop or you don't do what was said no to.

These rules are important and they are important to what you have written about as they apply to discussion about your sex life as well. You have told your husband you do not want a third person and you do not want a same sex affair either. That this was just a lonely fantasy while he was deployed. That should be enough for him and that should end the discussion.

I do not know as you did not say, where your husband was deployed. If he was deployed to a war zone this fantasy you inadvertently put in his head may have sustained him during his deployment.

You also mentioned that you think stress at work may be the problem. I don't think it is work related stress. I believe your husband may be suffering from PTSD as many soldiers who were deployed to a war zone suffer from PTSD. If I am right he needs help. The right kind of help that only doctors can provide.

Just so you know; if I am right and your husband is suffering from PTSD. Had you given into his sexual fantasy request it would not have satisfied him and may even have made things worse.

If your husband is a reservist contact his commanding officer and tell him/her you believe he is suffering from PTSD and ask for help. You can also use your own health insurance and EAP programs for help which will probably be faster than the military or the VA, if your husband is no longer in the military.

Please hang in there with your husband for as I said I believe he is suffering from PTSD. You have both done a great service for your country and I thank you both for your service and what you have suffered. Now it is time to take care of your husband. This does not mean you must give in to his sexual fantasies. You can stand your ground while seeing to it he gets the help he needs.

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Ways not to get preganet

The only true way not to get pregnant is to not to have vaginal intercourse until your ready and old enough to have a baby. Since this is probably not the answer your looking for the most effective method of birth control is for the women to be on some form of birth control and the man to use a condom as well.

The most effective form of birth control for the women is the pill with an effective rate of nearly 99% when taken regularly and properly as prescribed.

Under a federal law known as HIPPA if you are 14 years of age or older you can ask your doctor for birth control medication without parental knowledge or permission.

This law was not written by congress as permission for young people to have sex. It was written to allow them to seek medical treatment for their reproductive system with full medical confidentiality when needed. When talking to a parent may be embarrassing.

What this means is when it comes to questions or concerns with anything to do with your reproductive system, which starts at a females vagina and a males penis, you may contact a doctor, see a doctor, be treated by a doctor all without permission or knowledge of a parent. Any of what you are seen for is held in the strictest of confidence. No one can be told of your doctors visit or what was discussed or what you were treated for without your expressed written permission.

As a byproduct of this law a doctor cannot refuse to prescribe birth control medication unless there is a medical reason not too. Your pharmacy must deliver the medication and is held to the same level of confidentiality.

If you are 14 or over you are old enough that you should be carrying your own copy of the family health insurance card with you at all times. The family insurance card is one of the more important pieces of information that should be in your wallet and purse with you at all times. This is all you need to visit a doctor and any copay you may have to pay

I am old enough to be your grandparent. I tell you this for I would rather you know the truth and be able to protect yourself if you are going to have sex even though I and your parents are telling you that your to young. I'd rather you not become a teenage mother.

If you are under 18 your body is still developing. You may look like a women but you are not fully developed as a women. Question; Have you tried to use a tampon or do you have trouble or is it painful to insert a tampon? If so how do you expect a boys penis to fit in your vagina. If you cannot use a tampon or fit one in without difficulty or pain your vagina is not yet ready for sex and it will be very painful when it doesn't have to be if you just wait a while.

I will also let you in on a little secrete. Boys so not have the same definition of love that girls do. To them love and lust are the same. If a boy says and many do, "If you love me you will have sex with me." Then he does not love you he lusts for you. He sees you merely as an object to have sex with. That line goes back to the beginning of time and Adam probably used it on Eve.

Sex is something to be enjoyed as the end result of a loving relationship. Not something to be forced or to prove your love for some one with runaway hormones, hence the word horny.

You will have many boy friends through out high school. Wait until you find a boyfriend who respects you.

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my mother is going to jail for eight months for a financial crime. My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be an "educational experience" (What does that mean?)


I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have?

My best friend joked ""maybe it will remind your mom how it feels when she punishes you. when she comes back, things might be a little different". Even though she is joking she has a point. Kind of funny to think she is in the punishment situation now

also, my dad said I still have to listen to my mother when she gets out and even when she is jail if she calls and he wants her opinion on something he will listen. I don't understand how he can do this. I mean like I said I don't hate my mom or anything and had a good relationship with her but now that she committed a crime, her telling what to do would be hypocritical

I believe your father has written to us several times about you visiting your mom and whether you should or not. My response to him was it is up to you.

The visitors room at the jail or prison is not all that scary. They are a lot like the cafeteria in school with a bunch of tables and chairs to sit at while visiting. Before going into the visitors area you can expect to have your purse and person searched for weapons and contraband much like you would be if you were flying a commercial airline and went through a TSA search. You will also be told what the rules are as far as touching and kissing go. There will be unarmed guards in the room as well.

If mom is in a high security prison, she should not be considering her offense, the visiting area may be more secure. Which would have mom behind a Plexiglas partition and you would talk to her by an inter-phone device.

I do believe you mother would appreciate seeing you on visiting days. After all she is still your mother; she did not lose that because she is jail nor she did not lose her parental rights either. Meaning she and your dad are still your parents. She will still be your mom when she is released and if dad wants her opinion on something concerning you while she is in jail she has every right to voice her opinion or to say yes or no to something you may want to do if dad asks her to make a decision on something.

Your mother is being punished for breaking the law. As such she loses certain rights. She does not lose the right to parent you unless she is being punished for abusing you. Even then if your father wishes to consult her on something that is his right.

So in short to answer your question. You still have to listen to your mother while she is in prison and when she gets out. She is your mother and always will be she has not lost that right.

I believe you should visit your mother but as I told your dad; you are old enough to make that decision for yourself. IF you love your mother you will go visit her as your visit will mean a lot to her and make being in jail a lot easier for her.

One other thing. I also suggested to your father that he find you a therapist to talk to. Now after your letter to us I think you need to have someone you can talk to in confidence. At your age you can talk to a therapist in total confidence knowing anything you say stays with the therapist and is not repeated back to dad. I think you would be more comfortable with a female therapist as well as.

I see you being somewhat conflicted about moms situation. That's fine and normal given the situation. Being able to talk to a therapist, who is unrelated to the situation, is easier than talking to dad or someone else you know. It gives you the ability to get things off your chest and have someone who is looking out for you help you put things right for you. Som my additional advice is to ask dad to fund you a therapist to speak with.

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Hi everyone so my friend wants me to get a fake ID so I can go out with her and her friends. Her friends are single and her and I have boyfriends and her friends always ditch her for guys so she wants me to come and hangout with her. My boyfriend is not okay with me going out with my friends ever! Which I don't do often because my life revolves around him... Which I'm trying to change and hangout with my friends more instead of him. And I don't drink or smoke when I go out with my friends he just hates she I hangout with them. I hate when he hangdog with his friends too and I don't want him to get a fake ID and to out to bars and clubs without me and he doesnt want me to go to bars and clubs without him. But he always goes out with his friends as in always hangout with them and I never hangout with mine. My step mom totally understands why I want the fake ID but how do I make my boyfriend understand without sounding like a hypocrite? I know it's hypocritical but is there anyway I can explain to him that I needs my friends and I want to go out and have girl nights. I would never cheat on him or anything like that. I hope you all understand what I'm trying to say.

Your stepmother may be understanding of your desire to have a fake ID. Does she also understand that having a fake ID card lead to a felony arrest if you were to present that ID to a police officer as proof you belong in whatever bar you might be in.

It is a felony to present fake identification to a police officer. It has been and is more stringently enforced since 9/11. As an example of how much trouble you could get into.

A friend of my sons is a Port Authority Police Officer. If you were to be flying out of any airport and be in a bar and presented her, or any police officer, with that fake ID. Not only would you be arrested and charged for presenting a fake identification. They can and have charged people under terrorist statues as well. As it is also illegal to travel under a false name.

Your ticket may be in your legal name. Just having the fake ID can put in question just who you are. In that case they are going to error on the side of caution and arrest you. Most likely under the Patriot act for being a potential terrorist.

Now most likely these charges will be reduced or dropped before or at trial. You will have to spend tens of thousands of dollars to defend yourself to get them reduced or dropped.

So my question is: IS the this fake ID really all that necessary given the trouble it can get you into? Don't say it won't. For it can and has to many a teenager. The worst part is rather than the older you are the more trouble you're in. In this case it is generally the younger you are the more trouble you can be in. Especially if you're still in High School or College. There is no double Jeopardy against your school punishing you as well as the legal system. Many schools do just that not only to teach you a lesson but to teach others in school not to try what you have done.

Frankly given the world situation as it is today, I don't think carrying a fake ID is worth it.

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So ever since I was little I have always been raised by my mother and no one but her. Of course when I got older I would sometime question about my biological dad and try to ask my mom, but then she would get defensive and would not want to talk about it. She thinks that when I ask her that, that its because I want to move in with him and then she gets all sarcastic and narcissistic about it. She quotes " that things are meant to be left in the past". And so I've asked other family members and then they told me little snippets that basically my father had a wife in a different country and was trying to get to her to come to America .. But while he was waiting for the process to come through he manipulated my mom and tricked my mom that he actually loved her. So then when his wife was finally able to come , he left my mom pregnant and joined his wife as if nothing happened.
My thing is that I just want to know what he looks like and what my "half siblings " look like and like a bit of facts about the family and him . I have no intentions on making amends or communicating with him considering he is a duche bag for what he's done. So then I tried asking my doctor what I should do and she said that she can't do anything if she doesn't know the name of my father ... So I'm back to square one.
I can't ask my mom the name cause I've been there and done that. I understand why my mom is the way she is... But I feel like I at least have the right to know this...
How can u find out about my biological dad?? What should I do?

Given the facts as you have presented them unless your fathers name is on your birth certificate I see no way of finding your biological father. Without help from mom or another family member there is no paper trail to follow as there would be if your were adopted or the result of a reported rape.

One thing you might try is to ask you doctor to talk with your mother about obtaining medical history of family members for you. In order to properly care for you a doctor needs to have a complete medical history on file which includes the medical history of your parents and your grand parents.

Under these circumstances mom may be willing to give your doctor the contact information she needs to obtain this information. If you're under 18 the doctor can legally say with 100% accuracy that this information is confidential and you will not have access to it. When you turn 18 and you are legally an adult that changes and you are entitled to see your medical records. If your doctor retains the contact information you will then be able to find your biological father.

This is the best I can offer and your doctor would have to be willing to do this for you.

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15/f i'll try to make this as short as possible but when my parents got divorced in 2009 I was 11 and this is when the craziness had begun. my father the narc/socio made the divorce for my mom and his five kids terrible, involving legal troubles from the very beginning and police all the time. he turned his son against his mom and tried to make me and my younger who was 9 to hate my mom. he is very deceiving and then would act like no I wanted you to get along with your mother, when he knew I was fighting with her at home and most of the time it was because my dad would NEVER call/text/email my mom that he was coming to pick up my brother and me for the weekend which he was supposed to do by the court order for divorced, its not hard at all I would try explaining to him countless time just text her and arrange a time for us to go out to dinner. but he'd always have an exscuse like I don't want to I don't want to talk to her alwys selfish and would make me go back and forth between my mom and dad. I was once very outgoing, hilarious, spontaneous and unfiltered but I began to walk on eggshells with EVERYONE because of him. he made me feel scared and intimitaded like I had to do what he said. I only did it because I was constantly trying to please him and make him happy I just wanted to be accepted by him. im in therapy and am dealing with the "loss" of him. I hadn't seen him in 7 months this year and I went to see him and he looked like he had no soul, he had no remorse never said sorry and doesn't care about anyone but himself. the way he dictated my life made me feel trapped and insecure and hopeless the way I never feel. everything I was great at or did went bad, I stopped playing soccer because I was so overwhelmed by the situations that were happening, my grades dropped, I wasn't as popular anymore, I lost a lot of friends, and most of all I have the hardest time trusting people especially guys. I want to know how do I move on from him and how do I love myself again so I can be a happy normal kid again?? thankyou!

Stay in therapy as this will help you the most. It will take time but you will learn through therapy how to deal with the emotions you now have. It is unfortunate that it is the children of divorce that are hurt the most.

I can't explain to you why your father is the way he is or why your parents got divorced. What I can tell with 100% accuracy is that not you or your siblings had anything to do with your parents divorcing. That your parents are wrong, specifically your father for turning their children against one parent or the other. Again this is unfortunately the rule rather than the exception in most divorces where custody is an issue.

Parents get so involved in their own fight that they fail to see how they are hurting their children or they feel that children are so resilient that what they are doing will not hurt them. What you can do now is not allow it to go on. Your therapist can help you with this. Your therapist can also help you with the other issues you spoke off.

None of us here can really give you the type of support your therapist can and you need. This type of communication does not lend itself to that. Given your age anything you say to your therapist stays with your therapist and not repeated back to mom or anyone else. Right now your therapist is your best friend who you can tell anything to secure in the knowledge that he or she will tell no one.

The work you will be doing with your therapist will be hard. In the end though there is a light that will make all the hard work worthwhile. You will have learned to put all this pain caused by the divorce in its proper place and move forward with your life. You will once again be able to trust people including men. It just takes a little time.

Should you ever feel you need some more reassurance you can always private message me and I will respond.

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