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Unsure of How I Should Be Feeling
My children and I had plans with a friend today. We made the arrangements ahead of time and decided we would eat lunch on our own and then meet up. Around the time we were supposed to meet, this friend let me know that someone else was joining us and the two of them would be getting lunch first. I didn't think it was a big deal, so I went along with it. Then, she was 30 minutes late. She didn't start eating for another 15 minutes. By this time, my children were tired of waiting. I decided to try to calm them down, but to no avail. An hour and 15 minutes after we were supposed to meet, we finally started to do what we were there for. But, my children were in such foul moods from waiting around that I had to leave. I felt that the whole thing was very inconsiderate since we had made plans the day before and she changed them last minute. I felt rude for leaving, but really didn't have a choice. Should I be upset for this person's lack of concern for my situation or just chalk it up life and not think twice about it.
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You're not in the wrong. You have every right to feel upset that she didn't have much concern over your situation and it wasn't rude for you to leave considering your circumstances.
If I were you, I wouldn't be angry about it or anything. Just make sure she knows that you can't have that happen again because of your children and such.
If it happens again, then there is a problem. Hopefully this is just a one time thing and she didn't realize what kind of issue it caused.
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As I see it was your friends friend who was rude and inconsiderate. Having joined your outing at the last minute it was up to her to be timely and prepared to go with the plans as they stood. If she could not then she should have made plans to meet you at your destination when she could.
Being ten to fifteen minutes late can be understood and even tolerated although this too is considered rude if it can be avoided. After and hour and fifteen minutes it is understandable you children would be tired and cranky. I'm sure they must have been excited to go where ever it was you were going and the delay upset them. Children have a low tolerance for delays when they are excited and they handle it poorly. You did the best thing by leaving and not ruining the outing for the others when they were finally ready to go.
Should you be upset with what happened? Yes, you promised your children something that through no fault of theirs or yours you were unable to deliver. You were not rude for leaving, had you not we would probably be hearing for them about how your children ruined the outing. Yes this is something that you in a sense chalk up to one of life's more quirky things that happened. Though in the future you may want to say something to your friend when planning any other outings with this friend in the future you should say that we need to stick to our plans as made . That any last minute changes as happened last time didn't work out too well and your children were disappointed.
That one line said whenever you make plans again with this person should convey what I'm sure you would like to say now. Saying it later though will be more meaningful and less hurtful than if you were to say it now.
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You seem like an incredibly gracious friend and attentive mother, and you balanced it as well as you could. Getting upset and holding on to anger doesn't solve anything, it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer, so don't keep it all inside you. Speaking up is the best way to set up expectations that you'll be respected in the future. Of course you don't want awkwardness between you, or to get a reputation for meanness or drama, so simply stick to what you do and don't want and why. You can be pleasant and say please, but "because" is really the magic word. There's a reason I want this, and it's in your best interest, too.
Like: "Pal, because kids don't behave well when hungry or tired, and because I only can get an hour or so of sitting out of them, next time we meet up, I want to make sure it's within 10-15 minutes of when we agreed-to, otherwise we won't really get to see each other, because I have to get them home when they're ornery or it's unpleasant for everyone."
I loaded it up with becauses; without them, the statement would come across as a complaint rather than a reasonable request. Don't waste time complaining, it's impossible to make her feel as bad as you did--and that can backfire with her likely sob-story excuses that will just derail the conversation from what you want.
If she's a super flake who's never seen a clock and would find meeting on time impossible, tell her you want her to meet you at your house from now on. Pick a day when it doesn't matter when/if she shows up and just let the kids do their thing. Or, if you like getting out of the house, start showing up an hour late to meet her if that's her way of operating. Or just inform her of where you'll be throughout the day (e.g. zoo at 10, burgers at 12) and if she can show up while you're still there, great, and if she can't get there, looks like she missed you.
Lateness can be frustrating, but she's probably gotten the lecture before and ignored it, so don't make it about her character flaw, or she will probably just tune you out. Good luck!
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You weren't rude at all, You were being kind of her tardiness. Your friend has no respect or common courtesy to call and let you know she was going to be late. Yet alone she went and made plans when she had plans which is rude. In some aspect you were blown off, She wasn't kind to you or your feelings. Maybe back off a bit... perhaps she needs to work on herself before learning what it means to be a good friend.
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