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Should I visit my mom in jail? Doesshe have the right to tell me what to do
my mother is going to jail for eight months for a financial crime. My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be an "educational experience" (What does that mean?)
I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have?
My best friend joked ""maybe it will remind your mom how it feels when she punishes you. when she comes back, things might be a little different". Even though she is joking she has a point. Kind of funny to think she is in the punishment situation now
also, my dad said I still have to listen to my mother when she gets out and even when she is jail if she calls and he wants her opinion on something he will listen. I don't understand how he can do this. I mean like I said I don't hate my mom or anything and had a good relationship with her but now that she committed a crime, her telling what to do would be hypocritical
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I believe your father has written to us several times about you visiting your mom and whether you should or not. My response to him was it is up to you.
The visitors room at the jail or prison is not all that scary. They are a lot like the cafeteria in school with a bunch of tables and chairs to sit at while visiting. Before going into the visitors area you can expect to have your purse and person searched for weapons and contraband much like you would be if you were flying a commercial airline and went through a TSA search. You will also be told what the rules are as far as touching and kissing go. There will be unarmed guards in the room as well.
If mom is in a high security prison, she should not be considering her offense, the visiting area may be more secure. Which would have mom behind a Plexiglas partition and you would talk to her by an inter-phone device.
I do believe you mother would appreciate seeing you on visiting days. After all she is still your mother; she did not lose that because she is jail nor she did not lose her parental rights either. Meaning she and your dad are still your parents. She will still be your mom when she is released and if dad wants her opinion on something concerning you while she is in jail she has every right to voice her opinion or to say yes or no to something you may want to do if dad asks her to make a decision on something.
Your mother is being punished for breaking the law. As such she loses certain rights. She does not lose the right to parent you unless she is being punished for abusing you. Even then if your father wishes to consult her on something that is his right.
So in short to answer your question. You still have to listen to your mother while she is in prison and when she gets out. She is your mother and always will be she has not lost that right.
I believe you should visit your mother but as I told your dad; you are old enough to make that decision for yourself. IF you love your mother you will go visit her as your visit will mean a lot to her and make being in jail a lot easier for her.
One other thing. I also suggested to your father that he find you a therapist to talk to. Now after your letter to us I think you need to have someone you can talk to in confidence. At your age you can talk to a therapist in total confidence knowing anything you say stays with the therapist and is not repeated back to dad. I think you would be more comfortable with a female therapist as well as.
I see you being somewhat conflicted about moms situation. That's fine and normal given the situation. Being able to talk to a therapist, who is unrelated to the situation, is easier than talking to dad or someone else you know. It gives you the ability to get things off your chest and have someone who is looking out for you help you put things right for you. Som my additional advice is to ask dad to fund you a therapist to speak with.
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I think you should visit her. What he means by educational experience is by visiting your mother, you can learn what it's like in jail. You and your mother have a good relationship and she's not a bad person, she's just a human who makes mistakes. So it's like a reality check that even good people make mistakes and could end up in jail.
While visiting, you just go in and sit down and talk with them.
You can just talk about how school is, just every day life and she can tell you what it's like there.
Of course you still have to listen to your mother when she comes out. She is still your mother. They are both still your parents, they still both get to make decisions together.
You said it was a financial crime, so I don't see how it's hypocritical.
I think you're looking at it the wrong way.
Your mom made a mistake and is being punished. If you make a mistake or do something wrong, you'll be punished too. That's just how life is. Nothing hypocritical about it.
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From 14 year old I wouldn't expect a different reaction, but your mom didn't do anything TOO bad if she's only in there for 8 months. The visiting process is usually just both of you sitting at a table I'm pretty sure. It pobably won't be that weird at first considering she hasn't been in there forever but later visits might be a bit more tense. Yiu could talk about school, how jail is etc. And personally I still think she has a say in final decisions. She is still your mother and when she ets out she will still be taking care of you. Her crime was a financial one so no she will not be hypocritical.
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