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In Love, but...
I love my boyfriend. We've been together for 2 years, but he's my first boyfriend.
He wants to marry me eventually. He's positive about it. He tells me all the time. And I love him so much and he's my best friend...
But I feel like... we're not right for the long run. I feel like we're perfect for each other at this point in our lives though.
But I know I'd never be sure about marriage with him since I've never dated anyone else.
I'm happy, but I feel like I'm still not sure what I want in a relationship because I haven't had experience with other guys...
But, is it okay to date someone you don't want to marry as long as you're both happy at the time?
Am I being unfair by staying in the relationship when he wants marriage? Is it okay to date someone you love but don't think you'll marry?
We're both happy and we both love each other... but looking to the future... I feel like he's not the one. Though I always want him to be my best friend.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
My first boyfriend was "THE ONE" ... or so I thought. For three years. I dated him and I did love him. It was new and exciting and we had no idea what we were doing. And I really loved it and my time with him. But before long he started talking about how we would get married and start a family. I had this feeling. Not of joy or hopefulness but of just uncertainty.
I knew that it wasn't what I should be feeling whenever the guy you love is talking about marrying you. You SHOULD feel bliss and pure happiness. Well I ignored my gut feeling for the whole three years we dated. By the end of our relationship I realized that in my heart I didn't love him the way he loved me. YES I did love him, I cared for him, he was my best friend. But I didn't have plans to be with him forever and I couldn't continue acting like I did. I dated him for 9 months knowing that he wasn't "the one". I mean that was my first relationship I didn't know if that's how everything was supposed to "feel". When you kiss someone you're supposed to have that "feeling" but I'd only ever kissed him. So I would always wonder.
Finally after 9 months I got up the courage to tell him that we were over. It devastated him, and maybe me a little too.
It was hard for a month or two. Breakups always are. But then I moved on. Started dating a new boy from my church. Let me tell you. The two relationships and guys are worlds apart in difference! I hadn't truly kissed till I kissed the church boy.
So long story short. You're not doing anything wrong. Dating is what people do. However when you have different ideals about where the relationship is going things get rocky. Eventually you will either tell him the truth about your feelings (which might lead to a breakup or not. I'm not saying that he isn't the one. I just think everyone should experience other relationships) OR you will lie to him and make him believe you feel just like he does. I hope that you don't stay in the relationship though because he is safe and he loves you. You need to know for a fact that you love him too. Sometimes dating others helps.
If you continue with that gut feeling that you're not meant to be together forever I think you should tell him. I wish I had broke up with my ex sooner whenever I felt like you did. It's my biggest regret for last year.
Good Luck.
Remember there are no rules in love and life. Just follow your heart.
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Is it unfair?
Yeah, a little. I'm recently divorced in my life and I've had to walk the other way on a few women since because they wanted serious and I want to just date and have some fun right now.
When they want something you don't, things always get weird. They're going to get weirder the longer you stay with him. You're going to think about this every time he brings up marriage.
The friendship is probably a lost cause either way. There's no way he's not going to be heart broken. When the breakup comes, avoid each other. We call this "sever" and it means sever all contact. Not out of anger, but because every time you two talk it sets him back in getting over you, and the less you are around him the easier he will have it trying to forget about you. Which is what he will need.
It's high school. He's probably not going to find his future wife no matter how hard he looks.
Honestly, I'd say talk to him. Tell him you want him to stop bringing up marriage. That you love him but this is high school and you have no idea what you will want when you are ready to think about marriage. Make it clear you aren't ready to think about marriage now.
Depending on his reaction and cooperation end it or have fun.
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This is a tough situation to be in.
It seems like you like having him around, but you're not looking for anything more than that with him.
I want to say that it's ok to date someone you don't want to marry but he sees a future, you don't.
Not just that, you're basically just pushing the putting off the break up a little bit longer. That will probably cause a lot of pain the longer you wait. You also said that you want to date other guys, so how long will you stay with him until you decide to go and meet other guys?
Then you're also putting off his time to go find a girl who wants a future with him.
It's ok to be with someone you don't want to marry, but if the other partner wants that, you won't be able to give him what he wants. So I don't think it's fair to him.
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hey i feel like you know what to do cuz you say you dont want to merry him if he not the one ... so if hes not the one dont merry him you sould merry the one you wanna be with that makes you happy .. cuz god doesnt believe in devorce and you sould only merry once someone that you will not devoce
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we're not right for the long run
I'd never be sure about marriage with him
date someone you don't want to marry
I feel like he's not the one
Those are all your own statements. It means your inner voice is telling you something. You already know that he is not the one so staying with him is counter-productive to you.
Staying with him when you already know the eventual outcome is like knowing you are allergic to nuts and what reactions you have to live with in the end, but eating them anyways. It doesn't make sense. Do not be shocked if he can't handle remaining best friends when you leave him. But that is no reason to stay with him.
A marriage needs a couple to be best friends, but the sex half of a marriage is just as important. So there needs to be some really strong chemistry there. Also, you want someone who have very similar hopes and dreams and goals. If you both are pursueing interests and goals that take you in opposite directions, no matter how nice he treats you and how good the sex, you will eventually drift apart. So you're looking for a combo of all three. Good luck dear!
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You learn about someone by dating them. So by that definition I would say it is alright to date him.
Feeling as you do, which I have no problem with, I think you owe it to him to tell him you feelings for him are that of a BFF and do not see the two of you as having a life together as anything else.
As for him knowing that you're the girl he wants to marry. There may be nothing wrong with him feeling that way. I know a couple of guys that have married the only girl they ever really knew. One met his wife in kindergarten. Started dating in high school and married right after high school. Last time I check in on them they were still married and grandparents. They were married over 40 years ago. The other couple were highschool sweethearts dated all through college, even arranging to go to the same college and married shortly after graduation. Their marriage lasted 5 years.
One couple dated around and thought they had found their dole mates, the other never dated anyone but the other. One would think the first couples marriage would succeed and the other fail but it was the other way around. So there is no way to tell.
The fact that you feel as you do says you need to search not settle. As I said you owe it to your friend to tell him how you feel so he knows where he stands.
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