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I'm cheating but this doesn't feel like cheating even though
19/F
Ok this seems long and soap-opera-ish but please bear with me. I’ve gotten rid of some of the details to make it shorter but please tell me if it isn’t clear enough. And please don't rant at me about being a cheating b**** or anything. I know I am a bad bad person. I just need you to tell me what to do.
Nate has always been the typical "rich bad boy" type. He gets a pack mentality when he is with his boys so he’s labeled an official ***hole. He's had a pretty bad past and when you get him alone, he’s different. He and I go a few years back when I wasn't into the party scene, and it got around that he "wanted" me. I shot that down and he gave up. I've been intrigued by him (i.e. had a crush on him) and we always used to exchange looks all the time at school and parties and I could feel the sizzles (but wasn’t sure it was mutual). Only last year did we start talking a bit inside and outside school. Then I finished school and didn’t see him.
In May, I met Blake. He’s ridiculously good-looking, the sweetest guy ever, and a cook. I didn’t think he was into me so I backed off then recently, Blake started showing interest in me and I was thrilled. We were perfect for each other, our life goals and views were the same, we had minor arguments sometimes, which ended with practically no resentment on either end, and we always made up quickly. It was the perfect relationship. I was still a virgin but he understood because he had only been with one chick (his year-long girlfriend in grade 11).
End of last year, Nate and I ended up at a party together. I was hammered out of my mind and we had sex in a bedroom. It was harsh to the point that he did it, shoved me away and left. I was broken after. Eventually, I told Blake and he was mostly sad for me and he did whatever he could to make me feel better. Including sex and it was just like the rest of our relationship, comfortable.
Then one day, Nate showed up at my house after I saw him at the mall and went home all shaken up. We had sex. We have had sex about five times now altogether. Usually it’s when I’m vunerable. It’s pretty much casual sex but it is explosive as in really really hot, stuff I thought didn’t exist outside novels. Blake and I haven’t even come close, even though there is some sizzle, it isn’t comparable. Told Blake once and he was mad but he came back and told me he’d still have me and he didn’t understand. Usually Nate just has sex with me and sticks around for a while and leaves but one time, he actually stayed after and kissed my face and stuff.
This is what confuses me. Blake and I are perfect for each other and it’s not a completely devoid of sexual drive either but when I’m with Nate, it feels right like it’s exactly where I belong.
I’m just so afraid of hurting Blake. I want to stay with him but at the same time, I feel like puking when I think about what a disgusting unfaithful slut I’m being. And I’m pretty sure Nate doesn’t want a relationship. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to look back twenty years from now and regret it. I know that bad boy’s can’t be tamed but I know his history and I kind of still ache for Nate but Blake is just perfect.
Help?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I haven't read everything other people have answered with, so forgive me if I'm repeating things you've been told before.
You already know that what you're doing is wrong, that much is obvious. So, I won't waste any time being judgmental. Thing is, you have GOT to just buck up and STOP doing this. All you're doing is hurting everyone who's involved.
Before you can do anything, you have to figure out what it is that you want--or, more correctly, WHO you want. It seems from what you've said that you have a great relationship with Blake, and maybe you'll end up deciding that's what you want to keep. He's certainly a very understanding and forgiving person--that's obvious from the fact that he's stuck by you throughout all this. On the other hand, maybe you'd rather have the passion you feel with Nate. And if that's what you want and what you're happy with, then by all means, go for it. To each their own, and you're going to end up hurting one or the other of the guys anyway.
Probably the best thing you could do would be to just be single for a while, until you figure things out and decide who it is that you really want. Until you know what you want and are willing to stick to it, don't be with Blake, and don't do anything with Nate. And if you DO decide to be with Blake, it's probably for the best if you just stop hanging out with Nate altogether. You obviously can't resist the temptation he presents, so if you want your relationship with Blake to work, you'll have to let him go.
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its just me but i dont like the good guys im LOVE THE BAD BOY REBELS!!!! but you cant be with him just because you feel bad for him you sound like my friend amy she loves j.p the bad boy and mason- the good guy so she decided just to be single for awhile. You should just follow your heart!! oh yeah and nate sounds cool!!!
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Think about what you're doing to Blake, now immagine it was the other way around. You finally found the perfect guy for you, he's hot, sweet and just perfect for you. Now imagine that he goes to a party, screwz up and has sex with another girl, only its not just a screw up b/c it keeps happening. When you look at it from Blake's position, who must care a hell of lot about you to keep taking you back, what you're doing is not exceptable and just isn't right. All girls have a craving now in then for bad boyz, but the truth is they usually don't want to be "stuck" with one girl, they like to play, and you'll only get hurt. You just need to quit talking or seeing Nate and focus on building a stronger relationship with Blake, and appologize and admit what you've done. And don't feel bad about Nate's history, having sex with him won't change it.
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Hey. It's ok, don't be scared. Don't even think about the sex! Think about the person. If you want a guy that's sweet and nice, and can provide a healthy relationship, then go for Blake. But if you like the bad boys, then go for Nate. But, I hope it works out!
---------------> animalover658
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dump nate and roll with blake.....
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do you want a relationship or a sex fest? if you want a relationship you choose blake. easy as that. if your not ready for that and just want to have fun go with nate. simple. tell blake your truly not ready and if hes a true man he will understand (of course with some difficulties). but if you want a relationship tell nate you honestly cant keep doing this and break it off with him. if hes only in for the sex like you think he is. he will be upset. goodluck
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You know what you're doing, you know that it's wrong. That much is clear. I'll try not to pass judgment except to say that if I were Blake, I would not forgive you.
One way or another, this must end. Surely you realize that your relationship with either guy cannot continue this way.
Nate is using you. Ordinarily I would condemn him for that, but you don't seem to have a problem with it, and besides you're using him too. I certainly don't get the sense that you love him, only that you lust after him. There's nothing inherently wrong with that - if Blake didn't exist, I'd advise you to do whatever floats your boat and just be aware of the risks involved.
However, Blake DOES exist, and you've made a commitment to him. He's given you a second chance and you've essentially blown it. I might have advised you to explore sex with Blake and see if he could do anything that might bring you close to the level that Nate seems to do, but it's too late for that; at least, for the moment.
Here's why: You are putting Blake's life in jeopardy.
I can just about guarantee you that you are not Nate's only bed partner. He certainly doesn't sound like the sort of guy who goes in for an exclusive relationship! That means that he's putting you at risk for STDs, and you're passing that risk on to Blake. He should NOT have to pay the price for your wanderings.
If you want to salvage your relationship with Blake, there are three things you will have to do:
(1) Stop seeing Nate. Not only stop having sex with him, but stop SEEING him. He is obviously too much of a temptation and you have not been able to control yourself, so you must force yourself to keep a distance.
(2) Have yourself tested for STDs: herpes, syphilis, HIV, the works. If you're positive for any of them, then Blake needs to know.
(3) You're going to have to lie. Blake has shown extraordinary patience and a forgiving nature (too much, I think). He doesn't deserve the additional pain of knowing you betrayed his trust again. It will probably be hard for you to hide your actions from him, and you may be tempted to "do the right thing" and tell him, but instead you're just going to have to live with the guilt. That's your penance and the price you will have to pay for a relationship with Blake.
If, after having done all the above, you find yourself back in Nate's bed (or for that matter, someone else's bed) even ONE more time, then use what honor you have left and tell Blake he must let you go. He deserves better.
Your behavior, as you yourself admit, is deplorable. It is also self-destructive. For you to be essentially raped by a man and then voluntarily go back to him again and again, while betraying a man who truly loves you, is just not normal or healthy. I strongly recommend psychological counseling, for your own sake as well as whomever you end up with in a committed relationship again. Do this before you come to despise yourself so much that you don't want to go on.
Right at the start, I said that under similar circumstances, I wouldn't forgive you. However, you will need to eventually find some way to forgive yourself if you are ever going to feel worthy of being loved. The first step on that road is to stop doing the wrong thing, and start doing what's right. Don't delay and don't go back for "one last time" with Nate. End it now, or watch your life spiral down the tubes.
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dude i HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AND THOSES FEELINGS FOR NATE WILL NEVER GO AWAY, YOU GAVE HIM SOMETHING CAUSE IT WAS UR FIRST... YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A FEELING FOR HIM... I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I'VE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR OVER A YEAR.. AND MY X WAS MY FIRST AND ... I KEEP HAVING SEX WITH HIM ITS WEIRD.. BUT I KNOW YOU DONT MEAN TO IT JUST HAPPENS.
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blake! follow your heart, i know nate is good in bed and pleasruble but balke is perfecto!
--ashkey
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look, i really think even though you crave nate, you should date blake. he seems like such a better person, and a great boyfriend. your happy with blake, but you wouldnt be happy with nate other then for the sex. try to spice up your sex life with blake maybe? good luck.
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well i think you should ask Nate what he thinks about going out officially. if he is intrested then you should go out with him! you have better sex. haha. you know you can try out other guys but dont do this side thing with both of them if your gonna keep blake. so basically you have to pick. dont worry about hurting blake he will move on just do it nicely.
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Not to be offensive or anything, but if you and Blake are perfect for each other, then why do you feel the need to be with Nate when you're vulnerable? You should be able to go to your boyfriend and you should be able to find comfort in his reassurance. If you can't find that with him, then maybe you two really aren't meant to be together. Tell how you feel, and since you make him sound like a very understanding person, I think i=he will take it all right. I mean, he may not even be surprised, considering you've been telling him you've been having sex with another guy. He may accept it like a understanding person, which you are very lucky to have, but if you have feelings for Nate, then it's just plain wrong dragging Blake's heart along with you. I think you should break it off with Blake, and it could possibly be a good idea to cut Nate out of your life completely. You could still be friends with Blake or you could stay with Blake and cut Nate out of your life. It's just not fair to Blake. Well, I send you good wishes and hope everything works out in your favor. =]
Holly
XOXO
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By reading this I first thought that you really do know what you are talking about, but then I thought she wouldn't be asking us this if she did know what she was talking about so...
A) Nate could be using you and maybe he's not. None of us can tell you wether or not he is. That is your decision to make. Maybe he really does like you. So find out wether or not he is using you or if he does like you. My opinion, he has to have some sort of feelings for you or else he wouldn't be coming back to you. So how to resolve this...tell him how you feel about the situation. You're smart and I'm sure you can think of a way. Get his opinion. Because if he has no feelings for you (which I completely doubt) then he will tell you and you will have a better time deciding which boy to pick. And if Nate is making you feel so right then why aren't you with him? It's resentment of knowing the truth. And like I said before find this truth out before making a decision you might regret.
B) Blake...oh Blake. From my prespective of this story he is head over heels for you. If you don't think this is true think about it. You have told him twice and he's still with you. Any other guy would say F*** you I can find someone better. So you have found yourself a really caring and loveable person. So why are you damaging that? Because you're not sure yet. It's okay to be not sure, but for his sake you might wanna start getting sure. If you care for Blake as much as you say you do then I know you have to be feeling like a total and complete b**** for doing this. I'm not just saying this to piss you off I'm saying this so it's embedded in your mind. Obviously you know what you're doing and you've already said these things, but have you thought about them hard? Think about this story from a different prespective. Like, Blake's prespective. Act as if you were him reading this knowing all the things you, Nate, and Blake know. You'll feel more of something to reread over and over. It will help your decision also. In my opinion, Blake is a great person that can give you what you want in life, but if you're not satisfied with him then you should think of what isn't making you satisfied. What is it? You got it? THink about it hard. Now talk to him about it. Maybe it's the lack-of-sex part. If it is tell him. If it's to unconforatble then you shouldn't have sex with him anyways and keep sleeping with Nate.
C) And you don't want to hurt any of them, right? Wrong. It's impossible. If Nate is using you then it probably won't hurt him at all. But I think he has feelings for you. So then it would hurt him to say "Hey, Nate I don't wanna have sex anymore...I'm with Blake." And more than likely Blake will be really heart broken. So which one do you choose? I have no clue. You do though. Talk to both of them. Find some way to make it work with ONE of them. You know that you can't have both for the rest of your life. Talk to both. Tell them everything. Maybe you shouldn't tell Blake everything if you don't want to, but if you do go ahead it's your life don't let me make any decisions for you. You're smart and so are they so don't think that they are completely blind to all of this. They both know some sort of something.
So lastly...do what you feel is right and not what anyone says. Be with the one you love and not the one that gives you pleasure, but if the one you love gives you nothing then retreat to the one you're passionate with. It really isn't about not hurting one of these guys although one will get hurt. It's really about what makes you happy and complete. I hope everything works out. Tell me how things end up!
xx
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Hi, yes you are doing wrong by cheating but then again you may not be able to help it. Have you ever thought that maybe that Blake is not the 1 for you and you might just like him as a freind, but whereas nate is just using you. i suggest you sort out your act and choose who you want because you will end up hurting someone. i know the truth hurts but it is true you are showing a bit of slutty behaviour ( not in a bitchy way) am sorry!
hope i helped
xx
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Hey. Well, I think what you have told me about how when you are with Nate, you feel like "it's exactly where you belong." That's exactly the feeling you are supposed to have when you're with someone. I know you don't want to hurt Blake, but in the end, his respect for you will grow, whether he's mature enough to admit that to you, and himself. Just remember that breaking up with someone or losing your intimate feelings for that person is most deffinatly not a crime. I know how you feel with likeing [or in your case, more than just liking] two different people, but you can't go on like this. My advice to you is to meet Blake in person when you tell him you don't feel for him as much as Nate, and absolutely make sure that their is no anger in your voice when you tell him, that might make him go after Blake. Be sure you tell him that you understand the anger he may have [becuase there's like a 99% chance he'll be pretty pissed]. If you need more advice, or anything at all, let me know, I'll deffinatly help you. Good luck. Things will get better just keep your chin up, hun. ♥ Kathleen.
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Firstly, easy on the sexual side! Stop having sex, try and control the moment, and say NO! You said you usually have sex with Nate when you're vulnerable?! Well, that isn't so good, he might be using you as a 'sex-baby'! A very obvious point, that Nate uses you as a 'sex-baby', is that he leaves after sex! If someone really loves you, they would stay all night, all day, just to be with you! Big no-no from me about Nate! he ain't worth it! Us girls, gotta be treated well! Maybe you should try avoiding Nate when there is alcohol, and stuff that will make you lose control on what you are doing! That way, you can keep control and you won't regret things in the end! Nate seems like a total ***hole, he isn't worth anything, he is a total ***!!!
Blake - Hell yeah! Hunni, he is sooo rare, someone that keeps forgiving you like that! Stick to Blake, he is perfect (like you said) and he is understanding! An absolute sweetheart! :D Always pick the one you can be yourself with, and the one you feel the most comfortable and happy!
Thankyou,
Venzuela... ask anytime!
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Ok. I am going to answer this without reading what others have said.
First off, about Blake. I think he is better off without you, at least for now. You don't love him (if you did, then you wouldn't be cheating and having sex with someone else) and he could do better at this time. So... I would be honest with Blake and tell him the truth. EVERYTHING! And... if he dumps you, well... you have to be prepared for that. I think you and Blake need time apart so you can make sure that you can be faithful to him. He deserves better! If it's meant to happy, later in life, it will. But, honestly... why put someone through the shit your putting Blake through? Think about it!
And as far as Nate, its pretty clear that he only wants you for sex. Thats why he disappears for periods of time and then comes back. It may feel "right" to be with him, as you say, but I don't think he feels the same. If he did, wouldn't he commit to you by now? So... I think you owe it to yourself to evaluate your TRUE feelings for Nate AND Blake and stay faithful from here on out no matter WHO you end up with! But, I think you will find that Nate only wants sex.... and Blake deserves better! This is just my opinion.
Your going to have to be prepared to lose BOTH of these guy by the end of this. It could happen. But, you owe it to yourself AND Blake to figure it out and to stop the dishonesty!
Best of luck with this! I am not trying to be harsh in my advice. Just real! Your not a whore and your better than this! You will figure it out! Have a good night! Let me know if you need anything!
*Heidi Marie
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i didn't read anyone else's answers so i may be repeating some of it, but what you have with Nate isn't love and it isn't something that could last a lifetime. He feels that ache for you too, but it's just a physical urge. You can't rely on someone like that. My advice is to tell Blake everything and take the chance of him dumping you. At least you will have a clear conscience about that and until you figure out what the deal is with Nate, Blake is honestly better off without you. It's not fair to him at all to keep him out of the loop, and if he is as good a guy as you say, he will understand that you are human. But to keep going on like this behind Blake's back is just cruel.
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I know I'm 2 years younger but I thought I could help out. If I was a judgmental person.. yes you are a cheating slut. But then I'm not so .. lets see. You're not a bad person. You just can't help yourself. For example, you have two bags. One you're totally in l0ve with.. but it doesn't go with any of your outfits. Then, the other bag you have.. its alright, not too bad.. you like it [like second choice]. It goes with every single outfit you have in your closet. So which one would you prefer??
Imply that to your situation... Nate is your first bag.. number choice. Blake is your second choice. Its not how perfect you and Blake are together, or how well he treats you, or how sweet he is. What matters is who has your heart. Nate has your heart eventhough he treats you like a booty call [no offense]. At times love doesn't make sense. You don't chose who you're going to fall in l0ve with. It just happens. It doesn't matter how well the guy treats you. You're just so in l0ve that even if he treats you like dirt.. you would nver let go.. cuz he's the only one that can make you happy.
I think you should make your choice with no regret. l0ve is a 50 50 chance thing. You either risk it all .. or risk nothing. If you were to chose Blake.. do you think you l0ve him enough to make the relationship last? will you be happy with him years from now? [you think you are happy but deep down, are you really ??]. If you really l0ve him, you wouldn't have sex with someone else more than once. You didn't have any remorse for havin sex with Nate either. That's not love hun.
With Nate.. I know he has your heart because of the way he treats you.. and you still head over heels for him. Maybe you like bad boys. You like him because you can't have him. Eventhough you guys are havin phycial contact but you don't have his heart. That's why you want him.
Which ever one you decide to chose.. don't regret it because you made that decision. Decide as if it is what you believe in and you don't give a care what the consequence is. If you chose Nate.. think about Blake's feelings. How you should break it to him. Make sure you really end it between you and Blake. Its not fair for him if you keep on cheating on him. If you chose Blake.. then end everything with Nate. NO more FWB [friend with benefits]. Make sure your feelings for Blake is real and true. Make sure you look beyond now.
hope I helped. =]. good luck.
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Belive it or not, a lot of girls have all this drama following them throughout their highschool life. It sounds like all you have going for Nate is a physical attraction- nothing more will happen except sex. I know that, that might've sounded wierd but you desrve to be with someone whos's going to treat you right- and that means that Blake deserves to be with someone who treats him right. As hard as it might sound, I think the best thing to happen for you right now is just find new people, let things blow over. Blake really sounds like a very cool and sensitive guy, he says that he'll still take you back after you being unfaithful. And if you keep hurting him like this, then what are you guys building your relationship out of? And this Nate guy, should definitely leave you alone, if he has sex with you like 5 times, doesn't it make you think that he might have the same "connection" with other girls too? Oh yeah, and kudos to you for being brutally honest with Blake.
Hope things go for the best.
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This is going to be really harsh, but Nate doesnt care for you and your hurting blake, probably MORE than you realize. You may think that you and Nate had a really good connection and maybe you did at one time but hes just using you for sex right now. If you have sex and he just leaves, there is no relationship or connection there, be honest with yourself, and your boyfriend. Theres an emotional tie with the person after you have had sex and that can make it harder to see reality, Blake seems to really care about you but if your not faithful enough to say No to nate then maybe you should break it off. Dont keep these problems spinning round and round, make a difficult decision( I know it is, believe me). Be faithful to Blake and stop messing around, or keep being used and emotionaly drained.
Sorry....hope it helped
Good luck with your decision
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I know a couple guys like Nate, rich, bad ass, unbelievably good looking, and usually afraid of commitment. Although usually If it's just one night stands they're looking for, they don't sleep with the same girl over and over and over again; They move on to the next girl in line. So he probally does have stronger feelings for you than a one night stand. He's probably just afraid of commitment or his feelings for you which might be they reason he pushes you away. However it's unfair to string Blake along if you have stronger feelings for Nate. I was in a similar situation, I stayed with my boyfriend even though I had stronger feelings for someone else because he was safe. I was afraid that If I broke up with him to take a chance on the other guy and things didn't work out, I would end up alone. I didn't want that so I stayed with him. Maybe you should take a chance on Nate. If it works out thats great, if it doesn't than he doesn't deserve you. But it sounds like you have a better connection with Nate than you do Blake, and you may regret not taking a chance on what could be a better relationship than what your in now; but If you don't try you'll never know. Sometimes love isn't enough in a relationship. There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. It also seems like Nate is falling for you, maybe you will be the one to tame him him. Talk to Nate and tell him how you feel. If he really likes you he can't run forever. Good Luck, and follow your heart! Everything will work out in time
P.S. Close your eyes and think. If everything was perfect and you could have whover you wanted, who would you want? Who do you want to be with right now?
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Nate is useing you for sex Blake is a real man that really loves you and respect your wishes but Nate is useing you i don't care if it feel good to you but you are hurting blakes feelings so do the right thing and break up with that no good Nate.Then later you will be livving a great life with blake a man that is a man that can take care of you make sure you do the same.
do what i say and you will be happier with yourself so trust me i am not trying to be mean but its the right thing trust me on this one
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First off, be a little happy. You've got two guys at your disposal. Putting the cheating and random sex aside-
It seems like you have a great relationship/friendship with Blake. But that doesnt mean its love. Love makes your heart flip whenever you see that person. Love is an undeniable attraction that draws you to that person. Its an ever-burning passion for someone that never truly goes away if you are meant to be. Some people say opposites attract, and you and Blake dont sound elike opposites. Just because you have things in common and usually agree, doesn't mean you are perfect for each other. Its the friction that makes things more worthwhile sometimes. Are you IN love with Blake? Or do you love him? There two different things.
Im also not saying you love Nate either. Its hard to seperate love and lust. You are obviously attracted to Nate, but do you have an actual relationship? Can you talk to him and confide in him? Does he understand you? Is he ready for a relationship, or does he just want sex. Sounds like you have to talk to Nate.
Nate sounds like party boy who sleeps around a bit and isnt ready to be commited. But if you see a great person in him, than go for it.
Blake seems like a soulmate instead of a lover. You guys have things in common, dont argue much, and hes extremely understanding. He's really attached to you, but some people want to stay with their soulmates and others like the sparks and challenge you get with an opposite.
What do you love better?
You have the best of both worlds here, but you have to decide whats best for your heart and not nessecarily for you. Talk to both guys. Search inside yourself I(an advice columnist wont help you that much). You cant stay stuck between them, because its going to hurt all three of you in the end.
Good luck to you and your love life,
-Abby
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I have a theory. My theory is... Everyone has a reason for everything that do, even if they don't know (on a concious level) what that reason is. That doesn't mean that every action is justified...
Okay... So you hurt Blake. And I think you could have handled the situation better. But I think you had a reason for acting the way you did. Maybe you should figure out what that reason is...
Here is my theory... (Mind you, it's just a theory. I don't know you, I have a page of background to work from, but this is what I think.) I think you are unsatisfied with your relationship with Blake. Maybe it's just the sex, maybe it's not. You say that Blake is wonderful... Why is he wonderful? Good looks and charm don't count, give me a solid reason.
I think you're missing something essential in your relationship. I don't think you've figured out what "it" is yet... But you're trying. Maybe that's why you keep sleeping with Nate. You're looking for something Blake can't give you. You're trying to identify what that something is...
Whatever IT is... I don't think either Blake or Nate have it. Otherwise, I don't think you would be sitting in front of a computer asking strangers for advice.
So... My suggestion is... Kick both boys to the curb. You've tried having a relationship Blake, clearly it's just not working out, and Nate...
I'm not going to accuse Nate of being a jack---. Like I said, I believe people have reasons for acting the way they do. What I DO think about Nate is that he has a lot of unresolved issues that keep him from pursuing the type of relationship that you want. Through my own person experience, I have found that the "bad boy" image is just that. An image. It's a mask guys wear to hide their self-loathing, insecurity, and depression caused by abuse, adandonement, rejection, etc. I'm guessing Nate has been severely hurt by people that were supposed to love him in the past, and that instead of facing his problems, he pretends they don't exist.
The female impulse to "tame" bad boys, is actually a maternal instinct to help men they know are hurting. Maybe you want to help Nate. Allow me to give you some advice from my own personal experience... Don't.
Don't because you won't help him, you'll just end up getting hurt. The truth is... The only person that can help Nate... Is Nate. He will only help himself when he accepts responsibility for his own happiness. There is nothing you can do, except for maybe point him in the direction of the nearest doctor. You can attempt to do more, but either one of two things will happen... 1.) He'll become co-dependent on you. This is bad because when a person is co-dependent, the roles in the relationship become distorted and a power struggle ensues, that ultimately causes the relationship to self-destruct. (I.E. There is a give/take balance in all relationships. If you're doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking, eventually you run out of love to give. He won't understand this, you'll be miserable.) Or 2.) He'll deny your help all together and push you away.
Another reason why I think you should kick both to the curb... I just think it would be better for you. You're young. Right now, you should be discovering who you are and what you want... Not trapped in a miserable sort of love triangle.
Spend some time alone. Get to know yourself. Only when you know yourself can you love yourself, only when you love yourself can you love another. Once you've done that... Play the field. The more people you meet, the more dates you suffer through... The eaiser it will be for you to decide what type of qualities a potential boyfriend should have, and what you expect out of your relationships. It won't always be easy, it won't always be fun... But you'll learn. And the more you learn, the easier it will be to find Mr. Right and have a lasting, healthy relationship.
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If Blake is perfect for you, why would you ruin that? You said not to rant, and I'm not, but you're right. You're being a skank & honestly, you really don't deserve either guy. You've cheated on Blake a lot, and time after time he's been giving you more chances. Well, what's gonna happen when Nate gets tired of you? And what's gonna happen when Blake sees through your "Babe, I'm so freaking sorry."'s? Then what? You're not gonna have either them & the only one to blame will be yourself. If you love Blake like you say you do, you'll stop tramping around like a stupid bimbo & ignore Nate.
Basically, just get some counseling, because you obviously need it.
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Well I would talk to Nate, found out if he wants a relationship with you, or just casual sex? If you say it feels right with him and if he does want a relationship then I'd say go for it. Although, you don't want to hurt Blake's feelings you still have to follow your heart. I'm sure one of those men have been burt in the past by a girl, so you shouldn't feel cruel. As for the cheating part if you feel that your heart is with Blake but your horemons are with Nate then again, follow your heart. But don't put too much stress on yourself because then Blake will notice that something is wrong. Go with what your heart feels not your body. Don't make this too stressful because your not looking for a husband?
p.s. and about the kiss Nate gave you maybe he is starting to have mutural feelings for you, but you can never be too sure.
Hope I helped!
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I don't really think your much of a slut.
I maybe totally younger than you but what i do know is that sex dosnt mean ANYTHING - just because it can be brill dosnt mean the relationship is and it can be rubbish and the relationship is.
Don't compare them on sex.Basically,I think that you're being really selfish towards blake and your going to lose him if you keep doing stuff with nate, I apperciate you tell blake the truth about nate,have you told nate about blake?
Blake is standing right there,taking you back,wanting to know you.Nate isnt standing there
wanting a real relationship he just wants his hands in your knickers.Nate is just staying with you because he knows "how good you are".Blake wants you because he "he likes the REAL YOU".
You and Blake will have good sex, in time, remember he isnt as experience.Go with Blake not Nate.Blake sounds more loyal and loving than nate.JUst because you havnt felt much of a sizzle with blake dosnt mean there wont be one.
I think you should tell nate to clear off.And tell blake your sorry and want to try again.Do the right thing.
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You are not a slut and you are not a bitch either. You just proove the theory that girls always end up with the bad guy in real life.
For your own well being and Blakes of course you should learn a couple of stuff.
1)Its not always about rainbows and Butterflies, its compromise. You shouldn t be that eager to sell him out in an instance, control yourself.
2)Dont think about yourself that much. Trust me, its girls like you that end up really really miserable in their life.
Its good to have many people inside your heart but when people attached to your heart leave you, you ll remain empty.
But I also think that Blake is not perfect. Maybe he should be a little bit more of a man, tell you to shut up every now and then and help you get your shit together. I dont know many "perfect" man that would take their girl back that easily after such a thing. And pretty much most of the real men in his place would kick Nates ass at least twice a weak. Unless... he does not care that much about you to bother. Maybe he lucks the passion.
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Thats kinda funny, I practically just went through that same thing, only I'm like 14. ha. & you know, I really really really liked the bad kid he was like different & I wanted to see what he was like. & all that you know what I mean..but, then he wanted me to do things, I wasn't gonna do when I was just 14. so, he got mad & doesn't talk to me anymore, actually that kinda happened twice to me. Only, the first time, I fell for it. Anyways, after going through it the second time, I realized they were both just using me. because according to people at my school, i'm like the best kisser, & then i have like the hottest face & a 'bangin' body? so yep. I think, you should stick with blake. he sounds better then the other guy nate. when bad boys get that reputation, it most likely means they really are.
Don't be too hard on yourself, just stop doing it. & then it'll get better. Nate seems like hes more of one of those guys who treats girls like an item. not a person. I don't know.. thats just what I got from what you said.
You could also just take a break from guys completely.. =/ to figure out what you truly want.
I hope that helped a litle.
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Sounds to me like this is one of those huge, horrible learning curves in finding out what kind of relationship you really need and value. Some people seem to get lucky and know (and find) exactly what they want from the outset but I think most would agree some kind of messy hit-and-miss will be involved before they can properly know.
Nate is a bit of a dick. And god knows I've been attracted to enough spot one. He knows perfectly well he can get what he wants from you without any ties or repercussions, partly no doubt, because presumably he knows you have a boyfriend. So how can you ever come back to him with any accusations? It doesn't sound to me like he wants a relationship or even knows how to have one, but rather is just happy he finally got the conquest he was originally denied. Even if he did how good a boyfriend do you really think he'd make? Believe me I know i's hard to disentangle yourself from someone who makes you feel like this but staying around him will just bring you down.
As for Blake, he could be the most wonderful, sweet, perfect guy in the world but if you're not into him enough to want to stay faithful to him, even this early on, he's not for you an will never keep you satisfied. Nonetheless I'm sure you know he doesn't deserve to be treated like this and the best thing you could do would be to let him go, hard as it is and as much as it might seem like a mistake to let someone so 'perfect' get away.
More importantly I think it would help to also tone down the 'ideal guy' notion. Blake might tick all the boxes of 'perfect guy' but isn't making you properly happy, Nate is pulling at your instincts but probably fits none of basic requirements of a guy who would make a good partner. It's your classic heart vs head scenario but you need a mix of both.
I'd advise you to stop seeing both of these guys and definately stop having sex with them. Try to keep them as friends if you can but for god's sake take some time for yourself and to figure out what you need and definately to forgive yourself for everything that's gone on before you even think about getting involved with someone again.
I really hope you sort this out in your head and find what you're looking for. x
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In my opinion it is utterly irrelevant whether Nate is using you or not. It is utterly irrelevant whether or not you are confused about the relationship, disapointed with the sex, or whatever. The only thing that is relevant is that you are in a relationship with a caring decent guy, and you are cheating on him. Irrespective of his abilities in bed, he does not deserve that. To me thats the end of the story. If you wanted to sleep with Nate you should have broken it off with the other guy.
By that line of reasoning, it is utterly irrelevant where you feel best. You are perfectly in control of your actions, these things dont just happen. You chose to sleep with Nate, and now to make matters worse, you are stringing Blake along while you make your decision.
My advice: Break it off with Blake irrespective of what you decide. He is not your emotional guinea pig, there for you to test your relationship preferences. He is a person who has entered a relationship with you in good faith. In the very least he deserves to know you have been cheating on him all this time.
This is a perfect example of why one should always think before acting, and never ever act based on emotion alone.
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It doesn't sound like either relationship is an exclusive relationship. Since, Nate doesn't want a relationship - you can continue dating both until either one comes out to be a little bit better.
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Okay,
Nate is using you for sex you have to show him you aint his sex toy! You have to show him you don't juss need him for sex or he'll need you for sex.
i would say stick with Blake he is a one and a life time guy. If your ready for sex talk to Blake about it don't have sex with another guy and still be with another guy. Soon your gonna hurt Blake and yourself. But you gotta stop seing Nate and tell him to leave you alone say your with Blake and you don't need him! But first talk to Nate ask him is he ready for a relationship if not then he has to get out of your life if yes then whitch comitment will you sacrafice? Blake is giving you respect here he ain't going to have sex with you because he respects your privacy! Stick with him. Nate has sex with you then leaves i don't think you want a guy like that. How bout you get pregnant Nate won't look after it and Blake is gone it's all gonna be about you. But if your with Blake once you get to the point that you acctualy talk about sex with him and do it with him and you get pregnant He'll be their for you. But it's not all about the fun and enjoyment of love it's about your future. TELL NATE IT OVER TELL BLAKE WHAT YOU DID AND IF BLAKE REALLY LOVES YOU HE'LL FORGIVE YOU AND TELL HIM I BROKE IT OFF WITH NATE TO BE WITH YOU.
-hope that helps Ashliiee
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Do you have ANY self respect WHATSOEVER?! There is more to a relationship that sex. It's girls like you that make the rest of the male population think we're easy. STOP sleeping with Nate. I don't care how great it is. If you stop sleeping with him, and you really think he is good for you, then maybe he'll come around and you can have an actual relationship instead just letting him have sex with you whenvever. I'm sure you are a better person than that. As for Blake, you keep saying over and over that he's perfect, but he's not that great in bed. What is the big fricken deal? You keep saying he's a great guy, but you just like Nate because he gives good sex.
This is what you need to do: put sex out of the picture. Don't do it at all until you've chosen which guy is for you. Sure, you enjoy having sex with Nate, but what else is he good for? Do you really think you have the patience to change a guy like him? Blake sounds like a coward, and most good guys are. I'm surprised he's still with you. You're a damn lucky girl if he gives you another chance.
It's clear that Nate doesn't want a relationship. It's clear that Blake really really likes you.
Why is this "decision" so hard?
Perhaps you are better off without both of them because neither one of them makes you completely happy.
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to tell you the truth...all in all your an idiot im not tryin to be nasty or mean im telling you the way your behaving with this situation is idiotatic it doesnt take a genious to see tht nate is usuing you yes your what they call friends with benifits or your his sex buddy he doesnt respect or care for you at all he obviously lost all respect for you he sees you easy and knows you are volnurable and thinks you somehow "need" him the kind of guy who would use you and then go sleep with other girls and tel his friends about a girl he finds easy and would do anything with him because he is irrestiable...is that what you want to be? someones slut story?? do you have any idea how much your hurting this blake guy? i mean he is givin you chances which is why your doing all this if he had not forgivin you the first time you would have known better and not done anythin wrong again but he did..he gave you chances you didnt deserve and your blwoing it for someone who doesnt love or respect you against someone who seems to respect you even though your not really deserving it..Girls always ask why isnt a guy respectin them or why dont i get a perfect guy because you blow it over for guys who wil use you ..girls like this give other respctful girls bad names..dont you want to be a role model to al the other girls who think they need a man to feel better?? At this moment you feel you need lots of attention is why your feeling so volnerable in the first place..but blake is the kind of guy that wouldnt cheat on you that wil be there to help you through the hardest times in your life and promise that hell make it better nate is the kind of guy when the tough get goin he'll run because you mean nothing to him he knows hes keepin you around as his own device and lord knows how much other girls hes doin this too..you can have something amazing with blake and i think you do but please do not reuin it do not let al men think girls are sluts and arent loyal because your body is precious and a women is gold why throw away something so precious then give it to someone youl love and live ur whole life with and the person wil find themselves so lucky cause hes the ONLY one who can see your beauty..im sure your a beautiful girl and im sure you have much to offer to the world but live it with your world partner apologize to blake and tel him how sory you are and that youl change start a new page forget your past,forget it ever happend!! this is your new begging no more regrets...dont let anyone play you for a fool your a women you are suposed to be respected and you do not need two men to make you feel like that just one man youl love and need forever..i hope i helped sry this is long but its a wake up call.take this advice as if its y ourlast chance..i hope it all clears bye
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