Gender:
FemaleLocation:
SingaporeMember Since:
January 15, 2007Answers:
228Last Update:
April 18, 2014Visitors:
17911Favorite Columnists
karenR
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
View All
about
Just a couple of things which everyone should know..1) A love relationship is a TWO way thing, you BOTH have to be on the SAME page.. Communication is vital. FACT.
2) You don't need negative people in your life to bring you down, you get enough of that as it is. You need positive people, to raise you higher.. FACT.
3) Believe in yourself, if you start to, everyone else will. So focus on the good things, because that is what you will naturally flaunt.. Which makes everyone focus on the good things! TRUTH.
4) You only live once, so don't screw it up! Make the most of this ONE life! FACT.
5) Life's all about making mistakes, forgiving, letting go, falling in love, making friends, and best of all, LAUGHING OUT LOUD!! ;) Laughter IS the best medicine.. Trust me! ;) FACT.
Got some love life issues? Need a quick self-esteem boost? Confused in a relationship? .... Just ask Venzuela!
advice
My boyfriend is trying to give hints that he wants to take the relationship further, he's asking me how far I would go and what I would do, asking me to send him dirty pictures and if I would have sex. I'm 14 years old! I'm not ready, I'm not comftable with my body and I'm not comftable thinking about it. I want to tell him somehow that I'm not ready to go that far yet but I'm not sure how to tell him, he said he would never force me which I hope he won't...
Anyone got any advice on how I can tell him without it breaking us apart?
Also he wants me to send him a picture of me, a dirty one... I really don't want to, how can I tell him I don't want to do this aswell?
Thankyou x
I would suggest you just tell him. Be straight forward and let him know that you aren't comfortable taking dirty pictures and you feel as though he wants to start having sex, which is something you are not ready for. Maybe type a text stating how you feel etc., and then... Just send it. What's the worst that can happen? Your relationship with him ends? If you're not ready, you're not ready. No one should force you.
Also, you have to be honest in a relationship and communicate. I cannot stress any more how important communication is for a relationship to last.
Lastly, if he does not show any understanding and threatens to breakup, let it happen. He just helped you filter out the many trashy men you'll encounter.
I commend your self-awareness. It is very brave to take note of how you feel towards sex and stick to it in this era. So good on you!
Venzuela
So, within the past couple of months, I joined a little musical band and I met two guys in the band. One of the guys I was friends with before joining, and the other I met whilst in the band. The guy I first met, I had the biggest crush on him ever. We finally started a little relationship with each other but things became complicated and rocky. The other guy, well he saw how down I was feeling about the first guy and reached out to me and really helped me out through my tough time. Eventually, we both really opened up to each other and I realized that he is such a nice guy and he fell for me even more. Granted, I was never attracted to him in the beginning, his personality became heart warming over time. The thing is, I never fully left the first guy. We were always in that "talking" stage but there were always associated problems. He made me feel like he gave up and wasn't trying. I would tell the other guy these things and he would always try to help me feel better about the situation. I noticed that we grew closer (the second guy) and I developed a little crush on him. I realized how sweet he was and how much he really cared for me. He's not a very social person like the first guy, so it meant a lot more to me that he chose to trust me. When I noticed my feelings growing for both guys, I realized I had to only be true to one guy. I told the second guy that I chose the first because I couldn't not know whether or not we were meant to be. He was hurt but he understood that I always had feelings for the first guy. The first guy, found out how close the second guy and I were and he was a bit upset to know that I didn't trust him enough to talk to him about our relationship problems. I was offended and hurt to know that he didn't trust me but I could also see where he was coming from. He showed me little signs of interest and we never really communicated effectively, yet I still wanted to be with him. I went through a lot with him and I couldn't bear to have my efforts go to waste but at the same time, here's this other really sweet guy who has all these feelings for me and can potentially be a great boyfriend. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision. The first guy, my parents love him a lot and his family. The second guy, my parents like him too but not as much as the first guy. Remember I said he's not very social, so he doesn't talk to him much or any one else much for that matter. The first guy always greets my parents whenever he sees them out of respect and his feelings for me. Did I really have feelings for the second guy or did I like the attention he gave me and am I feeling sorry just because of guilt?
There's this quote by Johnny Depp which I think would apply to you in this situation.
"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”
And I agree with it. With the second guy, it sounds like things were easy and comfortable (e.g., you could share all sorts). Don't hold onto something that could be, or something that was... If things have changed, accept it, and move on.. The first guy worked out etc. but is it still working? He has a good relationship with your family, is it worth sticking out a relationship with him when you're constantly thinking about 'what if' with the second guy?
Good luck!
Venzuela
So my friend hasn't texted me for three weeks. I asked In school why not and he said his phone broke. But last week his locker broke and I asked what was important and he said his phone. I asked didn't your phone break and he hesitated to speak than said it did break. What should I do?
Something sounds fishy, doesn't it? I would suggest you just call him out on it, ask him why he said his phone broke and then when you asked him another time, he answers with something different. Asking him directly saves you time and stress from wondering why he is acting strange.
Best thing is to call him out and watch his reaction, you'll figure out what's going on enough!
Ask Venzuela
i am currently studing for A levels (english equivalent of senior year finals i think) and everyone else that i know has FB but i dont however i find that i miss out on social interventions because i am not on FB what should i do?
Get Facebook!! You don't want to feel like you're missing out on something everyone seems to be talking about. Plus if you're afraid it might take up all your time, I don't think it will. You're mature and wise enough to be studying A levels which is amazing, I'm sure you're capable enough to spend adequate time on Facebook, however not too much! As soon as Facebook starts causing you to drop grades etc. Deactivate your account. Just be smart about it, and you'll be fine!
Ask Venzuela
hi im a 16 year old girl, how do you get waterproof mascara off?? i usually buy non waterproof mascara and i just take it off with water, but i bought the wrong one and now i can never take it off? any suggetions at home that i can take it off with?? or anything cheap but really good that works?
thanks! :)
Cheapest and easiest option is just dabbing some cotton wool in baby oil and wiping away the mascara! It leaves your eyes moisturised too.
Ask Venzuela
How far can I go after beating depression? Is there still hope for someone after facing that to ever be really successful? I'm 18 btw. I know it's stupid but my perfectionism and depression have caused my time in high school to just be a downward spiral. I'm going to community college in the Fall, but I'm planning on transferring after 1-2 years to a good university and etc.
But I just feel defeated already. I'm trying hard to focus on the present instead of only seeing the end point, reaching my dreams, getting up to my PhD, getting in relationship (never have), and getting a good job. But I don't even know if it's possible when I've messed up like this. It's like, I'm very hard working and meticulous when I'm focused, but when I'm not it's easy for me to procrastinate. You know, the whole perfectionism thing (I need to learn how to just be a high achiever, and accept my mistakes in the past and etc but I don't know how to not constantly feel ashamed of myself), except I'm mainly facing the downsides of perfectionism right now. Please help, I know it's pathetic but I don't feel comfortable around anyone else to share such personal things, so here I am asking strangers on Y!A. I've started going to a therapist (a bit too late, though) but I only see her once a week. I just have so much to get off my chest and nobody to tell that I feel comfortable to tell, cause I'm afraid of them using my insecurities against me or just criticizing me for things I already criticize myself for
Don't let your illness, or your past illness, define who you are. Beating depression takes time, and a lot of it. Don't put anymore pressure on yourself. The fact that you can beat depression, an illness that is so complicated and can consume even the strongest people, says a lot about you. If you can beat depression, all the other things you want to achieve won't be as hard. You just need some time.
Seeing the therapist will really help you, and help you see things differently - possibly get you out of this rut. Once a week might not be enough for some, especially at the start, have you asked to see her/him maybe twice a week?
Also, have you tried catharsis? Writing your feelings down, writing songs/poems.. Whatever it is to get those thoughts and emotions out on paper. And if you're comfortable enough to show it to your therapist, it would help her/him a lot more and possibly be able to identify key points.
Lastly, remember that the past is the past - that was then, and this is now. You get to do things differently and any way you want!
Good luck!
Ask Venzeual
I was having a purely sexual relationship with a young guy who had just come out of a five year relationship (he ended it). He slept over practically every night since the first time we hooked up for about a month. He cried in front of me, he held me all night, the only thing he refused to do is go out. We seemed happy in our time one on one though. This made me fall in love with him but he only wanted friends with benefits. So he stopped pursuing me the moment I said I love you and we had some drama but then we reunited on Monday night - went out and had a casual night by the lake. It also happens to be the same day he saw his ex for the first time since their phone breakup and he ended it in person and had the talk with her. When he walked me home that night I'd never felt so close to him. He also requested we take a picture together and I sent it to him on his phone. When he walked me home he said he didn't just want to walk me home he wanted to stay over and we had an incredible night. We had sex twice more in the morning on Tuesday before I left for work. I didn't get a text or a phone call until Friday! He texted "what's up?" at 1:30 in the morning. I didn't get it until Saturday morning because I was asleep. Told him I was going to yoga and to have a good day. Now it's Sunday (and a long weekend so we both have Monday off) and I haven't heard from him at all. I'm afraid we're in a no contact zone. What happened???
No one can be sure, but maybe you were the person that he could lean on when he desperately needed someone. Now that some time has passed, he probably has moved on, but felt guilty that one time and asked you to take a picture together.
Or, he could be prepping you as a future 'booty call'.
It is always difficult getting serious with someone who JUST gets out of a really long and serious relationship. His relationship with his ex was 5 years long! It is going to take him some time to heal - even though he initiated the break up. Give him some time, it'll do you some good too. You would like someone who has no strings attached, and is purely with you for you, and only you - as a person.
Ask Venzuela
17/f
i was born with a penis and ive never had a bf cause i dont want to be embarassed.
pleeeeeeeease help, i want to be a regular girl!?!
any advse will be very helpful!
thanks in advance!!
This might not exactly answer your question directly but I know for sure in the long run, it will benefit you and your future.
Unfortunately, our culture today is highly gendered; being a 3rd gender (intersexed) can sometimes cause harm/hurt/pain due to other people's ignorance. But, there are ways to deal with this, especially at your age. Have you seen a psychologist? I am a current psychology student specialising in gender, and there are so many situations where teenagers feel lost and confused, due to the potential embarrassment of exposing the truth and feeling comfortable with who they are.
I don't think anyone on here can give you a valid and helpful answer, unfortunately. I highly recommend you seeing a psychologist, just to talk about your anxieties and feelings. It really will do more good than doing nothing.
If you want to chat a little more, feel free to contact me.
Ask Venzuela
I have been sleeping with this guy for 5years now the ladt tim being 4 days ago.when we first started he was on the outs with his on again off again girlfriend of 10 years he has had 2 other serious relationships and I have had one and two kids but we always manage to hook up.hes dating and living with his girl and we have been having sex more now than ever im single and I think I love him although we have never said it to each other.he never calls unless hooking up no bday valentines or mothers day reconition how do I get over him how does he see me?
If he never calls you except for when he needs to have sex, that is a problem. Unfortunately, it seems as though even though you two have a relationship that goes way back, that is all it will ever be to him. I suggest you move on, find a stable man and relationship. I don't know how old your children are, but I think you owe them some stability. Find a man that treats you with respect and doesn't leave you feeling like nothing but a 'booty call'. You honestly do deserve better.
Ask Venzuela
I am a 21/f and "Joe" is a 24/m. We have been dating about 3 and a half years now. When we started dating, I was 2 months pregnant. He has turned out to be the most wonderful father and was by my side the whole time I was pregnant. We always got along and I kbiw he really loved me. I moved in with him a couple months after i had my daughter. My mother moved 600 miles away, but I was going to move in with him anyways. I know I love him.. in the beginning I was in love with him but I guess that fades away with most ppl over time. I have alot of self image issuesbecause of being cheated on in the past. But I am a thin person and I don't think I look that bad. Within the past year I have caught him lying about girls numbers etc. Thick has happened multiple times. I even found a half way naked pic of.his coworker on his computer. It makes me feel not good enough and makes me.depressed because I don't know what I can do to be better. Of course he says he nver cheated on me, and I have never caught him, but if you lie about little things, you lie about big things. We have been ok these past.couple weeks, but I can't get images words and all that in the past out of my head. I would love for him to continue being a wonderful father to my daughter. They are so close. But if we are not together I will move to my dads house in another state. Should.I try to.stick it out for my daughter and try harder to build a healthy relationship or move.. take the easy way out. Sorry so long
They say it's better to have 2 happy homes, than 1 unhappy home.
Don't stick with him if you're not feeling it. You owe it to your daughter to be happy, she's going to need a good role model.
Have you had a serious conversation with him? There is no harm in asking and talking about the things that bother you, if anything, it helps the situation; at times it may not look as though immediately, but it does over time.
It's normal to have self-image issues, everyone has their insecurities. But for your partner to fuel those insecurities is not okay. You have to talk to him and tell him how you feel, tell him you've found half-naked pictures of his coworker on his computer, and the fact that he has the need to lie about getting other girls' numbers bothers you. You can't make a decision until you've spoken to him about the things that bother you. If he truly loves you, and your daughter, he'll be understanding. He'll understand where he is going wrong and therefore, he'll be able to fix his ways for you.
If he doesn't treat you right, trust me, there are people out there who would. Everyone has a someone, right!? Good luck!
Ask Venzuela
I really want a boyfriend!! A lot of people I know have a boyfriend and I don't. I have heard someone say,"Just flirt." I don't want to though!! Please help me!
*h3rmioneg*
Just flirting with a bunch of guys gets you the wrong kind of guys, and that can lead to more hurt and pain than you could expect. Going into a relationship for all the wrong reasons (i.e. because all your friends have a boyfriend) doesn't usually end so well. Take your time, why do you have to conform to everyone else - what's the hurry?
Do things for yourself because you want to and you feel comfortable doing, don't do it to fit in, or for your friends. It's not worth it. Plus, in the end, it's your life!
Ask Venzuela
well im at school and my ex wont talk to me .. he keeps looking at me but i dont know if i should go talk to him first or wait till he talks to me. We were friends but he's acting weird. What should i do? How can i get the same friendship we had a week ago.. i dont want to push him farther than i have already..
Give him some time, he's probably still trying to get over you, and therefore needs more time to do so. If he stares at you, don't go talk to him. He can come talk to you when he wants to and is ready.
Don't force anything now, just give it some time and hopefully, you'll have a better relationship with him than you did. It all depends on the person and how things turn out in the end.
Ask Venzuela
I'm 16f and the guy I like is 14m freshman I'm a sophomore. I think he is so adorable! I met him last year at my variety softball game he thought I was "hot" he texted a girl on my team saying that! Which gave me confidence and I got over this one kid because of him. Now that he's in my school I can't get my mind off of him I visit his 2nd period sometimes and he says hi but I get to choked up to carry on the convo further! The problem is that I'm shy and his sister who's a junior is on my softball team and we are cool it's like alove hate relationship which is all messing around. But she can have a real attitude and she complains how her brother gets everything. I just don't know what to do I really like him! Help
I understand what you mean by feeling all choked up, but how about you get a mutual friend to introduce you two to each other (as if you've never met before) and have that mutual friend talk to him and you - a three-way conversation. That way, it eliminates the pressure on you, and instead it's shared between the 3 of you.
You got to ignore the sibling rivalry, all siblings have some sort of rivalry, don't let that affect your opinion on the guy!
Ask Venzuela
So I noticed this girl in my class that was pretty cute but I didn't talk to her at all for about 2 months. but as the semester went by I really didnt talk to to her until one day as I was heading to class she noticed me and asked me if I i was in her class and as we walked to class i made her laugh a couple of times than the next week i sat next to her and we talked more for the next couple of weeks I couldnt stop thinking about her and I couldnt wait to see her in class. I asked her if she wanted to exchange numbers and she gave it to me without hesitation but what was bizarre is that she only got my number i asked if she wanted mine but she said just text me and say its you. So I texted her and she texted right back and we talked but one day i asked her out to lunch she said that she couldn't because she had work so than a week later i asked her out to lunch and she said she couldn't because she had a final that day and would be out of town next week but she will let me know when shes back. So i text her again a week later asking her if she wanted to go out to lunch and go the movies after but she didnt text me back and its been more than a week so I dont know if i should wait for her to text me back or should I call or text her? Everytime i saw her in the campus she would smile and would be very happy to see me and one day i saw her going to her car and some dude was talking to her and when she saw me she completely ignored the guy talking to her and she smiled at me and said hey my friend who was with me that day whose good with relationships told me that he can tell that she likes me so i just wanted to add that and I want to text her but she said that she would let me know when shes back and she has the iphone 4 so when i texted her it was through imessage and said the text was delivered so she probably saw it. I texted her a couple of days ago and again she didnt text back the imessage was off though. but if anyone can help me that would be awesome!
Don't text her again. You do not want to come off as insecure, and like you have nothing else to do. You've texted her countless times, am I right?! Well, you've done your part. Now, you got to wait on her to reply. And you're right, maybe her phone is messed up or there are other reasons you have not received a reply from her yet.
So, take it easy. Waiting is pretty hard at times, but that's what you have to do now. Wait for her to reply. While waiting, move on with your life - friends, school etc. Don't stop everything for her.
Lastly, trust her. She said she'll text you when she gets back.
Ask Venzuela
I like him but does he like me? Im 14years old and so is he. ut he's about to be famous cause he can sing and dance. i really like him and he really used to like me but does he like me anymore?? How would I know wothout asking him? Is it dumb to date him since girls will be all over him at concerts and stuff?
No one knows better than the person himself. If you want to know for sure if he likes you etc. you got to ask him straight up. Watching the way he treats you does not tell you if he likes you, he could just be a good friend.
And, no. It's not dumb to date someone who is famous. Everyone needs a someone. Also, you shouldn't be worried about girls throwing themselves at him, if you trust him and know for sure that he would never hurt you in any way - you got nothing to worry about!
Ask Venzuela
i am a 13 year old girl and i masterbate. daily! and i dont finger myself i do something werid. i rub the leg of my bunny stuffed animals leg(it is shaped like a penis kinda) on my vagina through my panties. is this a normal way to masterbate or not?help!
Masturbating is totally normal. People masturbate in all different ways, whatever works for some may not work for all. So what you're doing now, if it works for you, then stick to it.
What is normal to you and me, may not be normal to everyone.
Venzuela
15/f
Hi everybody, lately I've been feeling kinda down about myself. I'm empty and aching and I don't know why, to quote Simon & Garfunkel... Usually during the day I'm happy, but at night I feel hollow and foolish and almost depressed. It's like all my dreams I know will never come true, every bad memory and every mistake I made hover over my heart and haunt me. I feel alone and unaccomplished, like I'm stuck in a rut and life is meaningless. I've been single my whole life, and a shy person without much of a social life, but I've always been content with my position. I don't like fitting in, I want to be different, and do something amazing with my best friends so we'll be remembered long after we're gone, like George Washington or John Lennon. But I know that it'll be hard and probably won't happen. I really don't understand my emotions, what should I do? Also, I DO NOT want to kill myself, and I've never self-harmed, smoked, done any drugs, etc. I'm just a student, really, it's my main priority. What should I do? Who should I talk to? Thank you for reading my ramble, I appreciate any answers.
Note: I am on an antibiotic for acne but the doctor didn't mention any side-affects.
Hate to sound like a mom but, at that age with all the hormones and changes and everything, it is natural to feel emotional, down and helpless. But it is important to understand that this is just part of growing up, and it is YOUR choice to make sure these emotions aren't permanent. You are a good young lady, as we both know most teenagers your age are doing all sorts of improper things. So good on you for holding your ground and not falling for the majority.
Back to your emotions, do you have a close friend that you can talk to? Sometimes it is hard to find a friend that you can talk to about everything, especially the deep stuff. So, if there isn't a friend to talk to about your feelings then, is there a school counselor? They are pretty helpful.
When I was about your age and was all confused, I used to write a lot. So find something therapeutic for yourself, something that puts your emotions in a positive direction, not the direction right now as they are negative and don't help at all. Take things one step at a time and start problem solving any issues you may have. If you want to make a difference in the world and forever be remembered, work towards that. It's never to late or too soon to start! Start now and you'll be one step ahead! ;)
Me and my partner have a very complicated relationship,we are constantly quarreling bc we don't agree in almost anything,but we work things out with sex,I know this is not healthy,though,but it has become our perfect remedy,we just forget about everything,don't talk at all and just have sex,but the next day things usually are the same,what could I do about this??thanks!!
How about you actually solve the issues you both have instead of having sex which is a temporary cure. Having sex doesn't solve the problem, as you know for yourself, the next day, the problem is still there. So, talk about the issues and together come to some solution. That way the issue you both had is solved, and after you have had sex, that issue won't be there. This is like a step towards the right direction, because after sometime, sex is all your relationship will be about. Humans can't live with sex only relationships, we need the companionship, the friendship and all that other stuff.
Venzuela
Hello, I'm 19. My names Megan.
I'm here to simply ask; just how important is sex? Me and my current boyfriend work nicely except the sex part. Our bodies make it difficult to have intercourse. I'm not saying we're fat. But he is heavier than me. And I've had heavier boyfriends. But, it's just so difficult to do it, that I'm not even sure it's worth trying to do.
I try talking to him about it, but what can he really do about it?
It bothers me, doesn't really effect him. I'm a lot more experienced than him.
I just. Need to know where to go from this?
I am going to have to disagree on one of the advisers that gave you some advice earlier on; do not tell him it is because of his weight you find it hard to sleep with him. Commenting on a person's weight, no matter the gender, is quite a sensitive issue. Why not offer to exercise together? Jogging? - It builds stamina too ;)
Basically, help him rather than just put it all on him. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to improve the sex life you both share. So talk to him about exercising, whatever works!
Ask Venzuela
hey i'm the 12 year old girl with the 16 year old bf. alot my friends have really older boy friends.and they've had sex before. i'm really not sure what i should do? my friends are always talking abuot how they had sex. sometimes they would ask me if i've had sex with my bf and they know i'll say no. should i have sex with my bf?
Love, the fact that you're posting this on a website for advice from millions of people around the world just shows that you aren't ready. The millions of helpful advisers on this site could not possibly know if you are ready, if you are emotionally ready, for sex or not.
Do you want to lose your virginity because everyone else was doing it, or because YOU, yourself wants to? Because you, yourself, feels safe, secure and loved.
Don't do it for others. Don't do it for your friends, or for your boyfriend. Do it for yourself. And from what I read, you clearly are not ready.
Legally you aren't supposed to, there MUST be a reason it is not allowed legally, right? Read up on the psychological effects of having sex at a young age. Besides the psychological effects, are you, yourself, able to provide for a baby, financially, emotionally etc.?
Just be sure that whatever you choose to do, it is because it is what you want, and it's something you will not regret.
Ask Venzuela