|
How to tell him your not ready for sex
My boyfriend is trying to give hints that he wants to take the relationship further, he's asking me how far I would go and what I would do, asking me to send him dirty pictures and if I would have sex. I'm 14 years old! I'm not ready, I'm not comftable with my body and I'm not comftable thinking about it. I want to tell him somehow that I'm not ready to go that far yet but I'm not sure how to tell him, he said he would never force me which I hope he won't...
Anyone got any advice on how I can tell him without it breaking us apart?
Also he wants me to send him a picture of me, a dirty one... I really don't want to, how can I tell him I don't want to do this aswell?
Thankyou x
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
In a relationship if you are not comfortable with something it is always best to say. Be calm and tell him how you feel. Now if he is angry because your not ready or makes you feel like you are not good enough,then he is simply not good enough for you. And if he does behave this way then he is caring about his feelings (and willy) rather than how you feel about it.
It is scary to say but if you don't tell him how you feel he won't know and won't know that you are not ready. Take a few deep breaths and say it.
However, being ready to have sex and being comfortable with your body are two very different things. I think maybe you should work through your feelings about your body before you begin to think about having sex. If you are not happy with yourself then having sex won't change that and it could make it much worse.
Hope this helps :)
]
Lay down the rules and set some boundaries in your relationship.
When he asks you for sex, tell him NO. Don't let some boy pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. It is YOUR body, NOT HIS. He doesn't own you, so don't let him trick you or manipulate you into doing something that you're not ready for.
TELL HIM NO!
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
P.S. Everyone is born with the power and the capability to say NO. You just have to use it.
]
You straight up tell him. Don't beat around the bush or say "maybe" or "Idk". Just tell him that you're simply not ready. If he cares about you, then he won't push any further. It goes the same with sex and with dirty pictures.
I'm sure you know the outcomes of sending a guy pictures. Like them showing it to their friends, or posting it or something. Even friends of mine, who are really good guys, will tell a girl they'll delete them but they've shared it with their friends.
He doesn't need any explanation though. All you need to say is that you're not ready. Whenever you're ready, you'll let him know.
]
Hey!!
You seem like a smart girl :) Of course you shouldn't be having sex at fourteen. Your body is underdeveloped at fourteen and that's why doctors advice girls not to have sex before sixteen. Besides, you are still fourteen - you still have time. Having said that, I think you should tell him that you are not ready for it yet straight out. One should be very firm when saying no in such matters.
Please don't send anyone your "dirty pictures".... they can be misused. Please be firm and tell him that you can't possibly do that.
Remember if he loves you, he'll never break up with you over this.
Your first time should be very special to both you and your partner. So please tell him that you want to wait for another year or two before you have sex. I don't know how old is your boyfriend but I think he is not mature enough based on what you have written. You seem more mature to me. Try talking to him, if it works out - good; if it doesn't then that's also good because at least now you know how much he really loves you. Trust me, when you find that special someone - there won't be any niggling doubts at the back of your mind.
I hope things work out for you :)
]
A little advice from a former First Lady which was meant for something else but just as good for this; "Just say "No".
When it comes to sex that is all that has to be said. Once someone says NO any further discussion or attempts to persuade or pressure you is considered SEXUAL HARRASMENT. SEXUAL HARRASMENT is a crime he can be punished for under the law even as a juvenile. For your part you do not have to explain yourself as his asking for an explanation once you say no falls under sexual harassment.
I agree with you that at your age you are way too young to be having sexual intercourse. I am not surprised though that your boyfriend is pressuring you for sex. Boys are different when it comes to sex. For them sex is more or less a recreational sport and has all to about lust and almost nothing to do with love. Young boys confuse lust and love. To then the definition of lust and love are the same.
Many boys in order to get their girlfriend to have sex with them will tell them something to the effect; "If you love me you will have sex with me." Sex is not the way you prove your love for someone. Sex should be the ultimate conclusion to a long term loving relationship.
Yes I am aware of recreation sex and you need to be a lot older before you participate in that type of sex. Until then there are other ways of relieving sexual tension brought on by puberty. It is puberty that makes boys hunt for sex. It is the hormones now floating in them hence the word horny. They would prefer sex over masturbation.
Why is this? Well for one thing parents are wrong to tell their children masturbation is wrong. Especially when according to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate. Mutual masturbation is part of foreplay. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. You cannot get pregnant from masturbating. Masturbation is safe and it will relieve sexual tension.
While I would not like to come home and find my daughter masturbating her boyfriend I would be far less angry than finding them having intercourse.
Now as to dirty pictures: DO NOT SEND HIM ANY PICTURES. Never give anyone any picture you would not show your father. Why? Well for one thing it is illegal to send them over the web. Though most importantly once you send that picture you lose all control of it. He is free to do as he pleases with it and to show it to whomever he wants and he will just to prove himself. This you can trust me on for though I am now an adult I was once a teenage boy.
For another a dirty picture of a 14 year old girl is child pornography which is also illegal. This is something, depending on the laws in your state; you can both get in great legal trouble for taking and distributing or being in possession of.
Last, please trust me on this. This boy is not going to be you one and only love. You will have more. He is asking for sex for as I said he lusts for you. If you and he are of the same age neither of you have matured to the point that you are truly ready for sex.
For him it is just an act that will be over almost before it begins. For you it is allowing someone to penetrate your body that at 14 is not ready for this. Physically puberty has not totally unlocked your reproductive sex organ, which will make your first tome more painful than it should be though you are able to reproduce. So if you do have sex you run the risk of getting pregnant. For him it is all joy, no pain and no risk. For you it is all of that and very disappointing as well.
]
I would suggest you just tell him. Be straight forward and let him know that you aren't comfortable taking dirty pictures and you feel as though he wants to start having sex, which is something you are not ready for. Maybe type a text stating how you feel etc., and then... Just send it. What's the worst that can happen? Your relationship with him ends? If you're not ready, you're not ready. No one should force you.
Also, you have to be honest in a relationship and communicate. I cannot stress any more how important communication is for a relationship to last.
Lastly, if he does not show any understanding and threatens to breakup, let it happen. He just helped you filter out the many trashy men you'll encounter.
I commend your self-awareness. It is very brave to take note of how you feel towards sex and stick to it in this era. So good on you!
Venzuela
]
Just tell him directly. Say you are not ready for what he is asking you to do yet and that you are not going to do it until you are ready, and that includes giving him pictures of yourself etc.
This is a bit risky and he may break up with you, which you need to be prepared for. If he does break up with you over this, then he was not the type of boyfriend you want anyway, was he? At 14 you still have plenty of time to find someone who wants to be with you for you and not just for sex.
If he says ok he will wait then that's great but you need to make it clear that he must not put pressure on you for anything. Trust me, it will get annoying if he is whining about it all the time! If for one second you think he may force you then get rid of him.
Hopefully he will make the right choice and stay with you for you but if not at least you know sooner rather than later.
Best of luck, I hope it works out well for you x
]
You tell him calmly that you aren't comfortable with taking the relationship further. And when you are you will let him know but it's unlikely to be anytime soon. Thats really all you should have to say.With the naughty pictures you are more than entitled to just say no. Really, "no I don't think im going to send you a picture like that". It's as simple as that. You don't need to provide reasons more than that. It's your choice! If he tries to force you into it, then he is not the type of boy you want to be dating. Don't waste your time if he tries to pressure you.
Goodluck!
]
More Questions: |