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I met a wonderful widow with 3 children, 12, 14 & 16. Her husband died from cancer a year ago. We've been dating for almost 9 months. I asked her to marry me after 5 months, she said yes. I found out that I have cancer 1 month after. It appears that this cancer I have is not a very treatable kind. I can prolong my life several yrs., but not much longer, unless I am the one in a million miracle. We have not told the children. It was very hard on them watching there father take 2 yrs to pass. I don't want to hurt them again. She said we will hide it until it's obvious. I'm not sure if I want to put 3 kids into another tragic relationship so soon to their past one. I've grown to love them. Should I break it off with her?, should I break it off with them?, I don't want to be the cause of tempering these wonderful people any further than they are.
Either way... This is your decision. But...
I don't think you should make this decision alone. And when I say you shouldn't make it alone... I'm not talking about including a bunch of random strangers from the internet. I'm talking about your fiance.
Then you think... What's the point? You all ready know her answer. She'd say, "Don't go," no matter how much sense your arguement makes, right? Right.
My point is this... Don't deprive yourself of spending the time you have left with people that you love. And do them an even grander service... Don't deprive them of your love even if your time is short.
Angst, drama, mental scars and the like aside... All anyone really wants is to be loved.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
15/f sophomore
Okay, so I know this may be melodramatic, but I am in love with my best guy friend. I have been since 6th grade. I just have never had the guts to tell him how I feel. I've always been afraid it would ruin our relationship. He's perfect for me; cute, sweet and a little sarcastic. He is my discription of the perfect guy basically.
Well, on Thursday, he told one of my friends he liked my other friend. No one in existance knows about my feelings, except for my sisters, so I pretended like I thought it was cute that he was crushing on her. It was terrible. He's never really had any other crush, his first one being in the 7th grade. After that he's never, that I know, had a crush.
I would be okay-ish about it, but she does not like him. She is always saying "eww, he likes me like that?" and "that's creepy. I want to kill him!" and then she goes and leads him on!! It makes me so mad and I just felt like crying! I kind of ignored him after that just so I wouldn't start crying randomly.
I need help! I don't know what to do. I can't tell him I like him because he likes her and I think she might like him but I don't want them to be a couple because she is a jerk to him! Someone help me please!!
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I think you should tell him how you feel. True... He may not feel the same about you. Or your friendship may never be the same again.
But ask yourself... Is keeping your secret worth all the suffering? Wouldn't it be better to know how he feels about you... Rather than suffering in silence and always wondering what may have been?
I don't know. Those are questions for you to answer. That is a choice you have to make.
As for the girl that completes this love triangle... Maybe she likes him, maybe she doesn't. Maybe he'll date her instead of you. If you discuss your feelings with him and he choses her... While I realize all that would be difficult to bear... Stay out of their relationship, even if she is a jerk. Say what you need to say and leave it at that.
This is it. My depression this year has doubled (if that's even possible) and I really need to see my doctor about it, only that I don't like my doctor because I think that he is a dick. And most medications I've heard of requires you to be 18 and I'm only 16. I know that excercising is an alternatives but I don't have time to go out (and I'm not even loud to). I'm always busy with school work but when I'm out I tae alternatives like stairs, etc.
I don't know what I'm asking for, maybe on if you think I should talk to my doctor about it anyways. It's really hard for me to talk about because I start welling up and crying (like I am now), but I'm not talking. But if I had to, I don't think anything would come out.
And I want to keep it away from my parents but I don't know how because only they can take me to the doctors and the secretary would need to know what I need to see that doctor for. And that my parents are dumb because they think it's impossible for someone in our family to have depression and that they think that it would be something else.
I think I was about your age when I decided that I suffered from depression and started asking for help.
My step-father was of the opinion that depression was some made up disease... And if it wasn't, I couldn't be suffering since I wasn't orphaned or living in a third world country. I was afraid to admit that I was depressed to my mother for completely different reasons. My mother has a way of blaming herself for just about everything... And I just couldn't stand the idea of her beating herself up just because I felt sad and cried a lot.
I went to my doctor... Geared up for this long, painful discussion and wondering, like you, if he would simply sneer at me and say, "Oh, there's nothing wrong with you."
That is so not what happened. My doctor took it seriously. First, he asked my mother to leave the room. Then he gave me this speech about how I shouldn't be ashamed to admit that I was depressed, or to ask for help. He told me he was proud of me, he knew my life wasn't easy... And he was glad that I was asking him for help instead of resorting to drugs, like so many people do. Then he explained that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain... He also explained that finding the right treatment would be a process of trial and error... But he told me not to give up. He was going to help me and we were going to find a solution.
If you don't feel comfortable talking with your doctor, talk to someone else. How about a teacher? Your school guidance counselor? Not only can you have a private discussion, without the knowledge of your parents... But these people can talk to your parents on your behalf if you do not feel comfortable doing so.
Either way... Get someone involved. Whether or not you're suffering from clinical depression or not... Something is going on with you and you need professional help. Asking for help is the first step, the hardest step... But I promise, you won't regret it.
I was just wondering if this was normal behavior for most people because I do not think it is. I have severe memory issues (I'm only 24). I forget things very easily and lack "memories." I do not remember hardly any of my childhood, high school or even college anymore. I forget people easily too, my boyfriend has been in jail for one in a half months and I was forgetting him until I talked to him over the phone recently.
I fear leaving my home now, driving a car makes my heart race and putting gas in my tank makes me shake uncontrollably. I feel so useless.
I have a hard time working anymore (worked since 18) I lose a lot of weight and throw up most everything I eat for about a month and it recurs randomly.
I also have suffered quite a few episodes of sleep paralysis and now that I'm living alone I actually feel frightened of dying in my sleep.
I feel like I have no one. My mother is cold and my father is stupid, ha ha ha. My friends are "fair weather" deals and I just don't want to deal with humanity at all. I'm a wreck all the time and I feel so lost.
Is this normal at all?
I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell you what's going on. But what you're saying sounds pretty serious. You may be suffering from some sort of disorder or clinical depression.
Please seek professional help. Visit your physician or a counselor as soon as possible.
I was just wondering, in your eyes, what does "the one" mean to you? They say "you don't stop loving someone, you just learn to live with out them" - Would you follow this, would you say it was truth? If you do in fact believe in soul mates, would you say that two people, though not together, can still "feel" each other? I'm also wondering if there's any scientific proof that two souls could be magnetically attracted to one another, or is that just a myth? It's curiosity that's got me asking, so anything you want to say about this is of complete interest to me. Thank you for your time!
Science can not prove or disprove the existence of the soul (not beyond reasonable doubt) much less the connection between two souls.
That doesn't mean you can't have an opinion. My opinion...
Does 'the one' exist? Probably not. How about 'soulmates?' I think so.
I would define a soulmate as someone that you share a special connection with. The relationship isn't always romantic either. A soulmate can be a family member or a life long friend. A soulmate understands you, even when you're positive that you just aren't making any sense. A soulmate is empathetic to your pain. A soulmate may drift away from you and a few years may pass... And oddly, somehow they manage to find you again.
Not only do I believe that soulmates aren't limited to a romantic relationship... I also believe that everyone has several soulmates. We pass in and out of each other's lives.
Don't get hung up on this idea of 'the one.' You may meet one person, fall in love, and spend the rest of your lives together. But most likely, you'll love several people. As someone with a first love, a second love, and a third... I can tell you that yes, once you've loved someone, you can never really stop. But love is a changing thing.
For example, my first boyfriend and I dated for 2-3 years, on and off. Our relationship was passionate, turbulent... And, in the end, I just couldn't handle all the drama. I needed someone more stable, someone that wanted to have a consistent relationship. We broke up for the last time... And it broke both our hearts. But time passed. Our hearts healed. Do I still love him? Yes. If he asked me tomorrow to marry him, what would I say? Absolutely not. Bad idea.
What I'm getting at is... As much as we'd all like to believe that love is all you need to live happily ever after... It's not. Relationships are a lot of work. And sometimes, you can give a relationship all you've got and the relationship still dies. Don't lose hope...
Because you'll get over it. You'll move on. You'll love again. And really, that's a good thing. It's good because... If there were only one person for everyone... Wouldn't it be a tragedy never to find that person? Or what if you did, and you lost them?
I believe we've been given hundreds of options. I believe we've been given the freedom to choose. I believe we've all been empowered to love who we will.
16/female
So I've been friends with this guy for about three years and friends with his girlfriend for about four months. Well they broke up and I tried being friends with both of them. She said all these nasty horrible things about him. He called me really upset a few nights ago saying he was tired of what she was saying and I was like she told me this stuff about you and blah blah. I cheered him up said bye. Well today I went to my friends party and when I came in my friend came up and said that this girl his ex was really pissed and that she hated me because he told her that i told him what she said. Well the party was terrible since she basically made it all about her by crying and making everyone mad at me. I felt like a total brat. So I called my dad and he came and got me. I want to know how to make this right. She's a really angry person, she gets angry about everything. She holds grudges she's always mad, shes really hateful and difficult, if shes mad at you, you know and if you try and apologize she'll bite your head off. I'd stop being her friend but the thing is she's friends with all my friends. What should I do?
You could try talking to her. She doesn't sound like a very receptive person... But if you don't try talking with her, what's your other option?
Explain to her that you're sorry for repeating what she said. Even though she was talking trash about your friend behind his back... It probably would have been best for all parties if you had kept that to yourself.
But while I believe that you do owe her an apology... I also feel that both your friends have done you a great injustice by putting you in the middle of a sticky situation. After you apologize... You also need to explain to her that you and your friend have been friends for a long time, you value her friendship, but it's not fair for either of them to talk trash about the other to you. You don't want to hear it, so ask her not to talk about it. Let her know that you're staying out of this mess from now on.
Assure her that you will have the same conversation with your other friend, then do.
I know someone who sounds an awful lot like her. She's very self-centered and has difficulty controlling her emotions. In addition, she's blind to how she makes other people feel. She's also quite popular. I've found the best way to deal with her is to stand my ground. Don't be afraid of her... Let her know you're sorry but also that you have a valid point and valid reason to be upset over the situation. You're not going to put up with her abuse anymore. And I've also found that if I stand my ground, she'll shrink back and become friendly again.
As for your other friends... I've found that when faced with a person like your friend, they'll often take her side. But get them away from her and you'll realize that they don't think ill of you.
How do you know to trust somebody? Im seemingly losing all trust in people. My best friend seems to be hiding things from me, people around me are cheating, lying to one another, scheming. I just dont know who or what to people? Why are people so private yet so seemingly open. Or why are they two faced? And how do we know who to trust with our own secrets? I seem to be losing all control over my trust, its just not there in so many cases I don't really know what to do. So many people are telling me not to always be so naive? But what kind of relationship can you have with someone if you don't trust them? Please some one help me with this... What is trust and when should it be given if at all? Who can we truly trust?
Wow... You've just asked a pretty deep question, with all the hints of philosophy and pschology. Here is the best answer I can give you:
People are dishonest for a myriad of reasons. Some people lie to gain the attention of others. Some people lie to impress others, especially when they feel that who they really are isn't good enough. Some people lie to protect themselves... While others lie to protect someone else. Some people feel like they have to lie about some things, simply because the truth sounds too crazy, too unbelievable, or too harsh.
What all these people have in common, what we all have in common, is that... Most of the time, when we are dishonest, we're just not thinking very clearly. We're only thinking of how we could get hurt, and not of all the people that we might hurt with our untruths.
If you haven't realized any of this... Well, I think niave is the wrong word. I would call you innocent. And when I say 'innocent' I'm giving you a compliment. Chances are that if you are so shocked by the behavior of others, it is simply because you do not behave this way. Innocence isn't something to be ashamed of. You should be proud.
Not only that, you've made a valid point. Trust and honesty are fundamental to any healthy relationship... Whether the relationship in question is familial, friendly, romantic, or strictly business. In our personal lives, trust and honesty are important when we love someone that also loves us. It is important because these two qualities allow us to be open and vulnerable with each other. Without vulnerability, we can never really know a person or love them fully.
My advice is this... Start trying to trust the people you love, that you know love you. Realize as well that sometimes they may let you down or make a mistake. When that happens, forgive and try again. People screw up, it's our nature. But just because we tend to disappoint at times doesn't mean that we don't care.
As for everyone else... That's a bit harder. Realize that motive, insecurity, and fear play into the reasons that people lie. Don't judge, definitely forgive... And take small steps. What I mean by that is... Exercise some personal responsibility. Before you speak, think about what you are going to say and who you are going to say it to. Think about how important the information that you are about to divulge really is, whether or not you really care if it's ever repeated, and how well you know the person that you're looking at.
Learning who to trust and who not to trust is a life lesson. You'll spend you're whole life perfecting it... And even once you think you're almost there, you may make a mistake. That's okay. You'll get over it. You'll move on. In your lifetime, you'll encounter plenty of dishonest people...
But don't allow all that to make you fearful. Like I said, like you said, trust is important. No matter how hard it is, don't let fear or past hurts to hold you back. You really will be okay :)
About a week ago I asked a question about going on the pill and talking to my mom about it. Thank you for those who answered :)
Now, as I had planned to ask her during the weekend, she beat me to it and asked me if I would like to go on the pill. I am grateful she did, and now everything is sorted. I booked an appointment for next week.
The only thing is that my GP who I've been seeing for years is a male. He's young, which makes things more relaxed, however, I somehow have the feeling it might be awkward to ask him about the pill. I really wouldn't like to change my GP, since he knows me and everything.
I'm just wondering how I can relax and not be embarrassed about asking him and talking to him about my sexual activity and such...
Thanks!
Don't be embarrassed. I've had the same family physician since I was four... The conversations that I usually anticipated as being awkward and uncomfortable turned out not to be a big deal.
Just go in there and say, "Hey, I'm thinking of going on the pill, what do you think?" Then he'll ask you some questions and you'll answer honestly. Remember that this is his job, he's a professional, he's probably had this conversation more times than he can count... And he's probably past the point of being surprised. You're his client, a long-term client, and he just wants to do what's best for you.
I am 15, female. I have kinda become obsessive with my weight lately. Not to obsessive that I am becoming sick or anything, I wouldn't go to that extreme, I just weigh myself alot. I go running everyday, a mile and a half, I feel great when I'm done and I eat healthy, I don't snack, I workout on my wii fit when I can, with not much homework. So, it got me thinking, is 134.6 normal for a 15 year old girl who is 5'2 and pretty active? I have big bones, that's what my mom says, that part of me is genetic I just want to know is 134.6 considered normal for 15 year olds? thanks.
Just a suggestion...
A while back, when I went to the gym and had a personal trainer, one of the things that he talked a lot about is eating. Eating healthy is great... I'm just concerned about this 'no snacking' thing.
Most people think that they should eat less. They skip meals or refuse to snack when they are hungry. He explained that this is counter productive. When you're hungry and you don't eat, your body kicks into 'famine mode' slowing down your metabolism (how fast your body burns calories) trying to reserve energy to protect the body. The more frequently you eat, the higher you will boost your metabolism. (Because your body doesn't have to worry about reserving energy.)
He suggested that I eat a slightly larger breakfast, a medium sized lunch, and a small dinner. (You need those calories you consume in the morning and at midday... This is the fuel your body is going to be running on.) A smaller dinner comes in to play because a lot of people eat large dinners then go to bed three hours later... Causing all that consumed energy to go into reserve (fat) because the body isn't going to really use it until tomorrow.
He also said that if you are hungry, eat a snack. You've all ready got eating healthy down, so this shouldn't be a problem for you. What may happen is that, instead of eating three large meals a day, you eat six small meals a day. This is encouraged, because it's optimal eating plan where your metabolism is concerned.
Lastly, I think you should focus less on how much you weigh and more on how you feel. Do you have more energy? Do you feel healthier? If so, that's great and means that you're heading in the right direction!
I grew up without a dad. I have always been really use to not having a father-figure but I know that there are things that only a dad can really tell you and teach you. I'm a girl so I guess nobody can really understand how much a father means to me, and how much a little girl can learn from her dad, but I'm just sure I'm missing something. I was hoping that somebody here can share some of the tips about life and love their dad gave them? Maybe some things your father taught you that you didn't realize until you were a little older? Or maybe things you think dad's usually tell their kids, especially their daughters? ANYTHING is better than nothing and I appreciate every word you feel you can share with me that came from your father (or, if you're a father yourself, then awesome)!
And, no, I'm not saying my mom is a bad mother but it's just that I feel I'm missing something only a dad could give. I can't bring this up to my mom because she'll feel terrible and like she didn't raise me good enough. She's tried so hard all of these years and I can't just hurt her feelings by asking something like that from her. So, I'm asking you all, Advicenators.
So...anybody have anything to share with me?
I'd like to share my experience with you...
My name is Melissa and I'm 27. My mother divorced my biological father before I was born. When I was 4, she married my step-father. I lived with my step-father for 16 years...
When I was 20, my mother divorced my step-father. Though we had lived under the same roof for most of my life, Bob and I were never very close. He had a biological daughter of his own that was 8 years my senior... I couldn't get past the difference between how he treated her and the way he treated me. Despite all the neglect, all the hurt, after their divorce, I attempted to have a relationship with my step-father.
It did not go well... It's not really any one person's fault either. And, eventually, he and I both gave up and we haven't spoken in years.
I contacted my biological father when I was 20. We also attemped a relationship... It's pretty much the same story.
I remember being 16... And angry. Angry at being abandoned by my real dad, angry at being neglected by his stand-in... Angry because I felt unloved. Hurt. And somewhere deep inside I wondered if maybe the reason I wasn't loved by these two men was because there was something wrong with me.
Because of this feeling of wrongness, I botched just about every romantic relationship I had with members of the opposite sex. I was waiting for them to figure out that I was deficient... I was waiting for them to neglect me, abandon me, reject me.
There isn't one thing that I did to fix myself... No magic word, no sound advice, no special person. Healing was a gradual process that is still happening.
But... I did have an epiphany last year. Last year, my grandfather passed away. With his passing... I realized he was closest thing to a father I had ever had. He was there for every birthday, every holiday... He taught me how to swim and ride a bike. When I ran away from home as I child, once I came back he was there to talk to me. He didn't speak very often... But sometimes he did give me advice. His advice was nothing magical, nothing I couldn't have figured out on my own. But he loved me and was proud of me.
What I learned is this... Sometimes, if you focus too hard on the people that don't love you, you can't see all the people that have loved you all along.
I suppose, what I'm trying to tell you is what I wish someone had said to me... That there isn't anything wrong with you. People are going to let you down and disappoint you... But that's because their battling demons of their own. People are going to love you... But you can't love them back unless you love yourself first. You're going to make mistakes, and no amount of advice in the world can stop you... And that's okay. We all make mistakes because that's how we learn. That's how we become better people. Let go of fear, anger, hurt, rejection... Don't repress it, but don't hold on to it either. People hold onto pain sometimes because they feel like they deserve it; deserve to be punished. No one deserves that...
I get the feeling your mother loves you a lot... And I get the feeling you know that. That's enough to get you through this world. Father or not.
I live in a state that employess individuals at will and a friend of mine is being harassed at work by her supervisory along with one of her closest cronies. Being that she feels her supervisor will simply say, "just find another job" if she expresses her discontent, what can she do to address her situation? She also states that she feels were she to confront her manager the regional manager above her would take the supervisor's side regarding what she perceives as the maltreatment of her, other employees, and customers. Futthermore, are their any workers compensation claims she she can make regarding work related stress caused by her supervisor and her cronie?
You mentioned that the company she works for has a regional manager... If the company is regional, I assume it's big enough to have a department of human resources. This is where I would start. State laws aside, if there is a human resources department they have their own practices and policies, often which are harsher than some state laws.
I would also suggest that your friend keeps a journal, documenting the harrassment that has occurred. The more specific she can be, the better. Include days, times, and try to recall exactly what was said.
Wish I could of more help. Without knowing which company, and what kind of company, it's hard to say... Though I understand why you wouldn't mention it here. Best of luck ;)
17/f
I've been depressed probably for about 7 years now. I have suicidal tendencies and have battled self mutilation on and off. Over the last four years I've seen about three different psychologists, I've tried multiple different kinds of medication and nothing seems to be helping. Its very hard for me to get close or comfortable with a psychologist because i always get the feeling that they have pre-made judgments about the situation and are too quick to tell me i'm wrong than to actually listen to what i have to say. I don't believe that just because thy have studied psychology they can actually relate and understand what is going on in my head. It seems like all the answers they have are very cliche and could easily be found in a self help book. I was on different medication such as prozac, lexapro, welbutrin, etc and none of it really made a significant difference. Nothing seems to be helping. I try to be happy but after a certain point its not a choice anymore. No one would chose to be miserable. I know there has to be a way to fix everything but i feel as if I've tried everything and i don't want to give up but it almost seems as if i'm supposed to. Why should i have spent nearly half of my life depressed for no reason. I need to know what ways there are to get happy befor eits too late.
First... Finding the right antidepressant is like riding a roller coaster. My doctor told me this flat out the first time we talked about depression. What it boils down to is that everyone's brain is different, so a certain amount of experimentation has to happen before finding the right drug. I know this sounds daunting... But if you partner with your doctor, it can make finding the right medication for you a whole lot easier.
Finding the right medical doctor and psychologist is important as well. Your medical doctor should listen to you... So often, I have been to doctors that rush to a diagnosis. The best doctors, including my family physician of 20+ years, are people that know that I know my body. If I say something doesn't feel right, they listen and ask questions until they figure it out.
As for psychologists... Just like your personality may mesh with some people, and the opposite with others... Psychologists are the same. It's not about finding one that's been through what you've been through... It's about finding someone that can "mesh" with you. Keep looking. From the sound of it, you could really benefit from professional help. Don't give up! As the corny old cliche goes, asking for help is the first step... You've all ready taken the first step on the right path, don't let other people get in your way.
I just got photoshoppe and I edited some pictures. I try uploading them onto myspace, photobucket, and tinypic and they don't upload.
is there a way i can convert them so i can upload them to myspace, photobucket, and tinypic?
It could be because you're trying to upload pictures saved with a file extension that internet sites don't typically support.
What's a file extension? Look at the file name... "randompicture.thispartrighthereisthefileextension."
Commonly supported file extensions are ".gif" and ".jpeg" How do you save something as a jpeg?
Open Photoshop and go to "Save A Copy." After typing in the name, there should be a box listing numerous options. Click the one you want and hit okay.
If you've saved them as jpegs or gifs and they still won't upload, there's a good chance your file size is too big. Open Photoshop and hit "Image Size." Reduce your pixels and make sure that the "constrain proportions" box is checked. Hit okay and go through "save as copy" again if you want to leave the original picture the original size. If not, you can just hit save.
I've had constant headaches for years now. I'm a very high-stress person and the littlest thing can stress me out. I'm in college and during class I always get headaches, I used to in my high school classes as well. I also feel tension in my neck most of the time and have minor scoliosis. That could be part of it I'm not sure. My mom has really bad back issues and has headaches a lot too. I told my doctor and she said it's probably from stress, they never took X-rays or an MRI. My cousin also got really bad migraines and her MRI and X-rays were clear, no tumor. Do you think stress is the reason I get headaches a lot? Also recently, my wisdom teeth are growing in, and my temples sometimes hurt idk why. Any ideas?
I'm not a doctor... This is just an idea...
My boyfriend is prone to migraines and this is actually hereditary. His father has migraines, his son has migraines. There is also a risk of annurisms in the family.
There is medicine that can help to treat migraines... You should visit a doctor and tell him what's going on. I'm not sure if something like this would pop up on a MRI or CAT scan.
I've noticed that when he isn't stressed out, he's less prone to migraines. For a stretch last year, two to three months I think... He didn't have one, just because he was so darn happy. Lately he's been having them quite a bit... I know he's stressed about work and his grandmother recently passed.
In any case, I would suggest visiting your doctor.
ever since i've been a teenager i've been having confusing thoughts and doubts about my religion. i'm methodist christian, and was raised that way. we go to church on sundays, but we're not overly religious. like, my parents drink and stuff, we cuss, they party, i party, we're not like all "ZOMG DON'T SAY GOD'S NAME IN VAIN" or anything of the sort. okay in all honesty, i'm probably the worst christian alive. but from what i was raised to believe, that doesn't matter as long as i'm on the right path. and i wasn't worried about anything up until about 3 or 4 years ago.
i had found out that my closest friend was an atheist and it scared me. i didn't wanna picture the thought of a sweet girl like her burning in hell for eternity. but i couldn't change her mind!! no one could. so i finally gave up a year ago and just let her believe in what she wants to. and after i switched to public school and saw how everyone was either atheist or satanist or wiccan or something, and only a choice few were still christian, i started thinking in terms of more of an atheistic point of view, and if not that, agnostic. i want to believe anything will happen to me when i die. i mean, living for however many years and then going straight to the ground for eternity? what fun is that? i mean, i know dying isn't supposed to be fun, but what about those 4 year old kids that get run over or die of pnuemonia or something? they barely have any memories and they're just going to the ground, never to live again? i want to believe that there is a heaven. and i suppose if i believe there is a heaven, then there has to be a hell. but then i started thinking, how could any of this be possible? if god is real, well then why can't i hear him? i've tried to, and at times when i thought he was talking to me, its just been my own thoughts or my imagination. i find it really unfair that jesus was able to prove himself to everyone in the bible, so that they knew what to believe. well what about the rest of us? what do we have to lean on?! i have ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF of anything, and my clock is ticking! i don't want to stop believing, just to find out i was wrong and then go to hell for it, but i don't want to keep believing, and find out i was wasting my time on the wrong god, or that there is just no god, period. i need help and i need it fast. i have other things to worry about and this helps absolutely nothing. and everytime i turn around, one of my friends stop believing. the love of my life just said he didn't know if there's a god at all, and how can i help him if i can't even help myself? i don't want to lose him like i did with my other friend. it was too late to change her mind but i want to save him.
I totally agree with everything the last person just said. That is some great advice. I wish someone had told me that when I started asking those oh-so-difficult questions about God and the afterlife.
I would like to add...
Figuring out what you believe is a big part of figuring out who you are. Figuring out who you are doesn't happen in a day, or a month, or a year... Because we are constantly changing. With every idea that we have, every decision that we make, we are different than we were yesterday. It takes an entire lifetime to figure out who you are...
And it takes an entire lifetime to figure out who you think God is.
Be patient. Finding God is not a race... You can not win by rushing to judgement. And you can not lose either.
hi all
so im 17/m and recently became friends with this girl whos 15.now i know from other friends of both of us that she really really likes me .we've been talking,mostly through the cellphone and she kinda hints to me that she likes me at times.well the problem is that ,even though she is cute and a really nice friend,i don't really like her and do not want to start a more serious relationship with her.now i need to like let her know that im not that into her but at the same time i don't want to jepordise our friendship.so any advice:)?
Sometimes... When you're nice and friendly, members of the opposite sex take it the wrong way. That's not your fault. However, if you are flirting with her, even a little bit, cut that out.
If you really just want to be friends... Try explaining to her that you aren't interested in a relationship right now. (You don't have to say not interested in a relationship with HER in particular.) You may also want to mention that you value her friendship and would never want to do anything to jeapordize it. The important thing is that you let her know you care, AS A FRIEND... And that you're not interested in any girl RIGHT NOW.
And... If she doesn't get it... You have to make a decision. Cut and bail or spell it out for her. Cutting and bailing is hard... Because you can't help but feel crummy when you avoid someone. Spelling it out is harder because, even if you really think about what you're going to say, even if you're super nice... She might get her feelings hurt anyway. If that happens... Try not to beat yourself up. Rejection sucks. But... Everyone gets rejected at some point. We all get over it and move on, so will she.
my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and a half. but i havent seen him for the past month even thought we go to the same school he just ditches plans. we fought and nearly broke up but for the last week i just stay home all day and cry i have no idea why and i usually go out everyday with him or friends or shopping. i just really need to see him. anything i can do to cheer me up? he wont hangout with me
Okay... When you fought, were you the one dumping him, or was he trying to dump you?
I ask because... If he's been distant, but he hasn't tried to break up with you, there's a good chance that he's been upset about something lately, and whatever that is it doesn't involve you. Here's an example... After dating a guy for a few months, and thinking everything was going great, all of the sudden he became non-responsive and started avoiding me. Like, if I tried to make plans to see him... First he wouldn't respond to my texts, then he wouldn't answer his phone, and when I did finally get in touch with him he'd come up with some lame excuse not to see me.
I confronted him about this a couple of times. The first time, he blew it off like it wasn't serious... The second time he insisted nothing was wrong with our relationship, but the odd behavior continued.
I seriously thought about breaking up with him. Then his mom tells me that he tends to get depressed after his kids leave to go back to their mom when school starts. So... I came to this conclusion...
I decided that I would just back off and let him make all the moves. And... If he wanted to break up with me, I wasn't going to do him any favors by trying to beat him to the punch.
Ends up... My boyfriend is just one of those guys that likes to solve all his problems on his own. That includes upset feelings that occur when he doesn't have control of a situation. He can't talk to me about it, because if he does then he doesn't feel independent anymore. And what if I threw out some super helpful advice that totally solved his problem? That would be worse. Because then I fixed his problem when HE wanted to do it all by himself. Solving problems requires time alone to think... And on top of that, since he cares about my feelings, and knows that I care about his... He's always a bit afraid that if he's depressed, then I'll be depressed too.
After a few weeks, he felt better and started acting like himself again. Maybe this is what's going on with your guy?
I don't know him, so I can't tell you for sure. Think about it. Try to give him some breathing room. Let him make the moves. If he continues to ditch you though, that may be a sign that it's time to walk away.
After all... You're fabulous. Why date a moron that doesn't recognize that?!
okay, soo i'm 15 years old and i've never had a boyfriend before.. I find being my age and never having a boyfriend is kind of lame. haha.
I've always been really shy, so talking to guys is something i've never really been able to do.
All my friends have had boyfriends but they're all not shy. i've always been shy so coming out of my shell is hard, the only time guys really talk to me is to get the answers on a worksheet, or to ask me for a pencil! anyways, I like this guy but I have no idea what to do to get him to like me too. I don't have any classes with him anymore but I do see him in the hallways sometimes. when we did have a class together he was always really nice to me, he would notice everything about me like if I got a new pair of jeans or other little things and he would always TRY to talk to me but I was too shy to hold a conversation with him.
WHAT DO I DO?!
what are some ways I can get guys to notice me? I don't want to get of highschool and have no experience with guys.
How can I come out of my shell at school?
I neeeed help :(
First, I would like to tell you a story...
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Melissa. When Melissa was in highschool she felt like she was 'behind' everyone else. While her friends were dating and hanging out with their boyfriends... She was at home reading a book.
Melissa was shy and self-concious. She worried about how she looked and felt, even when she looked her best, that she was not as pretty as her friends... Or as smart... Or as funny... Or as fun... And she worried what people thought of her. And she worried that she would never, never have a boyfriend.
Melissa did a lot of things to 'fit in.' Some of those things were kind of stupid... Or dangerous. (Not saying YOU ever would, just telling a story.) After a while... Melissa realized that she didn't need to do anything to 'fit in.' That while she may not be a supermodel, or a genius, or ever win the Nobel Peace Prize... She was beautiful, intelligent, and a good person. And she decided that anyone that didn't think so was obviously a moron... And who wants to be friends with a bunch of morons?
Melissa decided that it was more important for her to like herself than to be liked by others; even members of the opposite sex. And when Melissa learned to like herself... She wasn't quite so shy or self-concious... And people just...liked her... Without her even trying.
The end.
I'm not trying to sound condescending... The story you just read is my own and it's 100% true. Not very long ago, I was, probably, very much like you. I know what it's like trying to overcome shyness... And worrying that you'll be alone, 'or behind,' if you don't.
There isn't a quick, easy answer to overcoming shyness... Or to getting a boy to like you. The only REAL answer is: focus on liking yourself. Once you do... You'll be more confident. You'll be less shy. And you'll realize that plenty of people like you all ready... And many of those people may be boys :)
You may be asking, "How do I do that?" There isn't a quick, easy answer to that either. But I can tell you where to start. Go, right now, and look in the mirror. Think of something that you all ready like about yourself...
The other day i had a day dream... It had me (Callie), my best friend Bekka, Codi, and Chey. So for some reason, my friend Bekka committed suicide, and Codi ran down the hall screaming for me, and when i got out there all she was saying was "Bekka did it, she really did." i had no idea what she ment until she told me that Bekka killed herself. I started crying and people were trying to get us out of the hall way except we wouldnt move. So me and codi were talking about it and we couldnt find a reason why. Well a couple days later, Chey kills herself the same way Bekka did (which was cutting her wrists in a bathtub full of water. It was very bloody and blah) And me and codi could not stop crying and we could understand why this was happening. (Codi is moving in about a month in real life) So about a couple days later, they had the funeral and i only remember seeing Bekka, and saying how beautiful she was and how i loved her. Well i felt calling Bekka's house with codi, and telling her "Its probably just some prank they pullin on us" And i called and called expecting her to pick up. I did the same to Chey's cell. Well then a couple days after that Codi moved and i was all alone, and i rememeber feeling everything in the dream, but i could see myself walking through school and my eyes were glazed over, and i couldnt think straight. And all i wanted was to ask them Why.
So i just want to know...:
What do you think it means?
Dreams can mean a lot of different things...
I'm not going to try and interpret your dream, per say. I will tell you what comes to mind...
I think you're upset that your friend Codi is moving. This is perfectly understandable... When I was in the fifth grade, my best friend, Annie, moved away. She didn't move very far... But up until that point, we lived in the same neighborhood together, went to the same school, and saw each other almost every day. After she moved, we went to different schools and began to drift apart.
Maybe you're afraid that you and Codi will start to drift apart as well? Maybe you're afraid that, for whatever reason Bekka and Chey will disappear from your life as well... And then you'll be left all alone. Or maybe you're all ready feeling a bit lonely. I know I started to feel lonely before Annie really left.
Again, I can't say for sure. Think on it a bit and ask yourself if maybe this is what is really bothering you...
And... If it is... When Annie left it wasn't the end of the world. I thought it would be, but it wasn't. I made new friends... I got along just fine. And so will you :)
I had a miscarriage in October 3 and a half weeks into my pregnancy. I didn't suspect I was pregnant until a couple days before the miscarriage so for about two weeks prior to that I had drank probably four times, was under a ton of stress due to college and I was drinking multiple cups of coffee a day. I always thought that my drinking and stress caused the miscarriage and when it first happened I was more in shock than anything, then relieved that I wouldn't be having a baby when I was 18.
Its all hitting me now that I was almost a mother but I keep having the thought that I'm the reason my baby didn't survive. I don't know what to do, I'm an emotional basket case from it. Every time I see a baby I get all choked up and now my boyfriend (father of the almost baby)'s sister is pretty sure that she's pregnant but she's still waiting to take a test and I'm getting all excited for it.
I just want to know how I can get past all of this, I end up crying almost daily.
While I do not intend to offend Crushoftheyear, I would like to point out that having an abortion and having a miscarriage are very different. Sure, guilt and regret factor into both... But...
Okay, so maybe your lifestyle isn't the healthiest. What it all boils down to is that you simply didn't know you were pregnant. No one can blame you for not knowing either... Three and a half weeks, that's early. Many women have gone longer before discovering that they are pregnant.
Also, while I'm not a doctor and I can't say for sure whether or not alchol, coffee, and stress were contributing factors in your miscarriage... I doubt it. I doubt it because I have known many women that did worse that have a few beers or a cup of coffee every morning before finding out they were pregnant and still managed to give birth to healthy babies. My own mother smoked cigarettes and consumed caffiene on a regular basis throughout her pregnancy and I was born a week late and in reasonable health.
I think the real problem here is that you feel guilty... And maybe a bit disappointed. The maternal side in you has shown it's face, maybe you've realized that you like the idea of having children, even if it's not for you right now.
As much as I wish I could tell you not to feel guilty... As much as I wish you could reply, "Okay," and go about your business as if this never happened... I know the human brain, and the human heart doesn't function that way. Even when we know, with ever cell of our bodies, that we never really had control of those situations that turned so tragic...
This is something you're probably not going to get over quickly and easily, but I assure you that you will get over it. I would highly recommend checking out whether or not your college offers counseling. Everyone can benefit from having someone to talk to... Especially a professional. You may also want to check in with your family physician and tell him how you are feeling. While I don't exactly encourage the use of antidepressants... You may benefit from medication if only on a temporary basis. But that's up to you. Think about it before you ask your doctor.
And... Though this is way out of my league... I'm here to offer you support during this trying time. Message me and I'll respond as soon as possible. My thoughts are with you :)