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feelings after miscarriage
I had a miscarriage in October 3 and a half weeks into my pregnancy. I didn't suspect I was pregnant until a couple days before the miscarriage so for about two weeks prior to that I had drank probably four times, was under a ton of stress due to college and I was drinking multiple cups of coffee a day. I always thought that my drinking and stress caused the miscarriage and when it first happened I was more in shock than anything, then relieved that I wouldn't be having a baby when I was 18.
Its all hitting me now that I was almost a mother but I keep having the thought that I'm the reason my baby didn't survive. I don't know what to do, I'm an emotional basket case from it. Every time I see a baby I get all choked up and now my boyfriend (father of the almost baby)'s sister is pretty sure that she's pregnant but she's still waiting to take a test and I'm getting all excited for it.
I just want to know how I can get past all of this, I end up crying almost daily.
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try to get used to it or maye just name the baby and bury something in rememrance it may put you at peace talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel he is going through the same thing as you so he will completely understand what you are going tru
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No sugar-coating it: It may or may not have been your fault but there's really no way to tell now. You know you were doing not-so-good things while you were pregnant but you didn't know you were pregnant. Some people think that's OK then since you didn't 100% know your actions were leading to severe consequences. Take this as gained knowledge for the future either way.
Pregnancy can happen any time you are engaging in sex. Any time. Even if you use hormonal birth control pills, condoms, spermicidal foam, etc. There is always a risk.
Since there is that risk we should take better care of ourselves than we typically do. Many women drink heavily during their first weeks of pregnancy because they have no idea they're pregnant. We really just shouldn't be doing that or not--knowingly pregnant or not. If there's a risk then there's a possibility--see what I'm saying?
Learn a vaulable lesson from this and give the next child a healthy mother to grow in if it is to be. You owe it to your other child if not anything else. You will never know if your drinking, heavy caffiene intake, and excessive stress caused your baby to stop developing properly. Sometimes it takes heartache in things like this to realize bad habits and how to stop them.
It's OK to cry and be upset but it isn't OK to dwell on it. If you were to become pregnant today then you would put your baby through that stress of the grief. It's time to learn and move on.
Lesson learned.
You do bad things to your body then it won't be healthy. You engage in sex, you may become pregnant. If you do bad things to your body AND you engage in sex then there could be pretty bad consequences.
Let's be adults and take care of ourselves now. If you plan to become pregnant in the future then start taking some prenatal vitamins (should take them about 6 months before becoming pregnant anyway). If not, then you need a good multivitamin anyway because a miscarriage IS hard on the body and the hormones.
Stop drinking, especially if you do excessively. What does drinking HELP anyway?
Cut down on that coffee. There are other ways to stay awake. It's been said that if you give your body a great amount of pure, clean water then it will stay more alert than if you were to drink a cup of coffee.
Relax a little. Stress doesn't help anybody with anything in the long-run. Calm down and take a good relaxation day once a week--even if you're just taking a walk outside for an hour that day. Whatever relaxes you--you HAVE to incorporate that into your life!
Know that your chances aren't over and that you can be the best mother possible if you want to be for the next child you are pregnant with. Just because you messed up once doesn't mean you should stop there. You shouldn't hang on to these feels for life--LEARN about them and improve yourself.
It's possible that other factors lead to your miscarriage but, like I said, we do not know that. It's best to improve yourself so that when you are in a situation next time you will be supplying your unborn with love, care, and health.
And, no, you're not a bad person. Not at all. Not even a little bit. You're just young and needed to learn something...here's your chance...
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
A miscarriage so early in a pregnancy is definitely no fault of the mother. There was a problem with the fetus and the body rejected it before it could cause any other problems for the mother. Definitely not your fault it happens in 1 in “x” number of pregnancies.
The bigger question here is how you are feeling about this. Any number of us can advice you that this was not your fault. You need to hear this from a professional who can help you deal withal the different emotions you are feeling right know. I am fairly certain your college has a counseling office to help students with just these types of problems. I suggest you make an appointment to meet with one of the counselors and let them help you through this. You will feel better for it and your grades will not suffer either.
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It isn't your fault. You didnt know you were pregnant with you had been drinking. Miscarriages can happen for all sorts of reasons. I believe everything happens for a reason and your reason happened to be you werent ready. Babies are amazing and life changing and oh when i mean life changing your life changes. wait a few more years before trying to get pregnant so you can have a good home and your money in order for your buddle of joy. think of it as god giving you the chance to be ready next time.
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While I do not intend to offend Crushoftheyear, I would like to point out that having an abortion and having a miscarriage are very different. Sure, guilt and regret factor into both... But...
Okay, so maybe your lifestyle isn't the healthiest. What it all boils down to is that you simply didn't know you were pregnant. No one can blame you for not knowing either... Three and a half weeks, that's early. Many women have gone longer before discovering that they are pregnant.
Also, while I'm not a doctor and I can't say for sure whether or not alchol, coffee, and stress were contributing factors in your miscarriage... I doubt it. I doubt it because I have known many women that did worse that have a few beers or a cup of coffee every morning before finding out they were pregnant and still managed to give birth to healthy babies. My own mother smoked cigarettes and consumed caffiene on a regular basis throughout her pregnancy and I was born a week late and in reasonable health.
I think the real problem here is that you feel guilty... And maybe a bit disappointed. The maternal side in you has shown it's face, maybe you've realized that you like the idea of having children, even if it's not for you right now.
As much as I wish I could tell you not to feel guilty... As much as I wish you could reply, "Okay," and go about your business as if this never happened... I know the human brain, and the human heart doesn't function that way. Even when we know, with ever cell of our bodies, that we never really had control of those situations that turned so tragic...
This is something you're probably not going to get over quickly and easily, but I assure you that you will get over it. I would highly recommend checking out whether or not your college offers counseling. Everyone can benefit from having someone to talk to... Especially a professional. You may also want to check in with your family physician and tell him how you are feeling. While I don't exactly encourage the use of antidepressants... You may benefit from medication if only on a temporary basis. But that's up to you. Think about it before you ask your doctor.
And... Though this is way out of my league... I'm here to offer you support during this trying time. Message me and I'll respond as soon as possible. My thoughts are with you :)
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I know how you feel. I had an abortion a couple of years ago at 13 weeks, it was horrible as I knew I was responsible for killing my child but you have to think of it positively - you're only 18 and still in college, a baby would turn your life upside down.
At 3 weeks it wouldn't have even been a baby, just a mass of cells.
Try to think of the reasons why this is a good thing and maybe use a better method of contraception in the future?
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