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Complicated friendship
16/female
So I've been friends with this guy for about three years and friends with his girlfriend for about four months. Well they broke up and I tried being friends with both of them. She said all these nasty horrible things about him. He called me really upset a few nights ago saying he was tired of what she was saying and I was like she told me this stuff about you and blah blah. I cheered him up said bye. Well today I went to my friends party and when I came in my friend came up and said that this girl his ex was really pissed and that she hated me because he told her that i told him what she said. Well the party was terrible since she basically made it all about her by crying and making everyone mad at me. I felt like a total brat. So I called my dad and he came and got me. I want to know how to make this right. She's a really angry person, she gets angry about everything. She holds grudges she's always mad, shes really hateful and difficult, if shes mad at you, you know and if you try and apologize she'll bite your head off. I'd stop being her friend but the thing is she's friends with all my friends. What should I do?
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Oh I know this situation all to well!
Clearly you are closer to the guy then you are with the girl because you have known this guy for three years. You should just stay out of it...totally I mean stay out of their fight. Its their fight between them not you...you don't need to be their messenger! She sounds a bit stubborn I would stay away from her...and just because she's friends with your friends doesn't mean you still can't be friends with your friends. I would stop being friends with her and be there for your friend. Good luck! :)
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Are you really surprised by her reaction? You need to tell both of them that you don't want to hear anything bad about the other one from them. Stay out of the middle. Its not good place to be. You
never , ever listen to a friends ranting in what they feel is a private conversation and then run and tell the other what was said. Its just not cool.
It suddenly makes YOU the bad guy and pretty soon neither of them will trust you at all.
Apologize to them both. Tell them you won't be put in the middle any more.
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You could try talking to her. She doesn't sound like a very receptive person... But if you don't try talking with her, what's your other option?
Explain to her that you're sorry for repeating what she said. Even though she was talking trash about your friend behind his back... It probably would have been best for all parties if you had kept that to yourself.
But while I believe that you do owe her an apology... I also feel that both your friends have done you a great injustice by putting you in the middle of a sticky situation. After you apologize... You also need to explain to her that you and your friend have been friends for a long time, you value her friendship, but it's not fair for either of them to talk trash about the other to you. You don't want to hear it, so ask her not to talk about it. Let her know that you're staying out of this mess from now on.
Assure her that you will have the same conversation with your other friend, then do.
I know someone who sounds an awful lot like her. She's very self-centered and has difficulty controlling her emotions. In addition, she's blind to how she makes other people feel. She's also quite popular. I've found the best way to deal with her is to stand my ground. Don't be afraid of her... Let her know you're sorry but also that you have a valid point and valid reason to be upset over the situation. You're not going to put up with her abuse anymore. And I've also found that if I stand my ground, she'll shrink back and become friendly again.
As for your other friends... I've found that when faced with a person like your friend, they'll often take her side. But get them away from her and you'll realize that they don't think ill of you.
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