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stuck
17/f
I've been depressed probably for about 7 years now. I have suicidal tendencies and have battled self mutilation on and off. Over the last four years I've seen about three different psychologists, I've tried multiple different kinds of medication and nothing seems to be helping. Its very hard for me to get close or comfortable with a psychologist because i always get the feeling that they have pre-made judgments about the situation and are too quick to tell me i'm wrong than to actually listen to what i have to say. I don't believe that just because thy have studied psychology they can actually relate and understand what is going on in my head. It seems like all the answers they have are very cliche and could easily be found in a self help book. I was on different medication such as prozac, lexapro, welbutrin, etc and none of it really made a significant difference. Nothing seems to be helping. I try to be happy but after a certain point its not a choice anymore. No one would chose to be miserable. I know there has to be a way to fix everything but i feel as if I've tried everything and i don't want to give up but it almost seems as if i'm supposed to. Why should i have spent nearly half of my life depressed for no reason. I need to know what ways there are to get happy befor eits too late.
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First... Finding the right antidepressant is like riding a roller coaster. My doctor told me this flat out the first time we talked about depression. What it boils down to is that everyone's brain is different, so a certain amount of experimentation has to happen before finding the right drug. I know this sounds daunting... But if you partner with your doctor, it can make finding the right medication for you a whole lot easier.
Finding the right medical doctor and psychologist is important as well. Your medical doctor should listen to you... So often, I have been to doctors that rush to a diagnosis. The best doctors, including my family physician of 20+ years, are people that know that I know my body. If I say something doesn't feel right, they listen and ask questions until they figure it out.
As for psychologists... Just like your personality may mesh with some people, and the opposite with others... Psychologists are the same. It's not about finding one that's been through what you've been through... It's about finding someone that can "mesh" with you. Keep looking. From the sound of it, you could really benefit from professional help. Don't give up! As the corny old cliche goes, asking for help is the first step... You've all ready taken the first step on the right path, don't let other people get in your way.
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Sooner or later you are going to have to give one of the psychologists a chance. While its true some of them have never been where you are, they can help you get better. Its just not going to happen overnight. It can take a lot of time.
It can also be hard for them to find the right medications and correct dosages to make you feel better. Everyone is different.
You have to hang in there and give someone a chance to help you. It takes time for them to get to know you as a person and not just a list of symptoms. Until they do they can only treat those symptoms.
Good luck.
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