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I am no longer giving advice on Advicenators, and have requested that my account be deleted.

I am now giving advice on Askville as ->Peter

If you're looking for good advice here, I suggest you ask YoungGrandma. She's the best.

I don't expect to be checking in on this site again, so if you want to ask me something, see you on Askville!

Good luck!
Website: The Diary of An Invisble Man
E-mail: pmaranci@gmail.com
Gender: Male
Location: Rhode Island, USA
Occupation: Network Analyst
Member Since: July 22, 2005
Answers: 659
Last Update: May 14, 2006
Visitors: 45820

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Whats a good nickname for me sence i have red hair and i have curly hair? (link)
Well, "Red" seems obvious, and almost unavoidable. :D

I think this would be a good question to post publicly - I'm sure you'll get some good answers that way. I am leaving Advicenators, and won't be checking in again, so I won't be able to answer any more questions here - sorry! But good luck with that nickname. :D


The Old One,

Please help-
I am a 40 yr old woman
I have to make a decision and I am totally confused about my situation. I have to move from my home soon--The owner of my house is moving back to it--and I have a bit of a financial situation--which is only temp, by the way,and I have to make a decision of which one of my friends to stay with for a while. I really need the financial help--and need to ask someones asst at this time-
#1 Says he is in love with me- owns a house and told me I can live there, BUT his house is filthy (and I am a clean nut!)-we dated for sometime and breifly splitting up twice-both times he went out with and slept with diff women--claims he learned there is noone like me!
#2 Says he is in love with me-BUT-we dated a few years ago and he was married come to find out-- he is a nice guy-now divorced -=lives in a really nice apt complex-says for me to come live with him--he will help pay for my bills and I will have my own room and be there for companionship
#3 Says he wants a relationship but friendship is more important--says for me to come and stay with him as long as I need to--he has extra rooms --nice guy--makes over 100,000 a yr--BUT has all these women friends that are DANCERS and does not like dogs (i have a sm dog)
THER YOU HAVE IT-
I do not have any other choices at the moment--what would you suggest?
Please e-mail me@kay.seahouse@adelphia.net (link)
I'm awfully sorry, but I won't be able to answer this here as I am leaving Advicenators. If you want to write to me directly, I can be reached at pmaranci@gmail.com. Wait, I see you've left your email address; I'll write to that.

That said, I wish you could find some other living option. Whenever romance and charity mix, the results are often disasterous.

I'll give your question more thought and write back as soon as I can.


Good job on that last answer. And here I was thinking you were a woman all along (cuz I decribed my mom and you said you were a 40 year old redhead from New England...I guess that's what assumptions get me)

Anyway...I actually did do some research on the topic before I "diagnosed" her. I read the industry standard on diagnosing the disorder..lemme find the link.
http://www.bpdresources.com/diagnostic.html#DSM
she has 6, almost 7, of the 9 criteria listed. it only requires 5 to be met for someone to be diagnosed with it. [she has 1,2,4,6,7,8 and sorta 9; when they diagnosed her with it, she was also suicidal]

it wasn't arrogance, it was just confidence. +i'm not the only one to diagnose her with it. her therapist years ago said something about it, and so did my stepdad during that phase where he's leaving but not quite gone yet. so it's me AND actualy certified therapists saying she has BPD.

the codependency is more my own wandering through the world of psychology.

oh, yes, i was messed up. i embrace the selfishness of human nature, so i took complete care of myself before i even began to care about her psychological state. i was a pretty messed up kid..attractive, skilled, smart, but still extremely lacking in the self-confidence department, as well as with social skills.

i worked on all those and did some self-help stuff. only because i have taken care of myself psychologically do i feel i have the right to judge her. i would not do something like that if i felt i was in err also. sorta a case of "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone," but used slightly more loosely. i wouldn't throw stones or point fingers until i could not have them thrown right back at me. besides, how would that look in therapy? a psycholigically unstable kid accusing his psychologically unstable mother. not good.

the mere fact that i am able to manage myself, my grades, and a would be social life in addition to attempting to handle her proves that i am responsible. however, she refuses to see that, and in her eyes, the only way for me to learn responsibility and the value of a dollar is to get a job. at the wendy's. or publics. three miles away. and i would have to bike there down a road with a speed limit 45 mph where people go 55 or 60 commonly (i know i did). and there are no sidewalks. just a speedy suburbian backroad. and all that for $5.45/hour, tops. when she makes six digits/year. i understand completely the value of a dollar. i get 10 bucks/week for lunch, and that's all the money i ever see. but that's her only solution to a problem i supposedly have.

okay, time for a new paragraph...that one was bugging me. i am refusing to get a job that i'm going to have to ride three miles each way to get to to make a crappy salary that we don't need. i mean, if we were unable to stay financially solvent without my getting a job, then i would definitely get one. but it's not necessary. but that's what she did and she walked a half mile to her job every day to sweep dunkin' donuts so that's the way that must be right. gr.

she just hates therapists, and she won't let me go because it costs money, and all of a sudden she's acting like that's scarce (and it's not, i keep up with EVERYTHING that goes on here, with her none the wiser.) and she also refuses to drive me to a therapist, which is an issue central to all of this. she's really lazy.

i'm not so sure i trust my genetics any further than my physical appearance. my screwed up mental perception of the world was a result of my upbringing, but i'd like to pass of my intelligence and resourcefullness and everything else good about me as Providence. yeah, she's relatively smart. she'll catch me in the wrong once every two or three months, which is saying a lot, because NO ONE else can at all. but it's still very rare. and also, i am in the right more often than not and she refuses to see it, simply because she is older, pays the bills, and owns the house, so she must be right.

"Find ways to really surprise your mother; throw her off balance, make her consider looking at you in a new way - and not as an opponent."

love the idea. need some suggestions tho. sounds great in theory, but can i implement it?

thanks for everything. i did not expect a response that long, and i feel a little guilty for a hastily pecked message that i typed in the 5 minutes i could sneak on eliciting it. makes me glad i entered that chat that random day. (link)
I'm sorry I never got to answer this; to be honest, it was fairly intimidating, and probably beyond me.

I'm leaving Advicenators, so if you want to reach me for some reason, please email me at pmaranci@gmail.com. Good luck!


My Boyfriend tells me I'm not coming onto him strong enough and says that I need to put my hand on him when he's "hard on." I hardly know what that means...and i dont know what to do when my hand is there. What do i do when he gets like that and I put my hand on him? (link)
If you don't know, you're almost certainly not ready to get that sexually active. And your boyfriend shouldn't be giving you orders about that sort of thing, anyway. You're not his slave, or a robot!

Please take my advice: don't ever let ANYONE make you do something that you're uncomfortable with. And if you're not sure what's going on, STOP.

Believe me, you'll lead a lot happier life if you do. Good luck!


Is it true that the only difference between Christianity and Judaism is that Christians believe that Jesus was the messiah and Jews don't believe the messiah has come yet? (link)
That's a major difference - perhaps THE major difference - but there are many other differences, too. For example, Jews practice circumcision as a religious ritual, and Christians don't. You may find it interesting to know that for Muslims circumcision is also a religious ritual, by the way.

Jews keep kosher, Christians don't.

Other differences include confession (for Catholics), the ritual of transubstantiation, most religious holidays, the Sabbath - for Jews Saturday is the day of rest, for most Christian sects it's Sunday - and I could go on and on. Christianity is derived from Judaism, but the relationship is complicated and generally not close.

The Torah of Judaism is basically the Old Testament of the Christian Bible. Jews do not recognize the New Testament, of course.

It's also important to note that there are many different sects of Christianity, and several different types of Judaism, too! These are all different from each other in different ways.

Wikipedia is a good place to start learning. Start with these links for more information:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judaism_and_Christianity

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christianity_and_world_religions#Relationship_with_Judaism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparative_religion


OK, I am a little interested in this guy. Yes, we are both married, but, I am not saying I want to build a relationship or anything like that. I am just curious. We talk a lot when we're altogether, he picks on me, makes sexual comments sometimes and I always catch him staring at me. Does he like me or is it just "friendly flirting?"
Also, what are other signs guys give off when they like you. Thanx in advance. I rate 5's for real answers. (link)
"Does he like me or is it just 'friendly flirting'?"

Yes.

That is, what makes you think that there's a difference? Either way, he's interested. Guys do NOT make sexual comments and stare when they're not interested in a woman.

But I have to tell you, my danger sense is tingling. Because unless you have an open marriage, it sounds like you might end up risking a REAL relationship - your marriage - for a quick thrill. And believe me, once you're done, you won't think it was worth it.

Unless, of course, your marriage is already on the rocks. If that's the case though, you really should end it - or, if there's hope, you and your husband should consider counseling.

Sorry to be so preachy, but from where I'm sitting you're heading for a crash. Please think very carefully about how it would feel to end up divorced, and how it would feel to know that you hurt not only your husband, but the wife of that other man, too.


Lately, I cant get my husband in the mood… and I was wondering if there is anyway I can get my husband to get in the mood. What can I do?? What can I say where can I touch.. Its really bothering me.. I'm good-looking but lately he’s just tired and I don’t know how to get him “in the mood” (link)
Just a thought, but not every man is run by his penis. You may get good results if you make an extra effort to show him affection and kindness. Give him a back rub, or a foot rub. That can often be very sensual.

Or think of some other sort of treat for him, something you know will make him happy.

But try not to make him feel that you're just waiting for sex. It's not true that all men are ready for sex all the time, no matter what; sometimes it helps a lot to make a man feel loved.

Sex and love aren't two separate things, or shouldn't be - at least not when you're married.

You might also try a new perfume, or experimenting in different ways. And if none of THAT works...consider a counselor. Going too long without sex can definitely hurt your relationship.

And of course it's very frustrating. :D

Good luck!


I'm taking my dog to get put down on Friday. She has cancer and is really sick. I've had her for 10 years and it's going to be really devastating. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Has anyone else had a pet put down, how did you get over it? What's it going to feel like, no one close to me has ever died before! (link)
It hurts, a lot, and the only thing that really helps is time.

You'll probably find yourself crying, and feeling as if your heart is going to burst. Then you'll be okay for a little while, only to feel your heart break all over again. In the weeks and months to come, you'll be surprised again and again by fits of sudden sadness and tears.

Those fits of sadness will come more and more rarely as time passes, and will become milder, too. They may never disappear altogether, but they'll become easier to bear.

I'm sorry; it will be terribly painful, particularly at first. But there's no easy way to cope with death.

All you can do right now is make the best of the brief time you have left with your dog.

Afterwords, if you have friends or family who are supportive, let them support you - and in turn, try to support anyone else who also loved your dog.

In the end, you'll always have your memories. That may not seem like much, right now, but good memories can be precious. You may, if you feel up to it, want to make some notes of special memories you have of your dog.

Some ignorant people may suggest that you get a new dog right away. They don't realize how insensitive they're being; they mean well, so try not to get angry at them.

At the same time, in a few months - it might even take a year - try to be open to the idea of accepting a new pet into your life. Not as a replacement for your friend, but as a new companion. Some people feel that a new pet somehow takes away from your love for your old one, but that's simply not true.

Right now, though, it's much too early to think about anything like that.

I'm sorry for the loss you're about to go through. I wish you a peaceful parting.


what is a recipe for chocolate chip cookies from scratch?? include everything please. (link)
Here's the standard Toll House cookie recipe:

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks, 1/2 pound) butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated [white] sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 eggs
2 cups (12-ounce package) NESTLE TOLL HOUSE Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
1 cup chopped nuts

COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla in large mixer bowl. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition; gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels and nuts. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

BAKE in preheated 375-degree [Fahrenheit] oven for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

PAN COOKIE VARIATION: PREPARE dough as above. Spread into greased 15"x10" jelly-roll pan. Bake in preheated 375-degree [Fahrenheit] oven for 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Cool in pan on wire rack.

- - -

SECRET: If you've read this far, I'll tell you a good variation that I discovered. Add one package of dry vanilla instant pudding mix to the powdered ingredients before you mix them in. The cookies will be moister and better-tasting.

You can use a different flavor of instant pudding mix, and you'll change the cookies completely. Sometimes the result can be really good. I added a package of chocolate devil's food pudding mix to the recipe once, and got great devil's food chocolate-chocolate chip cookies!


of course there's the whole bird flu situation going on, but i was wondering, how do you actually get it? i mean, right now you can basically only get it from birds, unless it morphs, but what would you have to do to actually get it from a bird??

thanks!! (link)
What would you have to do to actually get it from a bird?

Kiss the bird.

Sorry; I couldn't resist. :D

Seriously, here's the information you're looking for:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transmission_and_infection_of_H5N1

Basically you can get it from the bodily secretions of an infected bird. The big concern, however, is if the virus mutates into a form that can be transmitted directly from human to human, particularly if it's a respiratory form - that is, if a sneeze or cough can effectively transmit the virus without direct contact.

In 1918 a flu pandemic infected one out of five people worldwide, and killed 1 out of ever 20 to 40 people in the world - that's a two-and-a-half to five percent mortality rate. The total number of people killed is estimated to be between 50-100 MILLION.

If you'd like to learn more about the 1918 pandemic, you can start here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_flu

There's no need to fear birds particularly, unless you live in an area that has already had cases of avian flu. I wouldn't cuddle any wild birds, but that's not the big danger. The real danger - a mutated form of the virus - is, unfortunately, something that you have no control over.

Good personal health and hygiene ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Influenza_pandemic#Personal_health_and_hygiene ) can help you avoid or minimize the effects of the flu.

Frequent, correct hand-washing or use of hand sanitizer is probably your single most important defense: http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/op/handwashing.htm

Try not to worry too much; it doesn't help.


i want to make a website (domain, not one of those freewebs or whatever.) i dont have a credit card, im 14, but i have a paypal account. so i was wondering, does anybody know any domain names where you can pay through paypal? thanks (link)
Godaddy accepts PayPal.

http://help.godaddy.com/article.php?article_id=10&topic_id=&&isc=goox2001bh

I imagine that many others do, too.

Good luck, and have fun!


i am planning to get a car soon. most likely used because it will be my first car and i want one that doesnt use a lot of gas any advice?? gas in california is 3.08 right now (link)
A Honda or a Toyota would be my first choice, although Volkswagen makes some awfully nice cars. I assume that a hybrid is out of the question, although I read recently that some cheap new ones (10 - 11k) would be available in the next year or so.

At this point a used hybrid would be a gamble at best. You'd be getting an early model, and the odds are that the bugs hadn't yet been fully worked out of the design when it was made.

Personally I've found http://www.cars.com/ and http://www.autotrader.com/ to be particularly useful when researching used cars. They list gas mileage and other information.

Something else to consider is reliability. If you get a car that needs a lot of repairs, or is expensive to repair, that can add a lot to the ultimate cost.

You also need to think hard about what size car you want. Two doors, or four? Hatchback, or sedan? Generally a smaller car will get better gas mileage (although you should always check to be sure), but a two-door can be a lot less convenient than a four-door.

One other thing: for good gas mileage you pretty much have to stick to 4-cylinder engines, of course.

Now, some more general advice about used cars:

It's important to sit in the car and take a few minutes to get a feel for it. How's your visibility? Check the mirrors and look all around. Is the steering wheel at a comfortable height, and if not, is it adjustable? How much leg room do you have? How does it all *feel*?

Check the doors. Some cars have very long doors, which can be a pain when you're parked next to other cars; it's hard not to bump them with your door when you're getting out, and these days that can often set off a car alarm. Embarrassing.

Check for rust and body damage. Always. You'll have a mechanic do that as well (I'll talk about that later), but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't use your own eyes, too.

Think about the sort of things you'll use the car for. Will you be driving friends or family around much? How many? Will there ever be children in the car? If so, will the car take a child's seat or booster seat easily? Some do, some don't. Do you plan to move large objects? If so, trunk size is important, as is whether or not the back seat(s) fold down.

Financing: most used car dealers will offer financing for your used car purchase. And they'll try to make it easy for you; they don't want to lose the sale by presenting you with a lot of complicated paperwork! But that doesn't mean they'll care if you don't get the best interest rate, either.

So go to your bank or credit union, and see what sort of used-car loans they have. Write those interest rates down and bring them with you when you shop. Even if you decide to go with the dealership's finance company, you may be able to use that information to leverage down the rate. And every little bit lower on interest helps.

I don't know how much you're planning to spend, but this will probably be the biggest purchase you've ever made so far, so it's important to be really, really smart about it. Which means, RESEARCH. Look up the cars you're considering. Check out what price they're selling for elsewhere. Read reviews of that specific year of the car, and see where their weak points are.

When you start to narrow your search to a specific car, look up that vehicle (by VIN, Vehicle Identification Number) to make sure that it has never been in an accident. You'll pay a few bucks for the report, but it's VITAL. There are a lot of cars out there that have been in fairly serious accidents. Body shops can make those cars look good. But those cars are almost *certain* to have serious problems soon, because there's no way to undo the damage throughout the car.

You can look up a car's history at http://www.carfax.com/ . There are other services that do the same thing.

You should know that the warranties offered by used car dealerships usually aren't worth much. They're generally only good for 30-60 days, and almost everything is exempted in the fine print (the same is true of any extended warranty that they may try to sell you - those are usually huge ripoffs).

But once in a while you'll find a car - a USED car - which is still under the original manufacturer's warranty. If you find one, take a good hard look - because it's potentially a great find. I found one a while back that had over a year left on the warranty, and we were able to get several problems taken care of for free. It saved us a couple of thousand bucks, easily.

You should also find out as much as you can about the dealerships you shop at. They're not all the same; some really screw their customers, others provide good service. At the very least, you should Google the dealership's name and check out the top ten or twenty entries. You might also want to look them up on Google Groups and Google News.

Have your mechanic (or a mechanic you trust; ask your friends and family, if you don't know one) check out any car that you're thinking about buying. They'll charge you a few bucks for the service, but they should be able to spot potential lemons. It's definitely worth the money.

Good luck, and drive safely!


hi,
i am a male and 21 years old.a year ago i used to masturbate more(probably 35 times a month).gradually i decreased the count.now its hardly 5-7 times a month.since three months i ve been experiencing an acute pain in my stomach after masturbating and i am feeling tired too.i am afraid if something is going wong with me.does masturbation harm one???please let me know why this is happening and if there could be any problems later....
thank you (link)
No, it's not harmful, unless you do it so much (or so roughly) that you give yourself friction burns.

Check out this site for more info: http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation.htm

However, unexplained pain is something that you might want to discuss with your doctor, if it's severe or keeps coming back over a long time (weeks, say).

Since you describe your pain as acute and it's been happening for three months, I'd say you should call your doctor.


ok, i heard that if a guy didnt jack off than his sperm would die in his balls, like alittle bit of his sperm cells would die, and if they dont jack off than its a less chance of them getting a girl preggy. is this true? also, is that what "blue balls" is? like the guys blody makes new sperm cells and still has old cells and thats what makes there balls blue? so is jackin off a "have to do" with a guy? (link)
Basically none of the things that you heard are true. Watch out; there are a lot of stupid myths about how and how not to get pregnant.

Here's a site with some solid facts:

http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation.htm

Not masturbating won't damage you or kill you, but it might increase your general stress and frustration level. Either way, try not to worry about it.

As for "blue balls", here's some info:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_balls


ok, if you read the back of a mountain dew bottle it says like alot of stuff about what its made of, and one of the things its made of is yellow 5, now i heard that yellow 5 kills sperm cells. but i also heard alot of other stuff that is suppoust to kill sperm cells that wasnt ture but i heard this is really really ture. so does yellow 5 kill sperm cells and makes it a less chance to get a girl preggy? (link)
It's clearly derived from an urban legend.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/potables/mountaindew.asp

So drinking Mountain Dew will not reduce the chances of pregnancy in any measurable way, unless it rots your teeth so much that you can't get a date. :D

But perhaps you're asking if douching with Mountain Dew would reduce the odds of pregnancy? That would be a really bad idea for many reasons. It would be MUCH smarter to use real birth control.

If you're female, talk to your OB/GYN about birth control options. If you're male, get some condoms and learn how to use them correctly. That's not a bad idea if you're a girl, either, because condoms are the only birth control method that protects from STDs - except for abstinence, of course.

And if you're underage, I strongly urge you to WAIT. Not because it's "better" to wait, but because until your body and brain have really matured, early sex is likely to be both disappointing and cause serious damage to your sexuality for the rest of your life.

Not to mention the chance of pregnancy, which is often a disaster for teens.


im doing areport for school and i need songs about sucide anyone know any?? (link)
"What A Way To End It All" by Deaf School. The most cheerful suicide song I know, partly because of the ukulele. :D

It's really hard to find, though.


What does it mean when you poop blood? Like seriously the whole toliet was filled with blood. (link)
YoungGrandma always gives great advice, but in this case I'd be more panicky than she is, I guess. A noticable amount of blood in your feces means that it's time to call your doctor as soon as possible, in my book. It's definitely a sign that something's not right, and you need to have it checked out by a professional.

Good luck!


I just moved from a mostly liberal area to a prodominately right wing area. As you may guess I am very very liberal. Can anyone give me some tips on how to deal. Thx & promise to rate. (link)
I wish I had some helpful suggestions, but mostly all I can do is offer my sympathy.

That said...I'd imagine that the few other liberal people in the area would probably really like to meet YOU, too. So maybe Meetup would be one way to look for them? Not to mention your local Democratic Party headquarters, assuming that there is one.

Heck, you might want to volunteer to work at the HQ. They'd probably be really grateful, and who knows where that might lead?

Another possibility: you didn't mention your faith, if any, but Unitarian Universalists tend to be liberal and progressive. You might look for a local UU church. Just a thought.

Good luck, and stay strong!


(Just to keep you informed, during the last few weeks I've discovered an ugly truth, which is that she was infatuated with another)


This is a situation that involved four people and we are all mutual friends. Two guys (including me) and two girls. For about a year and 2 months I've cultivated a genuine interest in this woman. All the while the other guy was talking to her as well. Later down the line, this guy started talking to another girl which was a friend of mine and the girl. The girl and the guy met up to talk about the feelings that this guy had for her, yet the woman did not want to start something right away with him, so she asked him to keep trying. The guy falsified his commitment to her and kept talking to both of the girls. A few months later both girls started to talk about the guy and soon his game was found out, so they brought him in for questioning and he declared that his feelings for the 1st girl had perished and that he had liked the 2nd girl and so now they are together as a couple. So all the while I've been doing my thing with the 1st girl, the week before they talkd to the guy i had left her roses, hinting that I had feelings for her. If I had knew all that happened I would have not done that, because i can understand the she would be somewhat in distress from the previuos dilema.
Since all three met and talked(the guy and two girls) on April 9th, me and the 1st girl have not spoken at all since. The 1st girl is aware of my feelings for her, but I have not officially declared them to her, so the big question is SHOULD I GIVE HER SOME TIME or go ahead and tell her how I feel?
(link)
To start with, there are two things that I should tell you for future reference:

1. From your question, it sounds as if you might have asked me a question before. Just FYI, when you ask a question only L2s and L3s can know who you are or what questions you've asked before. I'm an L1, so I don't know which question(s) you may have already asked me; I've answered 651 questions, so I hope you understand that I'm not sure which of those might have been yours. :D

2. I hate to tell you this, but I had to make a copy of your question and insert fake names throughout, just in order to make sense of it. "this girl" and "1st girl" and that sort of thing made everything really confusing. So I called the first girl (the one you like) "Jane", the other guy "Bob", and the second girl "Angela". That made it a lot easier to understand the situation.

It sounds as if both Jane and Angela were interested, or potentially interested, in Bob. That leaves you the odd man out, which is a painful position to be in. That Bob then chose Angela over Jane makes it likely that Jane's feelings are hurt. So you're potentially looking at a rebound situation. And you're probably aware that those usually don't work out well.

If you're sure that Jane is aware of your feelings (and that, for example, she doesn't think that the roses came from Bob)...and she hasn't said anything to you yet...then I see one of two possibilities: either she's just not interested in you (in which case you have my sympathy, and a recommendation to move on), or else she's simply not ready, emotionally, to cope with your interest or a romantic situation.

The latter possibility is more likely if she was also interested in Bob, of course.

Either way, my gut feeling is that it would be wise to give her a bit of time and space. A few weeks, perhaps. Then, if you haven't been given any sign that she's not interested, you might gently make your feelings clear.

Now that I think of it, I went through a similar situation back in college. The girl I was interested in eventually decided to date me...but the ending wasn't a happy one. She met another guy and left me on Valentine's Day.

Thirteen years later I met my wife-to-be, and now we're married and have a wonderful little boy, so in the long run there WAS a happy ending. But at the time, I pretty much suffered the agonies of the damned.

I don't mean to bore you with my personal story, but I did want you to know that I do have some experience with this sort of thing - friendships and romance.

To be brutally honest, my gut feeling is that this is not going to work out for you. I hope I'm wrong. But if I'm not, please remember to keep yourself as busy as possible. It's the best cure for heartbreak (or if that's too extreme a word for your situation, perhaps "heartbruise" would be better) that I know of.

Good luck!


iam 18 yrs old.male. my problem is that i need around 10 hrs of sleep everyday.and sometimes even more than that.and ive heard that people of my age shoul not sleep for more than 7-8 hrs a day.ive tried doing that but then im not able to stop myself from having a nap in the afternoon. please advice on how to decrease "10-12" hrs to "7-8" hrs of sleep. (link)
Everyone is different. It's not that unusual to need ten hours of sleep. And frankly, if you try to short-change your body of the sleep that it needs, you'll pay a price for it.

In other words, your body is smarter (about its own needs, anyway) than you are. Listen to it.




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