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I am no longer giving advice on Advicenators, and have requested that my account be deleted.

I am now giving advice on Askville as ->Peter

If you're looking for good advice here, I suggest you ask YoungGrandma. She's the best.

I don't expect to be checking in on this site again, so if you want to ask me something, see you on Askville!

Good luck!
Website: The Diary of An Invisble Man
E-mail: pmaranci@gmail.com
Gender: Male
Location: Rhode Island, USA
Occupation: Network Analyst
Member Since: July 22, 2005
Answers: 659
Last Update: May 14, 2006
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My friend (we will call her "A") A is one of two people who know about my rape(s) she is my best friend in the whole world and i love her to death! and yesturday i was walking to the bus with a and we were "making fun" of this guys (we will call him "B") B because he follows everyone then his friend ("M"-who im cool with) M came up and started talking. then hes like "B get out of the way Sam is going to rape me. and i got really offended because i hate it when people joke about that. then (B rides my bus) on the bus B was like, "sam dont rape me bla bla bla" and i was like, "Shut the F**K up this isnt somthing you joke about people actuauly get rapped" and he kept laughing and i kept swearing and it made me so mad then my friend A called me and i told her the story (she goes out a different way then me so she didnt hear anything) and she was like "well sam if you dont want people to know that you were rapped then dont attract attention to yourself" that made me so mad, she is supposed to understand but she didnt so i hung up on her...did i over-react?

**PLEASE HELP IM SOO SORRY ITS LONG** (link)
Many people don't understand what it's like to be raped until it happens to them. They don't take it seriously. Sometimes they get nervous because they don't know how to deal with it, and they say stupid or inappropriate things.

Something very similar happened to me, so I do know how it feels. I almost lost my best friend for good over the issue.

You did NOT over-react. But if you aren't getting counseling and treatment to deal with your experience, you should. It will help you to cope with this sort of thing.

If you ARE getting treatment, then talk to your counselor about all this.

Incidentally, your reaction, while perfectly understandable, does show that you're still in a lot of pain; that's a clear sign that you DO need help.

Here's the number of the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1(800)656-HOPE. They're open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They're confidential and free. They will NOT make you talk to the police or do anything else that you don't want to do.

Good luck!


i'm 17/f and i've been raped 3 times and not by the same person- once when i was 8 then 12 and now, 17.
i have never had a boyfriend,not being big headed or anything but i'm not the kind of girl that is avoided by guys. i have some greate friendships with guys. but my big problem is now i'm afraid of getting close to guys. i'm scared of hugs and stuff but i get realy scared when they kiss me goodbuy (on the cheek). i'm also terrified of people coming up behind me and scaring me- i cry everytime it happens. but the worst thing is that the last rape tipped everything over- it happened three months ago and i've been to the doc and everything's fine. but i've started to get used to being raped. i feel like the only way i'm going to have a relationship is if someone forces me to. will i ever get over this fear? pluss ontop of that everyone at school found out that i had been raped- i told one person-the wrong person-now everyone is makeing fun of me because they think it's a lie. everytime someone talkes to me they always bring it up. and me being the person i am hides everything-i've become good at it- no one knows that it's taring me up inside. what do i do? will i ever get over my fear and get a boyfriend?will i ever be able to show my face again at school? (link)
No one should have to go through the things that you've experienced, and I'm sorry that it happened to you.

But you need to get help. Professional help. If you don't, it's quite possible that you'll feel WORSE over time, rather than better.

Here's the number of the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1(800)656-HOPE. They're open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They're confidential and free. They will NOT make you talk to the police or do anything else that you don't want to do.

As I've said before, rape is more serious than a broken bone; it's closer to a heart attack. You'd go to a doctor or a hospital for a broken bone, wouldn't you?

You didn't deserve to be raped. No one does. But you also don't deserve to go through the aftermath without support and help. Professional treatment can help you come through this and recover.

You will be able to live without fear, to find love and happiness. But you need to make the call and start the healing process. I realize that it can be embarrassing and scary, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself, and for your future.

Please don't wait.


i'm wicca and i'm gonna have a baby and well i was wondering if it's wrong if i make my baby learn and follow through with the wicca relligon i really want her/him to belive in what i belive in and i think of it as like the christans and how they make them belive in the whole jesus christ bible stuff no offence to any people who belive in that relligon so is it wrong? plez help (link)
No, it's not wrong.

Throughout history, people have brought their children up in their own cultural and religious traditions. Why should you be any different?

Of course, it can be taken too far. If you overdo it, you could easily get a backlash. Human beings tend to resist when something is forced down their throats. So you'll have to manage a balancing act, of sorts; to raise your child in the wicca tradition and faith without being heavy-handed.

And it would be smart to take the cultural situation into account. Assuming that you're in the United States (which I suspect is the case, from your writing style), you have to recognize that you'll be bringing up your baby in a minority religion that most practitioners of the majority religion at best don't understand and at worst despise. That may lead to difficulties for your child. But of course it's no reason not to raise him or her in the faith that is the truth, as you see it.

Just be ready to cope with any potential difficulties, that's all.

It's also possible that your child may choose another faith when they get older, but that's a risk that every parent takes.

I'm in a similar situation, as an atheist; I'm doing my best to raise my son without religious belief. That in itself isn't difficult, but unfortunately well-meaning people keep foisting their own religious mythology on him. Which leads to endless questions and explanations.

Please note that ALL of what I've just written is based on my own understanding, and that I have never practiced wicca nor studied it much. I've emailed some pagan friends of mine and asked for their thoughts on the subject; if/when I hear from them, I'll pass their remarks along by editing my answer here.

FOLLOW-UP: A very knowledgeable pagan friend of mine tells me the following:

"Wicca is a specific neo-pagan religion, and has about a dozen or more sub-sects within it.

Generally about half of those sects are appropriate to teach a child in or have children involved in the faith directly, while the others it is inappropriate to have children in most rituals because of the cultural taboos of our society (things like use of communal alcohol, group nudity, etc.)

Without details beyond the use of the general term it's hard to say more."

If anyone is wondering, I got permission to quote that; my friend prefers to stay anonymous.

Good luck!


Well me and certain boy went out like last summer and we have always had an on and off thing for the past year. Me n him are talking again but I wanna tell him I don't wanna be there just as a girl he can come back to everytime. How can I tell him this politely but still be his friend? (link)
"I don't want to be there just as a girl you can come back to every time. But I still want to be your friend."

Sometimes, the easiest thing to do is just say what you're thinking.


After resigning, is an employee entitled to unavalied LTC on the ground that it is adding to CTC. (link)
You'll get more answers if you explain what LTC and CTC are, I think. As it is, your question is very cryptic. And cryptic questions usually get ignored.

Although this question is in the computers section, I suspect that it refers to some sort of unemployment compensation or health insurance.

If that's the case, you'll probably need to look up information that's applicable to your specific country and/or location, since laws vary widely. Google would be the best place to start.

Good luck!


I was wondering if you could offer me any advice on this topic. I've been married for 3 weeks (been together for a year and a 1/2) At the beginning of our relationship we had sex all the time sometimes 2 & 3 times a day now it's like once every couple days. My husband thinks he is suffering from erictile disfunction. 80% of the time when we do have sex it goes soft 2 or 3 times! He has went to the doctors on base about it (He's a marine) and they won't subscribe him any medicine to help him they say it's all in his head or stress. His work life is the usual stress that any person with a job has and his home life couldnt be any better to my understanding. I've told him I dont care about his problem (I do but I just want him to know that sex or no sex I aint going no where) but he says it destroys him because he feels like he cant even perform like a MAN. And he re-assures me all the time that I'm beatiful and that i'm not the reason that he can't get it up. Do you think that if he went to a off-base doctor they would actually help him? or do you know of any websites that you can get something that will help you? Thanx bunches!~ (link)
I can only imagine how frustrating this problem must be for both you and your husband. You have my sympathy.

Here's the wikipedia entry on erectile dysfunction. It's a good first source for information.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erectile_dysfunction

I have no experience with the military medical system, so I can't give you an authoritative answer. However, in my experience with civilian doctors, I have certainly seen many cases in which doctors failed to treat a serious problem with appropriate concern.

My limited information is that the military medical system is underfunded and presently under great strain, so it wouldn't surprise me at all if your husband wasn't getting adequate treatment for his problem.

Of course, it's important for me to remind you that I'm NOT a doctor.

If I were in his shoes, though, I'd see the best civilian doctor that I could find. It might be expensive, but what's more important than your happiness, and his?

My understanding is that he'd need to see a urologist first, and then, if no physical cause could be found, he'd probably be referred to a therapist of some kind. I don't know what role (if any) ED drugs might play in his treatment, of course.

It would be a very bad idea for him to simply self-medicate, however. If there's a physical cause to his ED, treating it with drugs will not change the basic problem - for all I know, it might make it worse. And if the cause is psychological, the same objection applies. The best solution, for both of you, is to find out what the problem is and take steps to deal with it, once and for all.

He might want to approach the issue as a military problem, in a way: first, you need to know what the problem is. That takes intelligence. Which would be a diagnosis from one or more doctors, in this case.

Then, you need to know what your options are. Based on that information, choose the best course of action: a recommended course of treatment, be it medical, therapy, or a combination of the two.

Finally, get the right people and equipment, and take action. In other words, he needs to follow through, stick with the treatment, and solve the problem.

Embarrassment is a common reaction to ED, but if he views the embarrassment itself as nothing more than another obstacle to be overcome, perhaps that will make it easier for him.

Good luck to both of you!


I've been in a serious relationship with "Drake" for almost 3 years, 2 1/2 of which we've lived together. My problem is simple, I'm just afraid there's no simple answer. I'm not physically attracted to him anymore. I never thought I was a shallow person until now. I can't help it. I know as a relationship gets older, some of the passion dies and thats normal. I know once you have what you want you don't so much want it anymore and that thats human nature. But I mean, I won't let him touch me, much less have sex with me. He turns me off rather than on. Its been going on for months now. Its really very sad, because while he complains about not getting any, he doesn't know whats really going on. I've told him its more of a medical condition (which isn't a complete lie) to spare his feelings. Sometimes I think he's going to push the issue, and I get prepared to tell him the truth, but then he drops it, like he knows there's a problem and he wants to avoid it. I try to encourage him to lose weight or change other things that gross me out about his appearance and sometimes I piss him off. I try to be sensitive, I'm not perfect either, but we can't go on like this. He and I are sexual people, he thinks he's being deprived and so do I. He's a good man with a big heart and a great sense of humor and I feel safe and secure with him. I just can't get hot for him. Does that mean the love I had for him has changed into a different kind of love? Or does it mean I'm a superficial bitch? We've been through so much, I'm terrified of hurting him, of losing him. He'd be mortified if he knew I felt this way. How can I talk to him about this? I feel like our relationship is at stake... (link)
This is an awfully tough situation to be in, and you both have my sympathy.

First off, I have to tell you: stop beating yourself up. If you don't feel it any more, you don't feel it. What is gone, is gone.

Now the question is, can you get those feelings back? And do you want to try? Only you know the answer.

So it's time to think long and hard. If you think you want to give this relationship a chance, then your next step is couples counseling - because you need to find a way to be able to tell him how you feel, so that HE can decide if you're worth making some changes for. Right now, you two simply aren't communicating very well, and ultimately that can be as damaging to a relationship as a lack of physical attraction.

On the other hand, if you decide that he's not worth it, or that there's no real hope that you'll ever feel attracted to him again, then you owe it to yourself and to him to end it.

The wild card in all this is the medical condition that you mentioned. Since you didn't give any details, I don't know how to factor it in to your situation. Certainly there are some medications that can affect libido and attraction. Likewise, there are medical conditions that can have a serious impact on your feelings and sexuality. If you haven't discussed all this with your doctor(s), you certainly should.

In any case, please remember that this does NOT mean that you're a bad or shallow person; your feelings are what they are, and that's just how it is. None of us are robots, and sometimes love or attraction just...disappears.

It's sad, but that's how it is.


Ok, In all the pictures I take, my skin appears red underneath my eye. like directly underneath it. Could this be becuase of my eye color? I have blue/grey eyes. Thank you (link)
No, that happens to pretty much everybody sometimes, although grey and blue-eyed people (and children) are more likely to experience it. It's caused by flash photography. Here's a link with detailed information:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red-eye_effect

Addition: Assuming that the picture is taken with a digital camera, all modern camera software comes with red-eye reduction/elimination. If for some reason it's not available in the camera itself, or in the computer software that came with the camera, you can get the same effect from almost any graphics program. You should be able to find out what you need from the help file for whatever graphics or photo software you have.


I hate serious relationships/having a boyfriend. I'm just not a big fan of the whole 'love' thing at this point in my life. I like flirting & I like having fun. There's this one guy who's great and I wouldn't mind having fun with him (in a clean way). He wants a relationship with me. How do I go about telling him that I really do like him but for now, I don't want him to expect me to change soon & want him to be my boyfriend. (link)
Just tell him.

That might sound flippant, but honestly, this is one of those times when it just makes sense to TALK. Tell him exactly what you've said here; you expressed it very well in your question. That's all there is to it!

And good for you, by the way. You know what you want, and you're not afraid to say so. It's a very good thing indeed that you're not giving in to the pressure to have a boyfriend right now; there are a lot of girls who would have caved in, and ended up misterable.

You've got a great head on your shoulders. If you can stay that sensible for the rest of your life, I think you'll do really well.


im 16 f and i want to know how u masterbate i know this is embarrising but i really want to know. (link)
Well, as an older man I'm not the world's biggest expert on this subject, but YoungGrandma tells me that http://coolnurse.com/masturbation.htm is the place to go for this sort of information.

And I never argue with YoungGrandma. She's too good at advice. :D


ok. so ive been with this guy who lives in california for 2 years. and i live in tx. anyways we're really in love. the thing is i sent him a fake picture. i know it was wrong and the guilt is killing me. so i dont need it from anyone else.but i was wondering how i can break up with him..its not as easy as i thought it would be. im in love with him..i cant just end things, but it needs to be done..any advice?
thanks. (link)
Tell him the truth. And then tell him you'll understand if he wants to break up with you. But don't break up with him pre-emptively; at the least, you owe him the truth.

And who knows? He might actually like the REAL you BETTER! Stranger things have happened!

And even if he doesn't, and he leaves you, at least you gave your love a chance, and tried to atone for the mistake you made.

No matter what happens, please take a lesson from this: honesty really is the best policy, not just because it's ethically better, but because when you get caught, you get hurt - and you usually hurt other people, too.

I wish you the best of luck.


(f/17)k so lots of people think this is weird, but i am a lesbian and still want to have my OWN children. i am in the most amazing relationship, we are very open and honest and she clearly said she wants kids, but doesnt want to be pregnant, but she thinks it is a beautiful thing to watch(see the belly growing,etc)and we have lots of plans for the future, we even picked a name for a boy, DAMIEN and the thing i have to ask is...
how would i get pregnant without a man?
ive heard about INVITRO-FERTILIZATION..but how does that work??
thanks
(link)
You might be thinking of in vitro fertilization, but that's actually not what you want to do. In in vitro fertilization (which literally means "fertilization in glass"), an egg is extracted from a woman and combined with sperm in a test tube; the fertilized egg(s) are then re-implanted back into the mother, or a host-mother.

The process is VERY expensive and physically wearing; the egg-extraction process isn't easy, from what I've heard.

Instead, you probably just want artificial insemination. The technique is very old; it was first used on a human in the 1460s (that's not a typo), and we've used it with animals for even longer than that. Sperm from a donor (a male donor, of course) is placed inside a female's uterus or cervix. Things progress naturally from there.

This link has more information.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_insemination

It's not uncommon, and shouldn't be at all painful (or not much more painful than ordinary heterosexual intercourse, which I realize you may not have experienced). Sperm can be a bit expensive, depending on what characteristics you require in a donor. I don't know if it still exists, but there used to be a bank of sperm from Nobel Prize winners. That was quite expensive, I imagine.

Of course, some lesbians simply put up with hetero intercourse with a sympathetic (and healthy) male friend, suffering for the sake of a baby, but it sounds as if you don't want to do that. It's the cheapest method, though. Of course it would be wise to consult a lawyer beforehand and draw up some sort of legal agreement with the donor, relinquishing parental rights and responsibilities or whatever seems appropriate.

In any case, I have to tell you: babies are WONDERFUL. My life wasn't complete until I had one. :D

Good luck!


i have freckles and i hate them. is the anyway to like decrease the color of them to make them less visible besides trying the cover them with makeup? (link)
Avoid the sun.

Sorry, but there's really no other option apart from that or make-up. I'm a redhead myself (or used to be, back when I had hair), and freckles are part of the fair-skinned package for most people. It's genetic.

While it's a good idea to stay out of the sun anyway, or at least use a lot of sunblock (freckles are produced by the same conditions that cause tanning), may I also suggest that you try to appreciate your freckles? They can be awfully cute. My little boy has quite a few freckles, so I know. :D

Seriously, you'll lead a happier life if you can appreciate yourself for what you are, rather than trying to match some impossible social standard of beauty. And honestly, people who accept and are happy with their looks - no matter WHAT their looks are - are seen as more attractive by others.

Really.


what do i do about this teacher he looks down my shirt all the time everyone see's him doing it i can't change the way i dress cause i wear v neckes and thats i i like but i'll wear i jacket in his class and when i bend down to pick up my pencil he looks what do i do help me plez (link)
Talk to a school counselor. They should have some idea of what to do.

You might also want to see if you can move your seat to the back of the classroom.

That said, I have to tell you that when I was mistreated by a teacher in high school, it did NOT work out well for me. The coach picked me up off the ground by my hair - he literally held me in the air by my hair - and when I complained to the principal, I found out that he and the coach were good friends, and he "couldn't believe his good friend would do such a thing, so you must have been mistaken".

I think things are a little more enlightened now, and since this is potentially a sexual harassment case it's likely that they'll take you seriously. But be careful.

Still, you definitely don't have to take this. It's creepy.

Good luck!



ok so this is part of a im that me and my bf had:

cutisammy:i think we should take somee timee off..
jeffinthe313:nope.
cutisammy:wut do you mean no? you cant just say no
jeffinthe313:i mean if we break up i will kill mi self so no
cutisammy:umm..sorry that you feel that way but uhh i really think we should have a break
jeffinthe313:bitch if you break up with me ill kill u then me..so dont fuckin think twice!
jeffinthe313:r you still breakin up wit me?
cutisammy:i g2g


woah. he like flipped out on me and he never did that before..i dunno what to do and im not goin to the po po (unless i really have to so please dont say that i should!)

ill rate 5s for anything!!

mucho love

oh yeah and my sn is CutiSammy and his is Jeffinthe313..lol just so you know! (link)
The same thing happened to two friends of mine in college. The whole thing turned into an enormous mess. I'll spare you the story (it's really long), but she ended up dumping him, and he ended up in a psychiatric facility for a year or so.

Just so you know, death threats are NOT part of a normal relationship. Neither are suicide threats.

What I'm trying to tell you is, he's crossed the line. And this isn't about you, particularly; it sounds as if he has a serious problem.

I don't know if he's likely to kill you or himself, but that he SAID he would means that he needs help, right away. I don't know what the "po po" is (police, maybe?), but you should talk to his parents, or a school counselor, or a teacher that you trust...some responsible adult.

Yes, he may find out. And yes, he may "hate" you for it. But this is honestly a no-win situation that he has put you in. And if he DOES get violent...well, you're really going to need adult help.

Good luck.


Hey man, thanx for your help. Now this is the thing,incase I havent made it clear already - I absolutly have no technical ability at all, and suck with computers. So would you just help me once more?

Alright, assuming your answer to that question was "yes" I'll go on. I got to his page;

http://h10025.www1.hp.com/ewfrf/wc/product?lc=en&cc=us&docname=bpu04090&dlc=en&dest_page=product&product=90764

..and chose Software & Driver downloads, the Microsoft Windows XP, and then I klicked on HP Full Solution Software Driver, and downloaded that. But appearently, that's not all you need to download since that wouldnt work. So what else is it that I need to download and from where? (include details please, I'm pretty dumb when it comes to these things)

Thank you ALOT for all your help and taking time to explain.

(link)
I'm sorry, but I can't install the software myself (it's not allowed here at work). Did you follow the instructions from the website? They seem pretty clear:

Instructions for Installation

1. Download the web package to your desktop.

2. If you have already installed the software for this device and you are either upgrading or re-installing you will need to disconnect the USB cable from your all-in-one, turn the device off, and then uninstall the software. The previous installation can be removed by running the Uninstall Software program via the START\Programs\Hewlett-Packard menu or via Add/Remove Programs in the Windows control panel. Please reboot your PC when prompted.

3. After uninstalling the previous software double click the web package and follow the on screen instructions. Do not plug in the USB cable until you reach the Setup Your Device Now screen. After you plug in the USB cable press the ON button on the front panel to turn your all-in-one on.

4. After the HP Product Registration window appears you will need to reboot the PC and then delete the web package from your desktop and the temp files located in c:\temp\HP All-in-One Series Web Release.

That should really do the job.


I need your help, desperately.
I know you're not a psycolgist, but you seem to know what you're talking about, most of the time.

My problem is..well, myself. I get way to obsessed with guys. As soon as I've realized that I've fallen for a guy, I'll do anything..no, correction, EVERYTHING to get him. I'll hack his computer and his friends, just to learn more about him. I'll get to know his parents, friends..everyone who's close to him. I'll be all over his exes to learn from them, and sometimes even try to be exactly like them for him to fall in love with me. I'll reda a million books on how to seduce a guy, hot get a guy, and how to keep a guy. I'll find out his zodiac and read all about it and its desires to try to understand him and BE what he wants me to be. I think I'm crazy, seriously, Im scaring myself. But I don't know what to do. And it doesn't end there, my last crush recently said "Beyonce is the hottest girl ever!" so I did everything to become her, I went tanning once a week, didn't eat at all to become as skinny as her, find out how she does her makeup, got a wig so my hair would be like hers.. And then I realized "what if it's not her looks he's into?" so i started going to church, because she's a christian, I started taking singing lessons, since she's a singer..everything!! And I'm not the type to hurt anyone, or stalk him or anything..but I don't want to be the obssesed type either, the one who lives for one boy and then dies inside when he doesn't like her. What can I do???? And please dont suggest proffesional help, its out of the question. (link)
Another tough one.

To tell you the truth, the behavior you've described sounds borderline, at best. What I mean is, the issue as you've described it DOES sound like something that requires professional help, or at least a professional evaluation.

I know you don't want to hear that, but it's my best assessment of what you've described.

That said, it does sound as if you may be suffering from low self esteem. You seem to feel that you, in yourself, are somehow not lovable or desirable. And so you try to change yourself into someone else.

Obviously you realize that that's not good for you.

So, keeping in mind that I recommend that you get a professional evaluation, you COULD try to also build up your self-esteem. Which means getting involved in your own, non-boy-related activities.

Which probably means figuring out what sort of non-boy-related activities you like. Because it sounds as if you haven't really had time to even learn what your own interests are.

So take some time to experiment. Do things on your own. Read more. Take some evening courses. Volunteer someplace. Get some life experience that's not tied to love and romance.

It sounds as if, in a way, you lost yourself; even that you've never really found yourself to begin with. That's no way to live. So I think your goal should be to find yourself.

What do you like? What do you love? What makes you laugh, or cry, when there isn't a boy on your mind?

Go find out.

Good luck!


This may seem like an odd question but i need advice. How shall i put this. well, to me a normal guy would have a straight penis. Well mine when hard seems to take on the banana affect. it veers to the left. not real bad but a definite curve. Will this hinder my sexual performance. I mean im shy to have sex knowing my penis is curved. is this normal. (link)
It's normal.


i watched some porn on my comp. i was a lil curious about some things... and now its permanately on my address bar and Idk how to get it off.
how do i delete it off my address bar memory for good?
ILL RATE REALLY WELL. (link)
Is the address just showing up in the drop-down list of the address bar? Or is it actually on the title bar of Internet Explorer?

For example, in the second case this window would have the following title, or something like it:

Advicenators: Questions You've Asked - [Porn Site URL]

If it's just an entry in your history, no problem - just follow the other advice you've received here. But if the porn URL is on your TITLE bar...then I'm afraid that all of the advice that you've gotten so far is wrong. I've been through this, and I know.

So if it's on the title bar, the site you viewed used an IE exploit to hijack your registry. Your system is seriously compromised.

Here's the story of when this happened to me, and how I dealt with it: http://www.maranci.net/chatter053.htm

Scroll down that page a little to read "A Shock To The System".

To sum it up, the situation is dangerous. You can try to install a series of security programs, but there's no way of knowing if they will work. I'll give you a list of programs and instructions below.

HOWEVER: if they don't work, you're in real trouble. You'll need to have the system professionally cleaned, or else get a really competent friend who KNOWS what they're doing to clean out your registry.

Just to be really clear:

Messing with the registry without knowing what you're doing is like doing brain surgery on your Windows installation, blindfolded. YOU COULD EASILY LOSE EVERYTHING - all files, all data, everything. Gone.

I just looked up a freeware registry cleaner. I don't know if it's any good, or if it will work on this problem, but if you get desperate, well, it might be better than going in and messing with the registry yourself.

http://www.pctools.com/registry-mechanic/offer.php?ref=google_registry

That said, here are some security programs that you should use. They may or may not help, but they're worth trying. And they would probably have stopped this from happening in the first place, if they'd been installed and updated before you went on that site.

Download and install these programs (they're all free).

The latest version of Ad-aware from Lavasoft - http://www.lavasoftusa.com/software/adaware/

Spybot-Search & Destroy - http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/index.html

SpywareBlaster - http://www.javacoolsoftware.com/spywareblaster.html

And if you don't have an antivirus program that is being updated DAILY, you might want to uninstall your old antivirus program (assuming you have one) and install AntiVir - http://www.free-av.com/

Once you've installed those programs, update each one of them immediately - they make it pretty easy and obvious. You need to get them *fully* up to date. Then run a full system scan with each program, starting with your antivirus (or AntiVir). Oh, you won't be able to scan with SpywareBlaster; it doesn't have a scan option, it just blocks spyware.

Additional steps: you need to update Windows. This whole problem probably happened because you're using an out-of-date version. So update it like this:

1. You must be connected to the internet.

2. Click on "Start".

3. Assuming that you have Windows XP, click on "Help and Support".

4. Under "Pick A Task", click on "Windows Update".

If you don't have XP, try Start > Help and search for "Windows Update".

Once you've done all of this stuff, go into Internet Explorer and under Internet Tools clear out your history. Go to your Start button and make sure that you've cleaned the porn URLS from the Startup menu. Then close your system down, wait a minute, and re-start it.

It might work, it might not.

You can protect yourself in the future by being extra careful when you're online. NEVER open an email attachment unless you not only know who it's from, but are EXPECTING it. Be very careful when visiting lyric or porn sites - those are the most likely to infect your system.

Make sure to keep all of your protective software updated at *least* weekly, if not twice a week. And scan every time you update, and after every download.

Good luck!


Ive been raped before and everytime im with a guy i get flashbacks. its been about 10 years since this has happened but im still scared its gonna happen again. how can i get over the feeling? (link)
Professional therapy and treatment.

I'm sorry if that sounds flippant; I don't mean it that way. Believe me, I DO know what you're going through.

Rape is about as serious a mental trauma as you can experience, barring the death of a child. It's MORE serious than a broken bone. It can destroy your life, if you let it.

I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but what you've described sounds like it could very well be post-traumatic stress disorder, by the way.

There ARE ways to treat PTSD. Waiting for it to go away is NOT one of the treatments, however. You need help from a professional, the same as if you'd had a heart attack.

Don't live your life in fear and pain. Don't let the man who hurt you take the rest of your life away, too.

Here's the number of the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1(800)656-HOPE. They're open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They're confidential and free. They will NOT make you talk to the police or do anything else that you don't want to do. And they'll help you take the first step in getting your life back, and the ability to love without fear.

I'm so sorry that you were raped. I wish you a swift recovery.




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