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I am no longer giving advice on Advicenators, and have requested that my account be deleted.

I am now giving advice on Askville as ->Peter

If you're looking for good advice here, I suggest you ask YoungGrandma. She's the best.

I don't expect to be checking in on this site again, so if you want to ask me something, see you on Askville!

Good luck!
Website: The Diary of An Invisble Man
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Ok, so this is really gross but I've had diarreah (sp?) for a week and about 2 days now. And also, on Friday I've had really bad nausea (sp?) and I don't know. Bad nausea and diarreah.. what is this? I'm really worried about it though. Please answer. (link)
We're not doctors, so no one here can give you a good answer. It could be many things; a stomach bug, IBS...I'm sure there are lots of possibilities.

In any case, nine days of diarrhea is definitely something that you should talk to your doctor about. Don't wait!

Oh, and make sure to drink plenty of water. You're running a real risk of dehydration.

Good luck!

Hello I don't know if this is the right place to ask this question but i find my boyfriends body a little weird and wanted to see if this is rare or if it happens in some men.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. We can only have sex one time a night as my boyfriend says it takes 24 hours for his sperm to build up again. I have been with other guys and this has never been the case with them. If he tries to do it again before the 24 hours and he does come it takes ages and then he feels ill for the rest of theday. Could there be somethng the matter with him and should he get medical advice? (link)
I've never heard the 24-hour thing before; it's certainly not true for all men, or even most of them.

It wouldn't be a bad idea for him to talk to his doctor, but don't nag him about it or force him to - that definitely WON'T improve your sex life. Once a night is still pretty good, and it would be a pity to ruin what you've got by asking for more.

Still, if you can raise the suggestion that he should talk to his doctor without upsetting him, it might be worth a try.

If you're feeling unsatisfied, you might want to bring up the idea of extended foreplay with him, too.

I'm 18/f. Please don't answer this if you're younger than me... you couldn't possibly have gone through what I am if you're 13... no offense.

I've been in psychoanalysis since I was 10 years old. They THINK I have bipolar disorder, but the psychiatrist told me they can't conclusively know or medicate me until I'm 21-22.

I'm in university right now, and I'm in danger of failing out because of my mental issues... I tried to tell this to the doctor, but she doesn't want to do anything. I'm worried that if I continue at this rate I'm going to fail at university, and at life, and that there won't be a me in 3-4 years to help anymore.

I have suicide hotline numbers, and I have really supportive friends... but everything is so hard, and the doctors are being useless...

Is there anybody here who has been through something similar, and who can offer a few words of advice? I'm dying here, and my exams are coming up.

Thank you for reading this VERY long question.

--Amanda (link)
I'm not bipolar, but a member of my family is. So I've lived with it, and have some idea of what it's like.

I agree with ncblondie; I've never before heard that it's necessary to wait to have a diagnosis made. I'm not a doctor, but that really sounds suspicious to me.

I don't know what country you're in, but if you're in the US healthcare system, I have to tell you that there are times when you may have to fight to get the treatment that you need.

I suspect you're in the UK, from your language, but some of this may still apply.

From personal experience, I can tell you that all too often behavioral health insurance companies will attempt to fob you with with a "treat & street". In our case, they didn't even get a correct diagnosis; they said it was depression, and prescribed antidepressants. Each time there was a crisis, they simply upped the dose, until it actually caused medical problems. We finally had to go out of network and pay out of pocket to get competent care.

That made all the difference in the world. Once the diagnosis was made, and proper treatment was started (including, in our case, a mood stabilizer), it was like night and day. Things still aren't perfect, but they're 100 times better than before.

Sorry to have gone on for so long. What I'm trying to say is that there IS hope, and that your condition can and will be treated. But if your doctors are falling short, you may need to push things. Check around. If you know anyone who knows a good psychiatrist, they may be able to recommend a specialist in bipolar. In my experience, the best psychiatrists generally practice in the wealthiest towns and cities; it's sad, but true.

If you have to go out of network, do; it's worth anything to get your *self* back. You may want to look into health advocates in your area; since I don't know what country or state you're in, I can't dig up any specific recommendation. But in the US, there are advocates who will help you negotiate the difficulties of your health insurance, and (perhaps) help you to file an appeal to have your out-of-network expenses covered or reimbursed.

In any case, I can say this with certainty: if your doctor isn't responding to the very serious issue you have raised, she or he should no longer be your doctor. You need to find someone new who will respond. And there ARE good doctors out there. You may have to work to find the right one, but it's worth it.

I wish you the best of luck.

okay i was wondering, can you add minutes to your cingular plan without getting a whole new plan, like buying minutes?? if possible, how much would that cost??

thanks!!! (link)
It probably depends on your particular plan. But the best place to get the answer to that would be from Cingular customer service. Dial 611 from your cell phone.

Hey im lookin for a new mmorpg game thats fun. u kno somthin like runescape. i already tried google and that stuff. also i tried gunz online, seems boring. so would be helpful to tell me a great game.

thx. i'll rate 5s!!! (link)
Does it need to be free?

As far as I know, there are no other free MMORPGs other than RuneScape.

I've heard great things about Guild Wars, and you don't have to pay a monthly fee to play on line, but the game costs $50. Still, it looks really cool.

I'm 5'8, 158 pounds, 15 years old, not active at all.

On this coming monday, im starting a diet which will hopefully help me lose 1 or 2 pounds a week, but I need to know if it will work. Here is my daily plan:

Breakfast: Honey bunches of oats cereal, 1% Milk
Lunch: Fruit salad, water
Supper: Anything my mom makes (healthy)

I will also be running on the treadmill for about 20 minutes at 4m/h. I've sort of been using the calorie-counting method.

Anyways, will I lose weight with this, or is it a waste of time? What can I change?
There's one important point: When you're exercising, you need to work out for at least thirty minutes STRAIGHT. Sorry to disagree with SC, but breaking it up into ten-minute sessions won't help you anywhere near as much.

If you can do a cardio exercise for at least 30 minutes straight (and more is better), you'll boost your metabolism rate for the next 24-48 hours. Your body will burn fat at a higher rate, even when you're sleeping. And you'll have more energy.

Ten-minute sessions won't affect your metabolic rate.

It would be a good idea to try other cardio exercises too, just to give yourself some variety and to keep your body from getting into a rut. Consider different kinds of cross-ramp machines (some have arm levers, too), jogging, swimming, rowing machines, and biking. As long as you can keep it up at a brisk pace for 30 minutes, they'll help. And you need to do that at least three times a week.

Weight training will help you too. You can use weight machines, or free weights; you'll probably be more comfortable with machines. You don't need to build up huge muscles, so don't lift the very heaviest weights that you can stand; don't hurt yourself.

But if you put in some good effort, you'll find that by developing and toning your muscles, you'll also be burning more fat. Your weight might go up a little, temporarily, because muscle weighs more than fat. But you'll shrink, and your new muscles will actually burn the fat in your body.

4 miles per hour on the treadmill isn't bad, but if your machine has a heart rate detector, you might want to give that a try a few times; it will help you find out if you're in the "zone".

About food: if you always eat the same thing, your body eventually adapts and makes it harder to lose weight. So vary your diet.

You might also want to take a multi-vitamin. And, of course, drink plenty of water.

Good luck!


When it comes to diet - that is, the best foods to eat for weight loss - start with the food pyramid:

As for proteins, they are primarily found in meat, dairy, eggs, and nuts. A more detailed list can be found here:

Any vegetable should be fine, likewise most fruits . Well, technically if you go absolutely crazy and eat insane amounts of the worst fruits, you could harm yourself - but veggies and (to a lesser extent) fruits are great for snacking. Dips can be risky; you need to know what's in them, and how many calories (and calories from fats) they have.

Cheese tends to be high in fat, so go easy on that. I believe that low-fat cottage cheese isn't too bad for you, though.

One thing I forgot to mention: avoid diet drinks. They're really not good for you. You'll be best off if you drink water. For variety, try squeezing a slice of lemon or lime into a glass of ice water . It's incredibly refreshing, and (of course) much cheaper than soda.

Calorie-counting is great. It sounds like you're really starting this off intelligently. Keep with it, and you should see the results you hope for!

Oh, and if you DO fall off the wagon, don't let that stop you. Make sure to start right in on your program again.

I've heard that the best way to lose weight is to determine what your normal calorie intake should be to maintain your weight, and then to take about 10-20% off of that - since you're young, let's say 10%. Here's a site that lets you calculate your maintenance calories:

Good luck!

Hey guys! Need your help. I have to keep rebooting my computer cuz it keeps hanging. I'm so tired of doing it every time it hangs! Is there anything else I can do?
tnx!:) (link)
You really need to provide a lot more information.

What version of Windows do you have installed?
What type of computer is it?
What are you doing when it hangs?
Does it give you a message, or does it just freeze?
Does Ctrl-Alt-Delete work to reboot? Or do you have to physically hit the switch?
What sort of security software do you have installed?
When did you last update Windows and Internet Explorer?
Do you use IE, or some other browser?

Generally, if you have Windows XP a good first step would be to update it by going to Start and choosing "Windows Update". Most earlier versions of Windows can be updated, too.

But without more information, no one is going to be able to answer your question. It's like going to a doctor and saying "Doc, I keep passing out." That alone isn't enough to allow a diagnosis.

I know that when a girl first has sex, it [usually] hurts. So, are there any cons for the boys when they first have sex? Do any disadvantages come with it (pain, etc.)

thnx (link)
It can be uncomfortable if the boy is unusually large and/or the girl is unusually tight. But that's rare.

If the boy is uncircumsized and has a tight foreskin (i.e. phimosis) and there's insufficient lubrication (natural or artificial), there can be some discomfort, or even pain. But in all but the rarest cases, extra lubrication should solve the problem.

what makes you think that? (link)
Think what? I'm sorry, but I'm only a level 1 moderator, so I don't know who you are or what questions you've asked. And I've answered 580 questions, including quite a few in the past week, so I'm going to need a hint. :D

I need your help. I have been going out with this guy for five months now. He is a very nice person, he treats me well, and we have fun together.

The main problem is recently he lied to me. We were supposed to meet, but he did not appear. He claimed he was carjacked. He has keys to my house, so he went and took money and pretended the carjackers did it.

I want to forgive him but I'm not sure what to do. He asked for forgiveness and promised that this incident will never be repeated. Can I trust him again?

but i raelly luv him and i dont know what to do :(:( (link)
If he lied about something, I could understand finding a way to forgive him.

But robbing your house? I can't understand why you'd ever forgive that.


No, you can't trust him again. Nice people might lie to their girlfriends (under exceptional circumstances), but they DON'T rob their girlfriends.

i like this guy at work and we talk a little bit here and there, but i find he talks to the other girls more then me. The other day he scared me by grabbing my waist and laughing. He's never done that before to me or anyone else. What can that have ment? Thanx in advance, this guy really confuzes me, because he always looks at me for a long time likes hes lost and when i ask what? he says something random, like i didn't know you were working today. lol, just any advice on this guy would help thanks (link)
It sounds as if he may have a crush on you.

I am a 14 year old guy...

...I realized I liked my best friend for the 3rd time around Valentine's Day. So, I told her that I liked her, and she said, "No offense, but you need to get over me,". Well, since then, we've barely said a word to each other. My friends have been trying to get her to say something to me, so she did after I gave her a birthday card. I asked her to talk about what had been going on between us, and she said, and I quote,
"Not to be a beyotch, but I just don't feel like talking to you. I don't think we have the connection we used to have,"
After that, I was so upset. I didn't know what do to... I'm still upset, as she now has a boyfriend who is a complete jerk to me. What should I do??? (link)
You're not going to like this, but she's made it really clear that there's no chance for you with her.

So for your own sanity, you need to drop her. Pretend that she's dead, if that makes it easier; yes, I realize that you'll probably be seeing her a lot in school, but still, if you can find some way to amputate her out of your mind as much as possible, you should.

The alternative is to continue to torture yourself. And you don't deserve that, do you?

Delete her from your universe. I know that you'll still think about her; you can't help it. And that's natural. But give her and everyone else no sign at all that she means anything to you.

Get busy. The busier you are, the less you'll hurt. Fill up every minute of the day, and time will do the rest. If you can stay busy enough for long enough, the pain will fade.

Take a long hard look in the mirror and think about it. Do you want to spend the next year or so suffering, bleeding inside over a girl who doesn't even want you?

Or do you want to pull yourself together and do your best to forget that she ever existed?

Either way, I can tell you this: it may take six months. It may take a year. It might even take TWO years (although I really doubt it). But you WILL fall in love again. And with any luck, it will be with a girl who loves you back.

Good luck!

my dog just died today. she got hit by a car. my dad was really close to her. everyone is so upset. i cried, i also felt really bad because when i would get mad at brittany (dog) i would yell at her and tell her i hope she died. but it seems that everyone is more upset then me. is there any way that i can get them to calm down?i know this is tragic but we cant all go crazy. everyone has a time when they died.

love kayla (link)
Time is really the only thing that helps with death. There's no way to cheer people up when they've lost someone or a pet that's precious to them. It's a good idea to be supportive, of course; when people are sad, they tend to react more to things that normally wouldn't annoy them much, like loud music.

Remember that even though some people might not understand it, your father and the rest of your family are going through a mourning period.

Generally, if you're not sure what to say, the best idea is to say nothing.

How do i find out if ive got windows movie maker on my computer? and how can i get ?

does it cost (link)
Click on the Start button.

Select Accessories; if that's not visible, click on the little double downward-pointing arrows at the bottom that that menu. That will expand your program view, so you can see all options.

If you have it (and you probably do, if you have Windows XP), it will be listed under Accessories.

Alternatively, just go to Start, Search, and select "For Files or Folders". Search for "Windows Movie", and it should turn up in a few seconds. Click on the result to launch the program.

I have a problem that doesn't sound like a problem to anyone, which makes it hard to seek advice from anyone I know.

I have really big penis, thickness more than length, and this causes me a lot of problems in my love life. I have hurt some of my partners without meaning to, buying condoms is nigh impossible as they are far too constricting being designed for a slimmer girth, with more 'dainty' partners oral is difficult and other things are simply out of the question.

Some women find it intimidating enough that they won't even sleep with me or we get to that stage and then they back away or don't want to see me any more.

Talking to friends is impossible, most guys think there can't be a problem and talking to female friends about it hasn't gone well with fits of giggles or accusations that I'm boasting somehow.

I've tried lubricant, I've ordered larger size condoms online but they tend to be longer as well as thicker and don't fit right. Is surgery an option?

I'm entering into a much longer term relationship and I want to make sure I'm not imposing on or hurting my partner as much as possible.

Please help, I'm at my wit's end. (link)
This is a tough one.

There's very little information online about penile reduction surgery; so little, in fact, that it's not clear if a reputable, standardized form of the surgery exists. In fact, I'm almost positive that it doesn't, although naturally you should check with your doctor.

There are several sites which are obviously run by quacks, but the last thing you want to do is put your penis in the hands of a quack, of course! Particularly not one with a knife.

I don't know if you've ever had surgery before, but you REALLY don't want to take a chance if you can avoid it. You could end up a lot worse off than you are now.

There is, of course, one kind of penile reduction surgery that's been around for a long time: circumcision. But of course the effect would be minor at best, and if you're already circumcised, that option isn't available to you anyway. Circumcision would certainly cost you some nerve endings and sensation, too.

I should warn you that there are many sleazy operators selling all sorts of penile reduction products online; creams, pills, that sort of thing. NONE OF THEM WORK, and some of them could cause you serious harm.

That said, you already tried some of the other options I thought of.

Lubricant can only help - the more the better. Make sure to apply it to both of you. You might try different types; some kinds may work better than others for you.

Take things slow - the slower the better. That gives your partner a chance to stretch and adapt.

You can find a remarkably broad selection of condoms online.

only search

Some of them even claim to be customized:

They actually have a measuring kit; I imagine it would be expensive, but it's worth a try.

Lastly, if your partner is on top, she'll be able to control the depth of penetration and avoid hurting herself. That might also help her to relax, which should make things easier for both of you.

Over time her body will adapt on a more permanent basis. Good luck!

FOLLOWUP: Condomania does mail order overseas; their number from outside the US is 1-323-930-5330. Of course I cannot guarantee that they ship to your country (I've never been a customer), but it seems quite likely. And of course you can email them directly with a query.

I imagine that a slightly tighter than normal condom (for your size, that is), combined with lubricant, might offer some improvement over the status quo.

The first thing to do, in any case, is speak to your doctor.

Good luck.

Hey I worte you last nite and you really helped me, same situation I guess but a lil more to the story... Dave is my fiancee. We live with another couple, her husband is over there with my fiancee in keywest....Ok, so I'm sittin here at 6:51am the second I opened my eyes I thought about Dave. Rachel tells me this morning that Jacob called her last night at 1:00 or some where around there and he was drunk. He goes on to tell her that Angel, Bruce's wife (I dunno these ppl) came down to see Bruce and brought 3 other girls with her. They all went out to this Club last night. I know Dave was drunk because I talked to him for a few earlier in the night and he told me he was there. He never mentioned these other girls. Anyways Jacob tells her that this girl named Heather and jacob were dancing all night and that her other friend Tiffany who is so hot is a slut and she's like tryin to fuck all the marine's there. This makes me fell even worser about the whole situation. All I want to do is cry. I wish I could have some way of knowing what he did last night before I marrried him. I want to trust him so much, but hearin shit like that dont help me one bit. And everytime he leaves like this something "magically" happens to where his phone dont work but when its time for him to come home his phone is back workin fine. That alone is a huge red flag. He is in the marines and will be deployed at some point. Am i supposed to deal with this same shit for 6 months - 1 year? I dont think I can, this 2 weeks aint no where near over and it has already fucked my head all up. And not hearing from him makes it worser. It's like when he's here im the most important thing in his life but when he goes away "poof" I dont matter anymore. I was up till 2 last night just sittin in my room tryin to fight back tears. I want to have a talk with him when he gets back, I cant now because with him being over there with all his buddies and drinkin' it will only make the situation worser. How do I word everything that I feel without making him think that I dont trust him? I'm hopin because your a man you can help me. Girls only sugarcoat everything and thats not what I need right now. (link)
I need to give this question more thought, so I may revise this later, but it sounds like you need some sort of answer fairly quickly.

It's a bit hard for me to answer this, because I'm about as different from your fiancee as a man can be; I don't really understand drinking and all that, because I never got into it.

So I talked it over with my wife. I hope you don't mind, but she knows more about that sort of thing than I do. And she dated a military man for a long time.

She read both of your questions, and my previous answer. By the way, she never hesitates to tell me if she thinks that I'm wrong; in fact, I think she enjoys it. :D

At first she thought that I'd been too extreme, that your fiancee was probably just showing a natural urge to protect you and himself. Then she read a bit more.

And when she finished, we agreed: there's a serious problem here. Because you don't trust him, and he...well, we don't know for sure what he's doing, but he's giving you some BIG reasons not to trust him. And some huge red flags.

The drinking. The yelling. The lying - because you're right, the magical cell phone bit is an obvious lie. You're not stupid, but he seems to think you'll believe anything. Either that, or he doesn't care enough to make up a believeable lie.

If he's doing all that now, how do you think he'll treat you once you're married and he can take you for granted? How will he behave after he comes back from deployment, possibly with severe stress issues?

I'm sorry to make that last point, because a man shouldn't be penalized for serving his country. I have friends and family in Iraq myself. But all of his other behavior already put him over the line.

He is NOT treating you with respect. And marriage will NOT make him treat you better - he'll almost certainly get worse. You're already in tears. I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life that way.

Perhaps if you talk to him, or write him a letter, he'll decide that you're worth changing for...but since he has already lied to you (even though the phone might be considered a minor thing), how can you trust him?

At the very least, you two need some serious couples counseling before you go through with the wedding. And that's not my wife's opinion; to be honest, we both think that you need to make a very serious decision about your future with him.

From where we are, it doesn't look good. But we wish you the best of luck, whatever your decision.

my mom used to get drunk. a lot. she only admitted to two of the numerous occassions, and then she started to blame sleeping pills for her "acting weird". she said she'd stop buying wine. she did for maybe 2 months, then started again. the thing is I'M the only one who knows shes drunk! my sister always comes up with excuses (shes defensive) and my mom just denies it. today she bought more wine (she was tipsy before she bought it though) and i asked her to not buy it because she said she wouldnt. she did anyway and so i ignored her, and then she got angry and asked whats wrong and i told her and she started saying crap like "stop acting like your better than me. I am the parent, YOU are the child. you are not better than anyone else. i am the parent. you do not check on me. you are the child." how do i get her to STOP?! (link)

Al-Anon/Alateen exists to help people whose lives are affected by someone else's drinking. Check out their site, or call them at 1-888-425-2666 (1-888-4AL-ANON). They can definitely help you.

if your pee is really yellow does that mean you dont have enough to drink, or is it the other way around? (link)
It's usually a sign that you're deydrated. Try to drink more water.

I have been with this girl for 4 months now. We have everything in common. We loved eachother very much. We did everything together. We were soulmates. However, She has seen a pornsite on my computer and has broken down and left me saying we are only seperated. I am not addicted. I normal male like all others whose curiosity got the better of him. I have told her That I got rid of the net. That I promise never to do it again that i want to spend the rest of my life with her. i cried when she left. It has been almost two weeks now. How can I win her back. How can i get her to give us a second chance. I lover her and she was all I had. Please help me. I can't go on without her. (link)
Wow. I can't possibly add anything to what YoungGrandma said. That was perfect.

Good luck.

My husband's parents recently brought up the idea of buying a large piece of property in my town so they, my husband and I, and my brother-in-law and his family can all live together. We will each have our own house on the property so it will be something like a family commune.

I'm against the idea. They tend to be nosy and don't see a problem with dropping in unannounced and expecting to be entertained. There is also the fact that they do not like me and go out of their way to make sure I know that. They have went so far as to tell me that I'm a bad wife and tell my husband he made a mistake marrying me. I have told my husband that if they do move here, I want to move somewhere else. He is also against the idea. He sees their obvious dislike of me and also doesn't like the idea of the loss of privacy. I spoke to my sister-in-law and she said that she and her husband are against the idea as well. She also mentioned that she would want to move if they move here.

My problem is this: no one will tell my in-laws that they don't like the idea. I'm afraid that if no one says something, my in-laws are going to take that as acceptance of their idea and go forward with it. They already have started the search for property. Once they buy the property, we'll all feel obligated to move onto it, even though it's going to make us miserable. My husband and his brother say that they can't stop them if they want to move here. If I or my sister-in-law say something, we run the risk of being accused of keeping them from their sons and grandchildren.

How would you handle a situation like this? (link)
"Once they buy the property, we'll all feel obligated to move onto it..."

No. That's the point that you have to put a stop to things. They can't drag you and your children out of your home.

But if you wait until they've already bought the property, you'll be facing a world of blame and anger. Because they'll be able to say that you KNEW that they were buying the property on the assumption that you and your sibling-in-laws would move in and (presumably) share the costs.

Now, there are a lot of good excuses, depending on what your in-laws already know about you. You could tell them that you're attached to your current house, and would hate to leave. You could tell them that you're locked into your mortgage. Perhaps school districts could be an excuse.

All of those are white lies, of course, but I think they're justifiable.

But if it comes down to it, and there's no other choice, you really need to force your husband and his brother and your sister-in-law to bite the bullet. You all need to get together, agree on a united front, and tell your parents-in-law that much as you love them, you (plural) don't want to give up your current homes. Period.

Depending on how you feel you could tell them that you'd be happy to have them live in the neighborhood; they may decide to do that whether you want them to or not. But you'd be really smart to team up with your husband and his brother and your sister-in-law, and lay down some rules: no visiting without calling first.

Yes, your parents-in-law will bitch and moan. They'll do their best to split their sons off from you and your s-i-l. But if the four of you can stick together, you'll be individually much less hurt than if you simply let this demanding couple run your lives.

Because it won't stop, you know. Once you're living in their commune, they'll insist on setting the rules - all sorts of rules. And they'll push it, and push it, and push it until the whole thing explodes in their faces. It would be a kindness to THEM as well as the rest of you, to nip this situation in the bud now.

Solidarity is the key. All four of you need to be in synch on this, and to refuse to get into any personality or blame games - period. Get together in advance and prepare yourselves. Talk about possible situations, and how you might deal with them.

It's also possible that your parents-in-law may try to somehow get to you through your kids. Give some thought to how you might prepare your children to cope with blandishments from their grandparents.

And make VERY sure that your parents-in-law don't have keys to your house.

Good luck!

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