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I am no longer giving advice on Advicenators, and have requested that my account be deleted.

I am now giving advice on Askville as ->Peter

If you're looking for good advice here, I suggest you ask YoungGrandma. She's the best.

I don't expect to be checking in on this site again, so if you want to ask me something, see you on Askville!

Good luck!
Website: The Diary of An Invisble Man
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Location: Rhode Island, USA
Occupation: Network Analyst
Member Since: July 22, 2005
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I hear all these stories on how people make themselves pass out. Just out of innocent curiousity, how do you do that? Someone told me that you press a part of your body or something? (link)
Seriously, don't do it. It's a really bad idea.

Unconsciousness is nothing like sleep - and yes, I do know what I'm talking about. On TV they often show people being knocked out with a punch, for example. What they DON'T tell you is that if you're hit hard enough to lose consciousness, there's a real chance of noticable permanent brain damage or even death.

So don't do it. russianspy1234, I'm really surprised at you.

I have a A5 size folder but i can't find a holepuncher to has 20 holes...

please help.. (link)
Well, since no one else has answered this, I'll take a swing at it. At least I (unlike most USAns) know what A5 is.

First off, go to Google.

only search

Plenty of solutions there, I see. Heck the first one on the list has an 800 number! 800-341-1620

If the holes are standard size, you *could* get a single-hole puncher (they look a bit like a pair of pliers) and punch the holes manually; you'd need to mark the spots to be punched lightly with a pencil first, of course.

But you didn't mention how much paper you plan to punch. If it's a large volume, it would probably be a good idea to buy an A5 hole puncher, perhaps even an electric one.

Good luck!

okey, so I've been e-mailing back and forth with a crush, and I finally told him how I feel, so I've been waiting nervously to see what he asnwers..and today I found out, I cant!! Someone's hacked into my hotmail and changed all my info. Does anyone know how I can get it back? Or hack into mine just like this person did? I fear if I get hotmail-staff involved they'll take away ALL the emails before I get it back, because they did that last time someone stole my hotmail (an other one) so what do I do? Does anyone know how to hackk? I REALLY NEED TO GET MY HOTMAIL BACK! and like I've saved all his emails, just as a memory, so I dont want to lose those..
Any advice?
Thank you bunches. (link)
You've got my sympathy, because someone hacked my Yahoo account once. I don't know how to re-hack it, but I CAN tell you this:

The only way someone could have hacked your account is if you either gave them your password, or picked such a totally easy password that they were able to guess it (which was my mistake).

So from now on, make sure that you only pick passwords that are good and secure. That means NO words that can be found in the dictionary, not even misspelled ones. No names. No dates. If you're worried about forgetting the password, do something like this: pick a song, something that you know the words to. Don't make it one that everyone knows you like. And then pick the first (or last) letter in each word of the song. Stick a number or two in there, too.

So, let's say you picked "Jingle Bells". You might get something like this:


I did the "2" because "jingle bells" is repeated, and it's always good to stick a number in there; makes it harder to guess. I changed the last "o" (for "Oh what fun it is to ride") to a zero, since otherwise it made the word "two".

Of course you should check to make sure that the new password doesn't accidentally resemble a common word.

As for a new account, I generally recommend Gmail; I have both Yahoo and Gmail, and Gmail is about a thousand times better. You DO need to get an invite, but they're easy to get.

Just make sure never to give your password to ANYONE, and never write it down. Make it hard to guess, and never type it in while someone is watching. Good luck!

am writing a thesis paper on the Federal Theatre Project. I am towards the end, but I just need some advice on my paragraph. Each paragraph is about a different way the Federal Theatre Project bettered American Theatre or helped those involved in it. For instance some paragraphs are that it: employed many people, raised social awareness, brought about black theatre, was good for the audiences...etc. However, some of my paragraphs are VERY long, but I don't know how to brake each topic (like black theatre) into smaller paragraphs. Any ideas? thanks! (link)
It's not that hard to break long paragraphs into shorter ones. There's no rule that each subtopic must consist of one giant self-contained paragraph. Just insert paragraph breaks where they seem to fit. Here, I'll do it with your question. While I'm at it, I'll also correct some other errors:

"I am writing a thesis paper on the Federal Theatre Project. I am nearly done, but I need some advice on my paragraphs.

Each paragraph is about a different way that the Federal Theatre Project bettered American Theatre or helped those involved in it. For instance, the Federal Theatre Project employed many people; raised social awareness; brought about black theatre; was good for audiences...etc.

However, some of my paragraphs are VERY long, and I don't know how to break each topic (such as Black Theatre) into smaller paragraphs. Any ideas? thanks!"

See? Easy! The point is to find points at which the language naturally pauses, and insert a break. It's usually a good idea to try keep paragraphs to no longer than five or six sentences at most. The point is to avoid taxing the reader's eye with line after line of unbroken text.

There's an old rule that a paragraph should be at least three sentences long, but that's not always a good idea. Sometimes, you can get a lot of impact by inserting a short one-sentence paragraph amidst other, longer ones.

Like this.

Just play around with it. This is a learning experience, after all. Have fun!

can anyone tell me what to pursue career in game designing & development. (link)
I assume you mean "how to pursue a career in game designing & development"?

Many colleges and training institutes offer courses and even degrees or certificates in game design. Look up colleges in your area, to start. Check their websites, or call them.

If you know anyone who's already a game designer, you might ask them, too.

And of course there's always Google.

I know this ex-colleague of mine but not really that close to him. I think i have a crush on him but i dont really know if he likes me at all.

He's confident, witty and a workaholic.

However, he gets shy/uncomfortable, when i ask him simple personal questions for eg: Do you go for swimming. I think he has a problem of talking about himself to new people or just not that friendly.

So one day, i gave him some sweets via his secretary (i didnt really know him that well at that time in office) and he was quite startled and stared at me and waited for me to say something when i bumped at him at the doorway.
He had those puppy eyes..but didnt say word!.
I pretended not to appear interested in him becos i was too shy.!

Later, i sent him email and was able to chat with him about work..and he responded quite well except that when i asked him for lunch, he just disappeared and dint reply yes/no.,,which was kind of weird. Cos he could have said no.

I managed to obtain his cellphone and he replies all my sms except the ones on personal questions.

I called him once but he was so weird and acted like a total stranger to me.

So how do i even talk to him tru the phone as a friend, if he's that shy since i dont see him anymore in office?

How do i get him to even talk to me like a normal friend?

Would appreciate your advice.
I've delayed answering this question for too long. Here's why: I hate giving bad news.

Going on what you've written (and that's ALL I have to go on), I must tell you two things:

1. He's not interested in you. He's made that quite clear. I don't know why that is, but from your description there really can't be much doubt.

2. You're really pushing it. Some of the things you've done are tantamount to stalking. If your genders were reversed, it WOULD be stalking, no question. Calling him with personal questions is definitely going over the line.

So you need to pull back. Let him go. You've made your feelings clear; if there's any chance for a relationship (and I don't think that there is), it's time for you to let *him* make some sort of move.

But to be brutally honest, I think you should do your best to put him out of your mind and move on. Take up other activities. Get yourself busy. Volunteer someplace, take a course, take up a new hobby, SOMETHING. If you can occupy your mind and your time, you'll get over him more quickly. And that way you'll be mentally and emotionally available when you find a man who reciprocates your interest.

I hate giving bad news. I've been in too many unreciprocated situations myself, and they're always painful. But the best way to cope with it is to cut the cord and move on. And in time, you WILL find the right person for you.

Good luck!

Ok guys...well you see...I think I might be pregnant....I haven't had my period since like Feb. so I'm pretty sure I am..but my problem is..that I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 19, and I really actually want this baby, because ya know if I was able to lay down and have unprotected sex..then I am able to take care of my baby...but, I'm just afraid that my mom is going to freak out and call the cops on my boyfriend and he is going to get thrown in jail because of the age difference. I'm so confused and I don't want an abortion and my boyfriend (whom I love) to be in, if any one has any is GREATLY appreciated!!!! (link)
In this case it's very important to know which state you're in, assuming that you're in the USA.

In some states, the state attorney general zealously investigates ANY pregnancy involving a minor, and prosecutes the male to the full extent of the law. There have been several major news stories about this topic lately.

In some states your boyfriend may be able to avoid prosecution by marrying you. But your parents would have to consent.

"if I was able to lay down and have unprotected sex..then I am able to take care of my baby..."

I'm sorry, but that's not true. You MIGHT be able to take care of your baby, of course; I don't know you, and I don't know your capabilities. But just being able to have sex and get pregnant doesn't in itself mean that you're mentally or emotionally ready to be a parent.

I worked for a while in several DSS (Department of Social Services) offices, and I can tell you this: there were a LOT of young parents who ended up having their children taken away, because they were totally unfit parents.

Not to be too cruel, but honestly, unless you're one in a million, at 15 you're still a child yourself. That's a simple, physical fact; your body and brain are nowhere NEAR finished maturing. The brain doesn't reach full physical maturity until your early or mid-20s. In other words, parts of your brain are STILL DEVELOPING, and will be for YEARS.

Having said that, you need to find out what the laws are in your state. Google "statutory rape" and your state name, for a start. Talk to your parents; yes, they're going to be upset, but they'll get over it eventually. And right now they're your best source for help.

Good luck!

Dear Old One-You must be getting incredibly fed up with this problem by now, but I'm going to plauge you yet again.
I'll refresh you on the details-me 22, him, 47. So he gets deported back to NYC-(I live in Britain). About a month and a half ago, I emailed him, he didn't reply. I'd given up hope of ever hearing from him again. Then tonight, he calls me, saying to drop him a line. Meantime, I've been reading "The Rules" and other such questionable sources, which say I should wait a few days. Which is fine by me......I could wait forever, I'm not that hung up on him anymore(well, I am a bit but I'm very wary). He says that the last couple of months have been hectic, but he's now back in a job and with a new house. He said nothing more than that, as I had to cut the call off to go and have dinner. What , if anything, should I read into his behaviour? He has never said he loves me, never tried to commit, yet has never quite let me drop either. 90% of me knows that I have my own life here and that's cool, it's what I like. But I would like to explore new horizons, and a visit to NYC would be right up my street(not that he's suggested anything of the sort- as I say, I have no idea what his intentions are). I now know that the relationship with his ex is null and void, so he could be looking around for someone new. We are in many ways well suited, but I don't like the feeling of his always being in control. Just slowly, I have started to take a bit more control of the relationship, which can only be good for both of us.
Basically, Old One, I am asking if you think that old habits die hard, or whether there is for Joe and me potential for growth. He was abused as a child, and has trust issues-also a history of realtionships where he has either inflicted damage or been damaged himself. I suppose it would be stupidly arrogant to suppose that it would be any different with me.......
Sorry , I ramble. Any ideas of yours are as ever much appreciated.
Take care, and I hope all is well with you and your family,
Lucretia xx. (link)
Lucretia, I just wanted to let you know that I am NOT ignoring this question, and I WILL give you an answer. Your questions always take extra thought for me, so it takes me longer.

And I absolutely am NOT tired of hearing about your issue. I'm just glad that you feel my advice is worth asking for.

Oh, heck. Let me start now.

"I am asking if you think that old habits die hard..."

VERY hard. And don't make the mistake of thinking that you're over him, or mostly so. Love is treacherous; it will hit you in the heart like a sledgehammer at the worst time, and you'll find yourself making every mistake that you swore you'd never make again.

Actually, that's not necessarily a bad thing if the person you love...loves you back. But I don't think he does. He sounds like a remarkably charming fellow, but so far everything you've told me about him makes it a virtual certainty that he's simply stringing you along. He doesn't love you. To be brutally honest, at this point I have to wonder if he's CAPABLE of love, apart from self-love.

It must be wonderful for his ego to keep a lovely young woman on a string!

"...or whether there is for Joe and me potential for growth."

Again I must hurt you, and I'm sorry. But the answer is "Almost certainly not." Miracles can happen, I suppose, but it's never wise to count on them. And in this case, even if that one-in-a-million shot happened, I don't think it would be worth the pain you've gone through, and will go through.

He doesn't value you enough, and he doesn't deserve you. Your relationship with him is unbalanced; you love him, but he doesn't love you. For your own self-protection you need to cut him out of your life. Continue your healing process - which, by the way, he's been impeding with continued contacts - and let your heart recover.

There's some lucky young man out there waiting for you, if you can just extract your heart from Joe's grasp.

"He was abused as a child, and has trust issues-also a history of realtionships where he has either inflicted damage or been damaged himself."

It pretty much spells it all out, doesn't it? I'm sorry, because I know how hard this is for you; I HAVE been there, honestly.

But for your own sake, you need to let him go.

Please write or email me whenever you want to.

I caught my husband looking at things he shouldn't be on the internet. He has promised it won't happen again, but I am currently having a hard time trusting him. He knows how to delete his hisory and "cookies." Is there another way to track what he has been looking at? (link)
I assume you're talking about porn.

If so, I have to say that I'm a bit conflicted. I understand that as his wife, you don't want him to be looking at pictures of other women; that's natural. But at the same time, you're fighting basic biology.

If he didn't like to look at pretty women, he would never have noticed YOU, after all!

Just looking doesn't mean that he's going to sleep with other women. In fact, I have to wonder if by forbidding it, you're actually pushing him away from you.

At the same time, I do believe that internet porn can lead to problems for married people. It's not that long a jump to go from online porn to hot chats to webcam porn to outright adultery.

But that progression isn't inevitable.

Right now, I think that your relationship with him is in trouble. You don't trust him - you said so, after all - and you've taken a very hard line with him. And he seems to feel a need for sexual stimulation that he isn't getting from you, for whatever reason.

So I suggest marriage counseling. Not because of the porn - although that's certainly a topic that you two should discuss with a counselor - but because of the loss of trust between the two of you. That's a huge threat to your marriage, and you need to deal with it as soon as possible.

Having said all that, I'll add two last points:

Yes, there are keyboard-tracking programs that will allow you to track your husband's every move on the PC. You could also hire a security company to install a small hidden camera, aimed at the computer. Or you could have him followed around. Any of those options would be a real breach of faith, and frankly, they're out of proportion to his offense. It would be different if you thought he was actually CHEATING on you, but you just think he's looking at porn videos.

This is why you need counseling. That will also help you two to improve your ability to communicate, which your marriage desperately needs. But if you insist on monitoring him (and I'll be very honest with you; if you do that, I think your marriage isn't going to last long), go to Google and search for "keyboard tracking". You'll find plenty of programs, even some free ones.

My other final point: if I'm wrong, and instead of looking at porn he's doing something really disturbed (like child porn, for example), that's a different story. You two will still need counseling, but there would obviously be some more serious decisions for you to make, too.

FOLLOWUP: Feel free to email me directly if you'd like. My address is in my profile.

am a girl who met this man in campus i was 21 and he was 23 in the year 2003. He is a friend to my ex-boyfriend but i still went out with him coz he's a nice man. Aftre he cleared campus he flew out to Britain to do his MBA. Before he left the relationship had many problems. He dint communicate to me, we were always fighting but i would get angry if he did something wrong to me otherwise am a fun loving person who doesnt enjoy fights at aa. Anyway he left for Britain without even telling me, i learnt from a friend. Either way we resolved things and began having a long distance relationship.Things were no different. we fought but we still hang on together coz we both care for each other. One time i called his phone and a gal picked up but i forgave him. Well he finally came back in early March 2006 after being there for two years.hes back but he doesnt want to spend time with me, hes always busy,since he came back i've only seen him once. after waiting for two years am just broken hearted i dont know what to do. (link)
End it. No one deserves to be treated like that.

If you're not #1 in his life, then he's not the man for you. And there ARE men out there who WILL place you first.

Give your heart some time to heal, and then get out there. You'll find the right guy.

In the meantime, keep yourself busy. Volunteer for something. Take a class in something fun. Do whatever you have to do, but keep busy, preferably with other people. It's the best medicine for heartbreak.

Good luck!

would it be safe for a kid to go on the low carb diet? (link)
Any diet is potentially dangerous for a kid, because they're growing so quickly. So it's a good idea (at any age) to talk to your doctor FIRST. She or he will be able to tell you the right, safe thing to do.

Good luck!

What does "friends with benefits" mean (link)
It means a friend that you also have sex with. You're not a couple, you're not dating...but you sleep together once in a while, or at least get each other off somehow.

The majority of columnists here seem to feel that that's not a good idea, and I agree with them. Most sane human beings (particularly women), aren't able to have sex with someone without getting emotionally involved before long. Entanglements are inevitable - one person or the other will start having "feelings" - and someone, or several people, will end up getting seriously hurt.

Perhaps some very mature and stable older people can find ways to carry "FWB" off, but young people (who seem to be doing it a lot these days) really aren't mature enough to handle it.

It's a bad idea.

After having my virginty taken away without willingness, I just wish I could have it back. That one special thing that I wanted to share with a special person. It feels to me as though no guy will treat me special that they will all treat me like a girl with a body but no soul no self.
Every night every day I sit here every one of my friends everyone around me has a special someone that makes them feel happy.
Im afraid that when and if I find a special someone that I will feel Unsafe and un able to feel special when and if we have sex or even when we are kissing. I feel the same thing with every guy that they just want me for sex and not for ME! What can I do, to make myself feel that they dont want me for just that. Or is that really all they want me for?
How can I tell?
please helppp! =/ (link)
I'm so sorry that you were raped. I know how devastating that can be.

There's virginity of the body, and there's virginity of the mind (or heart, if you'd rather). You lost the first, but you haven't lost the second, because that's a matter of love.

Because you've been badly hurt, it would be a VERY good idea to talk to a rape counselor. It doesn't matter if it happened last week, or years ago; you still feel the pain, and the fear, and the shame. So you still need to talk to someone who knows how to help you heal.

Here's the number of the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1(800)656-HOPE. They're open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They're confidential and free. They will NOT make you talk to the police or do anything else that you don't want to do.

Even if you feel that what happened to you wasn't rape - and it's hard to define losing your virginity against your will as anything else - it's clear that you had a traumatic experience. You need help to deal with that.

A professional counselor will be able to help you find a way to feel special again, so that when you meet the right boy, you'll be able to know and feel in your heart that he loves ALL of you, not just your body.

I wish you a quick recovery and a wonderful REAL "first time". Good luck!

Has anyone seen the film 'The Cabinet of Dr Caligari'? I'm trying to write an essy on German Expressionism in film and it's quite hard! thanks (link)
I haven't seen it, but I don't believe that it's considered "obscure"; it's actually one of the better-known films of its time.

The IMDB and Wikipedia are both good places to start looking for information about movies.

What does it mean to be circumsized? (link)
You can read a lot more about circumcision here, on Wikipedia:

Circumcision is a procedure in which the male foreskin is cut off, usually shortly after birth. This is generally done for religious reasons, or because the procedure became popular long ago in the United States and fathers want their son's penises to look like their own - and no, that doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense.

Circumcision is both a Jewish and Muslim religious rite. Among western nations, the United States has more circumcisions than anywhere else in the world. The procedure has fallen out of favor in Europe and most other parts of the world.

Hygiene is NOT a good reason for circumcision. The foreskin is not particularly "dirtier" than other parts of the body, although that's still a common myth in the USA. But the subject is somewhat controversial.

The foreskin contains many nerve endings, and the removal of it changes the sexual experience for the male and his future partner(s).

It's worth noting that all men are born with a foreskin; it's a natural part of the body.

In some third-world countries a procedure is performed on girls that is called "female circumcision". This procedure is generally considered to be mutilation (it is also known as "female genital cutting"). Female circumcision usually involves removal of both the clitoral hood and often the clitoris itself, under the assumption that if the female is unable to feel sexual pleasure, she is less likely to have an affair. These procedures are often done under highly unhygienic circumstances; infection is common, and major permanent mutilation and deaths have been reported.

Some feel that male circumcision is also mutilation.

And that's probably more than you wanted to know! :D

I followed most of the advice given to me by friends and ADVICENATORS columnists regarding this friend of mine. He sort of opened a "pandora's Box." We were friends then he started to give hints that we can be more than that...Thing is, he is starting to avoid me because of that? I felt he owes me an explanation because I'm pretty sure we've gone beyond friendship at this stage...Aloof and cold that's how I describe him nowadays? I'm starting to entertain ideas that he might not be into me really? It's sooo complicated and it hurts so much... (link)
I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain. But I have to tell you that you haven't really asked a question here! What do you want us to tell you?

All I can do is guess.

We don't know your friend personally, so we don't have any way of knowing how he feels about you. There are all sorts of possibilities.

Often the best way to find out how someone feels is to talk to them, of course. But some people, boys in particular, find it hard to communicate. So if talking doesn't work, try email, a phone call, IM, or even an old-fashioned letter.

If none of that works, I'm afraid you'll just have to let it go; you can't force someone to communicate with you against their will. Not without using force, that is, and of course that isn't an option in this case.

So if nothing else works you'll need to let him go. Let HIM decide when, or if, he's going to talk to you. Get yourself busy, so you can't spend too much time thinking about him.

Life goes on, so make sure that *your* life goes on, too. In time, the pain will fade and almost totally disappear.

Good luck!

I lived with my companion for over 20 years. The home we shared for most of that time was purchased for $200,000. The market value is approximately $600,000. The balance on the mortgage is about $155,000. During our time together, he paid the mortgage and utilities. He also took care of the yard. I paid for all the food, cooked the meals, cleaned the house, took care of all our animals as well as paid for their food. We had 2 dogs and now have 4 cats. This is what we had agreed upon and it was how we shared the expenses.

Recently, he passed away suddenly from a heart attack. Without my knowledge, he had a living trust prepared in which he gave everything to his 25-year-old daughter. However, his daughter told me that when her father was preparing the trust, at his request, she had promised him that she would “take care of me.” These were her own words. She said that she would get me set-up in my own place and make sure I was secure with my new surroundings. She promised me “on her father’s grave”, that she would carry out her promise to her father. Whether or not a monetary figure was discussed, I do not know.

Two of our closest friends recently disclosed to me that prior to his death, my companion had told them he was going to change the trust to include me. Unfortunately, this was never done.

My companion was worth over a million dollars in savings, assets, and property.

My companion’s brother told me that his daughter was planning to give me $20,000.

My question—is this amount fair?

If not, what would be a fair amount?

I am a 55 year old female.

My sympathy for your loss.

First, speak to a lawyer. Don't do ANYTHING else before then. What I'm saying is, pick up a phone today and make that call.

I'm not a lawyer, and neither is anyone else here (as far as I know), but I'm pretty sure that 20 years of co-habitation (assuming that there was some sort of physical relationship as well) can have legal implications in common law.

However, you don't want to antagonize your companion's daughter if you don't have to (and if you have to, you DEFINITELY don't want to do it without a lawyer at your side). So don't say anything binding or definite to her or anyone else, apart from a lawyer. At this point all you have to go on is rumor; you don't know for certain what your companion's daughter intends to give you.

And of course I'm sure it would be better to stay on good terms with your friend's daughter, if you can.

But do call a lawyer - a good one, if you know any. If you don't, you might try or to find a lawyer in your area.

Good luck.

How do I pierce my own ears? (link)
I've seen it done, and the result was a bloody mess. You can have it done professionally for almost nothing; in fact, it's often done for free if you pick up a pair of cheap earrings.

im a 21/f and have been married for a year but with him for 7years. how do i ask if another women can come in the bedroom? (link)
Just ask.

But be prepared to listen. And don't expect or pressure him to give you an answer right away.

It may be his biggest dream. It may intimidate him. And he may be surprised to find himself being intimidated by the possible fulfillment of his biggest dream.

Because lots of guys like to fantasize about being with two women, but when it really comes down to's scary. At least for some guys.

Satisfying two woman at one can be a big responsibility for a man!

You'd probably be wise to think about this carefully, and work out some ground rules to avoid jealousy and surprises. For example, how much attention would he be allowed to give the other woman?

If you want to make this work, you need to have really good communication with him about it up front.

Good luck!

what makes you think he likes me? i just don't see how you think he likes me, not that i don't want him to, just any advice of where you thought he liked me would be helpful, thanx. (link)
First, I have to tell you: since I'm only a level 1 moderator, I don't get to see who you are or what questions you've asked before. So I don't know which question you're following up.

Unfortunately I've answered at least two questions in the last couple of weeks that could apply to what you've just asked me.

If my guess is right, though, you asked this question:

In that case, the reason I think he has a crush on you is because the behavior your described is a lot like MY behavior when I had a crush and was face-to-face with the girl I had a crush on.

Either that, or he's high, or a little crazy. But if I had to bet, I'd say he's a little fascinated by you.

If I guessed the wrong question, please let me know the right one and I'll answer again.

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