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I am no longer giving advice on Advicenators, and have requested that my account be deleted.

I am now giving advice on Askville as ->Peter

If you're looking for good advice here, I suggest you ask YoungGrandma. She's the best.

I don't expect to be checking in on this site again, so if you want to ask me something, see you on Askville!

Good luck!
Website: The Diary of An Invisble Man
E-mail: pmaranci@gmail.com
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Location: Rhode Island, USA
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Last Update: May 14, 2006
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Hi, my name is Vanessa. I am 26 years old. My husband and I met in May 2003. only 4 months after having met, I fell pregnant with my little boy. In the early stages of pregnancy, I bled everytime after sex. This put me off sex for the rest of my pregnancy and my partner Jason had to either satisfy himeself or I would have to do an 'obligatory' act to satisfy him. I had absolutley no sexual drive whilst I was pregnant and everytime my partner tried, I rejected him or satisfied him begrudingly. I convinced myself that it was the pregnancy and theat after the birth of the baby, everything would go back to normal.
After my son was born in June 2005, it went from bad to worse. The first time we had sex was on our wedding night 7 months after the birth of our son. Since then (January 06) I have found excuses and ways of avoiding sex. Everytime I do have sex I find myself crying and wishing that it would be over. My husband (like many men I would suppose) is very sexual and now sits up late looking at pornography on the internet.
I feel as though I can not please him and I really don't want to. My son is now 9 months old and the idea of sex still makes me feel a little sick. I have never really been a very sexual person but I used to enjoy it a little bit. Now everytime I cry, feel uncomfortable and wish it were over!!

Is this normal??? Can I get any help?? Is it sex or my husband that I do not want?? Should I suggest my husband get sexual gratification from other woman. I would do anything to take the pressure off of me!

The scary thing is... I really want another baby!!!

Sorry if this is a bit long :) Can you offer any advice?

Thanks so much for your time. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Best wishes

Vanessa :) (link)
From what you've described post-partum depression is possible, but only that - just *possible*, not certain.

I'm not a doctor, but my wife did have severe post-partum depression. So I've studied the condition pretty extensively.

The loss of your sex drive is definitely something to talk to your doctor about. One way or another, it can be treated; you don't have to live your life without enjoying sex. Please call your doctor as soon as possible. There's a good chance that she or he will refer you to a sex therapist who can help you.

As for your husband, I have to tell you that giving him permission to have sex with other women will probably result in divorce for you sooner or later (probably sooner). Sex without emotional attachment is difficult for anyone to achieve. Women tend to become attached more quickly and deeply than men, but it happens to men too. Unless he restricts himself to prostitutes (which is a terrible idea for many reasons, not the least of which is disease), each woman he sleeps with will offer a new threat to your marriage.

Some people have open relationships, of course, but these rarely work out well. It's not worth the risk, particularly when your doctor should be able to help you to enjoy sex again. Or even more than before, since it sounds as if it wasn't all that thrilling for you even before the birth.

Marriage counseling may also be helpful, if you're not sure if you desire your husband any more.

As for internet porn...I'm not against the idea of pornography, but in my opinion there are some distinct dangers associated with heavy use of porn - particularly late at night - for anyone in a committed relationship. The problem is that it's all to easy to step over the line, and get into "hot chats", webcam stuff, and from there into outright adultery. The web is a hothouse for emotional attachment and quick sexual gratification, and that's potentially deadly for a marriage.

I'm not telling you to make him stop; that would be a bad idea, particularly since you're not able to gratify your husband sexually right now. But I AM telling you that it's a warning sign, and that you really shouldn't delay. Call your doctor, and consider calling a marriage counselor.

It will be the first step towards a happier life for all three of you. Good luck!


what is the name for the technology of voice is changed into written document ? (link)
It's called Voice Recognition. That technology is not yet perfected, as far as I know.


how much body fat can you loose in a weeks time?
it is possible to loose 1%?

(link)
It depends on how much fat you have to start with. If you only have a little, you might not have much trouble losing 1% (although a week is pushing it for ANY physical change). But the amount would be so small that you couldn't possibly notice it.

If you have a higher amount (and percentage) of body fat, it would certainly take longer and be harder.

Plus there are other factors involved: your personal metabolism, your gender (boys generally lose weight more easily than girls), and what you're doing to lose weight.

The short answer, though, is that basically it isn't possible to lose 1% of your body fat that quickly. One week isn't enough time to make any real change in your body.

It is possible to lose water weight in that time, of course, but that isn't permanent or meaningful. And if you overdo it, it can be harmful.


Any good way to get gum off of a retainer? I cannot give up gum chewing and usually forget to bring my case to school. At the end of the day it ends up stuck to it, and looks discusting. thanks (link)
There are non-stick chewing gums that are designed for people with dental appliances; Freedent is probably the best-known national brand.

Otherwise, everything I've read says that regular gum can break the wires in your retainer. You can clean it the usual way - toothpaste and cold water - but there's no way to avoid the risk from chewing regular gum.


I am 19 y.o. male and recently I have had this intense pain when i urinate so I got some advice and was told it is probably either ghoneria or clamidia so i got tested and i am waiting for the results.But, i also have a small sore on my penis that looks like a pimple that has been popped. Is it possible to develop a sore on your penis from ghoneria or clamidia? Some of my other symptoms are that when i sqeeze the tip of my penis to about an inch down it hurts when i squeeze it? What do you think? (link)
I'm not a doctor, but what I've read indicates that sores are a common symptom for most STDs. Likewise pain and soreness would not be surprising.

In any case, your doctor is definitely the right person to talk to about this. It's good that you got tested, but the next step - following up with your doctor, or, if you don't have one, with a clinic - is key. Both gonorrhea and chlamydia can cause serious, permanent harm or even death if left untreated.

See your doctor. Don't wait.


ALRIGHT. I can't take this anymore! I've tried every diet you can do & seen a nutrisionist. For awhile I just ate wayy less and lost about 7 pounds (over summer) but I'm pretty sure it's all back now. I honestly don't know how much I weigh because we don't have a scale, but I'm guessing 170-180. And I'm 5'2. Yeah, hah I'm fat. Before I moved to TEXAS (in third grade) I was never fat, I was reeeally skinny actually, less than normal. Then, I guess all the fat asses in Texas had such an influence on me I decided to become one myself!

Kay, no really, what the hell do I do to lose weight. Give me some exercises that will help, or even a plan of meals per day. Please please please, and make sure it works. I'll follow it exactly as long as it truly works. Thanks. (link)
Sigh. I just wrote a huge answer and lost it all somehow. :(

This is a reconstruction, and it will be a lot shorter.

Okay. Start with the food pyramid:

http://www.mypyramid.gov/

I've been told by a nurse (and other people) that it's particularly effective to eat six SMALL meals a day, once every three hours, rather than three larger meals.

Cardiovascular exercise will also help. That means a minimum of 30 minutes (and more is better) of brisk walking, jogging, biking, swimming, that sort of thing. Most gyms and health clubs have a large selection of different kinds of cardio machines. It's not a bad idea to find a few different kinds and vary your routine.

You need to do cardio at least every other day, a minimum of three days a week. More is better, of course.

It helps to listen to music while you do it, and to have someone else to work out with; makes it harder to skip a day.

Cardio will boost your metabolism, making your body burn fat at a higher rate for quite a while after your workout - even when you're sleeping! You'll have more energy, too.

Be sure to stay well hydrated; drink lots of water throughout the day. It will make your workouts more effective, and help you to lose weight.

You can also improve your results by supplementing your routine with mild workouts on weight machines. You don't need to build huge muscles; just tone what you've got. You can do that by lifting lighter amounts of weight for more repetitions. The extra muscle tissue you build will help you to burn fat.

Don't expect instant, magic results. I recommend NOT weighing yourself the first month, except when you first start your program; tracking week-to-week fluctuations won't tell you anything meaningful, and it can make you crazy. Just concentrate on doing the best workouts that you can.

And if you just can't make a healthy diet plus exercise work for you, there IS another option which is less drastic than bariatric (i.e. stomach) surgery. Many hospitals offer medically-monitored liquid weight loss programs. These are NOT like Slim-Fast or Jenny Craig; they're run by doctors, and rip a large amount of fat off of you in a minimum of time (normally three months, I think). There's also an element of risk, which is why you're monitored weekly and given blood tests.

Basically they take you partly or completely off of solid food, and put you on special liquid supplements. You're taught how to exercise and eat right during that time, too. Then at the end of the program you're carefully reintroduced to solid food.

The substantial majority of people in these programs (I've heard 70-80%) successfully keep off half or more of the weight that they lost, permanently.

The down side is that the programs are expensive; hundreds of dollars at least, and some are well over a thousand! And health insurance generally doesn't cover the costs, or not much.

But in some cases your doctor can get health insurance to pay for the cost by opening a special case with your health insurer. If your doctor can persuade them that they'll save money in the long run by dealing with your weight NOW, they may decide to pay for the program.

It's better to go with a healthy diet and exercise, of course. The hospital programs are pretty drastic; nowhere near as drastic as surgery, but still pretty extreme.

Good luck!


Well me and this guy dated for a really long time and he would tell me how much he loved me where always together at school and we would talk on the phone all the time but we barely ever hungout besides at school he always said he would come over then he wouldnt and he wouldnt call to say he wasnt coming over and sometimes he was really mean to me. Well about a month ago i found out that he has a girlfriend that lives in another town and he was going out with her the whole time we were dating. of course i broke it off with him and we stopped talking just recently he started talking to me alot again and he says that he loves me and he is really scared because he thinks that he wont get another chance with me but he is stil going out with that other girl he told me he would break up with her for me and the only reason he went out with her was because he didnt think i wanted to go out with him even tho i really did i still do i care about him so much but i know that he is a player and i dont know if i can trust him. i try so hard not to talk to him and to act like i dont like him but when i see him i cant help but want to talk to him and hug him and just be with him. but i dont know if i should trust him and give him another chance because the other day he told me him and his girlfriend where about to break up and then he told my friend they where doing really great and he says that he loves her but he also says that he loves me more and he flirts with my friends right in front of me We where best friends before we dated and i dont know what to do i miss being close to him as a friend and i miss dating him. I cry all the time because i miss him but i know he isnt worth it but i just cant help caring about him. Sorry this is really long.. (link)
Should you get back with him? Get back with a guy who deliberately cheated on you and lied to you for a really long time?

That's an easy one. No. There are better guys out there, ones that won't cheat and won't lie to you.

This wasn't a mistake he made while he was drunk, or something. He spent a long time lying to you (and probably to the other girl) and cheating on you and her. He proved that you absolutely can't trust him. If you get back with him after all that, he's GUARANTEED to hurt you again.

Don't let him do that to you.


are your wisdom teeth suposed to hurt when they come in? If they do does it eventually stop once they completely come in? See mine are coming in. i Have 2 already and the other two on my right side is just killing me. i see them coming through and there in the same spot as the other ones on the other side. but they just hurt. i dunno why. And to top it off im so affraid of the dentist i just dont tell anyone they hurt. I CANT go there. biggest fear of mine.

any ideas? 5's for good advice (link)
Some people have trouble with their wisdom teeth, and some don't. I still have all of mine.

But as for being afraid of the dentist, I've been there; I have dental phobia too.

I saw a professional to help me deal with that, and he was able to help me make a bit of progress. Later, I learned some other things that also help a lot:

1. Take the appropriate maximum dose of tylenol (as listed on the bottle) 90 minutes before your appointment. That will help dull any pain you might feel.

2. Avoid caffeine (in any form) and sugar on the day of your appointment. But DO eat and drink; drink plenty of water, in particular. Recent studies have shown that this will also decrease your feelings of pain and panic. Unsweetened fruit juice before your appointment will help maintain your blood sugar and keep you calmer. This sounds a little new-agey to me, but it can't hurt, right? And the water thing is supported by research.

3. Go to a dentist who offers nitrous oxide, which is also known as "laughing gas". This should be number one. Nitrous is WONDERFUL when you're scared. It takes almost all of the fear away, and really relaxes you. You'll still be able to think, but magically, your body won't be able to enter panic mode. Everything will seem far away and not scary. I can't praise nitrous enough.

4. Practice relaxation and breathing techniques in the weeks leading up to your appointment. Those are easy to learn, and quite effective. Here's how to start:

A good place to start trying this is in bed, before you go to sleep; it will also help you to GET to sleep, since if you're like me, it can be really hard to sleep when you know you'll be visiting the dentist soon.

Get yourself comfortable.

Take a long, slow breath into your stomach. That's key; you don't want to be using your chest muscles at all. Only your belly should be moving, not your shoulders or chest. Take the breath, and then relax and let it come out of you. Then do two more of those breaths.

You'll be AMAZED at how effective those three relaxing breaths are - you'll feel much calmer right away.

Continue to breathe from your belly, not forcing it; with each breath, remember that you're letting the tension leave your body.

Picture yourself in a perfectly safe, relaxing, quiet place. Visualize it. Think about how it feels, smells, what the temperature is. That place can even be your bed, if you like.

Tense up your toes and feet, hard. Take a breath and as you let it go, relax the tensed muscles and let the tension flow out of you.

Next, do the same things for the calves of your legs. Move up through your body, tensing and relaxing each area in turn. Don't forget your chest, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, face, and scalp!

Once you're done you should be feeling very relaxed and limp. If not, start over. You may also fall asleep during this process, of course; that's fine. In any case, if you practice this every night for a while before your appointment, it should help. You can also try to do it during the day, in other situations. And of course, you'll want to do it in the dentist's office. Fortunately a dental chair is really comfortable.

Don't forget to tell your dentist and the nurse that you're a very nervous patient. They'll understand.

5. Another option, if things get really bad, is to call the dentist's office in advance (several days in advance, at least), tell them you're a nervous patient, and see if they can prescribe a tranquilizer for you, such as Valium. Most dentists can and will do this for you. Or you can contact your primary doctor for the prescription.

I've never had to do that myself, but it IS an option.

Some dentists will also let you come into the office on an earlier day, just so you can look around, perhaps sit in a chair (but NOT have anyone do anything to you) and have a chance to get a little more comfortable with the place. That can help a lot.

In any case, it's important to be able to see the dentist every six months. If you don't, as you know, you'll just be putting things off until they get SO bad that you can't stand it - and in the end, that would be a hundred times scarier than it would be if you have routine preventative work done regularly.

If you want to write and let me know how it goes for you, I'd be interested to hear about it.

Good luck!


G/16.
I am living in a happy family. My father has a very nice personality, he is very loving, caring, calm & cool man. He never gets angry. I like him very very much. He also loves me a lot and take care of mine. I am very much attached with him. During the day many times I kiss & hug him. Since long when I was a child he pats my back and hips in a very gentle and lovely way, when I hug him or come closer. I feel I am addicted to his hand. He never tried to crossed the limit. To be honest I have seen (I know its very bad) him making love with mom and I cant tell you how they enjoy the every moment and how nicely he treats mom in private.
The problem is that I always want to see the same personality attributes in my boy friend, but I never find, break out with the guy. The boys have no such traits. I should realized this fact but I cant. What should I do? I am very upset.
Please advise.

Upset
(link)
There's no one else in the world exactly like your father, of course. And boys tend to be less mature than men.

But there ARE boys who are more sensitive and caring than most. You just need to take it slow, and keep looking. Just a suggestion: that sort of boy is more likely to be shy, a geek, or both. So you may have to work a little to bring him out of his shell.

Having said that, never forget that a boy IS a boy. He'll make mistakes. It's the nature of the beast.

And remember that time is on your side, because those boys are maturing every day. The majority of men don't place a lot of value on kindness and gentleness, because those aren't traits that our culture values in a man, but there ARE some out there and you CAN find them.

Your mother did, and so will you. Good luck.


Hi, for my schools talent show I am reading a poem. I want to read a poem by someone else and of course I will give them their credit. But I want to know other people's opinions of good poems that they know of. I am open to suggestions. If you could supply me with the author and the name of the poem that would be great. But you don't have to worry about giving me the exact poem unless you want to(that would definitely be great but its not a must.) Thanks in advance :) (link)
Peter S. Beagle, "What Is Gone Is Gone". From "The Last Unicorn". Very cool. Also short and easy to remember.

It took some searching, but here's the text:

http://www.planetfurry.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=138554&sid=f5d0559b826fbdd2c37ef40abac5f2ea

I'm also very fond of "Terrence, This is Stupid Stuff" by A.E. Housman, and memorized it myself just for fun. It's very funny.

http://www.poetryconnection.net/poets/A.E._Housman/16721


Ok I have a few questions.
First of all my boyfriend and I are running away next week for 4 days. We are both 15. The reason we are doing this is because his family won't let us see eachother or talk to eachother, and I have a lot of issues, and so he is not able to be there for me a lot. So I gave him my cell phone and he has just been calling my house. But I cannot continue going on like this. My depression is taking over my life, and him not being able to be there for me is making it ten times worse. Like suicide is my option right now, but I am not going to because he said he wil kill himself too. I am seeing a psychologist and I am on two medications, and I have been to a psychiatric hospital, and nothing is helping me except when I get to see my boyfriend. So basically my questions are:
1.Is is illegal to run away when you are a minor?
2.If there are any parents reading this then can you tell me what you would feel if your child did this, I mean my parents are not the greatest parents and wouldn't notice for like 2 days, but would eventually, but I am going to call them and tell them that I am ok, but can i have a parents thoughts.?
3.Any ideas on where we could go, like an indoor place?

Well thanks, you guys probably think I am crazy, and I am so if you could just answer this then that would be cool, you can call me crazy too if you want. (link)
YoungGrandma is right; please listen to her.

http://www.suicidehotlines.com/ has a list of hotlines by state. It would be a great idea to find the number for your state and keep it in your phone or your wallet.

There ARE effective treatments for depression. You need to let your psychiatrist (and parents) know that you're still in pain. Not every psychiatrist works for every patient. If your psychiatrist isn't able to help you enough, it's time to talk to your parents about finding a new psychiarist.

Because you're young, and your whole life is ahead of you, and you don't have to spend it suffering.

I know how hard it is to deal with depression and other kinds of mental illness - believe me! I've had to fight the medical system more than once. But you CAN get the help that you need. You may need to push for it, even fight for it, but the help IS there.

To answer your specific questions:

1. I don't know if it's illegal, but you'd be listed as a runaway and the police would probably look for you. And being a runaway is pretty dangerous, as you probably know.

2. If my son ran away nothing in the world would matter to me more than finding him immediately. Nothing. If we couldn't find him, I can't imagine being able to go on. You might as well pull my heart out of my chest.

3. I don't know, and since I don't think you'd be safe if you ran away, I guess I couldn't tell you if I DID know. But here are some websites and hotline numbers for runaways. Please store the numbers in your phone, or write them down in your wallet; and memorize at least one, in case someone takes your phone and wallet away. 1-800-RUNAWAY is easy to remember.

http://www.nrscrisisline.org/kids.asp
http://www.standupforkids.org/
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/9691/teenrunaways.html

I wish you the best of luck. Please be safe.


Hi, you seem really wise so here it is. I love acting, it is a great passion of mine even though I've never really really gotten to show my talen because I am afraid people won't like me, I am always looking down on myself feeling thatI am ugly, and that peple won't like me. I have have spent my whole highschool experience afraid to try new things, well I start college next year and I want to explore everything I want to do, including acting, but I am afraid I will be rejected by people. Any idea of how I can overcome this. Please help me. Thank you so much. I will love you forever if you help me please!!!! (link)
Let me start by telling you that I'm only a level one moderator, so I don't know anything about you apart from what you've told me - not your name, age, or gender. That's too bad, because there are some factors that would certainly make a difference in my answer to you.

But let me try anyway.

First, be aware that you're lucky to have a passion, and to know it so young. That's a real gift, and you should cherish it. I'm VERY serious about that.

That said, clearly you have problems with self-esteem. But even that can work for you as an actor! Many great actors have had serious doubts and fears about their own looks and talent, and that actually helped spur them to even greater heights.

But you need to work on it, of course. Acting itself can be a good way to work on low self-esteem. When you're on a stage, and everyone is looking at you, it's scary, yes; but there's also an incredible feeling of power, because you can make everyone LOOK at you.

From the way you write I can't judge what you really look like. You obviously have low self-esteem, so I have to take your own assessment of your looks with a big grain of salt.

But even if you ARE unusual-looking, or even ugly - I won't deny the possibility - that too can be an asset to an actor. I have an unusual face myself, and that's why a director stopped me cold at a party and asked me to appear in a short film that he was making. We'd never even been introduced.

What I'm saying is, the point isn't so much to have a beautiful face; that can be useful, but it isn't necessary (unless you're "acting" in porn). A face with character, an INTERESTING face, is worth far more. Was Alec Guinness a hunk? How about James Earle Jones? No, but they're both considered among the very best actors of their respective generations.

As an actor, your face isn't what other people's faces are to them. It's a *tool*. You use it, as you use your body and voice and even feelings to express yourself and to touch the minds and hearts of your audience.

"I have have spent my whole highschool experience afraid to try new things..."

I was exactly the same way. And I can tell you that I missed many wonderful opportunities, and now that I look back, I regret it bitterly.

In fact, I was pondering the issue and I reached an insight about new things. I posted it a while ago in my journal (that particular entry is at http://bobquasit.livejournal.com/223428.html ), but here's the key part:

"Basically, it makes sense to try new things in life. Because if you try something new and you hate it, you won't do it again; you'll have had one bad experience, and that's it. But if you like it, you can do it again and again, for the rest of your life.

So even if you don't like nine out of ten of the new things that you try, in the end you'll come out way ahead.

Of course, that doesn't mean you should try stuff that's likely to get you killed."

If you find that you simply can't cope with feelings of low self-confidence, I'd suggest talking to a counselor. I did, in the year before college, and it helped me quite a bit. You'd probably want to start by talking to your parents, or to your regular doctor to get a referral. Make sure that you're comfortable with the counselor; not every therapist works for every patient, and there's no point in staying with the wrong therapist out of concern for their feelings.

And please keep in mind that the reason for therapy in your case wouldn't be that there was something *wrong* with you; after all, you're functioning, although not as well as you'd like. It's just that you want to get the most out of your time in college, and to get yourself on the right path as early as possible.

It's a wonderful time. I wish you the best of luck in making the best of it. Feel free to write to me again any time!

PS - You probably already know this, but one thing I can't recommend strongly enough to an actor is to stretch and develop your memory-muscles. A good memory is a priceless tool, so practice it as much as possible. Make a game out of it; memorize Shakespeare, or poetry you like, or *anything*. Good luck!


whats it mean when you're ears itch on the inside and kinda hurt? i have a sore throat too and it feels like they are connected because when i swallow i can sorta feel it in my ears. (link)
Sounds like the beginning of a cold, or an ear infection, or a sinus infection, or the flu...could be any of those things. If it's bothering you a lot, you should see your doctor.


What do people with Munchausen Syndrome take to induce symptoms of illnesses? (link)
Various poisons, generally household chemicals. There isn't a standard Munchausen kit. :D

I suspect that quite a few of them end up killing themselves accidentally, and are recorded as suicides.


How do I delete my account? No offense, but some of the people here are a little more than I can take with all the hostility and what not. (link)
It's in the FAQ.

http://advicenators.com/faq.php?f=38

I don't know who you are, but I'm sorry to see you go; there are far too few people here who can manage a proper English sentence, much less two.

Perhaps (as it suggests in the FAQ entry) you might consider simply banning yourself for a while instead, and taking a break?

In any case, if people are being abusive it would be thoughtful to file an abuse report (or reports) before you go. That way others might be spared whatever you went through.


I need help with a project. Please help.

I need to know similarities between the Han and Sui dynasties, and similarities between the Tang and Han dynasties. If you give me ANY information, you'll get rated high. =) (link)
Wikipedia is the place to start.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_dynasty
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sui_dynasty
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tang_dynasty
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/China_history

I strongly recommend learning to research. It will make your life as a student much easier. And it isn't hard; just spend some time checking out sites like Wikipedia and Google. Read the FAQs of those sites.

You could even spend time at your library; there is still a lot of information on paper that isn't available online.


O.K. there is this boy who is a friend a my brother and is in the 10th grade. He has a girlfriend, but was feeling on me and kissing me. I liked it. His girlfriend stays in my are, but I don't know her. I really want to go with him. I am in the 7th greade suposed to be in 8th. Should I stay with him?How do I know if he is just using me? (link)
I hate to tell you this, but the answer is rally simple: you know he's using you because he has a girlfriend, but he was feeling and kissing you.

If he really CARED about you, he'd leave his girlfriend and be with you. But he didn't do that. So he's just using you.

You deserve better than that. Everyone does. So take a big step back, and leave him behind. Give it a little time, and you'll find a guy who really loves you, and does just view you as an object.

I'm sorry; I'm sure it hurts to hear this. But you really deserve better treatment, and you need to stand up for yourself.

And remember two things:

First, how do you think his girlfriend would feel about what he did with you? Would you like it, if YOUR boyfriend cheated on you that way?

And second, if he cheats on her, you can be really sure that even if he were with you, he'd end up cheating on you, too. I don't think you want a guy like that.


my bf and i have always got along and always had fun well today he told me he hated me and walked away nd i asked him if he was breaking up with me he said no B*tch i was uhh i am soo confused was he showing off for some reason and then i called him he was like hello whos this i was like your gf he was like oh and it was silent i was like well why are you being mean to me he hung up soo I IMED him and he blocks me but i got on my old name and the thing in his info still says my name and now it says Ill love you forever and always babe you mean the world erg im soo confused


sorry its long =[
ill rate 5's !!! =] (link)
There are only two possibilities:

1. He's crazy, or
2. He's a total jerk.

Either way, I'd say the relationship is over. Frankly, his behavior is SO weird that I think he's had some sort of mental breakdown. So I think you'd be very smart to never be alone with him again.

Because if he went that nuts for no obvious reason, there's no knowing WHAT he might do next!

Please be careful.


hi

i am 13 years old and i'm a female duh :-) ok and i really like this guy named uhm peter and i never realised i like him untill i had the feeling he likes me! he always smiled at me and once he talked to me but i was kind of meen because i never wanted him to know that i like him i know its weird! so i think he was upset but one week after that another guy told me: cornelia (thats me) robert ( a nother guy i really hate)loves you i was like : so i dont care! and then peter heard that and said : i love you 2 and i tried to be your friend but you where so meen! and then i was meen again I HATE MYSELF i was like: yeah 2 bad ore something like that :-( and now he wont talk to me anymore so he ignores me and i want to appologize but i cant because i am kind of shy when it comes to things like that and he always hangs with his friends so i wanted to call him but on my list where 3 numbers so i never knew which one to dile! and i peter is all i've been thinking about lately and i really really like him! so i need some advice! how can i appologize and what should i say without seeming stupid? I REALLY NEED ADVICE!!! thanks!!!! (link)
Sometimes the easiest thing to do is just say what you want to say.

It can be risky. But it's a lot better then just being tongue-tied and letting things slip through your fingers.

As for how to contact him, if you can't speak to him directly, you could email him, or text-message him, or IM him, or phone one of those three numbers and leave a voicemail with your name and number, asking him to call you back.

Or you could write an old-fashioned letter to him. His address is almost certainly in the phone book, after all. Don't get too extreme, of course; just tell him that you like him, and you're sorry you were mean to him.

But do say something to him, somehow, because if you don't you'll probably regret it. Good luck!


okay well theres this guy lets call him c and i've known him for almost about two years, and i realized i liked him only until about three months ago. i cant stop thinking about him but the problem is that he has a girlfriend who he doesnt even like. I mean he tells me how bad she treats him and how jealous she gets. He cant do anything without her permission. The reason he is like this is beauase in all the relationships that he has been in the girl always ends up cheating on him and now he doesnt trust anyone. howcan i get him to realize that i like him and at the same time get him to trust in women again without making things worse. (link)
Sorry for the delay, but whenever I get a question that's outside of my area of expertise, I take extra time to think about it.

So:

To be honest, as soon as I read that he's telling you how badly his girlfriend treats him, I heard warning bells.

He's not married to her. He's not legally bound. If they have a child together, you didn't mention it (and I think you would have). So if he's really unhappy with his girlfriend, why hasn't he left her yet?

Is she really rich? Does she have relatives in the Mafia? Does she have a monitoring device with a bomb in it strapped to his ankle? Because if she doesn't, then he's either too spineless to leave her (which doesn't make him sound like someone worth being with, to be honest), or else he's just looking to cheat on her - with you.

I recognized what he's telling you, because it's one of the oldest lines in the book. "My wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband doesn't understand me" is nothing more than code for "I want to sleep with you". It's a play for your sympathy, a way to use your kindness to get into your pants.

And it won't end well. It never does. Because even if he eventually left her for you (VERY unlikely) he'd end up cheating on you, too.

Maybe I'm being a little too hard on him. Perhaps he doesn't realize where what he's saying to you will lead (although he probably does on some level).

But if you want to have any chance of having anything ever work out between you - and it would only be a SMALL chance, because it depends on what sort of person he is - then DON'T sleep with him.

You can tell him that you like him, tell him you're sorry he's not happy with his girlfriend. But you also need to tell him that you're sorry because you DON'T date guys who are already involved.

If he really feels that he can't trust women, that will prove to him that you, at least, have real integrity. That you can be trusted.

As for not trusting women, I've known a few guys who've felt that way. Mostly men who went through very bad divorces. Their track records after the divorces weren't good - they tended to break up with each new girlfriend as soon as things got serious.

But I'm not sure that he's really in that state. It sounds more to me like he's looking for sympathy, and probably more. That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, though; it just makes him a normal man.

Good luck, and be careful!




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