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I am no longer giving advice on Advicenators, and have requested that my account be deleted.

I am now giving advice on Askville as ->Peter

If you're looking for good advice here, I suggest you ask YoungGrandma. She's the best.

I don't expect to be checking in on this site again, so if you want to ask me something, see you on Askville!

Good luck!
Website: The Diary of An Invisble Man
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i have these white ring/circles on the bottom of my feet. theyre small and theyre juss white, not gross & they dont hurt. it seems like they are open sort've, not bloody er anything, its juss white skin inside of it?? i cant really explain it. its kind've hard if you touch it. you could feel that its there. there's a base to it. does anyone know what that is?? im curious, because ive had em for awhile.

thanks!! (link)
I'm not a doctor, but what you've described sounds like plantar warts (aka verruca). You can read more about there here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plantar_warts

The smart thing to do would be to see your doctor for professional diagnosis and treatment.

Good luck!


Are there any specific books I should read or things I should experience? It's a vague question but for anything in general, what can I do to be smarter? (link)
Read as much as you can. Read as *widely* as you can - the greatest variety possible. I'd suggest paying particular attention to older books - English vocabulary has become much more simplistic in the past few decades.

Experience as much as you can, except for things that can really hurt you.

Everything is a learning experience. If you approach life that way, you'll be amazed at how much you can learn from everything and anything.

Train your memory. Practice memorizing things - songs, poems, facts. A powerful memory is half of what intelligence is. And it's an incredibly useful tool.

And, most of all, think. Thinking is a habit that you can develop and train. Try to figure out why things happen, and what it would be like if they were different.

Good luck!


i'm pregnate and i'm balimic what will that do to my baby i can't stop cause every time i keep food in my body i feel guilty about it so don't tell me to stop unless you have a good reason why
thanx (link)
You need to see an OB/GYN immediately. Right now you are LITERALLY "eating for two". And to be brutally honest, bulimia will hurt your baby much more than it will hurt you, although it could eventually kill you.

But your baby's body is forming NOW, and you are starving it of things that it desperately needs. You're running a serious risk of miscarriage or a baby with serious birth defects - and you probably have no idea of just how serious that can be.

I don't want to make you feel bad. I'm sure you didn't *choose* to be bulimic. But this is a real emergency. So call your OB/GYN IMMEDIATELY and tell her or him that you're pregnant and bulimic. And then call your primary doctor, too.

They should be able to help you, and to help you have a healthy and happy baby. But don't wait. Every hour is critical!

Really, you need to pick up the phone NOW. If you don't yet have an OB/GYN, call your regular doctor. And if you don't have a regular doctor, call Planned Parenthood - you can get their number from http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/ . They'll help you find a clinic, and they WON'T push you to have an abortion.


Okay this is Saylor again. Today someone told my sister that Nate and his ex was holding hands, and I hope thats not true because I really like him I mean REALLY like him I know Nate wouldnt do this to me and I have tempted to call him and everything but I cant get the nerve and when I do what will I say? I love his ex to death and I dont want him to be pissed at me cause I really like him and I love her to death, heck I played basketball with this girl. I dont know what to do, my heart is broken and I feel like killing. Help Please! (link)
I'm sorry about the delay, Saylor. This is an awfully hard question for me to answer, since I have no personal experience in the area of teen love.

"Today someone told my sister..."

Okay, first off: if you let every second-hand rumor drive you crazy, you WILL go crazy. You need to do your best to ignore that sort of thing, because it really won't help you.

"...that Nate and his ex was holding hands..."

Holding hands means different things for boys and girls. And it means MORE for a girl than a boy.

"...I have tempted to call him and everything but I cant get the nerve and when I do what will I say?"

Maybe you should email or IM him. That's easier than calling. On the other hand, it means that there's a permanent record if he says no.

This is easy for me to say, and I know it would be harder for you, but sometimes the straightest distance between two points is a line. So the way to call him would be to go to the phone, dial his number, ask for him if he doesn't pick up the phone himself, and say "Hi! This is Saylor. I was wondering, would you like to do (X) with me?"

A movie isn't a bad possible activity, although it would be more unusual if you could think of something a little different. I'd generally recommend against a concert, because they're so loud that you wouldn't be able to talk. Of course movies are loud too, but you'd probably have more time together before and after; and somehow movies are more private (and not AS loud, of course).

"I love his ex to death and I dont want him to be pissed at me cause I really like him and I love her to death, heck I played basketball with this girl."

Complicated. VERY complicated. His ex is a friend of yours and his ex MAY still be involved with him (or getting re-involved with him)...yeah, that definitely makes everything harder. The smartest thing I can think of is to talk to his ex. Ask if they ARE getting back together, and if they aren't, ask if she minds if you ask him out.

If they are getting back together, though, I'm afraid you're out of luck. But if it's any consolation, as much as it hurts (and I know it does), the pain WILL fade with time - more quickly than you think.

I had about a million unreciprocated crushes when I was your age, and I can tell you honestly: I only remember the name of ONE of them. And she grew up to be a huge massive-shouldered and totally unattractive woman. :D

So don't lose your head!


Ok well the last time i saw him was in january and its now April! ive not seen him so long now he went to hospital and i asked him what hospital he was in and he would not tell me so i guessed and i sent him a get well soon card because he said do not come and visit me then he said hes transfered to another hospital for surgery so i said what hospital i will come and visit you he never told me and it was obvious he never wanted me to see his family like his mum and dad. I had not seen him for a year before i saw him in january but i realised i like him alot in fact i actually thought id fallen for him but since he told me in a text hes ok i thought it was best to leave him alone so ive done so, and ive heard nothing from him not even hello!! It frustrates me that he never contacts me he sits on msn but set to away and im just waiting and waiting for him to say something to me. I mean when i saw him he told me he loves me but if you love someone you usually contact them. Also when i phoned him when he was in hospital as i cared about him he was pretty rude he said don't you think its abit late to be calling me? it was about 10.30 so what im wondering is what shall i do? leave him alone like im doing but not hearing even hello? Thank you in advance for your answers (link)
younggrandma is right again. Your ex-boyfriend made it really clear that he doesn't want to be with you in any way.

For your own self-respect, it's time to move on. Delete him from your contacts, delete his phone number, and do your best to delete him from your mind, too. Get yourself busy with other activities, and in time you'll find someone who WANTS to be with you.

I'm sorry this one didn't work out...but it didn't, and you need to recognize that. Otherwise, you're just hurting yourself for no reason.


I have always thought it would be a cool idea to have a movie theater that ran only horror movies. It would play new ones, old ones, all the classics (such as Rocky Horror Picture Show). I am just wondering what other people thought of this. Would anyone out there be interested in going to a horror theme theater (link)
I don't care for most horror (except for the Bruce Campbell Evil Dead series, John Carpenter's The Thing, and Re-Animator), but I think that's a great idea.

Personally, I wish there was a theater that showed old classics like the Marx Brothers comedies, The Sound of Music, and the classic old Looney Toons cartoons.


Okay, my name is Saylor I am soon to be thirteen in July and I'm starting to have boy trouble. Okay I know a bunch of boys that like me and I can have anyone of them that I want I know this because they have all asked me out... except for one that I am really crushing on. Okay here is how it goes... Okay tonight was the big baseball game against Owsley County and Lee County. (two counties that are enemies) Me... being from Owsley. Okay the boy I like plays baseball for Owsley. I was watching the game and my bff Whitley came over there and told me to come in the dugout. Well this boy (Nate) was sittin out cause he sprang his hand. I sat with him the whole time I think he was flirting with me but Im really not sure. He sat with me on the bus on the way home and everything. He was tickling me and laying down against me trying to go to sleep and I really like him. He is way sweet. The question is what can I do to get him to like me more, and how can I find out if he likes me. Thanks... I heard your alot of help... dont let me down.


Kissz
Saylor (link)
Complicated.

Oh, there's not much doubt whether or not he likes you. Almost ANY straight teen boy "likes" a pretty girl. They don't really have a choice; it's pretty much hard-wired into them. Tickling, lying against you, being sweet...yeah. Of course he likes you.

But "like" can (and usually does) mean very different things for boys and girls, particularly at your age. And that's the part that's complicated.

Yes, he likes you. He probably would like to date you; if you're around him enough, he'll probably work up the nerve to ask you sooner or later. Or you could ask him.

But what YOU mean by "like" is probably closer to love. And what HE means by like is probably closer to lust. Girls tend to fixate on one boy, or one boy at a time. Boys often are interested in playing the field and being with as many girls as possible. It's just the nature of the human male animal.

What I'm trying to say is, he likes you, and you don't really need to do anything to get him to like you more. That's not how boys think. He already likes you a lot, and it would be a big mistake for you to think that you somehow had to do something to appeal to him more. Because love should always be between equals. If you spend your time worrying about how to make him like you, you're putting yourself below him in your own mind. Don't do that.

Does he love you? It's too early to say. You're both still awfully young. Remember, you have a lot more growing left to do.

But I imagine that the potential for love is there, as long as you don't - and I'm sorry to have to say this - make the mistake of getting too sexual with him. Girls seem to think that getting physically intimate with a boy will make him like them more, but in fact it usually has the opposite effect. Although many boys will try to pressure a girl into having sex using exactly that argument.

If you read the site much, you'll find a LOT of girls who thought that they'd be with their boyfriend forever, only to lose them after having sex. It's sad.

So please be careful, and try not to let yourself be hurt. If your parents say it's okay, spend more time with him; but remember to keep your head on straight. When you're young and in the throes of first love, it's easy to make mistakes.

Although an even bigger mistake is to shut yourself away from love completely. I made that mistake, and I can tell you from sad experience: it's the worst of all.

Like I said, it's complicated. Life, I mean. I'm sorry I can't give you a simple answer, but I don't have one. And I don't think that there IS one.

But I wish you the best of luck!


Hey everyone :)
Alright, so I'm getting a new computer soon..and I'm wondering where you can save music? Like on my current computer (this one) I have 3000 songs. And I would die without them! But where can I save them? Can I put all of them on a disc? Or is there som website where I can save all the songs, so when I get the new computer I can take them from that site to the new computer. Is there anything like that? Or will I have to start over and download ALL of the songs again? Cause I can't send them over msn or anything.

Any suggestions?
Thank you. (link)
Someone else may be able to answer this better than I can, but here goes.

I usually just have my old primary hard drive installed in the new computer as a backup. Then I can transfer or copy my data over at my leisure.

You can burn about 100-150 mp3s onto a single CD, so that IS an option, assuming you have a burner - although it's pretty tedious. If you have a DVD burner, you should be able to put everything on one or two disks.

I believe that you can use a USB cable to connect your old PC to your new one, and transfer your data that way. I've never tried that, though. It's definitely possible to use SOME sort of cable to connect two PCs, though.

The company that you're buying your new computer from would probably be willing to transfer the data for you, at little or no additional cost.

Uploading 3000 songs to the web is probably not going to work. It would take forever; depending on the speed of your connection, it could easily take a day or more. Upload speeds tend to be a lot slower than download speeds on cable and DSL connections.

Good luck!


Being in my twenties, its very fustrating not being able to where shorts in the summer or when ever due to the unpleasant sight of buldging veins, spider veins in my legs. What can i do or take to have these veins disappear. I dont want to have them surgically removed. Any advice?????? (link)
Building up and using your calf muscles will reduce the appearance of "spider veins" in your legs, although it won't make them go away. The muscles in your calves play a major role in the blood circulation of your lower body; those muscles are sometimes called the "heart of the lower body". The more you use those muscles, the fewer new spider veins will appear in the future.

Surgery is no longer the only way to deal with spider veins. Laser and IPL (Intense Pulsed Light) therapy are both preferred methods of treatment, although of course they're not cheap.

Please beware of topical treatments - creams and pills, in other words. They don't help. They're a scam, a waste of your money.

Good luck!


i am singing at my church and i am suppost to pick a song to sing.... does anyone know of a good christian sing and worship song that i can sing?....and if it helps im a 15/f and i have a pretty good voice.thanx and god bless (link)
I always liked "Day By Day" from Godspell.


my boyfriend of 8 months has such a thick head! i mean he wont do anything inless i grip at him.... he even says so his self...like my dad is a stricked parent i mean im his only girl so i can see his point but my dad likes to know when my boyfriend comes down because my boyfriend lives a hour away...well anyways my dad likes to know at least a week in advance when my boyfriend comes down to see me ...well he wont do it inless i yell at him...what do i do about it? just yell at him everytime i want something done? (link)
Yelling is not a good basis for a relationship. If talking doesn't work, then you need to either leave your boyfriend, get into couples counseling with him, or work something out with your father.

But don't yell. Nobody loves a yeller.

You might calmly refuse to see your boyfriend unless he's given enough notice, of course. Or give him your father's number, or email address, or IM (assuming he has those), and tell him to make SURE to contact your father. And then refuse to see him if he doesn't.

If you do that and stick to it, he'll either break up with you or shape up, I suppose.

Good luck.


I had a perfectly flat and toned stomach, but now that I've had a baby I have stretch marks and some saggy skin in the lower belly. What can
i do? (link)
Exercise and a healthy diet will help tone you up again, and the stretch marks will fade somewhat over time. However, the marks will never go away completely. They are subdermal scar tissue.

And, to be honest, it would be a mistake to break your heart trying to turn back the clock. You ARE a mother now, and beautiful in a new way. It would be best to learn to accept and even appreciate some of the changes that your body has gone through, as long as you're at a healthy weight.

Because believe me, more changes are coming. And you can't turn back the clock.


Okay, so I just got a new printer (I stole the one my dad had in his office) because it has colours and a scanner. Now I suck at computers, and have no clue how to install it. My computer is a hp pavillion 7885 and my NEW printer is a hp psc 1210 all-in-one. I tried connecting it, and the printer works, like I can put in a picture and print it onto another paper BUT it's not connectec to the actual computer..like, I cant print out a normal word-document, or anything that I write on the computer. My friend told me it's because you have to have the installation cd, but I don't have it and neither does my dad. It's completely gone..is ther anything i can do? Or is it a lost case?

Thank you :) (link)
I assume that when you say "stole", you're joking, okay?

You can download the software directly from the HP website. You didn't say if you had a 1210, a 1210v, or a 1210xi, but just pick whichever one it is from this list:

http://h10025.www1.hp.com/ewfrf/wc/pfinder?query=PSC+1210&lc=en&cc=us&lc=en&cc=us&dest_page=product&docname=bpu04090&dlc=en

Click on the right one, and it will take you to a page where you can download the software, drivers, and even the manual itself.


It seems impossible to save enough money for a mortgage downpayment. how do most people do it and buy a house? Are there any shortcuts? (link)
First:

only search advicenators.com


Be careful with the links from that search. Some of them may spam you.

A mortgage without a down payment is definitely possible, but not necessarily easy. Unless you're already a millionaire, life in general is a lot harder and more expensive than it used to be.

A car used to cost a month or two of the average worker's wages; now, it's more like a year.

It used to be that a house cost perhaps a couple of years of salary; now, you'd be lucky to find one for five times that cost, in some parts of the country.

The good things in life, the things that people used to be able to almost take for granted, are now out of reach for most of the working and middle class.

If you can't find a way to save up the thousands of dollars you need to make a down payment, there are other options.

1. Get married. It's considered crass to simply ask for money in many cultures, but if you pass the word around that you're planning to buy a house, people will probably help out.

2. Go to your parents. They may be able to help.

3. Wait for wealthy relatives to die.

4. Rob a bank. Just kidding!

5. Normally when I have useful advice I put it FIRST, not last, but I'm a bit groggy this morning. There are programs which will allow you to buy a house without a down payment, or with a smaller one than normal. Effectively, you borrow the down payment from the bank at the same time as the mortgage.

You will, of course, pay for the privilege; banks require extra insurance on your loan, and that means a higher monthly bill.

I should also note that sellers sometimes prefer to sell to buyers who can afford the down payment themselves. And in competitive markets, buyers sometimes get an advantage over each other by putting down very large down payments indeed. I once lost out on a house because another buyer offered the first half of the total price IN CASH - a "down payment" of 60-70 thousand dollars!

Some states and cities have special programs to help low-income people buy their first house. The drawback is that you may be required to stay in that house for a number of years before you can sell.

Even if you don't think that you're poor enough to qualify, check it out. You might be surprised.

You're best off talking to a professional buying agent in your area. They'll know what programs are available to you. They work in real estate offices, of course, and they WILL take a cut of the sale. So be sure you get a good one.

A few home-buying tips:

First, it's almost ALWAYS a very smart move to buy a home. People often fail to realize that when you rent, the money goes to your landlord and is gone forever; but when you BUY, the money you pay goes into your equity.

When you leave a place that you rented, the only thing you'll get back is your security deposit, assuming that your landlord doesn't screw you. When you sell a house that you owned, you'll probably make a profit.

There are, of course, some circumstances in which this isn't true. If you buy a house when the market is high, and sell it when the market is low, you could actually take a substantial hit - potentially, many thousands of dollars. Some people end up trapped in their houses for years by an unfortunate market situation.

But that's not all that common. Still, it would be VERY smart to learn as much as you can about the housing market in your area. This is probably the biggest purchase you'll ever make; make it a smart one.

Another adage is to buy in the best neighborhood that you possibly can, even if you have to buy a house that will need a lot of work. Because you can fix up a house, but you can't fix a neighborhood. And the work you put in on the house will be MUCH more profitable if the house is in an attractive location.

Get a great home inspector, listen to him or her, and ask LOTS of questions. Ask about the roof, the furnace, the electrical system, the plumbing, and anything else that you can think of. You're paying for their time and expertise; make sure you get what you pay for.

And if you have children, or think you might have children living with you some day in that house, have the house tested for lead. I can't emphasize this enough. It's vital.

Lastly, if you have credit-card debt, do your best to pay it off. And kill the cards once you've bought the house. You'd be amazed at how many people go bankrupt (or used to, before Congress effectively eliminated bankruptcy for the poor) because they couldn't handle a monthly mortgage payment on top of 25-30% interest rates on credit cards.

It's a real jungle out there, and (to mix metaphors) the sharks are swarming. Please protect yourself.

Good luck!


I have recently created a new LiveJournal Community and am doing pretty good with it. But there are two things I need to know, How to create a picture header without upgrading, and how to post in my own community.

Thank you very much. :) (link)
Use Semagic to make your posts. It will allow you to select any journal or community that you have access to. It's very convenient.

http://semagic.sourceforge.net/

Alternatively, if you post from the LJ site ( http://www.livejournal.com/update.bml ), you can change the journal or community you're posting to in the "Post to:" box at the bottom of the screen, right next to the "Update Journal" button. It's a drop-down list of everything you have posting privileges for.

I'm not sure what you mean by "picture header", but if you mean userpic, go to the login page. Log in, and then from the menu select "Manage" and then "Userpic". I believe that as a free user you only get three.

By the way, I recently upgraded, and I have to tell you: I wish I'd done it years ago. The voicepost feature ALONE is worth the price. I can call a local number from almost anywhere and record a post whenever I want. It's really cool!


HI um...I'm a 13 year old gurl((GOING 14)) and I'm dating a 17 year GUY his the best boyfriend a girl can ever ask for his sweet romantic AND I LOVE HIM SOOOOOOO MUCH well the point is that our anyversary is comming real soon is going to be A YEAR sense we've been dating YAY MY B-day well I want to get somenthing really special and well one of the things that came to my mind was SEX he has never really pushed me into anything but well his a 17 year old dude thats one of their main "goals" and well I don't know wat to do....I NEED HELP plz should I DO THIS?????? (link)
I'm sorry, but YOU do the math:

13 (nearly 14) + 17 = ?

Hint: Statutory rape, and jail. And after he's out, a lifetime listing as a sex offender.

In other words, sex would be a BIG mistake. Try to think of some other present, if you love him.


My wife and I have been married for 7 years. When I met her she was very reserved and shy acting. Our sex life was good but she never wanted to deviate from normal foreplay and intercourse. I had told her that I had 5 sexual partners before I met her (including an ex wife). She never said anything about her past other than having sex at 17 and then having not dated for 3 years prior to when I met her. After we were married she told my brother at a party that during 1 year at college she had sex with 27 guys and that she was proud of it as she had used them for sex. When he told me I was shocked. I married a slut as far as I was concerned. She is very religious and plays the good Baptist part well. I have told her that I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that she had so many partners in such a short time, the average total partners for a wome of 39 is 7. She has had sex with over 35 total partners. I told her that I need some details about why she had sex with so many guys and the details of what happened. She says it is none of my business, but I now just think about all of these guys fucking my wife every which way. We have not had sex for 4 months now and it is driving me nuts. I just can't get excited about her. I wonder were these guys great at sex, did they have bigs dicks did she do things with them that she will not do with me.
What should I do? Am I wrong to have an open conversation about the details of her sex capades? She also says she does not remember any details, yeah right?
She seems happy to not have sex now. Now that she does not have to work and I earn over $300,000 a year. I ask her how she could fuck all those guys who gave her nothing and not me the guy who has given her everything?

Please help.

Jimbojoe (link)
You have quite a problem here.

The problem is that your relationship with your wife has become deeply poisoned. If you cannot find a way to change things, your marriage is headed for the rocks - quickly.

"My wife's sexual past is driving me crazy..."

But it's just that, the past. When she met you, she couldn't change what she'd done before. So she didn't do anything TO you. Her sexual past took place before you met her. Are you proud of every single thing YOU did before you met her?

It sounds as if you're a religious man, so perhaps John 8:7 and 8:11 would be worth re-reading.

"I married a slut as far as I was concerned."

That's a terrible thing to say about your wife, and if you honestly feel that way then your marriage is all but over. But if you want to have some chance to save it, you need to see a marriage counselor (or your pastor, or both) as quickly as possible.

And do your best to keep an open mind; because honestly, from what you've written the problem is at least as much YOU as her. She has a checkered past, and has done some things that she may not be proud of. But YOU are dwelling on it, obsessing on her past behavior, and, I suspect, punishing her for your own feelings. Has she cheated on you? Betrayed you? You didn't say so, and from the tone of your question, I'm sure you would have included infidelity if you had any reason to suspect it.

The ONLY thing you've accused her of doing to you since your marriage is being glad that you're no longer having sex, and of being a gold-digger. To be honest, you seem so filled with hate for your wife that I honestly wonder if you aren't simply projecting all that onto her. I just can't tell.

Try putting yourself in her shoes, for a moment. Not as a "slut", but as a woman worried about her marriage. How would it feel to have your husband despise you, as you clearly do? Over something that you can never, ever change? How do you think it feels to have the one person who is supposed to be closest to you in the world treat you with anger and suspicion?

Because I can *guarantee* that she knows that your feelings for her have changed. Four months without sex is as clear a message as you could possibly send, short of a singing telegram. And if I were a betting man, I'd bet that you've made your feelings clear in many other ways, too, even if you didn't always realize it.

Women tend to be more sensitive to the feelings of others. She knows how you feel.

"...the average total partners for a wome of 39 is 7."

But she isn't average. She's your WIFE. A unique person, like no other woman in the world. You must have seen some positive qualities when you asked her to marry you. And I suspect that you promised to love and honor her, didn't you?

She is what she is. Her good qualities, as well as her bad. And you married ALL of her, not just the parts that were convenient and attractive. Just as she married all of you.

Perfection is not to be found in this world. We are, all of us, flawed. If you cannot get past the fact that your wife is human and has made her own mistakes, you should do her the courtesy of giving her as painless a divorce as possible and moving on.

But I must warn you: don't assume that you'll find someone better. Because every woman is human. In the early stages of courtship, you only see the best of them; just as they only see the best of you. If you're the sort of man who cannot live with a real, human woman, with the flaws and foibles that we are all heir to, then perhaps you should consider not remarrying at all.

"Am I wrong to have an open conversation about the details of her sex capades?"

Yes. You're wrong. And she is right to avoid the conversation.

Because it's pure poison. You're drinking it up and using it against her in your heart. To be brutally honest, at this point YOU are trying to end the marriage, and she seems to be trying to preserve it.

My hopes for your marriage are not high. But I urge you to take some time to yourself, and think long and hard about what you want. Pray about it, if you want to. Talk to your pastor.

And then, if you want to try to save your marriage, seek counseling.

I hate having to give this sort of advice. But right now, your marriage is headed straight for a precipice and you're stepping on the gas. The only sign I have that you feel your marriage might be worth saving is that you posted this question here. And I'm afraid you may have done it more for validation of your anger at her than for advice.

Please think carefully about your future. Things cannot continue as they are now.

I wish both you and your wife good luck and happiness in the future, together or apart.


I'm 20 years old, and my boyfriend is 23 and we've been in a serious relationship for almost 6 years now! Unfortunately, i don't trust certain things about him! For Example, it seems like his head is elsewhere all the time. We live together, but he says he wants to be around me all the time. What is weird for me though, is that, he's coming home later than usual and leaving earlier then usual. But i can't see any signs of change other than that, besides are sex life, which we are currently changing, after i talked to him about that for 1 year and a half! I don't know what's happening to us, something seems wrong and i don't know what it is! We go clubbing every Saturday and all he does is sit there to stare at other women. I think he's no longer attracted, but he tells me he is. After 6 years we've went through every problem a million times. I'm not scared to talk to him about anything, so i always ask! He says one thing, but does the opposite of what he says, this leaves me so confused! HELP SAVOUR THE RELATIONSHIP!!! PLEASE!! (we have plans to get married and everything) (link)
I'm sorry to tell you this, but there's no easy answer for a relationship problem like this. What you've described does sound worrying, though. So the smart thing to do would be to see a couples counselor.

You may only need a few sessions, or more than a few; I don't know. But a counselor should be able to help you both communicate with each other better. That's the key to a successful relationship, of course, and it sounds like a lack of successful communication is your basic problem with him now.

So don't wait; see a counselor. And if for some reason things don't work out, remember that there are a lot of other people out there. I notice that you've been with him since you were 14 or 15, and that's an awfully young age to be dating the person you marry. That doesn't mean that it can't WORK, but it does sometimes mean that your relationship gets stuck in a juvenile pattern.

So talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a couples counselor soon. If you'd rather, you may be able to call your health insurer (if you have one) directly for a referral. Or of course you can simply look for counselors in the phone book.

It may be a bit expensive, but it's an investment in your future happiness - and that's the best investment anyone could make.

Good luck!


is it wrong to want to have sex at the age of 13? (link)
It depends on what you mean by "wrong".

Is it wrong from a religious perspective? Possibly, but that depends on your particular faith, if you have one. If so, you may want to discuss this issue with your spiritual adviser.

Is it ethically wrong? I don't think so. You want what you want, and it makes no sense to condemn yourself for feeling a particular way; it would be like thinking that you were "wrong" for the color of your hair.

You can't control what you want. What you DO about it, though, IS under your control.

In other words, wanting sex is perfectly natural. It's our basic biological urge. If ALL of our ancestors didn't want sex, we wouldn't be here. It's programmed into our DNA at the very deepest level.

Of course, not everyone feels that way at age 13. Boys are more likely to have overt sexual feelings at that age than girls are. And the simple truth is, while human beings often *want* to have sex at an early age, mentally, emotionally, and in some ways even physically we simply aren't ready at that point.

At 13, you're still a child in many ways. Adolescence is just beginning. And there's a HUGE amount of growth and change that is about to take place.

That growth won't really be accomplished until you've reached your early 20s. Does that mean that people should wait until their early 20s for their first time? Not necessarily. The urges are pretty strong, and many people just can't wait that long. But waiting as long as possible - 18 is a good target age, if not a bit later - is a good idea.

Sex at an early age tends to really screw up your attitude towards sex, love, and the opposite gender. It can lead to pregnancy, which is almost always a total disaster for the underage. And, of course, there are the legal issues.

So don't feel bad about wanting sex...but don't rush into it. Good luck!


This has been bugging me, for quite some time. (I know that some doctors, and other people say that birth control will most likely kill the baby if you are already pregant.)
My question is this, are there any over-the-counter drugs, not related to abstinence or menstrual cycles, that will help you stop the pregnancy? (link)
Yes, but since they can be dangerous to use, I'd rather not give you the name. If you want to terminate a pregnancy, it's best to speak to a doctor. Planned Parenthood can help you find a clinic: http://www.teenwire.com/

They will NOT pressure you to have an abortion if you don't want to, by the way. But if you're pregnant, whether you plan to terminate or not, you REALLY need to consult an OB/GYN.

Of course, I realize that from your question you may not actually be pregnant right now. In which case, if it IS a possibility some day, it would be smart to use birth control; if you aren't, you should speak to your OB/GYN. Planned Parenthood can help with that, too.




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