I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
Visitors: 64966
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ok so i have been friends with this girl sence she moved her in fifth grade. and i have been frieneds with the other girl since like pre-kay and the sad thing is we got in a fight over the summer and in the middle of the school year we all made up were alll best friends well tahst what i thought but every time i wanna hang out with my best friend the one ive known since 5th grade well she says yeah and the day we are supposed to shes with my other best friend and they never tell me when were supposed to go see a movie they tell me im comeing with them but then they dont call me to tell me what time they are goign an dthen they call me in the movie and say oh we forgot about u sorry i forgive them and now shes like getting on my nerves adn its not fair how they ditch me every time and they are supposed to be my bfflas and they arent really??i have no clue what my question is but why are they still mad at m ei have not done wronge to them even in the fight it was them ganing up on me!some friends riight? (link)
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It's a bit difficult to have to explain this..but the truth is that most people will not remain friends with their childhood friends throughout their lives. It would be wonderful if there was such a thing as 'best friends for life', but the truth is that as we grow and change, we become so different that the people we are don't always match with the friends we once had any more.
It sounds as though these friends are not just leaving you out of everything but they are actually trying to mess with your head for their own amusement. You could try talking to them about it, if you wanted. Take them somewhere that is neutral ground - a coffee shop or somewhere similar and just come straight out with it. Ask whether they still want to be friends with you because the way they have both been actin towards you makes you believe they do not. If they say they do, give them another chance. If they really are friends, they will come to their senses, apologise and everything will go back to normal. If they aren't....well....you will know.
Worst comes to worst, you may have to cut them out of your life as your friends. They may come back again later on, but for the time being they are only hurting your self confidence and doing their best to upset you. You don't need people like that in your life, so try to make some new friends who will treat you with more respect. Join a club or other group and you should make new friends quickly.
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OK I'm a female and I don't understand something. How is it I can help others like you guys but I can't help myself. Can you help me??? I thank you very much.
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The truth of the matter is that it will ALWAYS be easier to tell someone what they should be doing and how than it is to actually be the person going through it.
For example, it's all very well telling someone who is overweight to go for a walk instead of eating that chocolate cake but have you ever tried it!? It's really hard! In a more extreme way, it's easy to tell an alcoholic to go to an AA meeting and come up with a plan to get themselves off the sauce but it's so much easier than being the person who has to quite the addiction.
Anything that people are likely to ask advice on is something that is usually going to be difficult to carry out. The reason they ask for the advice is because there is no way forward they can see that is easy for them. Unfortunately, it's the nature of life. But don't worry, it might never be easy to help yourself but you will learn to become better at it.
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My 3 best friends and I have been best friends for 2 years now and we're extremely close. But here lately one of our friends Kim has been saying a lot of lies like to get one mad at the other. I love her to death but this year she's gotten pretty stuck up and its gotten so bad where none of us call her back when she calls us because we dont believe anything that comes out of her mouth. I dont want to loose her as a friend because I love her i really do. Should the rest of us comfront her and let her know about all the lies we've caught her in? (I dont want her to think we're attacking her or anything) i mean what should we do?
Please help!! (link)
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Absoloutely you should confront her about it!! This girl is lying to you all and trying to make you all hate each other and for what reason? You need to speak to her or you will never find out and you will never get it to stop.
On the other hand, I know this might sound far fetched to you and I could be wrong but have you considered that this girl may not be lying but rather passing on information she misunderstood? The only reason I suggest this is that I was in a similar situation when I was at school and everybody thought I was trying to turn everyone against each other. In actual fact, I heard about something and misunderstood the truth.
Speak to her about it. Don't shout or accuse or behave angrily towards her, because chances are that if you do that, she'll be a deer caught in headlights and that will make the situation worse.
Instead, all agree to meet her somewhere and tell her the things she had told you and then the truths of the situation, one lie at a time. See what she has to herself when you are done. If she apologises, forgive her and tell her she has to stop telling people things that she doesn't know are true, otherwise you can't keep being friends.
If she denies the whole thing, you really need to work out what to do about the situation. Unfortunately, lying friends, who then lie about lying are the worst to deal with and it's really up to your friends and you to decide from that point whether you wish to continue your friendship with her or to refuse to put up with her any longer.
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all my friends are ragging me that i don't wear any thongs i was wondering why people wear them anyways since they so uncomfortable and what should i do about my friends
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Most people wear thongs because it helps to prevent the 'dreaded VPL' (Visible Panty Line). There's this big thing that's been about for the last few years that God forbid anyone should know you wear 'normal' underwear because they can see your knickers through your trousers or something.
It's also a fashion trend. That's why there are thongs with fancy bands and charms and diamante effects.
The other reason is sex appeal. Most people seem to believe that thongs are the sexiest underwear so women wear them (sometimes men do too) because they make them feel attractive and sexier.
That being said, I can't stand the things. I don't understand why so many people would willingly walk around with a wedgie all day!!!!
The best thing you can do to your friends is point out that since you are the one who will be wearing the underwear, it's entirely your choice what sort you wear. If you aren't comfortable having a wedgie then you won't wear a thong and that's the end of it!
Really that's the best piece of advice I can give you. People will probably tell you what you should be wearing all your life but the thing to remember is that as long as it is YOU wearing the clothes, YOU should decide what you feel comfortable in and forget the rest.
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ok well my best friend moved away and we have been getting into alot of fights and like we used to never fight and now she thinks i won't stand up for her and stuff like that and now shes says were not best friends anymore we are just friends and she wants me to prove to her that we are best friends by tellng her and stuff but i can't impress her shes just so hard to impress.
What do i do?
HELP FAST
Thanx (link)
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I understand what you're saying and that you want to be best friend with this girl but...why do you want to be best friends with someone who puts all the effort on you and makes you feel like you aren't worthy of her friendship?
I had a best friend right the way up through school but it was never about impressing each other because it was a mutual friendship. We got together and hung out, went shopping, made up games, played on her Sega, made mini films and TV shows on her video camera......fun stuff. We were on equal footing and would never have dreamed of making each other feel inferior.
If this girl is demanding that you prove your friendship to her, then you need to ask yourself how come she has nothing to prove?? What makes her so special? If you ask me, the very fact she is treating you this way tells me that you deserve a much better friend and you should get out there and find them!
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Alexis is a very good friend of mine, however she's horrible unself-confident. She tells me all the time she wants a boyfriend like mine or a body like mine and it makes me very uncomfortable. She always complains shes ugly, fat, and she can't get a boyfriend.
She CONSTANTLY asks me if her outfit is cute, if she needs more makeup, or even if her hair is bad. It's starting to bug me, how do I tell her to stop? (link)
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Oh dear. It sounds as though your friend is suffering from a bad case of low self esteem. Unfortunately, because the problem isn't actually with you, but with her, there isn't a lot that you can do or say that can keep her from comparing herself to you.
However, what you can do is have a chat with her about her lack of self confidence and self esteem. Clearly it's a problem and it does need to be sorted, so talk to her about it and see if there are any ways you can help her to help herself.
Try explaining to her that she seems to not think very much of herself and it is upsetting to yo because you can't understand why she feels that way. Tell her that you care about her and want to help but she needs to do something about it because if she thinks she can't get a boyfriend or is overweight or unattractive but doesn't do anything about it, it just isn't going to get better. Try to phrase this in a way that doesn't imply you agree she needs to change, as any implication along this line will make things worse.
Try to suss out what the problems are and help her think of ways to fix them. If she thinks she's ugly, offer to do her a makeover, or book a free makeover at a local store. If she thinks she is overweight, help her stick to a healthy eating and exercise plan. The boyfriend will come in time but she needs to get some self confidence back. The chances are, if she truly is overweight, losing some of it might help restore some of her confidence but it's more than that. She needs to feel comfortable in her own skin, so perhaps taking up a hobby like drama would help. Something she could be good at and that builds confidence at the same time.
I know it can be irritating but be gentle with her. If she feels bad about herself, getting mad will make it worse so try to help her and reason with her. Then, if none of that works, have a serious talk with her and explain that if she isn't prepared to help herself, she has no justifiable reason to spend so much time complaining and being unhappy about it. I know that sounds harsh, hence why it is ONLY to be used as a last resort. Try to help her first. As long as she is willing to give it a try, there's no reason it shouldn't help.
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Right heres the deal.. i am in love with my best friend and i dont quite know how to handle it! I havent told him how i feel and i dont know if i want to. he has just split with his gf (that is what made me realise i liked him) i think i have always liked him, but just never realised it! I think he will be on the rebound so there is no way am i going to tell him how i feel, because i dont want to be his rebound girl! Everyone says that we make a great couple and i think we do too! Do you think i should tell him? and if so how long do you think i should wait? (link)
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If he has only just split with his girlfriend, now is not the time to launch your feelings on him. I know that you probably want to get it all out in the open but there are two real problems here. First of all, you're absoloutely right to be concerned about the possibility of being a rebound girlfriend. This is a bigger possibility if he really liked this girl and/or was going out with her for a long time.
The other reason I say it is that you don't want him to feel pushed into anything too fast. He needs time to get over the split and other people don't want to be thinking you're a bad person because you swept in and took him so soon.
Leave him some time and some space but let him you're there. Then, when you sense he's feeling ready to move on, tell him how you feel. There's no set time scale for this but when he's ready, I think you will know. He'll smile more, he'll seem happier in general.
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I am so frusturated today. I'm usually giving advice, but right now I don't have any for myself. I have been best friends with this one girl for 2 years and I'm really close with both her and her daughter, but she is constantly using me and lying to me. Finally I got fed up of her and called her to tell her she only cares about her self and then hung up. Does this diserve an apolgie? I don't plan on giving one, but I wanted to know what everyone else thought. (link)
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In my personal opinion, I don't think it merits an apology, necessarily, but perhaps an explanation is required.
I had a friend who was exactly the same, so I can understand where you're coming from. When someone only makes use of you because "you're there" and lies to you constantly, it's very difficult to put up with. If you're anything like me when I was in your position, it's probably also been building up for a while because you let her get away with it for so long.
The fact is that it is pointless referring to someone as a friend if they don't act like one to you. You need to trust your friends and know they will be there for you and support you. If she mainly lies and uses you, to such an extent where her actions are inexcusable, then you have every right to terminate the friendship.
However, it might be that her behaviour is without thought. She may well have been using you and lying to you...but is she necessarily aware of it? I know that might sound stupid but some people don't even realise when they're telling lies, especially when they affect others. Also, she may not be intentionally using you, but rather using you thoughtlessly, in an "I want to talk to someone because I'm bored. I know, I'll ring..." As this is a possibility, I think you need to explain to her exactly why it is you no longer wish to be friends.
Perhaps you could send her an e-mail? Or, if you think you can manage it, call her and perhaps apologise for the bluntness of your previous call, before explaining what led you to your outburst. Tell her that you don't feel you can continue to tolerate her treatment of you and you no longer wish to be friends.
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I want to keep more things to myself. I complain about everything all the time, and I always talk about people, good or bad. I hate it, how do I learn not to tell people everything, like when to stop? thanks! (link)
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I have *exactly* the same problem and it makes you feel so self-conscious because you can actually SEE people's eyes glaze over when you start talking to them!!
Like you, I've been trying to work out ways to not do this so I'll give you my tip. Every time I think of something and want to tell someone, I stop for a moment and consider whether the person I was going to tell would really be interested. Would the guy I work with but don't know really be interested in the fact my cat took a sausage roll from the bin?? Would the person I sit next to really care to discuss the idiot driver that cut me up on the way to work??
If I can't definitely say that yes, it is a topic that would interest them, I file it away for later in my mind. In most cases, I then forget about it and it isn't a problem any more.
With the complaining, I try to remind myself of how it must sound to other people when I talk. Think about the MOST annoying person you have known. Someone who whinged about things constantly (or imagine someone like that). Then, decide whether or not you really want to mention it and risk being thought of in that way, or whether you can keep it inside.
I would also support someone else's suggestion that you get somewhere to note all of your thoughts down. I have kept a diary for the last 8-9 years now and I find it really helps to relieve the thoughts I have by being able to write them down.
Don't worry, with a bit of practise it does get easier. You just have to learn when to tell and when to remain a Woman of Mystery!
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dear Vikki27
My best mate a i had a fight at school over whos sheose they were mine or hers. At breack she came over and tried to say sorry, but i ignord her. Then at home i felt bad and called her up to say sorry but her mum said she was out with a girl from school Rosie!!!![ she had just stopped bulling me].
At school she was hanging around with her and when i came over to her she said she liked Rosie as a best mate and not me.
what do i do from
bumed out
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Hi there,
First of all, I'm really sorry for the delay in getting back to you.
The problem is that the arguments that cause the most problems are usually over the oddest of things, like this! Unfortunately, it means that they can be very difficult to resolve.
I think the issue over the shoes needs to be kicked out of the door for the minute, because the thing you sound most bothered about is your friend deciding to be best friends with the girl who was tormenting you.
I highly suspect that the main reason for this particular friendship is to make sure you feel jealous and hurt. After all, if you wanted to upset a friend after an argument, who would be more hurtful to befriend? A random girl or the person who made your ex best friend miserable? The good news of this is that it means she shouldn't be as close to this girl as she was to you.
The best thing you can do now is to swallow the whole lot and apologise again. Say you're sorry for the argument and it doesn't matter whose shoes they were because you miss being friends with her and that's more important. Whatever you do, stay away from the topic of this Rosie girl. If she's just friends with her to make you jealous, the worst thing you could do would be to mention her in any way. I know you won't want to hear this...but if she actually does want to be friends with Rosie, you can't say or do anything about it because anything you say will come across wrong. You can be friends with anyone you like, but you can never tell them who to be friends with because it is a surefire way to lose friends.
After you have apologised, see what she says. If she says she is sorry too and wants to be friends then all is well and good and hopefully things will go back to the way they were before. You have these little arguments so that you can eventually find ways to not have them as you get older. For example, should the same situation rise again, you just share them or you make sure neither of you have them or you go out and find another pair of shoes you like and split the cost 50/50 to even the score.
However, if she doesn't want to be friends yet, then effectively you have put the ball back in her court by apologising and after this, it is up to her. Just tell her you wanted to say you were sorry and if she doesn't want to accept your apology or still doesn't want to be friends then it's entirely up to her, but at least she knows where you stand. Then walk away and leave it to her.
Whatever happens, I assure you that there will be other friends and other best friends. Occasionally arguments like this will arise but if that dissolves the friendship then you have to ask yourself, was the friendship ever that strong in the first place if it couldn't survive a fight over something so small?
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14/f
all of my friends drink and ive never even tried or got drunk. they all want me too and everything but im afaird and i dont know if i should.. and if it really is that bad..i know soooooo many people who have drank and they seem alright. but just scared and i need advice ! (link)
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You know what? I'm 21 now and I didn't start drinking til I was 18. I actually started drinking my first alcohol on my 18th birthday.
I know peer preassure is tough but you have to stay strong against it because if you give in once, it's easier to give in time and time again.
I've never given in to peer pressure in my life. Yes, it can make you lonely sometimes but I have NO REGRETS about not giving in. I've never done drugs, never even touched a cigarette, I've only ever been hungover once (trust me, it's a HORRIBLE experience and I don't understand why people keep trying to give themselves them!!)and I've never stolen from or tormented people just because the people I was with thought it would be funny.
You only get one shot at life. What do YOU want to do with it?
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one of my best friends is reall y mean to me. everything i do is wrong and its always MY fault. she gets mad at the littleist things. all i have to do is call her cell phone and she starts a HUGE fight. im sick and tierd of it!!!!!!! but shes also best friends with all my other best friends and she rides my bus. so i cant avoid her and its kinda hard not to be friends with her since we have been friends for a while but i dont know what to do!!! i need help so i would love it thank in advance!! (link)
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I actually had a similar problem with a friend a while ago and although it is hard, it does reach a point where you just have to draw the line.
I know that it is difficult but try to look at it this way...if you just met her today, would you still want to be her friend? If you are having difficulties with friends, this is often the best way to assess the situation. If in your heart of hearts you know she is not really a good friend to you, then you need to get out of the friendship.
The chances are, it won't be as easy as just breaking off contact with her so you may need to stand up for yourself during the next argument and tell her you want nothing more to do with her. After this point, she may well try to get back in contact with you and make you be friends with her. If she makes you miserable now, resist this. It's easy to go back and you will end up going through the same thing again. Sadly, I know this from experience.
Stand up for yourself, tell her you deserve better from a friend and leave it at that. Then, go and make the most of your other friends or make new ones.
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I'm a married man. I used to have a group of female friends in high school and they recently contacted me. I want to see them, but my wife would probably not want me to. Should I see them secretly, ask my wife and respect her wishes, or tell my wife and do as I please? We are just friends. (link)
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Doing anything like this in secret is a recipe for disaster in any relationship, whether you are married or not so I would immediately advise against this. Look at it this way, do you think it would make anything better were she to find out that you had lied to her?
The problem is that a lot of women tend to be insecure when it comes to men, so the prospect of their beloved wanting to hang out with a bunch of potentially attractive women is very daunting. She doesn't know them and for all she knows, they could be just waiting to take her wonderful husband away from her.
If this is likely to be the situation, you need to sit her down and actually give her the opportunity to react to this information. If you haven't told her about it yet, you have no way of knowing what she will say, so that is the first thing you need to do. The chances are, it might concern her a little so what I would strongly recommend is that rather than let these women remain an unnerving mystery to her, let her meet them too. Perhaps not the first time you see them because the chances are this will make the matter worse. You will be talking about old times together and she will feel left out.
However, after that, you could arrange a barbeque or some other kind of gathering and let her get to know them, so that she knows they are not a threat.
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I feel like I am not needed. Like I don't have a purpose on this Earth. I feel like if I was gone, no one would notice. And I honestly believe that no one would. I would be gone for weeks before any of my "friends" noticed I was gone. And my family, they would all move on extremely quickly. I am always forgotten, left on the sidelines, doing nothing, locked up in my room, wishing that someone loved me....
How do I get pass this? (link)
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I'm so sorry that things are so tough for you right now. What you're feeling right now really isn't that uncommon and that's the first thing you need to realise.
You need to have a good long think about what it is that has made you feel this way and if there is any way at all that you could have helped the situation. I'm not saying it's your fault but what I am saying is that sometimes we do things every day that separate ourselves from others without even realising it and if we can work out what we do, we can fix it and be open to others again. I went through the same thing myself and I used to shut myself away in a classroom away from my own, by myself because I felt like nobody noticed me. Then I realised nobody noticed me because I was never there and when I was there, I warded people away with my negativity. People avoided me becasue I was upset all the time and they didn't know what to say to me. So this is why I say you need to think about this.
Next, you need to find a reason, a purpose for your life. It doesn't have to be anything huge. You don't need to rush into meeting that special someone or having children. What you need to do is work out what you used to feel passionate about and then find a way to work with that. For example, if you were good at drama, find yourself an amateur dramatics group where you can get involved in acting in real productions. If you liked writing, commit yourself to writing a book or a story. If you liked sports, find a sport you enjoyed and join a team. Whatever it is, make sure it is something that you can devote yourself to and try to make it social if you can. If it's not social, make sure it's something uplifting (i.e - if you want to write something, write a comical or enchanting children's novel).
Believe me, people DO notice you and people would be devestated and crushed if anything happened to you. The fact is that with the busy lives everyone has today, sometimes they forget to truly appreciate the ones they care about and they feel pushed into the sidelines. If that is the case, then remind them you're there. Get out of your locked room and go join them. Try to get them engaged in a game or a family outing or even just sit and talk with them or watch TV. Please remember that however low you might feel right now, you won't make yourself feel like they notice you if you shut yourself away, which prevents them from noticing you. I hope that makes sense...
It always hurts to feel forgotten or unimportant and it's easy at times like this to subject ourselves to criticism and self loathing but it won't make things better. You need to throw open your curtains and MAKE people notice you. Just try being more involved and you really have to make an effort. If it doesn't work to begin with, it's purely because people might not be used to it but you keep at it and I promise you, you will notice a change in them. Maybe even you too.
In the meantime, if you need to talk, please feel free to contact me any time. I know how hard things can be.
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sorry if this is long.. but pleasee read.. thanks soo much in advance..
well i have or had.. a really good friend... lets call him jack.. and me and jack have known each other since 2nd grade.. and well.. me and jack get into alot.. and i mean ALOT of fights.... and well i think that we arent friends anymore.. cause i said (which i should not have said) i understand if you dont want to be friends anymore... and then.. he just didnt say anything.. so i guess that means we arent friends..(right?) and i've just known him for soo long.. i dont want to lose him as a friend... but should i just give up on trying to make our friendship work? or should i try something to be friends with him.. and if so.. what should i say or do?? THANKSS ALOTT FOR ANSWERINGGG... (link)
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If you are really fighting that much then I guess the truth of the situation is that you haven't really been friends with each other for some time, especially if they are particularly vicious. People put the title 'friend' on someone and then if this happens, it's always a big decision whether or not to remove the title. Actually, a friend is only as good as their behaviour towards you. If they don't treat you as a friend, they aren't your friend at all and you deserve better.
I know it's nasty to have to say goodbye to someone who meant a lot to you in the past but it sounds like it would be the right thing to do right now. Maybe at some point in the future you will be able to be friends again but right now you need to cut this one loose and focus on the people who really can be good friends to you. Don't worry, you will be fine without him.
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I'm in my first serious relationship with an amazing guy. My family & friends all like him, and of course I like him very much. The problem is, since him and I have been together, I've spent less time with friends. They have been trying to hangout with me, but for some reason I have more fun with my boyfriend. I feel like a horrible friend because these girls are great friends. Is it so wrong that I'd rather be with my boyfriend at this point in my life? (17/F) (link)
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Technically speaking (and certainly from your friends point of view) it's not a very nice way to be. However, something that a lot of women will understand and something your friends will understand when it happens to them is that when you meet a guy you truly care about and are very happy with, there will be an initial period at least where they get put on the backburner. In fact, that's where pretty much everything goes while you are in what is commonly known as 'the honeymoon period'. This is the stage during which everything can be going wrong. The world can be crashing down around you but you won't notice because you're so happy and loved up!
It's not really something I would call a bad thing because it happens to everyone at one point or other. Your friends just need to realise that you need to get this out of your system and then you will be happier to see more of them (I wouldn't put it in exactly those words though!)
The same thing happened to me. I started going out with my guy three years ago and for around 6 months to a year it was "What friends?!" but now things have evened out a little bit and when they're back from uni, I see them whenever I can.
The best thing I can suggest for now is that you make sure when you aren't with your boyfriend, you spend a good amount of time on the phone to your friends or text or e-mail them. That way you show you haven't totally forgotten them and they won't forget you. So when the honeymoon period is over, you'll still have friends to go back to.
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okay so here's the deal. I'm 16/f and my best friend is a guy. He's attractive but i've never really like thought about doing anything sexual with him. He used to date one of my other friends, and now he's asking me to do stuff with him. I'm sure if I should. I'd feel bad because of my friend, but I want to at the same time because I haven't been with anyone in along time. Considering i've only been with 2 other guys. What should I do? Am i bad person for even considering it? (link)
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I really don't think you are a bad person for considering it because the fact is that he's an attractive guy. What might make you a bad person is acting on those feelings without speaking to your friend first.
I have to make a point that if he's just asking you to do stuff with him but doesn't want to go out with you as well, he doesn't sound like a great guy. He might be attractive but he clearly doesn't have any respect for you as a person because he doesn't have the decency of having a relationship with you while asking you to do stuff with him.
Now, you might be happy with this sort of situation. I know a lot of people are. However, if you don't want to risk your friendship with the girl who previously dated him, I seriously advise that you ask her if she minds BEFORE you agree to do anything with him. If you agree to do say yes to doing anything with him or worse still, actually DO anything without getting her seal of approval first and she then finds out, you can kiss goodbye to your friendship.
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i recently learned that one of my very close friends is bisexual. She didnt tell me, i just kinda found out through the grapevine. Well, I'm fully supportive of her and everything, but I just dont know how to deal with it. How do i tell her I know? I dont want things to be different between us, because we're really good friends. Help please.
Sincerely,
Confused (link)
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Since this is probably quite a difficult time for her right now (especially if she didn't mean the fact she is bisexual to get out), the best thing you could probably do is to just talk to her about it in a very open and honest way, so that she knows you are okay with it.
Arrange to meet her out somewhere, go shopping or something and talk to her. Try something along the lines of "Look, I heard a rumour that you were bisexual and I'm not sure if it is true or not but I want you to know that if it IS true, I still want to be your friend and it doesn't change anything with our friendship. If it isn't, then at least you know the rumour is going round." Hopefully, this will show her that you don't have a problem with it and if the rumour is true, she should open up to you about it and life can go on as normal.
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My best friend, Hillary, all the sudden likes Mike. They are now going out, Mike is a bad kid. No joke, he's only 12, [shes thirteen] and he's already had sex with another girl, cheated on 3 of his girlfriends, he smokes, drinks, and is on drugs. Hillary knows all this, but doesn't care. I can't pull her away from him, and even since they started going out, its like, shes trying to ignore me, ditch me, and just forget about me. I've tried calling her, IMing her, talking to her, but she won't listen, I don't want anything bad to happen to her, what should I do? x3 (link)
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This is a terrible position for you to have to be in. I'm sorry your friend is doing this to you.
My guess is that, for whatever reason, your friend really likes this guy and because of this, right now it is just easier to ignore the truth and focus on the fantasy of him.
Due to the way she is shutting you out, as much as I hate to do this, there is very little you can do. I'm sure the idea of speaking to her parents has crossed your mind but I would advise against this because it isn't something that she will thank you for. Unfortunately, what she is doing right now is making a mistake that she has to make and recover from on her own.
This means that you need to let her go out with this guy and go through whatever horrible ordeal it takes for her to realise what a terrible choice she has made in persuing him. Now, what you need to also do is to let her know that you aren't going to bug her about it any more and that although you don't agree with her decision to go out with him, you want her to know that you are there for her and will be there if anything bad happens. She needs to know that she can come to you without having to fight too much of her own pride in the process. I'm sensing from your message that she is probably a very proud person, so even if she does work out he's bad news, she's unlikely to want to admit it so you need to make it as easy as possible for her to come to you when everything goes belly up.
If and when this happens, just be there to help her pick up the pieces. Give her a shoulder to cry on. Don't tell her you told her it was a bad idea or suggest in any way that you knew all along what would happen, because believe me, she will already know. Try to keep it as friendly but neutral as possible and help her get things back on track.
Don't worry, most girls that go out with bad guys learn very quickly their decision was a poor one.
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HEY, i am sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry that ths is so long but i really need your help~~
ive been thinging about it lately, and i dont really have a group of people i can really call my "friends", mostly because they dont act like it. ive got a friend who is a total slut, a friend who gets on my nerves, a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend, someone who i am nice to, and someone who i call my bestfriend who i am not sure is my bestfriend for real. She is so fun to hang out with and when we hang out we have a blast! we hang out ALL THE TIME 24/7. seriously. if she isnt spending the night at my house, im spending the night at her house. it gets annoying sometimes but we always fall through and are friends again. lately she has been really mean and shitty to me and ive been thinking about it and im not sure if i stay her friend because i am scared that i wont find another best friend, maybe because ill miss her, or maybe its because i am scared of her. scared? yeah im scared of her. your probably wondering, why are you scared of your best friend. well it all started in 5th grade when we got in to a fight. i had only known her for 1 year by then but we got in to this fight and then she turned ALL of my friends against me. it sucked, but it wasnt only me who she did it to it was our other friends. believe me, ive tried to do it to her but its like shes got them under this spell, yeah thats lame to say but i feel like she has them undercontrol. the only reason why i dont bitch her out and tell her the truth is because with out her, i would have NO FRIENDS,. seriously you may thinking im exagerating (sp) but im not, this girl can do horrible things to people. she is a bitch. why is she my bestfriend your prolly wondering, she isnt a bitch all the time, but most of the time she is. i have a really bad memory and she uses that agaisnt me and puts words in to my mouth and she lies to me ALL THE TIME! she is good at it too. i hate it. my sister has really great friends and she is only 1 year older than me but still she has the greatest friends. they are always there for her when her boyfriend is mean to her or if she is having fam. problems, they are there for her ALWAYS! i just wish sometimes that i could have friends like that. i mean i dont know what i would be like if i wasnt friends with my best friend. i recently lost a best friend because she deciced to be a freaking skank and make out 8 TIMES! with this guy i liked but i am totally over it because i am glad we arent friends, she was annoying but anyways. the whole advice i really need is, what should i do. should i keep being friends with my bestfriend or drop her? my mom tells me that we should spend time away from eachother and i try but we always end up ahnging out. tomorrow i have summer school and she is in it with me and i am thinking about telling her i have other plans or that i just dont wanna hang out. see now the thing is i could make other plans but i just dont feel like it. ive been eyeing some boys and they always ask me to hang out but for some reason i always blow them off for her and when i get a chance that i can actually hang out with them i dont! i dont know why. but i picked you out of my 10 fav. columnists because you give good advice, not putting any pressure on you or anything but i really need some good advice! please help!!!! i am 15 years old and i am a gurl. i live in a life of lies and i cant trust anyone and my best friend IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE! help!
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Heya!
First of all, don't worry about the length. You type until you've got it all out. That's a good thing!
I have to admit that I have been in a very similar situation myself and had a friend much like yours, while having no other real friends that I could count on if I ditched her. As such, I ended up in the exact position you are in now! Eventually, I am pleased to say that I did ditch her, following a few unmentionable betrayals.
From my experience with this, the best advice I can give you is to try to distance yourself from her. I know it's a scary thought but I recommend this to you because I really don't want you to go through the hell I had to. You seem like a really nice person so there is no doubt in my mind that you would be able to make new friends with little trouble.
Now, I would advise against a big confrontation with her, if at all possible. Instead, try distancing yourself from her. Start accepting invitations from other people, or ask other people to hang out instead. If you keep turning down invitations long enough, people will stop asking, so don't let that happen and if you think you are at risk of losing potential friends, ask them! Try to arrange a trip to the cinema or bowling or the mall. Anywhere that you can hang out with some new people.
I know this is easier said than done. Don't worry, I've been there. But if your friend really can cause all the trouble between people that you have explained in your message, it is possible that others too deeply dislike her to want anything to do with you (again, something that happened to me). Some people are easily threatened and if she is quite an intimidating person, it is very likely that she is, inadvertently, scaring away others.
The problem with breaking off a friendship is that there are always going to be doubts. Did you do the right thing? Was she really as bad as you thought? What about all the good times you had? Did the bad really outweight the good?
This sort of thinking is what leads people back into the path of the person they were trying to get rid of. The truth of the matter is, you need to answer these questions before you do anything. If she is as bad as she sounds, then it sounds as though the bad outweighs the good. After all, what sort of friend turns someone's other friends against them? No friend at all. I'm sure you would never do that to her.
Obviously the decision at the end of the day is up to you as to whether you wish to stay friends with her but if she really isn't a goos friend with you and there is an opportunity to find friendship elsewhere (I would like to add, with boys! Always a good idea!), you should grab it while you can. Friendships like this should always be assessed on the basis of whether they cause you more negative feelings or positive feelings. It sounds as though it's negative in your case and you would be better off out of it.
So stop blowing off the potential good friends in your life, get rid of the ones that are causing you more trouble than happiness and try to move on. It's never easy leaving friends behind, no matter how much trouble they have been but trust me, in a few years, you will look back and feel so glad you got out when you did.
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