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More Preserved
I want to keep more things to myself. I complain about everything all the time, and I always talk about people, good or bad. I hate it, how do I learn not to tell people everything, like when to stop? thanks!
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I have *exactly* the same problem and it makes you feel so self-conscious because you can actually SEE people's eyes glaze over when you start talking to them!!
Like you, I've been trying to work out ways to not do this so I'll give you my tip. Every time I think of something and want to tell someone, I stop for a moment and consider whether the person I was going to tell would really be interested. Would the guy I work with but don't know really be interested in the fact my cat took a sausage roll from the bin?? Would the person I sit next to really care to discuss the idiot driver that cut me up on the way to work??
If I can't definitely say that yes, it is a topic that would interest them, I file it away for later in my mind. In most cases, I then forget about it and it isn't a problem any more.
With the complaining, I try to remind myself of how it must sound to other people when I talk. Think about the MOST annoying person you have known. Someone who whinged about things constantly (or imagine someone like that). Then, decide whether or not you really want to mention it and risk being thought of in that way, or whether you can keep it inside.
I would also support someone else's suggestion that you get somewhere to note all of your thoughts down. I have kept a diary for the last 8-9 years now and I find it really helps to relieve the thoughts I have by being able to write them down.
Don't worry, with a bit of practise it does get easier. You just have to learn when to tell and when to remain a Woman of Mystery!
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As somebody already suggested, start writing in a journal. Write down everything and anything you want because who else is going to see it? Make sure you keep it in a safe place though! One of my good friends suggested that because we both have the same problem, we don't know when to keep our mouths shut. It worked for us so it should work for you!
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i would suggest to buy a good old 5 subject notebook. and write everything in there. that way, you get it out, and you're not telling people everything that you don't want to tell them. and that way, you're talking about people and complaining, but you can keep it to yourself and you can vent your anger whenever you want, and no one has to know.
hope i helped!
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I know this is really stupid but take time to listen to what your friends have to say, maybe they have some secrets that they want to tell you cause you are always in the spot light...Oh, and you know you have gone to far if someone says "Oooo, Im telling" or "Eww". If you want more advice mail me! I will talk about anything!
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I think that when you are beginning to complain stop yourself and think about(like the others below my answer) how your words are going to affect the person you are going to tell them to. If you find you can't stop simply bite something so then they won't be able to hear what you say.
Best Wishes,
B.
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I think your a very open person-probably more frank than most of us.
Being open can be very beautiful-that is without the "complain about everything all the time".
Here's a tip: the next time you are about to complain about something you should do one of two things: 1)try to think how it could be worse
OR
2)try to think on the posotive side of
things.
And the next time you are about to talk about someone good or bad, think of how it might affect the person and whether it's appropriate or neccessary.
Lastly, try listening to what others have to say more. People will start to look at you differently too for 'there are few who don't become more interestingwhen they stop talking.' Mary Lowry
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Take a few moments to yourself before you open your mouth and spill everything out.
Think about what you will say is going to affect you or other positivly or negatively.
If you complain to much, you may start to bore people. When you think you're losing slight attention of one person, just stop. Turn to another topic and make sure it won't hurt you or others.
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