about

Hey, I'm LadyJade. I created this column mainly because I genuinely love to help people with stuff that they are going through or share with them stuff that I may have gone through or may even be going through. I love people who are "real" and down-to-earth.

'Life's a stage on which we are the actors.' The actors need direction and I want to help with that.

advice

hello i'm 17 year old woman and i'm pregnant and don't know if i should get an abortion or not both me and my boyfriend havent told our parents and i'm scared of there reaction because my parents are very religous Catholics and would kill me if they found out if i did anything like this i'm leaning more towards getting an aborting because i can't take care of a baby and i have a career to look forward to this is my senior year in high school and me and my boyfriend have a very good chance of getting noticed for sports and a baby would heavily destroy that so what should i do?

I must say that having an abortion is and will always be up to you. But as a someone who has gone through being pregnant and scared I can relate to what you are going through and can only tell you what the calm after the storm feels like.

Right now my son is 1yr & 5 months old and I wouldn't trade him for all the wealth and riches in the world. And whilst I admit that I have resolved not to have any more kids, I'm so glad that I made the choice to keep him. You see, in this-the 21st century, kids are no longer a valid excuse to not reach your goals & aspirations. They add purpose to your life. My son has definitely added purpose to my life and he has inspired me to stop lagging about and run towards my goals and dreams. Best of all, my eyes have been opened to different avenues through which I can achieve those goals an d dreams. True success in life is success achieved through real adversity.

Yes, your parents may be mad & harsh but soon they'll fall in love with the idea of having a grandchild like most do anyway.

Yes, you may feel like you are not ready to be a parent but nobody can really be ready to be a parent-no amount of books, advice,age or money can make you ready. You learn as you go.

Lastly, why go around for the rest of your life regretting and/or wondering what if? But like in the end it's up to you.

Hope I helped in some way.
Lady Jade


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17/f my bf is 18

My bf and I seem to clash a lot. We live together, but he tends to get annoyed easily, he is impatient sometimes, and he gets mad for no reason sometimes. I, on the other hand, am very sensitive, have a lot of patience and have a high tolerance, but my emotions get the best of me and I break down. So when my bf and I fight, it's like none of us apologize, things are said, and we just ignore each other or act like we are separated. And I know it's partly my fault for acting the same way by ignoring him, but I end up hurt and lock myself in the bathroom and let my emotions out.. (Im a big crier). I really don't know what to do... We have been together for 2 years and sincerely love each other but during these moments, I easily get hurt and he sucks at comforting me... I hate when he gets pissy or anything along the lines of it, because either I start losing patience little by little, or I get hurt...

Am I just too high maintenance or is it him?

Thanks in advance.

From experience, usually in a relationship, when one or both partners tend to get easily annoyed and impatient often for no apparent reason it's because of an unaddressed issue. There's something in your relationship that is bothering your partner that he feels is being ignored.

I remember when I used to get like that and it was because I was feeling neglected by my boyfriend. I was asking for more time and not seeing him making any effort to spend more time with me so I began feeling shortchanged. I began to feel like I deserved better and that's where the negative emotions originated. They disappeared once we started spending more quality time together.

So you need to sit with him and ask the relevant questions that will no doubt lead to the real cause of his behavior.

Email me the results.


Much Luv
Lady Jade

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To start with, I have met a guy who I really like. At first we got along so well, he was always complimenting me and telling me he liked me. We've kissed but we haven't really gone any further. He told his best friend (who then told me) that he was going to ask me out. 2 weeks later and he still hasn't! I didn't mention it to him though, but the guy I like then said to me "I really like you, but i'm just not ready" and I said ready for what? And he said a relationship.

This always confuses me when I hear guys say this - yes I know it means what it says..but I just think what does he expect from me now, does he just want to be friends? Because if he wanted to just be friends then why does he keep texting/emailing me saying how much he likes me? And telling his friends that he really likes me. His best friend said that he ended his last relationship because he felt he was ready. I don't know what to do guys.

Razhie said it well. But I'd like to add that his saying "just not ready" and his persistent texts/emails is also a tell tale sign that he's just interested in trying to hook up with you and nothing further. You need to get emotionally detached from that guy and start looking for someone who really wants to be with in a relationship. Trust me. You'll be better off.

Feel free to email me anytime.
Lady Jade

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16/m
I'm so sick of being alive. Everything is so hard. I can't stand it. It's like I'm doing something wrong. I have few friends, but it doesn't matter because I don't like them. I don't like any one. People don't meet my standards and they never will. And when it comes to girls I have no idea what I'm doing. It's like there's some secret technique that every one but me seems to understand. My problems with girls contribute the most to my loneliness and depression. I'm unmotivated in school, because I care more about trying to find a place I belong, trying to find some one who understands me. I can hardly sleep because I'm always worrying about all this. I'm scared I'll never have friends. I'm scared I'll never have a good job. I'm scared I'll never have my first kiss or have sex, and if I do it will be with some one I don't want to do it with. Somewhere between now and the next few years I 100% sure I'll be dead. I can't take it anymore. I've been to therapy and they even locked me up like a criminal in a mental health ward, but to no avail. I hate life. I hate myself. I hate every one, especially if they're happy. I don't see things ever getting better. Please help me. And don't post anything about God, Jesus, or religion of any kind, it will be an automatic 1 on your rating.

Hey, I'd be happy to help you get through this 'cause I've been there too!!

E-mail me
LadyJade

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I'm not a novice when it comes to the topic of suicide, but I am now facing a situation and I have no idea what to do. Over the past year, my friend(Hannah), and I have been writing letters to each other, even though we see each other every day. Well, I've found out things about her, and she about me, through these letters. She's really depressed and wants to kill herself. I've told her that if she wants to find someone who can help, I'll help her find someone. But, a few days ago, she told me that she didn't care whether or not she lived or died, so she wouldn't be helping me find someone to help her. So now, I feel as if her life is in my hands. My problem is, I don't know who to talk to. Hannah swears that she won't be mad at me if I tell someone, I just don't know who to tell. HELP ME, PLEASE!

This is a serious situation. You need to tell anyone with authority to get her help fast-a close relative of hers, a counselor -an older person who can help her.

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i got a good body all i really want is a flatter stomach, its not that big its just got a little fat that bugs me , i wanna be able to wear short tops n not be insecure about it please tell me how 2 make my stomach look hot

Doing sit ups daily will solve that problem. Start with a few and work yourself up. You'll have a flatter stomach sooner than you think.

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can you tell your bf you love him if youve only been datn a month

If you REALLY love him, you can. True love has no real rules-it's unlimited!

There are people who have claimed to fall in love at first sight and have spent the rest of their lives together-very happy.However, for most people it takes a little more time.

If you're having doubts to whether you really love him or not then it's too soon to tell him you love him. If you love him-then go ahead!


Just keepin' it real
LadyJade

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My best guy friend has recently unloaded all his problems; I found out his dad's cheating on his mom, his grandpa died (his grandpa was like his excape from his parents) his parents continuesly fight, his grades are slipping, and he's been coming to school with alot of bruises latley.

I don't know how to handle this. I really like him and I want to help, but what should I say to him? What should I do?

A great friend stays by their friend's side when they'd rather be anywhere else.

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I was with this guy for over a year. We broke up a couple of times. He always did it though except for the last time (He liked some other girl, still liked me but he only went out with me to make me happy .. so I ended it)

So months pasted, his crush is gone.. and he likes me.

And about a week ago, he said we would get back together. So it's like okay...

We both have a friend that we talk to. He told her, that "He was going to the next game and said not to tell ME. Because he wants ME to stop liking him." kinda thing.

He always tells her all of that stuff and he acts all nice to me. In the past, he has lied to me (i didnt know because i was stupid to believe him) so.. he's just doing this to me.

So.. I realized that I deserve someone better. I only liked him because the first time we went out. He was really nice and funny. But when I think of him now, it's too much drama and emotions wasted on him.

So we are really close. He's one of the people I talk to everyday. (We don't go to the same school)

My question is:
How could I get over him?
I obviously dont like him as much as before.

But how do I go about telling him or showing him this?

He has hurt me so much.. that I want to hurt him too. (I know it's childish but it makes me so angry that he keeps doing this to me)

I'm not sure if I should end our friendship by just avoiding him, not talking to him, or anything for a long time.. Just so I wont "Get over him" and forget about him.

Homegirl, it sounds like you let him do this to you. There comes a time in every girl's life when she has to grow a backbone and move on-this is it! You deserve better.

I'll bet if he sees that you have forgoten about him and moved on to other-much better projects, he will have regrets of the way he's treated you.

It's typical Human Nature: WE WANT WHAT WE CAN"T HAVE AND UNDERAPPRECIATE WHAT WE DO HAVE

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15/f - Grade Ten in highschool
If you read this whole question and answer, thank you so much. My happiness is on the line, and I would really appreciate any help I can get. I will appropriately rate all answers. :)

When I entered grade eight (first year of highschool) I kept friends with some people from elementary school. After a year passed they told me I was an ugly bitch and a loser. They said it over the computer, not even to my face. I ditched them and made new friends, it took a year but finally I remade my life. Best thing that ever happened to me.

Over the summer I became friends with a new group of people and for the last month and a half I have been with them all of the time at school. I do not see my old friends because of their schedules, unfortunately.

These new friends have been ignoring me for the past month. They make plans infront of me without inviting me, don't save me a seat in classes and overall just ignore me. I knew it was because the 'leader' of the group was threatened by me because I was (not purposely) stealing attention away from her. She didn't want to deal with the competition so she started to ignore me. Everyone else started to follow, and soon it became really obvious.

Today I invited one of the girls to go shopping with me and she was supposed to call me yesterday but didn't. When I called her this morning she lied and said she 'didn't know' that one of my others friend's birthday party was today so she couldn't come.

The other girl, having the birthday party, invited basically everyone she knew to the mall to go shopping. There was not a limit on people that could come, but I was the only person not invited.

I have not done anything wrong, at all.
I know I can't be friends with them anymore, but I have run out of options. My school isn't that big and because of the events over the last two years, I have tried being friends with everyone. I have run out of options.

I tried talking to my 'friends' about ignoring me but they ignored me. I should of known better.

What should I do? I do not have any more options of friends here.

So far I have only thought of moving, but for all of that work, will I really find any decent people?

Or I could always not be friends with anyone until I graduate and people mature.

Finally, if I stayed friends with them (or tried) I would have to put up with how bad they are to me. Should I really have to do that?

Girl, reality check-GET NEW FRIENDS who are more down to earth. You do not have to move or anything like that-just change your friends. You sound like you are hangin' with the popular crowd. Well most of those people are usually fake and shallow. If you fit that description then go ahead and put up with them. If you're not fake and shallow then there are Alot of other people out there who'll love you for you.

You're young and may not see it now but Remember YOUR HAPPINESS IS DEPENDENT ON YOU.

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if i go to a cheap nail place, how much does it usually cost to get fake nails put on? and also around how long do they stay on?

Hon, there's nothing like the real thing. I can't help you here 'cause I aint a fan of fake claws.



Just keepin' it real.

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I saw an ex of mine (lets call her girl F) in town today, she was actually quite shocked at how i had change.
On MSN, later that day, she asked me if we wanted to get back together...i asked my mate what he think's and he says she's shallow and is after me because i seem 'fit' to her. I do not know how tell tell her that i don't want to get back together. Any ideas on how i should?

Hon. the truth is if she only likes you now for the way you 'look', chances are she IS shallow and is not worth your time.

Just tell her you do not think getting back together is a good idea and that you're sorry but you think it's best this way.

It'll save you both alot of time-time that you could put into a more meaningful relationship.

Just keepin'it real.

I'm always here,
Lady Jade

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i'm 14 years oldand i'm a freshmen and i had never had a kiss before...is this embarrasing???

Not at all! I got my first kiss at 14. You'll get yours in time. Remember-you never forget your first kiss-so let it be with someone you really like and who likes you too.

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all my freinds are like super depressed and im starting to catch it to. so i tryed to cheer them up and guess what they seem to hate ME now what should i do.

If all your friends are super depressed all the time hon., it's time to get new friends. Friends that will influence you for the better.

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Ok, i am the last person in the world to ever try to show off my looks or my body, and i hate talking about my appearance because i am so slender. People tell me im gorgeous, and that i'll be happy i was skinny when i was young because ill benifit later in life. Everyone tells me i could be a model blah blah . I hate it. Especially since people think models are all b*tchy and high maintanence. So one day, i applied on model search america.com, and they phoned me back and want me to go to las vegas for an interview. How do i even tell anyone about this? If i tell my friends they'll think im trying to get attention. Im obviously not gonna go , but still. Please tell me what i should do! Emma

You know you wanna go-you wouldn't have applied if you weren't even a little bit interested/curious.

My advice is: follow your heart. Do what you gotta do and forget what everybody says. They might just be jealous-food for thought.
Don't be afraid to shine.

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I was dating a guy who joined the army, and he was scheduled to leave for basic training at the end of May or beginning of June. At the beginning of May, he started to ignore me. Wouldn't answer phone calls or anything. I had no idea what was going on, because I had seen him the night before he started to ignore me and everything was fine. This continued for about two weeks, until he finally answered one of my messages by breaking up with me. He was worried that it wouldn't work because he would be leaving for a long time after this year. He ignored me for another two weeks after that, and finally a few days before he left he let me know when he was leaving. I asked him if he would tell me when he was back, and he promised that he would.

I know from mutual friends that he is back, but he hasn't tried to contact me in any way. I don't know why, and I don't know if I should try to talk to him. I miss him so much it's almost unbearable, as a boyfriend, but even just as a friend and someone to talk to.

What should I do? I want him back in my life...I don't think that I will hear from him if I don't try to contact him first, and I really want to, but then I feel like I should respect his space because it's clear he doesn't want to talk to me, right? I am SO lost.

I knew this guy (only difference is he was my best friend) who was leaving town for what seemed like forever. He stopped talking to me and basically stopped being anything like a friend to me. That hurt me alot. The night before he left we were hanging with mutual friends and I confronted him about it when we were alone. I'd realized I loved him alot by then. Well, to cut a long story short, I ended up in tears and then he got teary-but that's not the interesting part. That night I found out that he loved me way more than a friend and he was just trying to avoid pain. We shared our first kiss that night. We kept in touch everyday while he was away and started a real relationship when he got back.

I told you this story to let you see that all may not be as they seem. There's a possibility that he likes you more than he's willing to amit. Your guy might just be guarding his heart against imaginable pain. He's avoiding you because he's avoiding pain.

He's yours if you can convince him to take the risk. But you gotta get him to talk to you first. It's best if it's face to face, like at a party or some other casual get together where the atmosphere is easygoing.

Good luck!

Hope I helped.
LadyJade

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Is it just me? Or questions on this site getting stupider and stupider? I mean, you should come to this site and talk about your problems, and try to get them worked out. More and more I'm seeing people talk about Myspace and things that they could really find else where. Is it just me? Or dose someone else out there agree that this needs to be cut down jus a bit

Thank you for noticing! I thought I was the only one who thought this. (phew!) I actually skip some of the questions all together-waste of brain power & precious time.

PLEASE PEOPLE, ASK SOMETHING WORTH ANSWERING!
Because I actually like this site and I don't wanna stop coming here.

Thank You.


Keepin it real
LadyJade

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ugh.. i don't know what to do! there's so many things that go wrong in my life, i just don't know how to handle it all..
first off my friends are making me feel like poop, just because i've messed up. they call me a slut and stuff too.. when i don't see how i am..
then there's this guy i like, and he just acts so mean to me, even though he knows i like him, and he told me that he doesnt want to be like all the other dick face guys that just use girls and be mean to them
also, there's this guy that i've had tiny feelings for since last year, and i just recently got over him, because he was so mean to me, and just used me. and then this girl told me that he never liked me and stuff.. but he's being so nice to me, and i'm afraid of liking him again, because i know that he'll just end up making me feel terrible again.. and i don't know how to stop myself from liking him
I just dont know how to handle life.. i used to not have anyfriends, because i was different and out there, and i was overweight and annoying.. but now that i have friends, and relationships, everything just seems to go wrong, its like once one problem is fixed another one pops up..
can someone help me with what to do to help straighten my life out?!

In continuation to holahayley56's answer:

You sound like you've got some self-esteem issues. I think it stems from your "i used to not have anyfriends, because i was different and out there, and i was overweight and annoying" stage.

Sounds like you need a guy to make you happy and feel accepted so you do anything (including have sex with him) to make him like you. Well honey, take my non-expert advice; you can't MAKE a guy like, muchless love, you. It has to be real & natural-comin' from his own heart. Especially guys who "act so mean" to you.

And that guy that told you that he "doesnt want to be like all the other dick face guys that just use girls and be mean to them" might actually care. He cared enough to tell you that much & he passed up the chance to take advantage of you.

Personally, I think you should be complete as your own person before you get in a relationship with someone else.

I think you should start practicing self-respect & learn how to raise your self-esteem.

Do it now! If you need help my inbox's always open.


LadyJade

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My dad was in a bad car accident a few days ago and he's still in the hospital. The doctors say he's stable but he's in a...coma. Which I don't even understand because how can he be stable if he's in a coma?


Well I'm supposed to be moving out in like, 10 days because I'm starting college and I'm moving 4 hours away. The thing is though, I don't want to leave my mom and my sister if my dad isn't conscious by then. I don't know what to do because I'm so scared about my dad and I don't want to leave.


Classes don't start until the 30th but move in day is in 10 days. I don't have to move in by moving day but I know I have to be there by the first day of classes. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to pay attention during class knowing that my dad is in the hospital. I just don't know what to do, I'm so confused.

This is tough. If you don't get there by the first day of classes you miss out ... but on the flipside-if you go any way you won't be able to cocentrate knowing that the people you love need you.
I think family comes first and you should really try to be there for your dad, your mom and sister. Maybe you could push back your college date 'cause you'd probably be off to a bad start-you'd be there physically but your heart & mind would be at home.

That's just my view. Ultimately, it's up to you. Search you heart of hearts-what would your dad want you to do?

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My boyfriend smokes weed and it really bothers me. I know it's HIS life and I shouldn't tell him what to do, but I don't want him to mess up his life. I know people say ciggs are worse then weed, but weed can still give you cancer. I don't want him to die I just want him to STOP doing drugs so I don't always have to worry about him. What can I say and do to help him stop smoking weed?

I'm going through the exact same thing. Let me tell you-it's hard.
You need to tell him how you feel about it. Tell him that you care about him but it really hurts you to see him messing up his life smoking weed and the bottom line is that he CAN get cancer.

It's important that you let know you'll love him either way.


However, after you make your feelings about his smoking weed clear to him it's up to him ultimately, to quit or not.

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