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losing a friend
I was dating a guy who joined the army, and he was scheduled to leave for basic training at the end of May or beginning of June. At the beginning of May, he started to ignore me. Wouldn't answer phone calls or anything. I had no idea what was going on, because I had seen him the night before he started to ignore me and everything was fine. This continued for about two weeks, until he finally answered one of my messages by breaking up with me. He was worried that it wouldn't work because he would be leaving for a long time after this year. He ignored me for another two weeks after that, and finally a few days before he left he let me know when he was leaving. I asked him if he would tell me when he was back, and he promised that he would.
I know from mutual friends that he is back, but he hasn't tried to contact me in any way. I don't know why, and I don't know if I should try to talk to him. I miss him so much it's almost unbearable, as a boyfriend, but even just as a friend and someone to talk to.
What should I do? I want him back in my life...I don't think that I will hear from him if I don't try to contact him first, and I really want to, but then I feel like I should respect his space because it's clear he doesn't want to talk to me, right? I am SO lost.
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I knew this guy (only difference is he was my best friend) who was leaving town for what seemed like forever. He stopped talking to me and basically stopped being anything like a friend to me. That hurt me alot. The night before he left we were hanging with mutual friends and I confronted him about it when we were alone. I'd realized I loved him alot by then. Well, to cut a long story short, I ended up in tears and then he got teary-but that's not the interesting part. That night I found out that he loved me way more than a friend and he was just trying to avoid pain. We shared our first kiss that night. We kept in touch everyday while he was away and started a real relationship when he got back.
I told you this story to let you see that all may not be as they seem. There's a possibility that he likes you more than he's willing to amit. Your guy might just be guarding his heart against imaginable pain. He's avoiding you because he's avoiding pain.
He's yours if you can convince him to take the risk. But you gotta get him to talk to you first. It's best if it's face to face, like at a party or some other casual get together where the atmosphere is easygoing.
Good luck!
Hope I helped.
LadyJade
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It sounds to me like he figured he was leaving and wanted to be free to meet and date others. I am not saying he isn't a schmuck just that he has made it semi clear that he wanted to end it. I think that he figured that it would be easier to cut and run then to break up with you at a later date.
As for his not calling you perhaps he made that promise so as to eradicate himself from having to talk or deal with you? He may have never planned to follow through on his promise.
He sounds like a total jerk, and as much as you miss him you are better to be rid of him now then to find out in a few months that he cheated on you or he just disappears. Your heart will heal and you will eventually meet the one you are meant to be with.
Hope this helps.
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That is a bit of a toughie.
I would say contact him. If you don't...it will always bother you. If he doesn't want anything to do with you after that, then there's not much you can do, right? You tried, and he didn't want anything...then just forget about it. And I know it's hard. You become such great friends with the guy you are dating and you trust him wholeheartedly and know you can tell him anything...and when that is taken away from you...you are not sure where to turn. Been there and I know how sucky it is. But, think of it this way...if after you have tried to contact him once...and he doesn't want anything to do with you, you can take that as closure. He's not going to be there for you anymore, and you can find another great guy who will like you more than you can even imagine.
Good luck,
Teacup
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This is a difficult one. If you were in the states, I would assume he is afraid that he is going to war and doesnt want you hurt by this, but I'm not sure I see a clear motive here.
As for being back, do you know if he will be back for a while or only a short time? If he is only back for a short time then he might not have wanted to bother you.
You should give him his space...Everything takes time, so you have to wait; but you must know when to not wait any longer and make a move yourself.
If you feel you need to make a move to see him, find out his agenda and casually 'run into' him at where ever he is soposed to be. Strike up some casual conversation and go with it from there. Some things are worth fighting for: you decide what those things are.
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Hmm, Hard question..
I know this feels in way. In my opinion I think he is just trying to prevent you from getting really hurt, or alone if he left for the army. I think he wanted to breakup with you because he didn't want to be a burden to you once he started to go to the army. He wanted you to find someone better, and someone who won't leave you behind by temporarily moving away. I strongly think he didn't do it to intentionally to hurt you, or dump you for someone else. I know you miss him dearly, but give it time for him to realize who he lost. If you two were really meant to be he would come back for you. The thing is, in some case when people go to the army they lose contact to those who were/are close to them so they are not some burden, and let them lead a normal life.
And for the part when he didn't answer to phone calls. He was probably pretty upset about the fact he had to leave you for the army. In your case it feels as if he does not want you to feel lonely while he was gone. He probably needed to think about the life ahead of him.
If giving him time and space seems pretty inefficient, try getting contact information from your friends, and call him up. But I strongly think if he really wanted to get into contact with you again he would of called.
I still think he just needs time about his stay in the army. From this point all you can do is wait to see if this relationship is really worth keeping.
But don't give up hope. He could be lost or confused. He may miss you dearly at this point but is not sure if it is right to turn back or not.
Realize being in the army is stressful, especially when knowing you will be away from everyone you care about for a long time. I'm sure that's the main thing he is thinking about.
So give it time, and give him some space.
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i'm not trying to sound mean but it really seems like he doesn't want to talk to you and i mean who knows the reason...guys can be quite confusing. If he said he would contact you and he hasn't i would just try calling him i mean if you guys aren't talking anyways what could it hurt? maybe he'll respond and maybe he won't but the least you can do is try. i know that it hurts and stuff but sometimes you have to let people go even when you don't want to =/ i hope this all works out for you
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This is a tough one. There are so many possibilities here. I don't know his reasons for not getting in touch with you. It could be that he is simply afraid. He could be afraid that you would have moved on so he is avoiding getting hurt, or that when he sees you neither of you will feel the same and he doesn't want to risk that awkwardness, or that he will not feel the same and you will so he wants to avoid hurting you. Or he knows that he has moved on as far as how he feels and he doesn't want to face you and end up seeing you hurt.
Honestly, I would give him a call. But before you do, get rid of all expectations. Guys just seem to sense when a girl has expectations and it puts them on the defensive. Call just to see how he is doing, to ask about his experiences in basic. Do NOT ask about your relationship. Let him bring it up when he is ready. Otherwise, you may come off as being clingy or pushy even if you aren't trying to. This will just push him away more. Be a friend, but don't be a pest. If he says he doesn't want to talk, let him know you are around when he does. He will eventually get back to you. It could be a few minutes or a few months, but he will remember that you are there when he needs to. If he flat out says he doesn't want to be together now that he is back, accept it and say that if he wants to have a friendship he can always call on you. Again, that will end up meaning a lot eventually. I hadn't heard from my ex in ages, yet when he needed a friend he could trust, he remembered that I was there. Now we are very good friends, better than before.
Just remember that basic training is rough. He has been through a lot and may not be ready to jump back into civilian life just yet. Give him a call, just one, and let him lead from there. Don't get your hopes up too high, be patient with him.
Let me know how it goes.
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I think you should contact him one last time to see where it will go. Ask him why he has ignored you. why he didnt tell you he was back after he promised he would. Tell him that you miss him. Just spill your heart out to him telling him how you feel exactly. And then after the conversation you should ask him if he still wants to be frineds or if he needs space for awhile. then you want to respect that. But if he says he still wants to be friends tell him to try and contribute to that friendship as well as you, by talkin to you first making that first move to talk.
Just spill everything out tell him how you feel and if he doesnt work out. its prob all for the best..
i hope everything works hope i helped and goood luck to youu :)
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