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my friends suck =[
HEY, i am sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry that ths is so long but i really need your help~~
ive been thinging about it lately, and i dont really have a group of people i can really call my "friends", mostly because they dont act like it. ive got a friend who is a total slut, a friend who gets on my nerves, a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend, someone who i am nice to, and someone who i call my bestfriend who i am not sure is my bestfriend for real. She is so fun to hang out with and when we hang out we have a blast! we hang out ALL THE TIME 24/7. seriously. if she isnt spending the night at my house, im spending the night at her house. it gets annoying sometimes but we always fall through and are friends again. lately she has been really mean and shitty to me and ive been thinking about it and im not sure if i stay her friend because i am scared that i wont find another best friend, maybe because ill miss her, or maybe its because i am scared of her. scared? yeah im scared of her. your probably wondering, why are you scared of your best friend. well it all started in 5th grade when we got in to a fight. i had only known her for 1 year by then but we got in to this fight and then she turned ALL of my friends against me. it sucked, but it wasnt only me who she did it to it was our other friends. believe me, ive tried to do it to her but its like shes got them under this spell, yeah thats lame to say but i feel like she has them undercontrol. the only reason why i dont bitch her out and tell her the truth is because with out her, i would have NO FRIENDS,. seriously you may thinking im exagerating (sp) but im not, this girl can do horrible things to people. she is a bitch. why is she my bestfriend your prolly wondering, she isnt a bitch all the time, but most of the time she is. i have a really bad memory and she uses that agaisnt me and puts words in to my mouth and she lies to me ALL THE TIME! she is good at it too. i hate it. my sister has really great friends and she is only 1 year older than me but still she has the greatest friends. they are always there for her when her boyfriend is mean to her or if she is having fam. problems, they are there for her ALWAYS! i just wish sometimes that i could have friends like that. i mean i dont know what i would be like if i wasnt friends with my best friend. i recently lost a best friend because she deciced to be a freaking skank and make out 8 TIMES! with this guy i liked but i am totally over it because i am glad we arent friends, she was annoying but anyways. the whole advice i really need is, what should i do. should i keep being friends with my bestfriend or drop her? my mom tells me that we should spend time away from eachother and i try but we always end up ahnging out. tomorrow i have summer school and she is in it with me and i am thinking about telling her i have other plans or that i just dont wanna hang out. see now the thing is i could make other plans but i just dont feel like it. ive been eyeing some boys and they always ask me to hang out but for some reason i always blow them off for her and when i get a chance that i can actually hang out with them i dont! i dont know why. but i picked you out of my 10 fav. columnists because you give good advice, not putting any pressure on you or anything but i really need some good advice! please help!!!! i am 15 years old and i am a gurl. i live in a life of lies and i cant trust anyone and my best friend IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE! help!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Heya!
First of all, don't worry about the length. You type until you've got it all out. That's a good thing!
I have to admit that I have been in a very similar situation myself and had a friend much like yours, while having no other real friends that I could count on if I ditched her. As such, I ended up in the exact position you are in now! Eventually, I am pleased to say that I did ditch her, following a few unmentionable betrayals.
From my experience with this, the best advice I can give you is to try to distance yourself from her. I know it's a scary thought but I recommend this to you because I really don't want you to go through the hell I had to. You seem like a really nice person so there is no doubt in my mind that you would be able to make new friends with little trouble.
Now, I would advise against a big confrontation with her, if at all possible. Instead, try distancing yourself from her. Start accepting invitations from other people, or ask other people to hang out instead. If you keep turning down invitations long enough, people will stop asking, so don't let that happen and if you think you are at risk of losing potential friends, ask them! Try to arrange a trip to the cinema or bowling or the mall. Anywhere that you can hang out with some new people.
I know this is easier said than done. Don't worry, I've been there. But if your friend really can cause all the trouble between people that you have explained in your message, it is possible that others too deeply dislike her to want anything to do with you (again, something that happened to me). Some people are easily threatened and if she is quite an intimidating person, it is very likely that she is, inadvertently, scaring away others.
The problem with breaking off a friendship is that there are always going to be doubts. Did you do the right thing? Was she really as bad as you thought? What about all the good times you had? Did the bad really outweight the good?
This sort of thinking is what leads people back into the path of the person they were trying to get rid of. The truth of the matter is, you need to answer these questions before you do anything. If she is as bad as she sounds, then it sounds as though the bad outweighs the good. After all, what sort of friend turns someone's other friends against them? No friend at all. I'm sure you would never do that to her.
Obviously the decision at the end of the day is up to you as to whether you wish to stay friends with her but if she really isn't a goos friend with you and there is an opportunity to find friendship elsewhere (I would like to add, with boys! Always a good idea!), you should grab it while you can. Friendships like this should always be assessed on the basis of whether they cause you more negative feelings or positive feelings. It sounds as though it's negative in your case and you would be better off out of it.
So stop blowing off the potential good friends in your life, get rid of the ones that are causing you more trouble than happiness and try to move on. It's never easy leaving friends behind, no matter how much trouble they have been but trust me, in a few years, you will look back and feel so glad you got out when you did.
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