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Due to assholes on the site and people who have no idea what the hell they are talking about I have left the site. Ahem, Dangernerd...Who likes to make assumptions about people when they do not know them ;) Then has brass balls to go search up whatever information he can gather so he has back fire to use whenever he feels like starting a little hissy fit. Let me remind those who read this, Dangernerd has a nasty tendency of using what you post on the site against you if you where to ever have a problem with someone on the site. Mind you, He likes to gather false information in a way that he thinks will benefit him in the long run. This site is run by someone who doesn't have class, Who likes to pigeon hole people. The same guy who supposedly is running an "ADVICE" column but somehow has pre-teens asking about sex and how to do sexual things to their "partners" this site is also filled with people giving advice that is NOT helpful or use full in any form rather than most encouraging the young ones. Well lets get to the bottom of it, This site is a laughing matter. Dangernerd is a joke and couldn't be a bigger clown ;)
advice
Sorry its so long :)
So my boyfriend 2 nights ago texted me while i was at work telling me about how this girl was hitting on him at the bar and asked me what he should do. I told him just tell her you have a girlfriend, and he said okay. When i get back from work, hes at the apartment, and so is this girl! Granted, another guy was there, but there sitting in the dark watching a movie and drinking some wine she brought over.
The other guy, Derek, told me that all night she was asking people if he had a girlfriend and that he never told her he did. Derek ended up telling her that Joe was taken, and after he told her that this girl, Susan still came over to my house.
I walk in and she got all pissed off that i was there, and she decided to leave. Derek offered her a ride home and she refused and when Joe asked if she wanted him to drive her she responded with a very fast yes.
So my boyfriend drives her home, comes back, and doesnt think he did anything wrong!
How can i make him understand that what he did was completely unfair. Im not a jealous person and i didnt say anything rude to this girl. All i want is to explain to him how he hurt my feelings.
How can i go about doing this? I dont want to yell or anything, so what is the best way i can go about explaining how he hurt me?
You don't need to explain, Your boyfriend was clearly in the wrong. It was wrong of him not to tell this girl that he was in a relationship with you and this could be a huge red flag that to maybe he was cheating think about it...."Why did he not mention he was taken?" When a female brings over wine to a guys house it means romance, and the big one is to enlighten the mood. It wasn't fair but it was also betrayal and completely disrespectful. I'm sure your boyfriend is well aware of the fact that you feel hurt by his actions but offering the girl a ride home should show you that maybe he doesn't care that much? I sure would get the impression if I were in your shoes, Hell not talking to him would do the job if he had such a nerve to continue egging her on while you were there. I think it's time to kick the boyfriend out the door, Talking to him may not do the deed...but the fact that he still had intentions while you were there. No, Don't put up with that crap. Show him what he did to you, Dump him and move on cause you are clearly to good for his unfaithful lies.
me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year and 4 months. hes 18 and im 17. he jus recently like 2 or 3 weeks ago started night school. well today he uploaded a couple of pics on myspace and they are of him and 2 girls from school. there not touching there like sitting next to eachother like in class. but one pic one of the girls is wearing his hat. im not sure if im over thinking which i happen to do alot. but i remember how he used to post all these pics of him and these 2 girls that lived by him and him with a couple of his friends that are girls. hes one of those guys that every girl likes and he has a bunch of friends that are girls., but im like 99% sure he wont cheat on me. but lately alot we been fighting and getting into arguments and stuff so i been trying to stop acting all the way i been i kinda blame me cause i overthink way to hard about things that dont matter to him. i used to have a whole album on myspace of me and a buncha different guys and he never said anything about it cause to him it was just pictures. nothing more. and im not sure if im just over reacting like how i always do. someone please help me./ i dont want to mention anything to him cause it will jus cause more problems. he already thinks i dont like him having friends. =[ please help thanks in advance
I don't think it's a matter of him looking to tick you off, I think the guy just simply has friends that are female and you are a little paranoid about the situation which causes you to become defensive. If your boyfriend is paying less attention you, Ignoring you and not seemingly as affectionate as he was then there is a possibility that he may or is loosing interest in the relationship. Look for the signs of cheating without making accusations and jumping to the obvious by seemingly suspecting something is up. Study him, Are these girls all he talks about? How does he act when he does bring them up? Is is nervous? Does he act like he is hiding something? Quick to change the subject? If so then I would start to become suspicious to whether something is going on or not. Making assumptions when you don't really have much proof to go by (Not including what I just said) is only going to make him think that you don't trust him. Trust is 99% of a relationship, Until he starts giving you reasons to become suspicious chill out. Act like you are fine with it and it doesn't bother you but keep in the back of your mind that you are looking for clues and signs of cheating. You can do that without seeming so obvious and jumping to assumptions. If he is cheating, Then clearly he wasn't good enough for you and you need to end the relationship.
17/f, boyfriend is also 17 and we've been going out for just about 6 months.
Well, a few weeks ago was our 5 month anniversary and on that day I fell more in love with my boyfriend than I had ever been. We had really deep talks and we sat in a hammock under the moonlight and he told me that I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I was the happiest I've ever been. It was wonderful and perfect and I knew that we had never been closer than that night.
However, just a few days after that, a ton of bad things happened in my family. My uncle died, my cousin went into the ICU because of heart complications, and my parents started fighting nonstop because of funeral arrangements. Understandably, or at least I thought it was understandable, I was very upset. I didn't come to school for a few days and kept snapping at everyone, especially my boyfriend. I was also VERY prone to tears. I thought he'd understand because obviously losing somebody you're very close to, the possibility of losing another, and your parents yelling can really take a toll on your life! I thought wrong. My boyfriend is basically avoiding me. He says that he can't help me because I'm just letting the stress get to me and that I'm the only person who can make that go away. He used to write me letters, and kiss me, and tell me how much he loved me... lately he hasn't been doing any of those things. This has made me even sadder and more snappish. Yesterday he said something really scary.
Me: *RAWRMEANSTUFFRAWR*
BF: Well, I'm going to leave you alone because you're really pissed off.
Me: The only reason I'm pissed off is because you're pissing me off because you're not there for me!
BF: I'm still going to leave you alone now.
Me: Or leave me forever, that's what you mean, right? (Remember this was in the heat of the moment)
BF: If that's what you want, yeah.
Me: Well, you're probably not going to see me for a week. That's probably good... we both need to take a break from each other... but not a breakup break, just a thinking time.
BF: A long break.
So, we're not seeing each other, but we're still talking. The problem is, he rarely wants to talk to me and he's being really weird. I felt terrible for being so mean to him so I keep trying to make it up. I really regretted all the bad things I've said and tried to make it clear to him that they weren't anything to do with him, but rather, my life. I've apologized and told him that he truly means the world to me and that I don't want to break up with him. That this is one bad period out of months of wonderful ones... but he feels distant, cold, and agitated. It's like he doesn't want to be around me... I try to give him lots of space, but then he thinks I'm ignoring him. I feel like he's going to break up with me and I'm dreading it. I love this boy... When I tell him my fears, he says that I'm stupid and that I worry too much but he does nothing to help solve them.
I know you're going to say that if he doesn't see you through this, he's not worth it. Trust me, he's worth it. There's just a big wedge between us that I have to try and remove. I just want to go back to the way we were on our 5 month anniversary. I really really love him... and I'm far from ready for this relationship to be over.
That was terribly long... and I really thank all of you who took the time to read this. You have no idea how much it means to me.
Your boyfriend is a jerk, Sorry to be blunt but it's the truth.
A family member had passed away, Your parents are constantly fighting and right when you need your boyfriend the most he turns his back on you. Don't sound like a true boyfriend in my opinion. Someone who truly loves someone does not turn their backs on them no matter the circumstances. Although, Your boyfriend probably has his own issues to deal with instead of completely cutting the rope, Why can't he be your moral support from a distance? A phone call at least 3 times a day to let you know he is supporting you in some way. Relationships take work, In good times and in bad. If he is not willing to give you the mental support when you need it most then he is not worth your time. In fact, Now would be a good time to realize that maybe he wasn't the boyfriend you thought he was all along. No guy that says he loves you etc. and then suddenly turns his back when you need him the most is worth anyone's time. You have every right to be upset and you don't owe your boyfriend anything. Sure, Things were good for awhile but now that things took it's toll with your family he doesn't want nothing to do with you? ...I would rethink the situation and whether he is worth your time or not.
i am wondering now if i made the right decision; to start with im 17/f and my x bfs 18. we were friends for a year before we started to date and we ended up dating for 4 months. he ended the relationship because he said he wasnt sure what he wanted anymore. i was really upset because i liked him a lot but i respected decision. he said he really liked me still and it would take time to get over me. i think the real reason was that he doesnt want a relationship, he never really lasts in relationships - i was his longest. more to the point; he asked if we can remain friends and at first i said yes. a few days later he text me and we were talking. it really hurt me speaking to him knowing that i can only be his friend so i told him i couldnt be friends with him for that reason. he seemed really angry and upset when i said this and he said he thinks i didnt care much about him to begin with. i know this isnt true but do you think i made the right decision to break off contact with him completely??
I would of probably said something along the lines of
"I agree that we can continue to be friends but I think I might need a few days to clear my head, I am still getting over the break up I think we should keep the contact to a minimum"
Rather than completely cutting off contact, I think he probably felt more hurt because you two agreed to a friendship and you cut the contact. Relationships are not easy, Both friendship and relationships take work. Most of all communication is the big key to working things out these days.
I would call him back and explain to him that you are sorry for what you said, You were confused and hurt. Take it from there
I am a 26 year old female... Ok here goes... About two weeks ago I met a guy... We started talking on the phone and that following Friday we went out to a resteraunt... And afterwards he took me home and that was that... So the nextday he called and we talked heavy all day on the phone... I found out things about him and him me... And what I really liked was the fact that he was ten years older so quite naturally I felt that he was ready to settle down... So the next day which was Sunday night I came over his house and we watched a movie... And then I end up having sex with him... And afterwards I felt thaat it was way to soon and I felt stupid and cheap... But what made me feel better was, after he dropped me off he called me and we talked about an hour later... So I felt that he just didn't want sex he wanted more... I work and I go to medical school so I leave out of the house 7 in the morning and I'm not home to after eight at night... And so that Monday night I called him and he asked me to come over his house so I got in the shower put on clothes and then I came over... And again we watch a movie and we had sex... So everyday until today I have been going over his house doing basicly the same... But somedays I been over there I have been noticing things... He gets a lot of calls on his cell phone... And sometimes he'll go in the other room and I'll here him saying that he'll be over in twenty mintues... And this is at two O'clock in the morning... ?his phone is always on vibrate... And other times since I go to med school and I work I come home really hungry and when I get home I quickly shower get ready and go over his house... And so I'm hungry and he never offer to take me to a resteraunt or he never have any food in his home for me to eat snack on whatever but... It's times that before he pick me up from his house that he actually gets food and dont offer me anything when I'm on the phone complaining that I'm hungry... So since Monday threw Friday I'm so busy all day so I didnt mind spending time with him late at night... So Satuday no school no work so quite natrually I assumed that we will spend the day togeather going out to the movies or out to eat but... he barley answered his phone and when we did talk it was briefly... S about 9:30 to night I called him and he told me that him and his guy friend were at a resteraunt... And he told me later on he'll come pick me up to go over his house... OMG that reaally hurted my feelings here I am starting to fall for this guy and bascily I feel I'm not even worth his time... And the crazy thing is I never seem him in the day time... And I really dont believe he was even out with his friend... So from what you heard about my story how do you feel especially sinceit's almost twelve and I still havent heard from him yet and my feelings are so hurt... Please give me your advice... Ps: Thanx for listening because I need to know am I playing myself short...
Sigh..
You have just hit all the signs of cheating...When men cheat they try to "hide" it every way possible. They put their phones on vibrate, They don't answer it, They go in other rooms etc. These are the main signs. The thing you really messed up on is you really should not have given yourself away so soon. Some guys are willing to say and do anything to get what they want out of a woman and hun to be honest with you it sounded like he spoiled you to stroke your ego. Think about what I am about to say here....He was going somewhere at 2am and his phone was on vibrate? Unless someone he knew dropped dead on the floor there is no way in hell that isn't suspicious. Honestly, It's not that you aren't worth his time it is the other way around. He isn't worth your time, You are a successful young lady who deserves a man and someone who is going to respect you. A guy that strokes your ego to get a piece of the pie isn't nothing but old dirt. We all make mistakes, This is valuable lesson I hope you will take into consideration for the next one you meet. Never give yourself away so soon, Make sure the guy really respects you for who you are. All in all I think you should move on you are better than that.
I love my boyfriend. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. The only reason why I'm contemplating breaking up with him is because I don't find myself sexually attracted to him.
I'm a very sexual person, and it's important to me... But am I being shallow?
Depends
If sex is all you want and think about in the relationship then I would have no choice to say that is a shallow reason of breaking up with someone.
However, If it is NOT all you think about then no, You are entitled to a happy relationship just as much as he is. If that means you are not sexually attracted to him then you need to let him know that you feel that you may have fallen out of love and your feelings are just not there for him anymore. That is a fair way to say it and it's pretty straight forward. However, When you do break up with him bare in mind that depending on how hard he takes it you two may not be friends in the end. This is about YOUR happiness, It is not your job to pretend to be sexually attracted to someone, If you aren't happy then you need to let him know. Communicate with him
i went on a date with a guy i really like today. he was so sweet to me and kept putting his arms around me and holding me and stuff. he asked me what i would say if he asked me out, and like last time i responded by bein so sorry saying idk if im ready and i get so unsure. i kissed him today and he flipped out so happily and his face was so red i couldnt calm him down..
a reason may be hes never had a girlfriend, is younger, and i just got out of one of over a year relationship, over a month ago by my ex cheating on me but im over him.. i really like this guy but i have not a clue whats holding me back.. what could it be? also is it bad that i like him so much but i wont go out yet?
Cheating is a very hurtful thing. You might of moved on physically but it is still there mentally. A month ago is not a long time, The situation is still somewhat of a fresh issue.
Healing takes time, Breakups take time and what takes even longer...is moving on. It's great that you are attempting to date again but ask yourself one question..Are you really ready? Cheating is not only extremely disrespectful but depending on the person who is being cheated on it's like a stab to the heart. Open wounds don't just heal over night, Sometimes they don't even heal in a month. It takes time, You can't spit your knee open get stitches and then take them out in 30 minutes because the pain is gone. You need to heal first, Why do you feel like something is holding you back? Maybe you aren't ready just yet.
If someone you loved & cared about got drunk and had sex with some other girl, what would you do?
If you are in a relationship with this person, I would dump them. Why? Despite whether or not he/she was drunk they are still in control of their own actions. Someone who drinks is well aware of the consequences that can happen when the take in to much alcohol. Clearly, There is no excuse. When someone picks up a bottle they decide whether or not they want to drink it nobody else decides for them. It categorizes as cheating
18f, it's so sad to say I can't stop shaking right now because of what i just heard and this whole situation. it may be long but i'm honestly depressed because of this so i will return the favor 100%.
there is this guy i like, his name is joe. we have known each other for a while. he broke up with his girlfriend of two years about 6 months ago, now he is a free man. he doesn't know what he wants though, he's kind of playing the field. one time he will be flirting with me and putting his arms around me, the next he will be cuddling with another girl by the fireplace.
sometimes i feel like he is intimidated by me which makes him shy away and not necessarily "put the moves on me" first. i'm older than him, by about a year and everyone tells me how gorgeous i am (do not want to sound conceited) so i'm thinking that may be the reason he isn't so out there with me.
it's basically between me and this other girl - samantha. the funny thing is my cousin nick, is joes good friend and also next door neighbor. joe goes back and forth between me and samantha, and we're both nicks cousins, from other sides of the family. it's a confusing situation!! i really dislike her, for good reasons. well bascially joe thinks that i don't know what he does with samantha, but my cousin (nicks sister) tells me everything. so a couple months ago i confronted joe about it asking if he liked her. of course he denied it saying "if i liked her i'd be dating her by now." then he was like why are you jealous? and i was like no, i just don't like her. and if you like her just tell me the honest truth because i want to know.
well tonight my cousin texts me saying that she walked in from coming home and saw joe and samantha cuddling by the fireplace. when i got the text, my hands started shaking and it ruined my whole night. i can't take this any more. why won't he admit to me that he likes her? joe hasn't kissed either of us, we don't get physical and i know samantha has never even kissed a guy before.
samantha uses nick to get to joe, and it upsets me. i will go to nicks to hang out with NICK, not to hopefully see joe like samantha does. when she is over there she doesnt even talk to nick and i tell nick this and he doesn't even say anything. it makes me so mad.
joe hasn't told either of us that he likes us, and i havent even told him i liked him but i just thought the feeling was mutual. i just feel like i don't even want him touching me anymore because i'm so much better than that, and than her. but next time he tries, i feel like i should say something about samantha but i don't want to sound like a creep and be like "i heard this, and this and this.." that would just be awkward.
how do i control this situation?? i can't stop thinking about it. i feel like she won, and i won't let that happen ..
If the guy is playing the field then that should tell you he isn't for a serious relationship, If he dates Samantha that doesn't mean she won in fact let her have him. In the end she is the one that is dating a guy that likes to toy with peoples feelings. Listen, As hard as it is to hear this someone who can't focus on one and only one is not mature enough to have a serious relationship nor is ready for commitment. Relax, Breathe, If he decides to date her then let it happen I can almost promise you by the way you've describe him that it probably won't work out anyway. Clearly, The guy is immature and doesn't seem to know what he wants. You focus on you, You don't deserve someone like that anyway and when the time is right you will meet someone who wants to be with you and only you. As much as it hurts you now know that if you don't end up with someone like that you've not only saved yourself a heartache but you are the stronger one in the end. Let Samantha learn the hard way...She has it coming.
22/f here. My ex, Nathan, is 24, and my current, Kyle, is 28. This is gonna be a bit long...
I was with Nathan for about 4 years on and off. He was emotionally abusive, but I was addicted to him. Being in the mental health field, I know a lot about addiction and how to overcome it. I broke up with him. We ended things on good terms, but I asked him to let me initiate contact at some point in the future. He has broken this agreement many times already with e-mails telling me how much he loves and misses me.
Now, Kyle and I dated during an off-period with Nathan, but I ended it because I wasn't ready to walk away from Nathan, and I recognized that. I am now, though, and I did...right back into Kyle's arms. Kyle is a wonderful man, and makes me very happy (and is a very good kisser ^_^). I have no intention of leaving him anytime soon.
The problem here is that as much as Kyle denies it, I know I have yet to earn his trust back because of the fiasco that happened with Nathan before. I told him I would keep him in the loop if Nathan decided to try anything, and ideally, Kyle and I would discuss the situation and tackle it as a couple/unit instead of me trying to handle it alone. (I did, however, promise that I would never put them together in any physical way...)
My questions are:
1. Should I tell Kyle about Nathan's recent e-mails?
It risks bringing up a very negative past, and I don't want the focus of our relationship to be how to get Nathan out of it.
2. Should I respond to an e-mail and ask him to leave me alone?
I'm hesitant about this because I know how he works - any attention is better than no attention - but I also know that he doesn't give up easily. The only reason I'm consiering it is that I understand that, legally, if you tell someone to leave you alone and they don't, you can file harrassment charges. I'm not angry at Nathan, or anything, I just don't want him to make my life hell anymore...that's why I broke up with him. I am, however, prepared to take legal action if necessary to get him away from me. He hurt me many times in many ways that could've been seriously psychologially damaging.
Anyway. I apologize for the length of this question, and I'm aware that none of you are lawyers. I'm just looking for some unprofessional, uninvolved feedback on this situation.
If you want to have a healthy relationship with Kyle and not have to deal with drama then DON'T respond to Nathan, Ignore his calls, text, emails, etc. The more you read his emails the more you are going to think about him and the harder it will make having a healthy relationship possible. No, I don't think you should tell Kyle that Nathan emailed you if anything it might cause an argument between the two of you and only make it harder for him to trust you. The next time it happens IGNORE the emails just simply delete them. In time Nathan will realize that you are serious and that you have moved on. If he continues to stalk you, Harass you then this is were you would file for a restraining order. If Kyle treats you right the way you should be treated then that is all that you should be focused on and putting your attention towards.
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and he really, really loves me a lot. We lost our virginities together, we went to his prom last year together, and I was with him when his mom and dad divorced. I understand that he loves me a whole lot. The problem is that I don't love him and I haven't for awhile now.
I use to love him just like he loved me. As time passes I notice I don't have much feelings toward him. It's not that I wouldn't care if he died or something but I don't have any emotional pull toward him. I don't have that bond like we use to share. I don't feel butterflies when I see him or when we kiss. To be honest, I don't even want to talk to him or see him so often. I would be happy and satisfied if we only talked once every two weeks and "went out" once a month tops.
I stopped having sex with him two months ago but I didn't tell him it was because I felt guilty about doing it with him and not being in love. I told him that we really couldn't have a kid right now and I had had this realization of it. He bought it but I feel bad for lying to him about that sort of thing.
How do I break up with him? I know it's time to get it over with and tell him that we aren't meant to be together and that our relationship is not working out. He is crazy about me though. I don't want to hurt his feelings. His parents love me and I'm sure they're going to be upset about this too. How do you break-up with somebody who loves you when you clearly don't love them back?
There usually is no nice way to tell someone you want to part ways. The only thing you can do is be honest about how you feel.
People fall out of love, If you don't have the feelings for him anymore than tell him. How? well here are is a example line you could use..
1. (I wanted you to know that I care about you a lot but I wanted to express how I feel and I don't feel the way I used to anymore and I think it would be best if we went our separate ways)
Remember, If he is still attached he very well might not take this split lightly. If you feel the need too you might want to cut contact. When you do tell him make sure you are clear and he understands that you want to end the relationship. Not (Take a break, Work things out etc.)
I know that this is long but I need help. I have been with my boyfriend of two years since i was 16 years old, I am currently 18 and in College working towards my maters. He has always been good to me and is my best friend, I can tell him anything and I know he will listen and understand. We have been through a lot together, vacations, deaths, proms exc. and I have seen him every single day for 2 years. Although are relationship was good there are many negatives. When I met him he had gotten in a lot of trouble the year before and I had to deal with it, it was hard but we got through it. Nothing major , just stupid kid mistakes. Although it was not serious, what he did still came back to haunt him and I always was there to swing to the rescue. He has gotten alot of speeding tickets and would never pay them and continues to speed. Just things like that bug me and we would argue about it alot. He is currently about to turn 21 and does not have a degree and was laid off of work 2 months ago. Once again I had to swing to the rescue to give him money because he needs it. I do it because i love him and its not really his fault but its hard for me. He doesn’t really think a lot of things throught before he does them and I always have to deal with the consequences, for example getting an apartment when he cant really afford one. He has come a long way from when I first met him but he still has a long way to go. About two months ago i was introduced to a guy through my now ex boyfriend. I ran into him a month ago and we started to text. He knew I had a boyfriend but continued to pursue me. I started to develop feelings for him and left my boyfriend for him to figure out his situation and for me to figure out mine. I have been spending more and more time with this new guy “John” and he is everything my ex is not. He has a degree and a great job and is good with his money. He is saving for a house. He has set incredible goals for himself and knows that he is going to be extremely successful . His smile drives me crazy and he makes me so happy and I want to be with him and he would do anything to be with me. We recently slept together and the sex was amazing, nothing like I have ever felt before. He is stable and I know that he will always be able to take care of me. The only thing is when I told my ex he was devastated. He’s written me letters upon letters pouring his heart out to me claiming that he has changed and how he does not know how to get over this and calls me balling his eyes out. The letters make me cry and I feel like such a horrible person for what I have done to him. I still love him but after being together for 2 years I feel like the only thing let is to get married and I don’t really want to be the one supporting him. I still talk to him and its hard because he was such a big part of my life for so long but I don’t know what to do. I want to commit myself to “John” and he asks me everyday to be with him but feel as though I can’t because of the guilt and sadness I feel from my ex and I feel as if I’m not ready to but I do not want to lose him over a relationship that most likely will always be the same. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated, I really could use it.
People fall out of love, Time passes, we grow up and some times people go their separate ways in life.
You have moved on from your ex, It has also been two months since you two broken up (if I read that correctly.) Two months is not a very long time to be apart from your partner especially considering you two were dating for 2 years. You found someone who is successful, who treats you the way you should be treated, Someone you are happy with. Of course if your ex finds out he is going to try to get you back. Guys/Woman sometimes have a tendency to tell the other what they want to hear when the split up and it often occurs when the other person still has feelings for them. All you can do is move on, In 2 months it's hard to believe someone has changed... Think about it. If he hasn't changed in a 2 year period what makes you think he will change in 2 months? The best thing you could do right now is to cut contact, Don't read his letters, Don't answer his text messages. Focus on yourself, Your happiness and what you want in life. Don't let people hold you back and put you into "what if" mode. This is about you not about him.
16/f
please, i'm not looking for any criticisms, hearing how terrible i am, or what i'm doing is wrong, or to be judged. i'm looking for advice. i'm sorry this is long, but the more details to more it would make sense.
i have been with my boyfriend for about 14 months now, and we don't exactly have a healthy relationship. when i say that, i mean whenever i try to break up with him he would most likely get an asthma attack from crying too hard. so i'm somewhat stuck in the relationship somehow, even though i didn't have a problem with even being with him. but then for the past week, i didn't get to see my boyfriend at all or even get to have a full conversation. even my older sister said that she can tell me and him weren't going to last that long. during that week, i met this guy that eats at my work place and he goes to the same school as i do. he's not the best looking guy i know or anything, but he is interesting and fun to talk to. i was just interested in being his friend, and there was a misunderstanding when we met and he said "how could i be interested in you when you have a boyfriend?". even though i didn't care that time if he wasn't even interested in me... he also told me he was interested in a girl but has never spoken to her, but that it was because she was pretty. so for the past week, me and him have been talking a lot and again, i barely got to talk to my boyfriend because he was always so busy. so i was thinking i was just talking to a new friend. and it's obvious nobody can control their feelings, i started to like him or be interested in him. he always walked me to class, he offered to help me in math, he always thought it was fun to talk to me and stuff. i guess i got the wrong message from him? because today, he finally told me who he was interested in... and he acted nervous and for some reason i was hoping it'd be me. (btw, i was thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend because i didn't want to lead him on... but yet i wanted to be sure that i did lose feelings for him completely and that i just didn't see the new guy as a best friend). and it turns out that it was this girl, who i knew... my friend, but i didn't talk to her as much. he still didn't talk to her but he heard she was nice and he was attracted to her looks. after hearing that, my mood changed completely towards him and made me feel worse when he kept saying "darn it, you were talking to her earlier i missed my chance to talk to her. i should've went up to you and started a conversation." he asked how she was like and of course i'm going to be honest, i'm not going to make up lies. but it started to bother me... i kept thinking "why doesn't he like me? he actually knows me, am i not as pretty? is it because i have a boyfriend?" and i thought about my boyfriend, nobody can exactly compare to him because he would treat me so well, and my friend would too and i did think he was interested in me... but obviously when you first date someone it's going to be awkward for a while. but i thought he was too "high class" for me, so i wasn't sure if i should even be interested. but now, i'm feeling really down.. i have nobody to talk to about this because i have a boyfriend, of course. what should i do? and if breaking up with my boyfriend is part of the plan... how can i go through the asthma attack? please and thank you!
Communication is the key, If you haven't talked to your boyfriend then you need to have a sit down and discuss how you feel. If you are leading anyone on it would be your boyfriend because it is only fair to your partner that you be honest and faithful to your feelings. First, Not everyone takes a break up lightly but that still doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship that you are not happy in. If you aren't happy then you need to tell him, If he takes it badly well just like the rest of us he will in time get over it. As for guy #2 personally from what you said it could be maybe he has feelings for both of you?..but at the same time I can't help but think maybe seeing you also know your friend he might be getting information through you? I don't know again you need to talk to him.
18/m. You've probabaly heard this story before, but oh well.
I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks before christmas.We had been going out for 6months prior. I thought that the relationship was really not working out. She thought the same but she didnt want to break up. After breaking up, she was rather depressed, you could see it in her face, and was crying a few days after.
On christmas eve, we met up to exchange presents which we bought before breaking up, and had breakup sex (probabaly not a good idea now that i think about it).
Before we started going out, she liked this other guy, jack. So the other day, i found out (on facebook) that she's going out with jack. Im sort of feeling the whole "now that you cant have her, you want her". Im not even sure that i want her, i guess im just confused that she's going out with him, just 2months after we broke up. Im not really sure what i think...abit of jealousy i think.
So whats your opinion. Am i right for being jealous, or feeling this? obviousely i cant do anything about it. Hope you can help, and sorry if its long. Thanks in advance.
It is okay to feel jealous that your girlfriend is going out with a new guy after a short time of being split. However, On the other hand I'm not going to say she never really had feelings for you but she probably always liked him all along and now that she has the chance she is going to go for it. I agree with you, Having breakup sex probably wasn't the best idea but having contact in general after a breakup isn't always necessarily a good idea also because you prolong the pain and it makes it harder to move on. All you can really do is except it for what it was and try to move on. The best thing to do is to cut contact, I know you are "curious" to know the update on things but peeking in on her new relationship isn't going to make things better.
I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 18..we've been together for 2 and a half years and I just don't want to be with him anymore.
He is driving me crazy..he's extremely controlling and obsessive, where he calls and texts me 24/7 and if I don't answer a text while I'm at school or something then he'll text over and over and start calling. I haven't hung out with friends for real just about the whole time we've been together,because he gets so jealous about it and accuses me of doing stuff with other guys, but whenever he has ever had the inkling to hang out with friends then he will and he'll ignore me.
So idk I'm just tired of arguing with him constantly..every day is a struggle. I find myself like looking out my window and getting paranoid when he calls cause I feel like he's gonna just show up..cause he's done it before.
I've been trying to cut back onthe amount of time we spend together, because we used to be together ALL the time. So now I've been using school and stuff as an excuse to not spend so much time together,but it's not making anything any better..he's just getting more obsessive and it's gotten to where i can hardly stand to be around him..I just want out. But I feel bad about it because we've been together so long and he talks about wanting to marry me soon and all that..plus he's got a bad side and I'm kinda afraid he might try to do something crazy..
anyway..I just need some advice please!
Obsession and actually loving a person are two completely different things. If he can't trust you enough to give you the respect you deserve then obviously this guy isn't going to respect you at all. Whether that means talking to him, taking time apart or possibly being friends. Nobody wants to be with someone that is going to watch them like a hawk 24.7 a relationship is about trust and without any trust there is no relationship. You need to dump him. Don't let him do the sweet talking because men who are controlling have a tendency to tell woman what they want to hear when it comes to leaving them. If you two weren't able to work things out in a 2 and a half year period then I'm pretty sure things aren't going to work out now, 2 months or even a year from now. When you dump him be blunt about it tell him how it is, After all he had the balls to disrespect you and invade your privacy and he has it coming. When you do dump him cut contact, Ignore his calls, texts, and emails because the longer you are in contact the longer you prolong your pain and the harder it will be move on.
Alright so.. I'm just gonna jump right into it I guess.
throughout highschool I was in a relationship with someone that caused me a lot of pain and stress. we dated for four years and then ended on really bad terms. at the time, I thought I loved him, but in retrospect I definately did not. But I stayed with him because inside I was terrified that if I ended things, no one else would ever want me.
But eventually we did break up and to my suprise, people did want me. Lots of people in fact. I've dated around since (we broke up last April so I guess for around 10 or 11 months now) and for the most part being single has treated me really good
so good in fact that I really, really haven't been seeking a relationship at all. I'm normally very straightforward with my partners, in fact most of them know from the day I meet them that I'm not interested in being somebodies girlfriend. Just the idea of it makes me feel.. honestly physically sick. I look back on my relationship and see how twisted and poisonus it was, and how much he manipulated and controlled me over the course of those four years. I was very cut off from my friends and loved ones and it made it so hard to get out. I didn't feel valuable and I was sad all the time.
This, on top of some abuses in my childhood that I won't delve too much into, has made me really wary about every putting myself in a similar situation. I've been treated so poorly by men throughout my life & I've really reached a point of feeling like I can't trust people.
Anyways, so that brings me to my current situation. Around two months ago I started texting this guy.. we have a lot of mutual friends, and his number was in my cellphone so I just kinda randomly decided to start chatting him up. I knew who he was and had always thought he was pretty attractive and whatnot but never really gave him any thought because he was out of my league, as far as I was concerned.
But we instantly hit it off and just had so much to talk about. I really liked him right from the second I 'met' him, if you could call it that. Anyways I won't detail the whole courtship because no one wants to read that, but basically we ended up meeting, and chilling, and hooking up. It all happened very quickly and came so easily. It really felt natural and at the time soo good.
Since then, we've been seeing eachother every couple days for about a month and a half. when I see him, I normally spend the night, then most of the following day with him. we have a lot of sex (often three times per visit) and he is by far the best lover I've ever had. Plus we connect really well intellectually and we make eachother laugh constantly and everything just.. flows. There is an obvious emotional attachment that has been building up, enough that we both comment about it. Anyways, lately he has been dropping hints like crazy that he wants to be my boyfriend, and I feel like.. I should want to. Because I do want him. I can picture a future with him and I like it. I enjoy every minute of my time with him and when he goes away I feel so depressed, despite knowing I'll see him again soon. I talk to him every day, every opportunity I get, and we're constantly seeking out eachothers company and trying to align our schedules.
But I feel angry, sick, and absolutely terrified every time he says anything about a relationship. I warned him from the day we met that I didn't want one and now here he is, pressing me to be with him, and I like everything about him and I don't have an excuse but.. I just wanna run in the opposite direction as fast as I possibly can. If it were anybody else, if he hadn't already developed into a close friend and if I thought I wouldn't be destroyed if I lost him, I would have already bolted.
But all I want is for things to stay the same. And I feel him pressing and I don't know if he's gonna wait for me. And I'm not sure if I should even make him wait because he has been so great in every way, and more than I deserve, and he's soo much more attractive than me (lol I know it's shallow that it's a factor, but honestly, I couldn't have imagined that a guy like him would ever look at me. He's just so beautiful and I'm completely addicted to every inch of him and it makes it soo much harder to differentiate affection from lust..), and who knows if I'll ever find anyone so compatible to me agian? I mean I really have been blessed to meet him, and I think that sincerely. He's perfect and I just wish I could make myself fit together with him but.. I don't know how.
When I think about a relationship I still get that sickening, dreadful weight in my stomach. And when he suggests it I just feel like somethings horribly wrong and he wants to manipulate and control me in just that same way. Even though from everything I've learned about him, he would never do that and doesn't even seem to have the capacity really. It wouldn't be in his nature. He's a better person than I am in every apparent way and yet.. I can't bring myself to trust him for even a second. It's so scary because.. if someone this perfect can't change my thinking, can anyone? Am I really gonna be alone forever?
I don't want to lose him but I also don't want to be with him. And I feel like at some point he is gonna offer an ultimatum. I don't know if I should just say.. fuck it, if he isn't willing to wait then he isn't worth it, or if I should reconsider? Because I mean seriously from his perspective, I wouldn't want to wait for someone with no promise of it ever changing either, who literally feels physically sick at the aspect of a relationship with me. It isn't fair to ask. He should have everything he wants but.. part of me feels like he expects too much or I'm too little or something along those lines. I just can't imagine the relationship being anything more than stress and pain and constant anxiety over losing him.
I'm so scared that something inside me is broken for good and that I'm never going to be able to offer someone more than casual sex.
I don't want to be that girl but.. I'm so sick of being alone and I can't force myself to be close to someone, and what else is there then? Physical intimacy is the only kind I can stand.. and it's better than none at all.
I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should cut him loose and just forget all of this and continue as I was. If I should beg him to wait. Or if I should just jump.. Because I know he's a good person, who cares deeply about me and has no apparent intention of doing anything to hurt me. Because he's quickly becoming my best friend, and I don't want to use the word 'love' so early but.. I couldn't have imagined or fantasized a better partner if I tried. He really is among the best people I've ever met, and by far the best person that I've ever been sexually attracted to. I love his mind and his way of thinking and his strength and his sincerity and.. I just wish I were better somehow, and this came easier. But ever since it started getting serious it's been nothing but stress and late-night crying and watching shitty love movies, as far as I'm concerned. :P If a relationship is good, then why does the mere idea make me feel so very very bad? It's like someone puts a plastic bag over my head, and I just feel suffocated and blind and scared beyond explanation..
So uhh yea, what should I do? :P
Four years is a long time, People heal in their own ways, They cope by trying to move on... but sometimes it takes a little longer to get over some things then we predict. You spend four years in a unhealthy relationship and you stayed in the relationship because after so long of putting up with a bunch of crap you become immune to it and you begin to believe you can't do any better. One month, 6 months or even almost a year sometimes it takes a while to heal from something that happened for so long.
You've tried the single route it worked well for you and now new people want to have a relationship with you but let me ask you one question...Are you ready? This guy that you have text wants to date you but is pressuring you to try and be in a relationship with him...Hm I've always said this but if he the guy respects you enough then he should wait until you are ready to be in a relationship because that is the respectful thing to do. What you should do is try and talk to him and explain to him that you just want to be friends and that you will take it from there. If he likes you enough and wants to date you enough then he will respect your choices. Many people who don't give themselves time to heal and jump into relationships end up feeling overwhelmed, stressed, confused, doubtful however don't get me wrong but it all depends on the person because some of us get over it quicker than others. You crying and watching shitty movies is perfectly fine because it is your way of coping.
I'm fourteen. My boyfriend is sixteen. We've been dating for about three and a half months.
He has mono...
Mono can last like five months or longer... Am I really supposed to not kiss my boyfriend for five months???? :( please help.
Mono is contagious, Not only have I once experienced it but I was as sick as a dog for a good week to the point where I just didn't have the strength to even get out of bed and it was BAD. I highly suggest you to ride it out for awhile until he is clear of it. Keep in mind since he has already got mono he is perfectly capable of getting it again.
my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and a half. but i havent seen him for the past month even thought we go to the same school he just ditches plans. we fought and nearly broke up but for the last week i just stay home all day and cry i have no idea why and i usually go out everyday with him or friends or shopping. i just really need to see him. anything i can do to cheer me up? he wont hangout with me
Like the last person asked who was trying to break up with who?
All men are different, Some guys don't like confrontation so they choose to do things at their convenience even if that means being inconsiderate by blowing somebody off. I'm taking a wild guess here but from the sound of it maybe he is trying to drop hints that he no longer wants a relationship. Sure, He could be mad about something or maybe want to solve things on his own like the person said below but the chances are probably slim. Also, even if that was the case you'd think he would at least have the communication skills to let you know that he needs some time to himself for awhile to straighten things out instead of leaving you clueless and on the side lines. A relationship that doesn't have communication skills is almost guaranteed to not work out. It could also be that he may have somebody on the side and with that being said I'm just taking a wild guess. You'd like to think that your boyfriend would be excited to see his own girlfriend yet alone try to spend time with you because you are his partner...If the guy continues to blow you off then he isn't worth your tears. A girl doesn't need a guy that is going to put her through a heartbreak. Try talking to him but like I said if he continues to be an ass then it might be best to move on
18/m
Im in college. Me and my girlfriend were long-distance. we saw each other over summer but waited six months until we visited again last week. during that six month waiting period I gradually went from being in love with her to to not really enjoying talking to her for too long. I thought that when we saw each other again in December that things would be better but they were not. Im not sure If I was just over-worrying or if I genuinely didn't enjoy my time with her because there were times when we had a lot of fun, we were laughing and joking and getting along. but other times, I couldn't enjoy myself because I was too worried about how much I would miss her when we parted.
Because things didn't get much better, I decided that maybe it would be best if we went our separate ways. I had already decided that if things weren't better when we were together again that I would break up with her. We were best friends is the thing and we're still on good terms with each other so its not like I can't talk to her, but I just think I need a buffer. She has completely respected my personal space since I told her I needed it, so its she's not the problem. I'm just having a hard time dealing with not talking to her. Im not sure if I really miss her or if I really miss not having someone there but Its one of those two. I don't feel like I could get back together with her because I think things would still be all crappy. I just don't know what to do. Is it a bad Idea just to call her to talk for a few minutes? We are still friends. She would like it if I called Im sure.
If someone maybe has a good way of dealing with this loneliness or something because I really don't want this to affect my studies.
Thanks
Long distant relationships are hard. I think what happened here is in time you simply fell out of love. Not seeing each other for a good 6 months is really no different than a temporary breakup. Time goes on and people grow apart. I know right now you feel you are grieving but how much of that is you feeling that you need to fill a void in your life? The truth is right now might not exactly be the best time for you two to talk only because if you two come in contact with each other whether it is in person or by phone you in the end only prolong the pain. You make it harder to move on for not only her but yourself as well. Sure, You two can talk and stay friends but I think for your sake and happiness you should take a break for awhile. The best thing to do right now is spend time with friends and family if you can. Get out do things you enjoy doing keeping your mind busy will also help. If you feel the relationship isn't going to work out then there must be a reason for it.
i asked a question a few days ago about my boyfriend not calling me for a while. and everyone who answered told me to either give him some time or call him to see whats up, like he might be testing me to see if i would call him. anyways, i didnt really pay attention to the advice but then after a week of absolutely nothing from him, i decided to try it. i called him, and no one answered. and then i called again, and the phone stopped ringing abruptly and went dead. so i'm assuming he ignored my call, which means he ISN'T testing me, and he's actually mad about something.
for those of you who didnt answer my question or didnt see my question before, i will tell you guys now i have not the slightest idea of why he'd be mad at me. i don't remember being a brat or a bitch about anything to being mean at all. and the last time i talked to him was on new years eve when he told me we couldnt hang out that night. i was a little disappointed because he had invited me over when there was a possibility that he'd have other plans, which i thought was rude. isn't it? or was i the one out of line? anyways, we didnt fight about it, i just told him "whatever, i'll talk to you later" he said bye, and i hung up. and now he won't talk to me.
can someone give me any ideas on what to do/say/think/believe/wait for? thanks again, and if anyone answered my question before, thanks so much, but i hope you won't mind answering again ^.^
Taking a wild guess here...
It seems as if your boyfriend does not wish to be in a relationship and doesn't have enough brass balls to tell you face to face. A week is much to long to go without giving someone a call, If your boyfriend has giving you the "test" in the past and left you hanging on to find out for yourself that he is mad with your behavior then that is to show you just how immature he may be. Relationships will not work without communication and here as well as your last post clearly shows you two have lack of communication. It COULD be his phone went dead but the chances are very slim seeing you said "his phone went dead suddenly" it sounds to me that your boyfriend had noticed your call and shut his phone off. This is when you sit back and realize that his actions isn't your punishment. It is him clearly wasting your time with ignorance. In a blunt put way, You deserve better and you have a life to live. Don't let certain people hold you back from that.