askSarcasticGreetings
advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I keep dreaming about it with my crush but its like I really wanna do it.What age do I need to have my first kiss? :[
There's no age you "need" to be. But a first kiss is something you never forget, so make sure you don't force it. Trust me, it'll happen when it happens, until it does, don't worry about it.

I was 17 when I had mine, my sister was like 12. So there really is no set age. When the time comes, you'll know it; just make sure you don't waste it on just anybody ;)

Q: all i ate today was liek 2 handfull over sugar coated pecans.

is that bad?
That's TERRIBLE. By not eating a lot, your body's metabolism slows down. It thinks, "Wow, this is all the food I'm getting for a while; I have to make it last." This may sound great, but it's not. If you have a slow metabolism and eat tiny meals, the next time you eat a regular meal, your body will still be in "starvation mode" and will try to make that meal last. You will gain weight rather than lose it.

I don't know if your motive here IS to lose weight, but if it is, starvation isn't the way to go. You need diet and exercise. I know this because I've been there; for one summer, I barely ate ANYTHING, only lost a couple of pounds, and then gained it all back when I was happy with my weight and returned to my regular diet.

Q: I just bought some lip plumber, foundation and waterproof mascara. What else should I buy that would enchance my beauty features??? Girls answer only!
Look up MichellePhan on YouTube. The products she uses are pricey (you can substitute for something similar and cheaper), but she has al ot of good makeup tips to bring out your features, highlight specific areas of your face, etc.

Buy concealer if you have acne / discolorations / dark circles under your eyes. You can also try blush and eye makeup.

Personally, I'm not a fan of caking on makeup (I wear a lot of eyeshadow, but that's it)...once you start covering all your "imperfections", you'll start to dislike leaving your house without five pounds of makeup on your face.

You can also walk into a MAC or Sephora and ask them what products are best for your skin type / color / eye color/ etc. These stores can be pricey, but my friend once told me that she once bought some face stuff from MAC that made her skin look FLAWLESS.

Good luck!

Q: My old laptop broke, so I just got a new one.
Is there any way to transfer the music on my iPod to my new computer ? Or do I REALLY have to re-download all of my music ?
Download sharePod. That'll take the music off your iPod and put it into any folder on your computer.

What you can also do is just go into My Computer (I'm assuming you have a pc), then plug in and select your iPod. Making sure your hidden files and folders are visible, click on ipod_control, then music. Copy the contents of this folder to your pc. You'll notice that the Music folder on your iPod contains many other folders that in turn contain files with scrambled letter names like ACGL.mp3

If you go with the second method I suggested, it's more of a pain in the ass because you'll probably have to rename all those files. The ID3 tags haven't changed, though, so if you drag the files to iTunes, all th eartist and song names WILL be there.

Q: Okay so this is crazy. I started my birth control like 9 months ago or not yet 9 months and I do not get periods. I went to my doctor today and had a pregnancy test, it was neg. But I look pregnant, I feel pregnant, I have been nauses, pain in my sides, tired, frequant urnitation, I have even felt/ seen my stumoch move , crazy huh? My doctor did blood work, urine test and is schuduling for a ultra sound, not the one on your belly but i think to check for cycsts. I just have this strong feeling that im pregnant. I dont want to be like those girls on the tv show that have their baby in a toliet.
The test was negative. You should try to calm down, because it's likely you're NOT pregnant.

Sometimes, when people TRULY are convinced they have a disease or a condition, they start showing symptoms of said condition. In your case, it's pregnancy. It could be all in your head; your symptoms may be common for pregnancy, but they don't necessarily MEAN it's pregnancy.

So don't worry.

Q: Ok so my friend used utorrent to download photoshop Cs5 from demonoid.com and we're reading the instructions on installation and we got as far as installing it for a free trial but then it asks us to open some program or whatever called kaygen.exe but that didn't come with the download and apparently we need it to find out the serial number. We're really lost and we don't know what we're supposed to do next. btw he has windows 7 if that means anything. Can anyone help us finish this download? we really need it working for a project for school.
Download the 30-day free trial from Adobe.
Then buy Adobe Photoshop Elements. It's pretty much all a beginner needs from Photoshop for an affordable price. Or you can download the free trial of that, too, and have 60 days total of adobe products.

Q: hair color wont stay in past a week what can i do to make color stay
I wish you gave more info :\

If it's temporary (or semi-permanent) dye, it can wash out quickly depending on your hair.

If you bleach your hair, the color will not only be more vibrant, but stay longer.

I've also noticed that if I apply heat while putting dye on, my color stays longer. So try blow-drying your hair after you put the dye on.

Also, try keeping the dye on as long as possible. Most brands will tell you 15-30 min, then wash it off. Try holding it in your hair longer than that.

If it's permanent dye, try going to a salon. Permanent dye SHOULD stay in your hair, so I don't know what could be wrong there. :\

Q: I am currently on the end of my third month of taking sonryx birth control pills. on my second month i tried to skip my period by skipping the inactive pills of the 2nd month and going straight into the 3rd month but i still got my period. this month i decided to take the inactive pills but i still have yet to get my period/break through bleeding. is it because my period is finally starting to regulate? i haven't had sex for about 2 months and I take my pills everyday on time. I'm just a little confused on what's going on. I'm on my third day of taking my inactive pills if that helps. thank in advance :)
Skipping pills, inactive or not, is BAD. Just because you're supposed to get your period while on the inactive pills doesn't mean that you will. I've been on the pill since June and I get my period a couple days after the inactive pills.

Furthermore, by skipping pills, you can mess up your body. The pills are designed so you get the right amount of hormones at a time; by skipping pills, you're getting more hormonesi nto your body too early. And you don't know what that could do do you; it could make you sick, it could mess up your period completely, who knows.

Trust me, it takes a while for your body to adjust to birth control pills, so just take them regularly, as DIRECTED. Skipping pills will throw your body off and make the process take even longer. Eventually, your period will become lighter and more regular. :)

Q: Okay I'm a seventeen year old (turning eighteen soon) girl who is a virgin that wants twin baby girls.I'm still in High school (ninth grade)and I was just wondering can I find a doctor to inject sperm into me? Or is that illegal in New York?
It's not illegal, it's just not a good idea. Artificial Insemination is expensive and it isn't magic. Just because you want twin girls doesn't mean you'll get twin girls; for all you know, you'll get one boy. You don't get to choose.

Furthermore, you said you haven't even finished high school yet. Do you really think you can raise two kids without so much as a high school diploma, as a single parent? DO you think that, at 18, you have enough life experience to raise a child? And are you ready to give your life up? You're so young; once you have kids, life isn't about you anymore. You have to make all your choices based on what's best for them. Are you sure that's best?

This isn't an adult berating a child for their stupid ideas. This is a teenager asking another teenager to rethink their decision. I'm 19, and though I've wondered what it'd be like to have kids, even fantasized about it, it doesn't mean I'm in any way ready. And I'm still not done with MY life; I still want to go to college, get a job, travel the world, etc. before I'm ready to settle down and worry about changing diapers and putting off money for their college fund.

So please, PLEASE, think about it. Maybe you're better off waiting until you can provide for a good life for both you and your family.

And, I know that at 18, you feel 100% independent and grown up, but you're NOT. Believe it or not, your brain still hasn't finished developing yet (the frontal lobe, I believe, doesn't fully develop until your 20s). So give it a few years. What's the rush? You're young. And you never know, by the time you're 20, you may have changed enough to not want kids. If you still want a family,then go for it.

Q: how long do it take for a hickey take to go away
A hickey's a bruise, so it really depends on how big it is. It should take about a week.

Q: if a boy you are dating calls you "boo" what EXACTLY dose it mean....i mean....cant guys come up with a better nickname then that ! ... you dont call your girlfriend a word people use to scare people on halloween ! lol ...my point is....what if i think it is acward for him to call me boo and i dont know really what he means , should i say "dont call me that please" and affend him ...or just go along with it...WOULD I PLEASE GET A LIL GIRL HELP ! lol :)
It may be the same word that's used on Halloween, but it's not related. It's just another word used to call one's significant other. Honestly, I think it's really cute, but if you don't like it, just tell him (NOT harshly) not to call you that. It's that simple. :)

Q: I have been asking my mom for snakebites for about 3 years (I'm 13) everytime I ask her when I can get tem she says "once you move out" I don't know what age I'm moving out though...I have been on the computer researching everything there is to know about them, I even know all the types there are, I even have a job planned out if I get them ill work at HotTopic..... she thinks that they are horrible,I think they are awsome, what should i do to tell her how bad I want them I mean I REALLY want them. I did my ears by myself so if I was allowed I could just use some of my earrings instead of expensive lip rings, oh, and she threatened me if I do it before I move out that she will take me to the doctors and get them sewn shut (she sounded serious so I'm scared now) so how do I tell her how bad I want them and she will never listen to me when I do try to talk to her, THANX FOR READING AND SORRY IT WAS SOO LONG!!!
Honestly, you're only 13. I know it's hard to hear that you're "only" a certain age, especially since you must think you're so grown up. Hell, when I was your age, I was screaming at my mom "I'M 13, I'M PRACTICALLY AN ADULT" when I was really just a dumb kid.

Anyway, there's really nothing you can do. You're still a kid, so you have to listen to your mom on this one. Sorry about that. And there isn't anything you can say to change her mind; parents seem to hate everything about piercings (except for ears and maybe navels) and tattoos. Our generation is extremely fond of those things, but theirs isn't, unfortunately.

But dont' worry about it, maybe it's for the best? You never know, maybe you CAN'T get that job in HotTopic (they don't hire everyone). Then who'd hire you?

By the way, you can't use earrings on your lips. Lip rings are thicker and longer than regular earrings..

Q: Ok so I'm finally in 11th grade so I get to go to the junior/senior prom :) I'm super excited, I already have a date (my boyfriend of over a year) and a dress (it's short so I won't trip on it because I am accident prone lol and it's dark blue so I don't have to worry so much about spilling stuff on it) and all of my friends and I are going to go out to eat before prom and then after it we're going to go hang out somewhere. I've never been to prom, so I don't really know how it goes. I know it's different for every school, but does anyone have any advice so I can make it the perfect prom night? Any thing I need to have that might be easy to overlook? Also, if anyone has any experiences they'd like to share, I'd be happy to hear it :) Thank you!
I'd definitely recommend eating before prom (not too much). I don't know where yours is held, but mine was at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City, and our dinner was delicious, but the portions were miniscule.

After prom, I wouldn't suggest going somewhere other than to sleep. You're going to be exhausted as hell; my friends and I were all passed out in the limo on the ride back. Most of my friends went to a hotel or something to pass out, and then hang out the next day.

Other than that, relax and have a great time. I'm an awkward kid who hates dancing, but on prom night, I just let it go and spent the whole time on the dance floor. If you put your worries aside and just have fun, it'll be one of the best nights of your life. :)

Q: is there a way to have sex with a garuntee of not getting pregnant?
Absolutely not. You have "no condom" as a title, so I'm guessing you mean unprotected sex. There is absolutely nothing you can do. Of course, among kids, there are rumors, such as:
- If you're on top, you can't get pregnant
- If you have sex, then jump around, you won't get pregnant
- If it's your first time, you won't get pregnant
- etc.

NONE of these are true, and just plain stupid.

A lot of people also believe that pulling out is a successful method, but it has a HUGE failure rate. Do not rely on this method, it will screw you over. Bad.

The only way to have unprotected sex and drastically reduce your chance of getting pregnant is the morning after pill. HOWEVER, this is NOT a method of birth control. It's called an emergency contraceptive for a reason, it's for emergencies ONLY. You can't just think, "It's okay, I can have sex now and take the morning after pill later". You can't do this because the morning after pill has horrible side-effects on some people, you can get really sick and be throwing up and..it's just not pretty.

If you want a guarantee of not getting pregnant, your only way is to NOT have sex. period.

If you want to have sex, you need to have protected sex. No questions asked. Get on the pill and get a condom. I don't know why you don't want to use a condom, but think about it. A pack of condoms is cheaper than an abortion or raising a kid.

Q: Please help me.
1. Does a guy actually like to finger girls or do they just do it to make them happy? Same with eating a girl out?
2. How come i can never get my guy off when im giving him a hand job?
3. When you give a blow job, do you have to make an up and down motion with your mouth or can you just suck on it and massage it?
4. How do you give head?
5. How long do i have to give head in order for him to be happy?
Thank you so much!
A lot of the questions you asked depend entirely on the person.

1. Depends on the person. Just like some girls love giving head/hand jobs and some only do it to keep their partner happy (or some do it because they want something in return), there are guys who like doing it and guys who don't.

2. Maybe you're not doing it right. Maybe he just can't. If he can orgasm when he masturbates, you should ask his help, because he SHOULD be able to orgasm when it's your hand instead of his.
God knows that when I started with hand jobs, I was TERRIBLE. My boyfriend and I sat in his room, my hand going up and down, a BLANK expression on his face. It was horrible. He had to finish what I started in the end. -_- But you know what, he helped me through it. Later on, when we were at it again, he'd softly guide me. Whether it was "move your hand up a little" or "tighter" or "keep going", those random little things helped me figure out what it was that he liked. So you should ask your guy to do the same for you.
3. It depends on the person. Generally, the up and down gets you to the finish line faster and the rest of the stuff you do with your mouth just make the ride more enjoyable. If you JUST suck and massage it, it'll take forever, but he'll cum eventually. Just remember, a blow job isn't just about the mouth and the penis. You can use your hands, too, and you can touch any other part of his body that'll make him feel good (testicles or any other erogenous zones) while you're working your mouth.
4. Experiment with that ^ and cater it to your guy's preferences.
5. You have to do it until he cums. Trust me, if you stop anytime before that, he will be very UNhappy. I can't give you an actual time because it all depends on him.

Q: 18:f
I'm a very good girl and I had sex forthe first time last week. I have not had a period for like 3 months (idk why) and I am not on birth control. He came in the condom and then kept thrusting in me and the came more in te condom but never came in me. Then he kept going with another condom on and didn't cum. then we waited like 30 minutes and had sex again I gave him head( could Taste a little cum) and then he put a condom on and we had sex. He didn't cum. But he took the condom off and went inside again and didn't cum again. Is there anyway I could be preggo ?
If the condom didn't rip (from what you say, I'm assuming it didn't), you should be fine. SHOULD.

However, you said that he went inside you without a condom later. Sometimes, there are sperm in precum, so if any of that got in you, there's a chance.

Take a pregnancy test just in case. I don't think you're pregnant, but I'm no doctor. You should also get that period issue checked out; not having your period is worth checking out.

Q: Okay, so I have dark skin, sort oof mocha color, and naturally black hair, which is sort of long.
I got red streaks put in a few months ago, but red fades easily, and they were very thin streaks, under alayer, so it's pretty hard to see.
I love the black hair, sure, but I really want some BRIGHT red streaks in there. I'm a bit of a punk kid, and it's somethign i've wnated for a while.
thing is, I don't have enough money to get a professional bleaching, and also, everytime i go to a professional, they never do it how i like. They like to do the general boring styles, wheras i like bold chunks and stuff.
I found a bleach kit for home that would have worked, but i can't buy it online.
I bought some Manic Panic pillarbox red hair dye, but i really want it to show up on my hair.
if i don't bleach it, will it dye as well?

Sorry, I just dont' want to go to the exetreme of bleaching, if it might damage my hair.

Also, since i had it dyed once before professionally, will there be some bleach left over?

Thanks in advance?
First of all, if you want color to stay in your hair, don't use Manic Panic. It's the worst; doesn't stay in your hair.

If you have black hair and put a semi-permanent color on top of it, it won't show. My Asian friend did the same thing to her hair with pink dye, and you couldn't see it at all. In the sunlight, you saw maybe 5 pink strands.

If you try to dye over previously dyed hair, the new color won't show too well. I tried to dye my already-dyed(and fading)-reddish hair blonde, and it didn't work. Lightened it a bit, but that was it.

If you wanna dye your hair and want it to last, go with Special Effects brand dye. It's by far the best I've tried when it comes to non-natural hair colors. My friends know me for my dye-related troubles (color rarely stays in my hair more than a month). But when I used Special Effects, I had pink hair for like half a year.

Bleaching won't damage your hair that much if you're not making it a habit. If you bleach it now and leave it alone for a long while, your hair won't get that over-processed haystack-ish look.

To sum up: bleach your hair and dye over it with a better brand than MP

Q: i am 13 years old, i want to get my cartdilage peirced on both ears, my mom will let me. But does she legally have to be with me? Can if i wanted to go to the mall with my friends and get it peirced there, with just them there? Do i need parent consent? Because i know u need parent consent to get your tragus peirced.
You can't get a piercing alone unless you're 18+. You'll need a parent with you.

The only way to NOT do it this way is to go to a shadier place that won't ID you. I don't know where you live, but an example of this would be Chinatown, St.Marks, etc. True, going to a place like this will be cheaper and faster, but I wouldn't recommend it.

I got my industrial pierced in a place like that in St.Mark's. Not because I was underage (I was exactly 18), but because I wanted to pay as little as possible. Bad idea. I have sensitive skin, so I soon got an ear infection caused by the material the barbell was made out of.

Anyway, long story short, go with your parents. Don't just pick the shady place and risk infections and God knows what else.

Q: I'm only a 14yo girl and I have started mastorbating more and more latly. It feels so good but for some reson I feel really bad when it's over. Even though I feel bad about it I can't stop. Is this normal? Should I stop?
It's completely normal (unless you do it like 20 times a day). Maybe the reason you feel bad about it is because you don't know if it's normal or not? When I was younger, I felt like a freak for doing it because I thought nobody else did.

Q: My boyfriend pre cumed on the outside of my butt, my cherry hasnt been poped and he wasnt near my vagina. I also went and washed off and changed pants and underwear. Could I be pregnant?
It's not too likely you're pregnant if he wasn't inside you. Also, since you said it was only pre-cum, there's an even smaller chance. Take a pregnancy test to make sure, but I highly doubt you're pregnant.

bio
SarcasticGreetings
Fun facts:

I am a champion procrastinator.

My hair has been every color of the rainbow.

I like art. In a perfect world, I'd be an illustrator or graphic designer. But in this world, I'm probably going to end up an engineer or an architect.

I tend to be pretty blunt. If you don't like it, too bad.

I have more piercings than I can be bothered to keep track of. They're all on my ears.

Oscar Wilde is awesome.

Julian Beever is awesome.

Hans Zimmer is awesome.

Info
AIM:
Member Since:
November 18, 2009

Answers:
175

Last Update:
April 30, 2011

Visitors:
8680



layout by Adam Particka

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker