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Random Girl
Sorry its so long :)
So my boyfriend 2 nights ago texted me while i was at work telling me about how this girl was hitting on him at the bar and asked me what he should do. I told him just tell her you have a girlfriend, and he said okay. When i get back from work, hes at the apartment, and so is this girl! Granted, another guy was there, but there sitting in the dark watching a movie and drinking some wine she brought over.
The other guy, Derek, told me that all night she was asking people if he had a girlfriend and that he never told her he did. Derek ended up telling her that Joe was taken, and after he told her that this girl, Susan still came over to my house.
I walk in and she got all pissed off that i was there, and she decided to leave. Derek offered her a ride home and she refused and when Joe asked if she wanted him to drive her she responded with a very fast yes.
So my boyfriend drives her home, comes back, and doesnt think he did anything wrong!
How can i make him understand that what he did was completely unfair. Im not a jealous person and i didnt say anything rude to this girl. All i want is to explain to him how he hurt my feelings.
How can i go about doing this? I dont want to yell or anything, so what is the best way i can go about explaining how he hurt me?
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I would dump him in a second. He doenst care that it is wrong. But if you really want to show him he was wrong do that same thing to him.
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Ask him if he realizes how much he confused and offended her.
If you don't want to attack or yell at him (which honestly, I think might be the correct response on your part anyways) point out to him how confused and hurt she was by his behaviour and dishonesty. Get Derek's support on this.
Yes, you're boyfriend's behaviour wasn't very kind to you, but if he doesn't realize that, point out the person he mislead, wronged, embarrassed and was unfair to, was Susan. She had the sense to inquire if he was single, and to get ticked with him for not being forthcoming when it was obvious he wasn't. She was confused and ticked off. Pretty good signs he messed up and mislead her.
Her confusion is your weapon. He should be able to recognize that another girl thinking he was single, and therefore treating him as though he was, is unfair to both her, and you.
EDIT:
I fully realize she was trying to sleep with him. You asked for a way to explain to HIM, why HIS behaviour was wrong: If he doesn't understand it from YOUR perspective, get the hell over yourself for two minutes and try explaining it from this other woman's. It means letting go of your ego for a minute to actual help him see the problem. From the angle of her confusion and annoyance, he might be able to see why what he did was misleading and cruel.
If the goal is to make him understand, this is viable approach. It will keep your from yelling and focusing on your anger with him, and help you to explain in simple, clear terms, why what he did was hurtful and dishonest.
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i would never accept that if he couldnt tell her that he had a girlfriend that would hurt my feelings so bad id be pissed off too. and let alone he brought her over he only brought derek over because he knew that you would think it was weird that him and her were alone together! and he brought her home? hmmm i would have gone with them not that id be jelous or anything but its just not right why couldnt he tell anyone that he was taken why was that girl so mad cuz she was lead on by him most likely. if i were you i would talk to him and tell him well when that girl came over the whole situation hurt my feelings becuase... you didnt tell her you had a grilfriend or you brought her home or i found you guys drinking wine and watching a movie in the dark or the girl was to be so rude and angry that i walked in my own house... basically tell him why then say how would you feel if i meaning you did that to you!!!! if he still is like whatever your a bitch or mean you know then id do the same thing hed get the idea i understand that your relationship might be different and that you have different views but i would not accept him doing that i would not let him have her over take her home and id especially ask why she was mad that you were there and why he didnt tell anyone he had a girlfriend. but if that doesnt bother you thats you and im not saying your stupid or a bad person for not thinking thats not a big deal to me id be really mad and would be like wtf.
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Welcome to the beautiful world of men, unfortunatly men do NOT think the way we do about these things. He thinks that since he didn't flirt back, had no alterior motives, and didn't try anything with her that he did nothing wrong, while you think that since he brought this girl back to YOUR house, and drove her home that there is something wrong with that situation. The best thing that you can do is to sit down with him and try to explain how you felt about the whole thing, let him know that you aren't angry but hurt. Don't scream at him, just explain it in a calm voice, it will probably be hard for him to get at first because he is a guy and they just don't think the way we do about things.
Tell him that you are uncomfortable with him bringing a girl over to your house, watching movies and drinking with her, and then driving her home alone.
Hope I Helped :))
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You don't need to explain, Your boyfriend was clearly in the wrong. It was wrong of him not to tell this girl that he was in a relationship with you and this could be a huge red flag that to maybe he was cheating think about it...."Why did he not mention he was taken?" When a female brings over wine to a guys house it means romance, and the big one is to enlighten the mood. It wasn't fair but it was also betrayal and completely disrespectful. I'm sure your boyfriend is well aware of the fact that you feel hurt by his actions but offering the girl a ride home should show you that maybe he doesn't care that much? I sure would get the impression if I were in your shoes, Hell not talking to him would do the job if he had such a nerve to continue egging her on while you were there. I think it's time to kick the boyfriend out the door, Talking to him may not do the deed...but the fact that he still had intentions while you were there. No, Don't put up with that crap. Show him what he did to you, Dump him and move on cause you are clearly to good for his unfaithful lies.
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