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relationship issues
I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 18..we've been together for 2 and a half years and I just don't want to be with him anymore.
He is driving me crazy..he's extremely controlling and obsessive, where he calls and texts me 24/7 and if I don't answer a text while I'm at school or something then he'll text over and over and start calling. I haven't hung out with friends for real just about the whole time we've been together,because he gets so jealous about it and accuses me of doing stuff with other guys, but whenever he has ever had the inkling to hang out with friends then he will and he'll ignore me.
So idk I'm just tired of arguing with him constantly..every day is a struggle. I find myself like looking out my window and getting paranoid when he calls cause I feel like he's gonna just show up..cause he's done it before.
I've been trying to cut back onthe amount of time we spend together, because we used to be together ALL the time. So now I've been using school and stuff as an excuse to not spend so much time together,but it's not making anything any better..he's just getting more obsessive and it's gotten to where i can hardly stand to be around him..I just want out. But I feel bad about it because we've been together so long and he talks about wanting to marry me soon and all that..plus he's got a bad side and I'm kinda afraid he might try to do something crazy..
anyway..I just need some advice please!
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Going through something like this can be pretty difficult. I'm glad I could help, but continue seeking outside support. Always watch for people who try to cut you off from others you care about, because generally the motivation to do that stems from a desire to affect you with their own point of view. They want to be able to drown you in what they think and eliminate outside conflicts that might keep you from agreeing with them.
It can be anywhere from completely subconscious to malicious and willing.
If you want to talk more about it, feel free to send me a private question. I don't give out my personal information often, but if you'd like to have more of a conversation about this send me an aim screen name and I'll add you and send you a message when I see it, I'm online alot on my wife's account to figure out dinner when she's out and such
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Out is not a question at this point. I feel like you're wavering. Don't waver. Out. Now.
Prepare a speech. Ten sentences at most, calm, collected, and with the following points.
- We're over
- Its permanent
- You are controlling and obsessive
- Your anger scares me
- I do not want to talk about it, work on things, or figure anything out.
- Do not contact me again.
Tell him this, give him five minutes to talk, and have your friends ready to walk over the second he stops being civil/starts screaming/curses you out/acts threatening. When you get home delete, block, destroy, and trash everything you have related to him and move on with your life.
If he starts harassing you don't wait for him to stop. If you live at home, talk to your parents and go from there. If you live alone or with room mates, tell your room mates about him and call the cops. Any harassing text, e-mail, phone call, etc you save for the cops. If he calls, write down the time, number he calls from, and the conversation. I said delete, get rid all the lovey e-mails, delete his number from your phone, get rid of pictures and gifts and shit in your house that reminds you of him. Any clothes of his you might have stolen (because I'm pretty sure all girls do this)
Having been with him for two years does not entitle him to a few weeks of degredation, stalking, and other harassment when you end it because he's upset and has an anger problem. Do not let him victimize you any more because he's taught you to feel guilty any time he's the least bit unhappy with anything you do.
I don't know if "abused" has entered your head yet, but you have been.
Read this
Do you:
* feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
* avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
* feel that you can�t do anything right for your partner?
* believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
* wonder if you�re the one who is crazy?
* feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does your partner:
* humiliate or yell at you?
* criticize you and put you down?
* treat you so badly that you�re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
* ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
* blame you for his own abusive behavior?
* see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Does your partner:
* have a bad and unpredictable temper?
* hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
* threaten to take your children away or harm them?
* threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
* force you to have sex?
* destroy your belongings?
Does your partner:
* act excessively jealous and possessive?
* control where you go or what you do?
* keep you from seeing your friends or family?
* limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
* constantly check up on you?
This is copied directly from the "signs you're in an abusive relationship" at a domestic violence website. Let people who care about you know whats going on in your life, protect yourself from this guy, and end it quickly and cleanly with backup watching for any sign of aggression. Give him a chance to say a few things and cut him off at five minutes. You don't owe him any more than that.
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Obsession and actually loving a person are two completely different things. If he can't trust you enough to give you the respect you deserve then obviously this guy isn't going to respect you at all. Whether that means talking to him, taking time apart or possibly being friends. Nobody wants to be with someone that is going to watch them like a hawk 24.7 a relationship is about trust and without any trust there is no relationship. You need to dump him. Don't let him do the sweet talking because men who are controlling have a tendency to tell woman what they want to hear when it comes to leaving them. If you two weren't able to work things out in a 2 and a half year period then I'm pretty sure things aren't going to work out now, 2 months or even a year from now. When you dump him be blunt about it tell him how it is, After all he had the balls to disrespect you and invade your privacy and he has it coming. When you do dump him cut contact, Ignore his calls, texts, and emails because the longer you are in contact the longer you prolong your pain and the harder it will be move on.
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Well, there is no question you need to dump him. If you want to dump him this badly, then you need dump him.
And after two years togeather, he deserves a face-to-face dump. The only valid reason to not break up with him in person would be if you feared for your safety, but even so, do it in person in public, with someone waiting to drive you or pick you up shortly after.
After that, you need to protect yourself. Protecting yourself means making it clear you want no more contact from him, and it means NEVER, EVER responding to his contact. Save his messages and crazy stuff, so you can hand it off to the police if you need too. Tell him you will call the police if he shows up, and then if he does, do. Let your work know if you need too, so if he comes around there asking questions, they know not to be helpful. Make plans to not be home alone as much as possible.
Don't be nice when you dump him. Don't say "Maybe we can be friends." or "I just need a little while apart." Those would be lies. Tell him the whole truth: You are breaking up with him and you do NOT want to be his friend or speak to him agian.
That might sound very difficult and fierce, but it's the first step to protecting yourself. Once you've been that clear, you can call the cops if you need too, because you've told him what you expected, he's not confused then, he's being evil.
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I think you need to get out, you don't seem happy & a controlling relationship is never a good one. His controllingness can turn to abuse if you continue to stay together. If you feel as though you don't want to be with him, then don't be. Do not put yourself through staying with him if you truly do not want to be with him, it is unfair to the both of you. You cannot stay in the relationship just because you are afraid of hurting him, trust me it will only get harder to get out the longer you wait.
Hope I helped!
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