|
I Broke up with my Girlfriend...
18/m
Im in college. Me and my girlfriend were long-distance. we saw each other over summer but waited six months until we visited again last week. during that six month waiting period I gradually went from being in love with her to to not really enjoying talking to her for too long. I thought that when we saw each other again in December that things would be better but they were not. Im not sure If I was just over-worrying or if I genuinely didn't enjoy my time with her because there were times when we had a lot of fun, we were laughing and joking and getting along. but other times, I couldn't enjoy myself because I was too worried about how much I would miss her when we parted.
Because things didn't get much better, I decided that maybe it would be best if we went our separate ways. I had already decided that if things weren't better when we were together again that I would break up with her. We were best friends is the thing and we're still on good terms with each other so its not like I can't talk to her, but I just think I need a buffer. She has completely respected my personal space since I told her I needed it, so its she's not the problem. I'm just having a hard time dealing with not talking to her. Im not sure if I really miss her or if I really miss not having someone there but Its one of those two. I don't feel like I could get back together with her because I think things would still be all crappy. I just don't know what to do. Is it a bad Idea just to call her to talk for a few minutes? We are still friends. She would like it if I called Im sure.
If someone maybe has a good way of dealing with this loneliness or something because I really don't want this to affect my studies.
Thanks
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm in the same situation right now with my ex. We were in a long distance relationship and he couldn't handle it...there were a lot of "I miss yous" and "I wish you were heres". You need to be honest with yourself but also with her its great your on good terms with her but you need to support each other through this hard time. I was best friends with my ex and now unfortunately I decided I didn't want him in my life anymore.
Well think about it this way...does she make you happy? Why do you let distance get between you? If you love her so much distance shouldn't be an issue. You shouldn't reflect on the "missing her" part...don't dwell on the sadness. I'm sure you both have great memories with one another and the fact that you are thinking about the "missing her" part even while you're hanging out with her is just making the situation worse. Things would only be "crappy" if you let them...their crappy because you reflect on the sad parts too much!
You should think about what you want and need before giving her a call because she might have mixed feelings with you calling!
Number one rule: worry about your studies first...just work thats what I do! I put my whole heart and soul into my work and try to accomplish daily tasks as well! Good luck!
]
Long distant relationships are hard. I think what happened here is in time you simply fell out of love. Not seeing each other for a good 6 months is really no different than a temporary breakup. Time goes on and people grow apart. I know right now you feel you are grieving but how much of that is you feeling that you need to fill a void in your life? The truth is right now might not exactly be the best time for you two to talk only because if you two come in contact with each other whether it is in person or by phone you in the end only prolong the pain. You make it harder to move on for not only her but yourself as well. Sure, You two can talk and stay friends but I think for your sake and happiness you should take a break for awhile. The best thing to do right now is spend time with friends and family if you can. Get out do things you enjoy doing keeping your mind busy will also help. If you feel the relationship isn't going to work out then there must be a reason for it.
]
Don't lean on her at this time.
You'd be doing both you, and her, a disservice to use her as a crutch in handling in your loneliness. Not only would you be risking confusion on her part, you'd be slowing down your own transition and movement out of this relationship.
You are not actually 'friends' at the moment. You are exes. You might be friendly exes, and that is great, but it will be several months before you can responsibly and respectfully pursue a friendship with her with a clear head and honest intentions.
It would not be a bad idea to call her and talk for a few minutes if your intention was to see how she was, or follow up on a past conversation, or any of the hundreds of reasons one friend might call another. But too call your ex because you are lonely is not a good intention. To call them cause you miss talking to them, is also not okay. It is fundamentally selfish, it would be using her (despite her appreciating it), it would be a mixed message and it would be self-defeating.
The hard time of not speaking to an ex, of not having the same intimacy, or the same knowledge of their life, and of just not having the relationship as something to do, is the very important penalty for breaking up with someone, and that is something you must accept. You don't get a “buffer” on your requested personal space. You don't get personal space but only so much, when you end it with someone. You get all the space and time in your life they used to require, back.
Reach out to other friends or groups in the university. Develop other interests and lean on other people to help you make this difficult transition. Give her the space to deal with your absence and the end of your relationship. And take the space you made, the space you wanted, the space you demanded when you ended the relationship, to accept her absence and process the end of your relationship.
]
More Questions: |