I love my boyfriend. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. The only reason why I'm contemplating breaking up with him is because I don't find myself sexually attracted to him.
I'm a very sexual person, and it's important to me... But am I being shallow?
WittyUsernameHere answered Wednesday March 24 2010, 9:59 pm: You will not be happy in a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to.
I'm about to come off badly probably, but I'll give this a shot just the same.
Shallow is generally something unattractive people throw out because they feel entitled to love. Attraction is like magnetism. It's a force, not a decision.
A truly shallow person is someone who only cares about appearance. True shallowness almost always goes hand in hand with low IQ, people without the intelligence to recognize or value anything other than the surface they see before their eyes.
I am drawn to my wife. She can give me a look and it gets me going. We hang out naked on a very regular basis when alone together (we're kind of homebodies) and I check her out when she walks by constantly, even five years later. Moreover, she occupies a space entirely her own within my sexuality, there are times when I'm just horny, but there are times when I specifically want/need her.
Sexuality is important in a partner. A lack of it shows that there's a disconnect. This will only get worse, and the break up is going to suck because it's difficult to tell someone you aren't sexually attracted to them.
I never had to deal with a relationship, but there are a few girls in my life whom I love like sisters. That love honestly exists because I liked them tons as people but never found myself attracted in any serious way. Thankfully, for me I'm pretty sure that's always ended up mutual, so no hearts broken. Sucks that it's not that way for you, but you can't pick who you love and you can't pick who makes you tingle, and you can't change the fact that they aren't always a package deal. [ WittyUsernameHere's advice column | Ask WittyUsernameHere A Question ]
dearcandore answered Wednesday March 24 2010, 11:43 am: It sounds like your boyfriend is more like a friend to you, and that's why you love him. Yes, attraction is important, and don't think you are shallow just because you feel that way. Its very natural and its how our bodies search for a good mate. It doesn't make you a "sexual person" just because you want to be sexually attracted to your mate, it just makes you normal. I can see that the real problem here is that you don't want to hurt your bf because he is such a good friend, but sometimes you can't avoid hurting the ones you love. You are not content in this relationship as it is. It may be time to move on from this, as hard as it will be. It will definitely be difficult, but in the long run you will know you did the right thing. There's no need to settle, and you may even be cheating him out of the chance to find someone who is just right for him, and who wants him in all the ways a gf should want a bf. Good luck. Try not to be so hard on yourself. [ dearcandore's advice column | Ask dearcandore A Question ]
One_Whisper answered Wednesday March 24 2010, 12:59 am: Depends
If sex is all you want and think about in the relationship then I would have no choice to say that is a shallow reason of breaking up with someone.
However, If it is NOT all you think about then no, You are entitled to a happy relationship just as much as he is. If that means you are not sexually attracted to him then you need to let him know that you feel that you may have fallen out of love and your feelings are just not there for him anymore. That is a fair way to say it and it's pretty straight forward. However, When you do break up with him bare in mind that depending on how hard he takes it you two may not be friends in the end. This is about YOUR happiness, It is not your job to pretend to be sexually attracted to someone, If you aren't happy then you need to let him know. Communicate with him [ One_Whisper's advice column | Ask One_Whisper A Question ]
Attention: NOTHING on this site may be reproduced in any fashion whatsoever without explicit consent (in writing) of the owner of said material, unless otherwise stated on the page where the content originated. Search engines are free to index and cache our content. Users who post their account names or personal information in their questions have no expectation of privacy beyond that point for anything they disclose. Questions are otherwise considered anonymous to the general public.