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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
12 year old female.
So my mom is waay to catholic. Basically I dress in black or band t shirts, skinny jeans, converse. My hair is layered on the top and thin on the bottom, side bangs. I listen to emo, screamo, alternative rock, rock, punk, hard rock...she thinks because of this I'm satanic. She's constantly supervising my behavior and asks waay to many questions. Her new thing is she doesn't want me reading creepypastas because of a couple of nutjobs stabbing a girl in the woods. Literally everyone in my school likes creepypasta so far no one's killed anybody. And I told her that people have killed people in the name of religion, but she didn't want to hear it. I'm still reading creepypasta though, and now I'm just more attracted to it. She's been restraining me my whole life and idk I don't know why but every time she preaches on why I shouldn't do things I feel like doing them 10× more than ever, ESPECIALLY when she says I shouldn't do it. She is paranoid about me doing the "emo" thing because she read something crazy on a catholic website about some girl who commited suicide. I'm agnostic and I just hate it when she believes this crap. How do I deal with a catholic extremist?
For one thing it sounds like you are a typical today's teenager. I will assume since it is left unsaid that your school grades are good or mom would be harping on those as well, Just based on your side of the story mom should be very proud of you. This Emo thing is for the most part a fad you will grow out of, until you do she can and could put up with it.
As for mom being a religious zealot, my word, there really is not much you can do about this as long as you live at home which until your 18 you must do. What you can do is turn down the confrontation exposure.
Parents and teenagers have been fighting over what teenagers listen to or call music since, well since recording began. If you have read the required literature for school then what you read for pleasure should be pleasurable to you.
To turn down the friction when listening to music do so with headphones. Try covering you creepypasta books with dust covers making them look like school books. I normally do not recommend hiding things from or lying to parents though your problem calls for an exception. what mom does not see or hear should not bother here and not cause her to bother you.
As for why when mom says no or you can't have or do something it is ten times more wanted. That's normal for anyone. It is a desire we all have for the forbidden. It is also what causes some of the greatest discoveries and inventions. Tell someone that can't be fixed or there is no cure for something and they will work to fix it or find a cure. That is what is so great about the human animal.
As for being an Agnostic. There is nothing wrong with being an Agnostic. It means you believe in a God or supreme being just not in organized religion. I too am an agnostic and like most agnostics I have my reasons which probably differ from yours. My wife and I raised our son to believe in a god and allowed our parents to introduce him to their religions. My wife and I were raised in different religions. Now that he is an adult he is free to follow what ever religion or continue as an agnostic and we will honor his choice.
I can understand your mother, if she is aware not being so liberal. My only advice to this problem is to try and stay under her radar with your choice. When she says anything about religion or asks you to go to church with her. Listen to what she has to say, answer her correctly to the conversation and then forget the conversation. IF she asks you to go to church with her I don't see anything wrong with that but it doesn't have to be every week. In other words until your 18 placate her. It is easier to placate her then to argue with her especially if you are not yet an adult. For until you are an adult she has ultimate control over you.
Placating or placation in these terms means for you ; peace between you and mom. It is not all that hard to do and peace has its own rewards for other things you may wish to do such as dating and lifting or extending of curfews.
So I have really really low self-esteem to the point where when someone calls me pretty (which is very very rare) I never believe them. The only people that really compliment me are my parents and it's never about my face it's always about how curvy my body is, which is annoying. So basically growing up I've never thought I was pretty at all, my elementary school was kindergarten to grade 8 so I went to a school with the same judgemental people all my life. I remember in grade 3 this guy would always make fun of me and you know the saying "if someone makes fun of you they have a crush on you" but this wasn't the case it was flat out bullying. In grade 5 I remember this other guy said his brother said I looked like a man. In grade 6 I remember one of my best guy friends saying my lips were too big. That same year a boy finally had a crush on me but then this girl who I thought was my friend basically filled his head up with nonsense about me and made him dislike me. Fast forward to high school those same judgemental people now go to my high school. If you've read my previous questions you'd know I have this friend who is always talking about my appearance she's always making sly comments like in grade 9 she said that "you're so lucky you're not popular cause if you were I'd hear the boys saying you're so ugly", in grade 10 she told me she can imagine me with longer hair and makeup. Also that same year she had a boyfriend and my other friend made a joke saying that me, Chrissy and marissa were gonna steal her boyfriend and she said and I quote "I understand if marissa was gonna steal my boyfriend cause she's pretty" basically indicating that me and Chrissy were ugly. Also in grade 10 this boy had a crush on my friend and his friend made a joke saying that if he can't get with my friend he can get with me, he got so offended and repulsed he was like "chill....Let's not go that far". In grade 11 I was minding my own business talking to my friends when this boy just randomly called me "burst" which is slang for ugly. Then in summer school while I was walking past by these group of boys this one boy joked with his friend and said "hey that's your girl" and then he said "ew wtf man" and they all started laughing. I've never had a boyfriend my whole high school career or any guy friends either cause everyone at my school is superficial if you're pretty guys will automatically want to at least get to know you but if you're ugly like me you have to try talk to them yourselves and 8 times out of 10 if you're ugly then they won't really acknowledge you unless they wanna make everyone aware that you're ugly like that one guy did when I was minding my own business. Grade 12 just started so I don't know what it has in store but these are some of the factors that impacted my low self esteem it's so low that whenever an adult gives me a lecture on how I'm pretty I just bawl out and start crying because I know it's not true. Also if you've read up to here can you also give me tips on how to stop being so nice cause now everyone is taking advantage of me, like I'm so nice that one time a girl sneezed on my hand and I didn't say anything cause I didn't want her to feel bad.
In your question "Everyone is in a relationship but me?" I advised on how to make lasting friends. This is still good advice. The people you are going to school with today will be by next fall, for the most part, taking off for the four corners of the world as they begin the next phase of their life and college as you will. For the most part you will probably never see most or all of them again.
Of all the kids I went to school with I stay in touch with two or three and mostly on Facebook. We are spread out up and down the East Coast and unless one of then had an accident on I95 in the area my fire station protects, while I was on, duty there was little chance of us ever seeing each other again.
What I'm saying is while I know it is hard to hear the insults and to put up with the bullying; just ignore them. Become a duck and let whatever it is said just roll of your back. If they don't get the response they are looking for they will stop.
Now as to beauty. There are two old sayings that are appropriate.
1. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
2. Beauty is only skin Deep.
Number 2 is the most important one to remember. Your say that you have a curvy body but are not a facial beauty. First I don't really believe that for there are things you can not do to enhance what you have if you wish to. Second in high school kids are very shallow and most will not look past the beauty that is only skin deep. Yet you write that these same kids are not afraid to come to you for help with other things which tells me they are well aware of the beauty you have that lies just below the skin.
One girl said that she could see you with longer hair and makeup. Okay maybe she is right longer hair and make up may change the way you look. The problem is that you may feel that this look is not you, that it is false.
The very first thing a psychologist will tell you in raising self-esteem is to accept who you are and make the best of what you have. As a teenager with peer pressure that's hard and it is understandable but you should try. Remember this and this has stood me well all my life. It is a quote I made for myself or a motto I made for me. The only person I have to be better than is to be a better person tomorrow than the person I am today. Meaning it matters not what anyone else says or does. If I can be a better person tomorrow than I am today then I have learned something and I have grown. This motto kept me at the top of the sales chart my entire sales career.
You might also want to talk with a psychologist it can't hurt and can only help. as the psychologist is you new best friend you can tell anything and everything to knowing know one will ever know what was spoken about and he or she may just have some valuable help to offer you. If you
parents have health insurance through work then thy may have a program called EAP which is Employee Assistance Program. This program will help you find a psychologist and in may programs will pay in full for the first visits.
If you have had something against the suggestion of changing your hair style or using makeup. Talking to a disinterested third party such as a psychologist just may be informative. It can only help .
I'm in my last year in high school and there's this teacher I've had for 3 years who I've had the craziest crush on since the beginning. We get along great, we always talk and laugh together and we've had a few deeper conversations. Unless if he's stupid, I'm sure he knows I like him, I always talk flirty, and visit him all the time, but I don't think he minds because I know he likes me (as a person). But I'm graduating and will probably never see him again, and even though I know nothing will happen (he's married), I really want to tell him I like him! I just know I'll regret it forever if I don't and really whats the harm? I tell him, embarrass myself a little, and never see him again. But how should I tell him? I just want the perfect thing to say. Anyone have any advice or opinions?
And no, I'm not trying to break up a marriage or do anything illegal, it's totally innocent.
To a certain extent I agree with Razhie though there is away to tell him you like him without embarrassing him or you.
If you do not already have your high school year book you should be receiving it shortly. It is well within the realm of decorum to ask your favorite teachers to sign your year book.
You could and should ask him to sign your year book and when you do you can say something like, "Mr. _____ I have really enjoyed your classes and the time you have taken to talk with me and help me become the person who will be graduating soon." If your going on to college you can add; "I hope I am lucky enough to find a teacher in College like you who will be there to help me through college as you have guided me through high school. Thank you.
What this says is not so much that you have had a crush on him, he may realize this anyway. You are saying that he is a great teacher and has been a mentor to you during high school something you will always remember him for. The words are not there though if he is the great teacher you say he is he will understand what you are saying in the politically correct manor.
We all have teachers we formed attachments to. I had a shop teacher I grew very close to. While I was in school we could only have a student teacher relationship. Once I graduated he invited me to his home to meet his wife and children. The summer before I left for the Military I worked with him in his part-time home renovation business. While I was in the Military the letters from home and the letters from him and his wife were always something to brighten my day.
Of course we were two guys that from a student teacher relationship a friendship grew after graduation. As long as you understand that nothing more than a friendship can be had for a relationship with him and you are no threat to his marriage. Then I see no reason why you cannot tell him how much you have enjoyed his teaching and mentoring during your high school years. Yes if it comes up from him that this is all it can be you tell him you never expected more than his mentoring and friendship.
I'm not sure this is the correct category but here goes. Back in January 2014, my then boyfriend (ex now) got his second dui. Long story short he didn't have the money for a lawyer and I ended up opening a credit card to pay for the lawyer under the condition that he would make monthly payments to me. The lawyer was paid a flat rate of $3500. Almost two years later I have yet to see a payment from the ex. The kicker with this whole situation too is that I never signed a consent form or anything for that matter with the lawyer. Didn't even meet him just briefly spoke over email about canceling my card (which it didn't happen). I am wondering if there is a way to get my money back. Could I sue my ex for failure to pay? I don't want to get the lawyer involved as we never had a meeting in the first place although I am wondering since I didn't sign anything if that would have anything to do with getting my money back. Just need advice on what to do and how to go about it
In some State verbal contracts are binding. You would have to check the law in your state to see if such a law is present in your State. If it is then you could sue your boyfriend. You would have to prove that your boyfriend agreed to this with you.
If I'm reading your story correctly his lawyer is knowledgeable that you did this for him. Lawyers are also great hoarders and any information you sent him on this matter would be in file at his office. As an Officer of the Court have to testify to these facts.
While your chances of being successful are better if law is on your side. If there is any communication of this between you and his lawyer then I would still take him to court. Given the amount you would be in District Court also know as Small claims court or the People's Court. Your chances of winning are good.
The cost to file is minimal and you ask the Court to summon the lawyer to appear to testify on your behalf and to bring the documents you request which would be all emails between you and him, from you. The clerk will assist you with the paperwork.
Good Luck.
Okay I'm a 16 year old girl and me and my mo get into fights fairly often. They are about the stupidest things that I don't even know what the cause was sometimes. So, when we do get into fights she starts yelling all these different things at me like "you have no friends", "nobody likes you", "you are terrible to be around", "you are never going to get anywhere in life", "bitch", "snot" etc...
There are more but I don't know what to do. Like I try to not let it get to me but it's hard not to. I mean like what if she is right about all of this. I just don't know what to do.
But like when we aren't fighting she is like the best mom ever but as soon as she gets mad she starts yelling the worst possible things she can think of at me. I just really don't know what to do and any advice at all would be extremely helpful!!
Thee is really not enough information here to make that kind of judgment. In the right family dynamic t might be considered emotional abuse. Given that it is causing you emotional concern it could be considered emotional abuse.
To actually pin that label on it requires more information. Information concerning the family dynamic such as where is your dad in all this? Are you parents divorced or is your dad deceased? Are there any other adults such as grandparents living with you? Do you have siblings" If so how does mom treat them? What kind of pressures could mom be under? These are jut the top items on the list.
Since you do seem to be disturbed by what mom is saying what I suggest is you talk to a trusted teacher or your principal school about this. They will ask the questions they need to have answers to in order to know if you are being emotionally abused. If they believe you are they will get the proper help for both you and your mother.
I'm very petite at 4ft 10in tall and 80 pounds. In the next few days I plan on having sex with my boyfriend for the first time and he's very tall and large at 6ft 3in.
I'm NOT a virgin, I've had sex about 4 times with my ex-fiance but, he was very bad in bed. He refused to use any kind of lubricant and didn't like foreplay, he always just tried to jump right into it and it put me in a LOT of pain. Now I'm really scared to have sex again but at the same time I want to try with my current boyfriend because all my friends brag about how good sex is.
How can I prepare myself? I don't want to wind up sobbing in pain...
I'm 21 and I feel really awful because I think so badly of sex and I want it to feel good.
It is my feeling that in order for you to enjoy sex that the first thing you and your boyfriend need to do is talk about it first. Yes talk first do second. You should tell him you want to have sex with him because you love him or have feelings for him. But he needs to know your past sexual experience(s) were every painful and why. If he has any feelings for you he will understand and want to know what needs to be done so that you can enjoy sex with him.
For any women to enjoy sex she must be comfortable. Meaning comfortable in where and on what they are having sex on. That they will not be disturbed or intruded upon. You are both adults and entitled to a sex life though trying to have sex in a parent's basement may not be the best place to do so and be comfortable doing so.
Next is foreplay which is really important for two people making love the first time together. Getting comfortable with each others body and being naked with each other is very important to being relaxed when the time comes for intercourse. Especially for the women as she is the one who can be hurt is she suddenly becomes nervous or has some type of anxiety problem with having intercourse.
Last but most important for the first few times until you two are really comfortable and find positions that work well for you differing heights. That when it comes time to move from foreplay to intercourse that the position be women above. For two reasons:
1. You get control penetration. How fast you take him in and whether or not you are wet enough to accept him. IF you feel you need more lubrication you are in control and can stop to add some K-Y Jelly or other lubricant before allowing him to penetrate you.
2. Given your difference in height this is the best position for the two of you to enjoy each other the first time. After that the doggie position would be another good position and their are many more that you could try and find the ones that work best for you. The standard missionary position probably will not be the best position for the two of you but it is worth trying once to see if it does work for you.
Sex is like anything else in life. While inherently we know how to procreate. To enjoy sex to the fullest we must allow ourselves to try those things we might think we will enjoy. Remember there is nothing weird about anything that happens in the privacy of one's bedroom between two consenting adults. The operative word is consenting. Communication is also important. Talk about it, agree upon it then try it. If you both like do it again. If one does not like it you don't do it again.
This is the key to a good sex life. As I said above if your partner has any feelings for you at all he will be more than willing to take his time to make sure sex with you is as mind blowing an experience as it can be for both of you.
I looked in here to see how people answered the question on how to kill yourself painlessly. I was absolutely amazed at the callous answers. Instead of offering advice for the question asked everyone just jumped on the person for wanting to commit suicide when "their" lives were sooooo much worse. The person that asked for advice didn't even tell you how bad their life was so how do you know if yours was worse. If you can't help a person by answering the question they asked then just don't answer, don't trash the person who is obviously very sad already and doesn't need to be told how selfish and horrible they are.
No one on this site will ever tell anyone how to kill themselves. This is not what we do here. What we do is try to give a person a reason to live. We offer hope, advice and places they can go or call for help.
When advisors tell someone of their own life they do so in a form of compassion to show the person writing that they are not alone. That others have felt as they have and have found a reason to live. Suicide is not an answer it is the wrong solution that cannot be turned back.
When I answer these types of questions I generally say something like, "there is no problem so large, so burdensome that there is not someone that can help you find a solution." "This is what we do we help you find solutions." When they say no one cares about them. I respond, "we care if we didn't we would not be writing back to you."
So don't tell me we are callous or we trash people for wanting to commit suicide. I have not seen on advisor trash a person who has written about committing suicide. If the person tells us what their problem is we take the time to research where they can get help. The only real problem we have; is we never know if we have helped, if we have stopped someone from committing suicide. Only twice in all the years I have been doing this has anyone written back to me to tell me my help was successful.
Can I still get braces if I need to replace 2 cracked crowns in the back of my teeth?
It costs $800 each to replace each crown. Can I get braces without replacing the crowns?
This is a question only a Dentist can answer. We are not doctors or dentists and cannot offer medical advice.
For low cost dental treatment I would suggest you call a dental school. The students need patients to practice what they have learned in the classroom and on simulators. They are closely supervised and do excellent work at low and reasonable costs. They generally only charge for the material they use and work such as the caps produced by outside vendors.
I am always gassy , a lot of you say to drink more water, i drink a gallon a day and i eat healthy and i am still extremely gassy,it is annoying. I have also tried beano and it works for a while and then it is back. There has to be something i can do. It is embarassing when i am at the gym. It all most makes me not want to go. HELP!!!!!!
I don't know how to say this so I will just go right to the point. It is most likely your diet. A healthy diet will generally include many different fruits vegetables & Dairy products. These are things that cause gas and bloating in our diets.
Below are some web sites I found using a search engine and typing in, "What Foods Cause gas." These are two that I thought would be helpful.
http://flatulencecures.com/vegetables-that-cause-gas
http://www.healthline.com/health/foods-that-cause-gas#4
This may sound strange, but this usually did not happen in this school. Years ago, I went to an elementary school, and this school was ran by an amazing principal and some of the greatest memories I've had was when he was principal.
Unfortunately, he retired and the new principal came in the beginning of my last year of elementary school. She changed everything (the appearance inside, the playground sets, etc.) But the strange thing about the one rule she enforced was that the older kids had to walk around the basketball court during recess. Not part of recess, but the whole recess. Every day for the whole year. And it wasn't all kids, it was just the older ones. Sixth graders and possibly fifth graders. I'm not sure what grades had to do it, but I know the younger ones did not.
I witnessed younger kids, kindergartners and second graders come out from lunch and they played on the new playground set or on the soccer field. The older kids got in trouble for even stepping out of the basketball court. Obviously the basketball court was not being used because there were 30-40 kids walking around it.
I have always been curious about why that happened. I asked a few of my friends if the same rule was enforced for them, and they have never heard of such thing. My question is, was there a law that was passed and said that 11-12 year-olds are no longer allowed to have recess? Or do you have any idea/opinion why this rule was enforced?
This is something most likely of the principal's own doing. There could be many different reasons for this. The biggest one would be to keep the older children separated from the younger ones to avoid any problems. Another would be to ensure the older children work off the excess energy they may have. Both of these are somewhat strange reasons for doing so.
A better way to separate the age groups is to split the lunch period. This is far better than having one group walk around for however long the recess period is. This is something the PTA and parents should take up with the Principal and the Board of Education if need be.
What Public and Private school educations provide over home schooling is the ability to learn how to socialize properly within your class and in your school. Socializing is a very important part of growing into an adult . By being in school you learn how to get along with others.
Forcing older children to walk in a line around a basketball court does not allow them the important time needed to learn to socialize or allow teachers to observe and correct inappropriate behavior.
Hopefully you and others will take the appropriate steps to change this. The school must either allow the other children to have a true recess or split the lunch periods so the older and younger students are not outside at the same time.
This can very easily be done with in the same time period. Have the younger students eat lunch then go outside. While the younger students are having lunch the older students are outside enjoying a recess. When the younger students have finished their lunch. They go outside for recess while the older students come in to have their lunch.
Hey,so everytime im with my expanded family I feel like I'm not a part of them like most of them are loud and I find it weird I'm not a snob or something like when I'm with my friends I'm the loudest person ever but I just don't feel comfortable with them I don't even talk to some of my cousins I don't know if it's just weird for me to see them because I only see them twice a year but everytime we have a Family event I feel Anxiety and uncomfortable.most of time I don't even come to these family events but I don't want them to think that I don't like them. is it normal or I'm just being weird and should I try to go the my expanded family bbq ?
No I don't think it is weird at all. As the saying goes you get to choose you friends but not your family. Just because your cousins are the children of you mom and dads brothers and sisters does not mean they have the same interest or values you have. It also does not mean that your Aunts and Uncles have the same values your parents have and have instilled in you. So not being comfortable around your cousins Aunts and Uncles would not be weird at all.
My son and his cousins were and still are very close. My nieces are as close as sisters might be to him and he is as close as a brother might be to them. My sister and I believe they are the exception to the rule as while our family was not all that large there was only one cousin we ever became close with and still are close with.
Given the fact that you are 6, as you said in a previous posting. If I were you father and a family gather was just a 1 day BBQ. I probably would not force you to attend IF I was aware of how upsetting attending these events are to you.
Now if you have really made an effort to get to know and get along with your cousins. Then I suggest sitting down with mom and dad and discussing this with them. You are old enough that you can be trusted to remain at home while they go on to a family BBQ and other such events. In return you agree the events such as Thanksgiving, Easter and other such family events you will put on your brave face and join the family in celebrating the event.
Hi,
I live in Canada and I am 18 years old. Throughout my life, I have come across many ups and downs. Things such as losing friends, not being able to find work, and etc., haven't bothered me as much as what I am about to tell you. I have grown up in a religious family of 6. My parents, my siblings and me. I always used to get beat up over the littlest things, and I used to cry, as every child would when their mother would beat them up, and I get that. I understand that in certain cultures/societies children get hurt over something little and their parents hurt them so the child doesn't make the same mistake over again. When I was in grade 7, my beliefs in religion changed and I stopped praying and practising my religion's ways. No one knew about this, not even my own family members but I used to act like I was praying when I was forced to so they wouldn't think anything skeptical. Ever since grade 7 , and even before that, I am always getting hurt, physically abused, by my mother. There's been hitting my head against a wall, swearing at me, calling me names, threatining me (for ex. "Dont tell your dad I did this to you or else"), leaving red and purple marks/bruises on my body (which are long gone now), and etc. When I was in grade 12, I was 17 years old. I went through even more pain and suffering at home and because of that I ended up skipping my classes and I almost came close to failing my courses and not being able to graduate. My mom went back home during that time for about 1 1/2 months, and I had some freedom from the pain. While she was gone, I was still living in the darkness, not going to classes and I was able to get into touch with a social worker at my school. She helped me a bit but couldn't do anything for me, like take me out of the home, because I was not 18 and she needed parental consent, which I did not want. My mother came back from her trip and she found out about my not wanting to wear the religious headwrap. I always used to tell her that I do not want to wear it and she never knew why because of my beliefs and yet I used to get physically hurt so much. In September 2014, I started college and I dropped out during the second week because everyday she would make me wear the religious headwrap to school (which I never did, I would sneakily take it off and on). Also, I never had a proper study table, no laptop , and no books. My older sister, however, had everything given to her. I used to get beat up over that and then I dropped out and for the past year now, I have been going through so much pain. In December of 2014, I met someone. Someone who loves and cares for me more than anything in this world. Someone who would do anything for me, and I kept that person a secret from my family all my life. One day, in April 2014, I decided to write a letter to someone who I knew would help me on this religion issue. I wrote about how I did not believe in the religion, I wrote about what I was going through because of it, such as the physical abuse and so forth. I came home one day to see that my mom had already opened the reply, which I got about 3 months later. She got mad as to why I talked about her abusing me physically in the letter and so forth, and out of anger I said that If I couldnt talk to you or dad about it, then who could I turn to? She hasn't beat me up since that, but she did yesterday. Today, I still hear about her yelling at me because of the letter and so forth. Today, I am in college, however I cant continue anymore. I am 18 now, and I can make my own decisions. I have somewhere to go, somewhere where people love and care for me, somewhere where I will have a roof over my head and food on the table. I am planning to book a flight soon and wanting, well needing to leave soon. I would have to drop my college courses and pay back student loans but I need to be out of this home as soon as possible. I wish there was somewhere near for me to go, like rent an apartment or so but I cant afford to as I am not working and I do not have a stable income. The person I mentioned earlier who loves me endlessly and so forth, is my partner. His mother and him want me to be safe and are willing to take me into their home for as long as I need so I dont have to go through any of the pain and suffering here anymore. I want to know, is the decision that I am taking, to leave a not and just leave from here for once and for all, a good decision? As I am the age of majority, they cant force me to come back. I need some light to shed on me. Thank you.
There are several things that need to be addressed in your question.
I will start with you. Yes you do need to get out of the house and your mother cannot stop you as you are now an adult in the eyes of the law. If your boyfriend and his mother are willing to offer you someplace safe to go to then I would suggest you do so immediately.
As an adult you mother no longer has the right to punish you or correct you for any wrongs she feels you made. Hitting you , knocking your head against the wall is called Battery or Assault by lawful definition. No one had the right to assault another including an adult child. TO do the same to a minor child is child abuse.
Once you are out of the house the first thing I would suggest you do is call local law enforcement and file a complaint against your mother for Battery while you still have the bruises to prove it. While talking with the police if your mother is disciplining your younger siblings in this manner you should make the police aware of this. As I said this is child abuse and like The USA Canada has strict laws against child abuse.
A parent does not have the right to physically hurt or harm a child as a form of punishment. There are many different ways a parent may discipline a child which includes spankings. Even a spanking can go too far and become child abuse depending on how the parent spanks the child. The only spanking allowed is an open palm applied to a child's fleshy bottom. Use of a hairbrush, slipper, strap or any other instrument of pain is child abuse.
As for moving to the other place you speak of? That is a decision only you can make and one you should reserve to make after you move out of your house and into your boyfriend's home. You boyfriends home is a safe haven where you can think clearly and make a sound decision that is right for you. You can if you which consult on this move with your boyfriend and his mother to get their thoughts.
My advice in short is:
1) Move out of your house to your boyfriends house today if possible or as soon as possible.
2) Call the Police and file charges of assault & Battery against your mom. If she is doing the same to younger children advice the police of her abusing of the minor children
While she may think or feel she can do so because her culture says she can this is not true. Culture and the law are different and the law overrides culture. She can be arrested for Assaulting you and child abuse. I recommend you do so to put a stop to this type of treatment not only by her but by others and to insure your siblings do not follow with their children.
3) Take your time make a decision on whether to move away from where you live. Make sure what you are giving up and what it will cost you will in the end be worthwhile.
I feel like my mom is using me. And has narcissistic tendencies. Things will be fine, we have our disagreements, like any mother daughter relationship. She gets mad when I don't answer right away, but its acceptable when she doesn't. She gets mad when I come to her with a problem and makes me feel like it doesn't matter. But gets angered when I don't come to her. For example, she has been really busy, but gets lovey dovey with me, asks for favors and then when I give in, she goes back to being distant. I talked to her about it, she got mad, denied it all, and pointed fingers at me saying I was pushing her away. He got even more distant, til last week when she needed help. She got her way, as it was easier not to fight over it. Then got distant again. I don't know what to do. Any advice is helpful
I have the ability to look back at some of your other questions. From what you write you are closer to you adoptive mother than you are of your birth mother; as you wrote last question. This is probably why, if you're talking of your birth mother, she is so distant.
You cannot change or fix someone who is a Narcissist this is who they are; this is their personality. You really have just two choices; you either find a way to adapt or limit your contact with that Narcissist.
My father was a Narcissist and worse blamed me for everything that was wrong in his life. After he wrote my wife a very insulting letter, one I have never read and one she never fully told me exactly what her said; I wrote one back to him. In the letter I told him of everything he ever did me wrong from as far back as I could remember which stretched back into my early teens.
At the end of the letter I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him until he apologized to my wife and made amends for what he stole from me. The worst part about him was he never would or could admit he was wrong. He would stop talking to me or my sister until we admitted we were wrong and apologize to him. I told him I've have had it and for once in his life he would have to apologize to me. He never did.
I am fine with this and this is how I handled a my Narcissistic parent. This may not be what you want or be right for you. Limiting your contact with your mom will make life easier for you though it means finding your own place to live.
Your 31 an adult with your own life to live. I think it is wonderful you want to know your birth mother and have a relationship with her. Just remember it is your adoptive mother who raised you, if we are talking of a true adoption here. If you were truly adopted and raised by your adopted family you do not owe your birth mother anything.
Even if she gave you up for adoption for all the right reasons. Your birth mother not the one who sat up with you all night when you were sick. Took you to after school activities. Helped you with homework. Provided you with all the e things a child needs while growing up and instilled in you the values you have today. While you may not have come from her womb your adoptive mother is truly your mother and the one you owe who you are today too. She is the one you should honor and if you can be helpful and build a relationship with your birth mother? That is all well and good, but do not allow her to use you as it appears in what you have written.
Helping a friend wh needed a place to live 'temporarily'. She's started sleeping on my couch and her belongings, which mostly look like trash is taking over my living room. It's just passed a year since she moved in, renting a room from my husband and me. My 2 boys can't stand her. How can i ask her to leave without sounding mean...what do I say? Do I need to put it in writing?
I suggest you check with a lawyer. Given how long she has lived with you your home may now be her legal residence. As such you may have to go through a formal evection to have her move out. This is something that differs from state to state so it is best to speak with an attorney before you do anything that could hurt your efforts to have her leave.
There is nothing stopping you from asking her to leave as long as it is her decision as to when to leave. You could say to her; "You staying here was a temporary thing that is now a yearlong which is no longer temporary." "Don't you think it is time for you to move on into your own place?" See what her answer is and based on her answer you know what you may have to do.
If she should say your right, I'm sorry I know I have overstayed my welcome. Give me a few months to find someplace to live and I will move out. IF she says anything to that effect; get out a pen and paper and write it down that she (Her name) plans to vacate the premises (insert address) no later than (insert address. Have her sign it. If she asks why you want her to sign it tell her having a date in writing will be a catalyst for her to find a new place. In actuality if you do need to evict her that piece of paper will make it easier to do so.
I have been working in a content firm for the past 3 months. It has been pretty good until recently. I have been making a lot of errors interpreting the information from the website. Though I don't have issues with my grammar I seem to be writing pretty funny stuff. Since the guy who does the editing sits next to me, he let's me know about the errors every now and then. He can report to the head if he wants but he isn't. Errors seem to be popping up even though I double check them before submitting. I recently started the habit of listening to music while writing. Is that the problem or am I taking things lightly as I'm good at it. Kindly advice
If your performance slump occurred when you started to listen to music while working then that is probably the answer. We may think the music is just background noise but you may be concentrating on it more than you think.
My suggestion is to turn off the music and see if your performance improves.
21/f
So here it goes. I have a boyfriend,age 23 who is hearing impaired and wears hearing aid. His hearing loss was due to a bad cold and the fluid in his middle ear clogged the inner ear. Point is it is not genetic. I will explain why I mentioned this a little bit later.
We have started dating this April. Almost six months together and still going strong. But my mom and grandma are giving me hell because I told them about his hearing aid. They also mind that he is from a village whereas I'm from a small town. And they mind about his lack of college degree as well and that he is not rich. According to them I deserve better. I don't agree because I don't look for degrees and money,I look for honesty,intelligence,love and someone who is hardworking and he gives me all of those and more. He is not even poor,he lives a normal life. I am currently studying medicine but I can't pass Anatomy. So I also started taking German lessons and want to work in Germany. If I fail college,I will have gone in two years' time. He has proposed but I said no because of my family. He said he understood and will wait. We are from a small country in the Balkans and we both have cousins in Germany who could help us manage,so we decided to go there together and make a wonderful life for ourselves. My family knows nothing of that. They have never met him. They don't know that he is all I could have ever wanted. They are so set on separating us and they call him disabled and mental. They keep saying I will be unhappy with him because of his problem and because he has no degree. And that if,God forbid I have children with him,they will be disabled too. I tried reasoning so many times that it is not genetic,and they even claimed he is lying to me. Him and I have been honest with each other since day 1. And I met his family,they confirmed that it is not genetic. My mom and grandma keep badmouthing him every chance they get. Yesterday I got in a fight with my mom and I defended him. And she said she is going to renounce me,quoting, "If I care more about my lousy boyfriend." I told her that she is lousy and prejudiced and narrow minded. Somehow it got resolved but I will surely hear more of that crap. I'm afraid of them giving me an ultimatum: my education or him. What should I do? A friend suggested dating him in secret if that should happen. But why are they so against someone who they never even met? How can someone be so stupid,so materialistic? I can't understand. I am furious. They have lost my respect entirely. I know this was long,and thanks to everyone who even takes the time to read this.
The lack of a college education in today's world will hamper his earning ability. You know this and are accepting of this fact. You grandmother and mother what the best for you as do all parents and grandparents and have become single minded and overly focused on what they feel is best for you. In that regard they are attempting to control you life through intimidation that being the financial cost of your education.
Those are the facts as I see them from what you write. There is one other important fact that you are failing to realize. You are 21 a legal adult with free will and cannot be controlled by anyone unless you let them control you.
Finishing your education is important. If you mom follows through with her threat it is not the end of the world. You and your boyfriend can move to Germany. Marry if you wish to, find jobs and begin a life together. You can still finish your education by going to school part time and taking classes online if need be. It may take longer but it is do able if you want. If you want it bad enough you will find a way to make it happen.
As for why your mother and grandmother dislike you boyfriend because he is hearing impaired? Some people have prejudices against anyone with a handicap. Those people are being closed minded and are very wrong. Just because someone has an impairment does not make them less of a person. A hearing impairment is one of the lesser impairments and easily correctable for many.
All parents want the best for their children that is just how we are and you will be no different. You mother and grandmother are going to an extreme in your situation. Fathers of Daughters will always believe no man is good enough for their daughters; that is just how fathers are with their daughters. Mothers are generally not that way.
My advice is to follow your heart as I believe you will never please you mother and grandmother as there is not a perfect man out there for anyone to marry myself included. We all have our faults.
22/f, 28/m
Lately, my boyfriend hasn't been wanting to have sex as often. He isn't as "touchy-feely" as he usually is. I told him that I needed some space, so he gave me some and realized that he enjoyed the space. He said it's because he could do the chores and errands that he needs to do, write his research paper, walk his dog in the morning, etc. He liked being productive because of the space that he was giving me. The tricky part, though... Is that he doesn't want to have sex as often.
I told him that I felt as if he doesn't want to have sex with me very often. And he told me that he loves sex, and likes having sex, it's just that he doesn't want to make it his priority everyday. He said that he made that mistake before and that sex just tends to get in the way of his chores, errands, or whatever that he needs to do. For example, if he and I had sex, he would be too lazy to do the laundry, etc. Which I have seen that before. I remember whenever he wanted to have sex before going out to eat or before going to the movies, he gets tired and wants to take a nap instead.
But the thing is, the fact that he's not asking for it or acting as if he wants it (but he says that he wants it), makes me anxious and paranoid that he might be cheating on me and he's getting some on the side.
I started having dreams about him cheating on me. And he keeps telling me that he's being my version of "perfect," that he's not, and that he's not doing anything wrong and that he's just getting stuff done. But it doesn't help the paranoia that I have. What makes me struggle the most is that he's going to be gone for a week and a half this weekend for an isolated training at work, and then he's visiting his family for two days after.
I'm just having a hard time trusting him (due to our past). What should I do? What can I do? How can I relieve this paranoia/anxiety?
Should I assume from your writing that you two still do have as sex life and that you just do not have sex as often as you would like to.
Part of the problem is the six year age difference and not the fact that he is cheating on you. At 22 you are in the prime age for an active sex life wanting sex probably daily if not multiple times a day. For him at 28 he is past the age where sex is primary for him. It is not so much that he has lost his sex drive just that it has moderated to where he can now focus those energies in other areas and sex two or three times a week is just as satisfying to him as it was when he was having sex daily or multiple times a day.
His telling you that by giving you "the space you wanted" to me is not a signal he is cheating. The fact that he wanted a nap after sex is normal for his age and redirecting sexual energy after being in a committed relationship for a period of time is also normal.
My suggestion is that the two of you sit down and discuss your relationship. Having mismatched sex drives is not all that strange. The problem comes in is if you can live together in harmony with this situation until once again your sex drives are in harmony which will happen.
Now I throw this out because it is scientific fact. According to a survey 85% of us masturbate. This includes singles, married couples and people in committed relationships. If everything else in your relationship with your boyfriend is good and the relationship is headed in a direction you would like it to go. Then would you consider masturbating to relive the excess sexual energy you have.
I would be extremely surprised if you found out he was cheating on you. And I think it would be wrong to break up a relationship that in all other ways is working but for a temporary mismatch in sex drives. Rather than you go and cheat on him; masturbation is a reasonable solution to your situation between times that you and he have sex.
I'm a 26 year old woman who has been single for a long while, not for lack of suitors, but I have high standards. My most successful relationship has been with a man who was 5 years my senior, but that was 5 years ago. I am currently interested in my younger brother's college roommate. He is smart, funny, motivated and attractive. Unfortunately, he is 20 years old. (Not that being my brother's roommate is helping matters...) I have reason to believe that the feeling may be mutual. Is it worth it to pursue this? Am I being silly?
Yes you are being silly. Today age is but a number to mark how many years you are here on earth. Today there is no real thought given if the woman is older than the man and a five year difference is nothing. To be considered a cougar there would have to be a much greater age difference.
My mother in-law was five years older that my father in-law. Now back then that was a big deal. Today some of your close friends may tease you a bit though it would be all in fun and not meant to hurt you.
My advice is; nothing ventured nothing gained. You may be looking at you life's soul mate. As for being your brother's roommate; I feel certain you will be able to handle any static you might get from him. After all you've been doing so for a long time.
By the way I'm old enough to be your grandfather and if is something that does not bother someone my age it should not bother anyone your age. Sh again you would be silly not to pursue this and see where it leads.
is it normal for a girl not feel anything when kissing.
It is not really abnormal and it also depends on your age. Sometime very young girls, say preteens are more in love with the thought of being in love than actually being in love and work to hard at it.
My advice if the above sounds like you or your girlfriend relax. Girls like a fine wine get better with age.
FYI: It will help us give you better answers if you include your age and sex, especially for questions like this and any questions of a sexual nature. For questions like these your age plays a big part in what you feel and how you respond as puberty is a big part of a teens life. Some teens are late bloomers and do not start puberty until they are well into their teens.
We can explain all this if we have the information to do so. This site is totally anonymous and confidential. No one will ever know who you are so you can feel comfortable asking us questions and giving us the information to answer you properly knowing it goes no will ever know who you are.
Ok I'm a 12 year old female. I'm very sure of my sexuality. Ever since I was young I always knew I was attracted to girls. I knew somehow I was different from my peers. For one thing I was always that tomboy who dug up worms and wore her hat backwards tightened and liked sports. Even now I'm always the one to kill the spider at sleepovers. I know that's just a stereotype, but still. Every time I'd dress like a princess when i was 5 I'd imagine dancing with another girl rather than a boy. Sometimes the kids in my school would hide in the bathroom and play "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" games. I wasn't interested in what a dick looked like at all. What I'd mainly do is strip the barbies and try to feel what a boob was like. I was really more interested in adult females body parts. Of course I knew that would be bad and my parents explained to me "good touch bad touch" so I stuck with the dolls. I acted out relationships with the barbies, I saw no need for ken dolls. Now then, my parents are catholic. I ditched that stuff a while ago, I was never convinced by it either. I believe in nothing in particular. I believe in a life after this and ghosts (pretty fascinated by the paranormal) but no "creator" my mom is definitely homophobic, she covers it with "I'll accept you tell me anything" but it's obvious. My dad however has demonstrated his homophobia. For example he was playing Queen and I guess Freddy Mercury was homosexual because he said,"Freddie was a great man. His lifestyle killed him. He could've made so much more songs if he didn't choose to be gay." And the way I found out about LGBT is that when I was in 1st grade me and my dad were watching a movie. In the movie was a lesbian couple. I asked why two girls were getting married. He started explaining it, I was relieved I was sort of kind of normal, but he said it in such a conservative way. And the rest of the kids? I could name 1 girl who isn't a conservative extremist and a group of boys have already been teasing me because they think I'm lesbian. My friends I know would stay by me but idk i really want to come out but I don't know if I should?
Scientist have said for years that they believed people or born as Lesbians or Gays. They have also said as you have written that people will know almost from birth that they are different from others like them. So I do not find it unusual that you are confident in your sexuality at such an early age.
What I would suggest is for now you keep this to yourself and as the saying goes stay in the closet. To announce your are a Lesbian will be something your friends and schoolmates will not understand. In fact you will probably encounter many homophobes in school and you could be seriously physically harmed.
There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian, this is the way you were born and you should embrace it. The problem comes in from others including your parent and how accepting they will be once you do tell them. When you do, your parents especially if not supportive or believing in the rights of Homosexuals, be prepared to educate them.
To do this you may need to educate yourself. While you may be sure of your sexuality you might have some questions as to why. The LGBT community has numerous support groups to help answer questions on a variety of subjects concerning homosexuality and the life style. How you can avoid or should handle the problems and pitfalls you can run into.
What I suggest is that you use a search engine to find an LGBT support group in your community. Contact them and find meetings you can go to make friends and receive support while you wait for the right time to come out.
No matter how sure you are in your sexuality now is not the right time to pin a label on yourself to say you are gay. This label will only cause you harm for we do not live in a fully enlightened society.