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Is this considered emotional abuse?
Okay I'm a 16 year old girl and me and my mo get into fights fairly often. They are about the stupidest things that I don't even know what the cause was sometimes. So, when we do get into fights she starts yelling all these different things at me like "you have no friends", "nobody likes you", "you are terrible to be around", "you are never going to get anywhere in life", "bitch", "snot" etc...
There are more but I don't know what to do. Like I try to not let it get to me but it's hard not to. I mean like what if she is right about all of this. I just don't know what to do.
But like when we aren't fighting she is like the best mom ever but as soon as she gets mad she starts yelling the worst possible things she can think of at me. I just really don't know what to do and any advice at all would be extremely helpful!!
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Welcome to the horrible world of arguing with women. A common trait of how women argue is to say the most horrible, most hurtful things they can think so as to "not be outdone" or to "win". A common "theme" of being in a relationship with a woman is that the man cannot win an argument. Women will just taking it to the next level and saying or doing terrible things just so that they feel like they won. I know it sounds sexist, but guys complain about this all the time. There's even comedians that will bring up this issue of how women can be brutal when you argue with them and that its impossible to win, even if the man is right, she'll say some hurtful things just to mess with your head at least. Of course this is not ALL women. I'm guessing this is how your mom fights in an argument and that's how she's done it all her life. That, combined with a short fuse can be pretty terrible to have to deal with. My ex was like that. Which is why she's my ex.
Doesn't seem like she means what she says since you say she's a great mom at times. Its just that that's how she argues. Its all she knows and I'm sure its just an involuntary rage reaction. Perhaps that's how her mom treated her.
There's also the subconscious Oedipus complex or electra complex which may or may not be in play here. Its kinda gross, but its subconscious. It turns mother and daughter into rivals, basically.
So I would say to not engage her in arguments. If she tries to instigate one, try and diffuse it immediately. By apologizing or whatever you can think of. Don't fight back because that's what she is looking for. Deprive her of an enemy and it'll fizzle out hopefully. A good phrase that works sometimes is "sorry, nobody is perfect."
When you two are hanging out and in good terms, maybe you should tell her you want to tell her something. Maybe she will be receptive to listen. Maybe you can disguise it at first, telling her that some girl is calling you these things on a regular basis. See if she realizes its her. Or see how she reacts. Then tell her its her and it really hurts your feelings especially coming from her. Alternatively, hand her a note when she's in a good mood explaining that you love her and it really hurts when she tells you those horrible things. Good luck.
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Thee is really not enough information here to make that kind of judgment. In the right family dynamic t might be considered emotional abuse. Given that it is causing you emotional concern it could be considered emotional abuse.
To actually pin that label on it requires more information. Information concerning the family dynamic such as where is your dad in all this? Are you parents divorced or is your dad deceased? Are there any other adults such as grandparents living with you? Do you have siblings" If so how does mom treat them? What kind of pressures could mom be under? These are jut the top items on the list.
Since you do seem to be disturbed by what mom is saying what I suggest is you talk to a trusted teacher or your principal school about this. They will ask the questions they need to have answers to in order to know if you are being emotionally abused. If they believe you are they will get the proper help for both you and your mother.
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