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My mom and grandma won't stop sticking their nose into my relationship.
21/f
So here it goes. I have a boyfriend,age 23 who is hearing impaired and wears hearing aid. His hearing loss was due to a bad cold and the fluid in his middle ear clogged the inner ear. Point is it is not genetic. I will explain why I mentioned this a little bit later.
We have started dating this April. Almost six months together and still going strong. But my mom and grandma are giving me hell because I told them about his hearing aid. They also mind that he is from a village whereas I'm from a small town. And they mind about his lack of college degree as well and that he is not rich. According to them I deserve better. I don't agree because I don't look for degrees and money,I look for honesty,intelligence,love and someone who is hardworking and he gives me all of those and more. He is not even poor,he lives a normal life. I am currently studying medicine but I can't pass Anatomy. So I also started taking German lessons and want to work in Germany. If I fail college,I will have gone in two years' time. He has proposed but I said no because of my family. He said he understood and will wait. We are from a small country in the Balkans and we both have cousins in Germany who could help us manage,so we decided to go there together and make a wonderful life for ourselves. My family knows nothing of that. They have never met him. They don't know that he is all I could have ever wanted. They are so set on separating us and they call him disabled and mental. They keep saying I will be unhappy with him because of his problem and because he has no degree. And that if,God forbid I have children with him,they will be disabled too. I tried reasoning so many times that it is not genetic,and they even claimed he is lying to me. Him and I have been honest with each other since day 1. And I met his family,they confirmed that it is not genetic. My mom and grandma keep badmouthing him every chance they get. Yesterday I got in a fight with my mom and I defended him. And she said she is going to renounce me,quoting, "If I care more about my lousy boyfriend." I told her that she is lousy and prejudiced and narrow minded. Somehow it got resolved but I will surely hear more of that crap. I'm afraid of them giving me an ultimatum: my education or him. What should I do? A friend suggested dating him in secret if that should happen. But why are they so against someone who they never even met? How can someone be so stupid,so materialistic? I can't understand. I am furious. They have lost my respect entirely. I know this was long,and thanks to everyone who even takes the time to read this.
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The lack of a college education in today's world will hamper his earning ability. You know this and are accepting of this fact. You grandmother and mother what the best for you as do all parents and grandparents and have become single minded and overly focused on what they feel is best for you. In that regard they are attempting to control you life through intimidation that being the financial cost of your education.
Those are the facts as I see them from what you write. There is one other important fact that you are failing to realize. You are 21 a legal adult with free will and cannot be controlled by anyone unless you let them control you.
Finishing your education is important. If you mom follows through with her threat it is not the end of the world. You and your boyfriend can move to Germany. Marry if you wish to, find jobs and begin a life together. You can still finish your education by going to school part time and taking classes online if need be. It may take longer but it is do able if you want. If you want it bad enough you will find a way to make it happen.
As for why your mother and grandmother dislike you boyfriend because he is hearing impaired? Some people have prejudices against anyone with a handicap. Those people are being closed minded and are very wrong. Just because someone has an impairment does not make them less of a person. A hearing impairment is one of the lesser impairments and easily correctable for many.
All parents want the best for their children that is just how we are and you will be no different. You mother and grandmother are going to an extreme in your situation. Fathers of Daughters will always believe no man is good enough for their daughters; that is just how fathers are with their daughters. Mothers are generally not that way.
My advice is to follow your heart as I believe you will never please you mother and grandmother as there is not a perfect man out there for anyone to marry myself included. We all have our faults.
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THey both seem to have prejudices and the fact that they won't take in extra information and bend from their assumptions or views is really sad. I can't say why they do act this way but I can certainly assure you it is not the normal behavior of a person whose mind works well and positively. That is a lot of negative thinking. Negative thinking can make a person choose a wrong track in life, one that is very limiting for themselves or they become controlling. Depression and anxieties, and other mental disorders can come from that. Dont let her control you by using paying for college as the bait to keep you hooked in to their control. Let it go. If you don't, you spend more of your adult life enabling her to control and getting used to it and it'll be all the harder later to break away with just as big fits thrown by both.
Your life is yours to live, not for them to live through you. So enjoy your young man and break it off with the relatives.
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