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Narcissistic mother
I feel like my mom is using me. And has narcissistic tendencies. Things will be fine, we have our disagreements, like any mother daughter relationship. She gets mad when I don't answer right away, but its acceptable when she doesn't. She gets mad when I come to her with a problem and makes me feel like it doesn't matter. But gets angered when I don't come to her. For example, she has been really busy, but gets lovey dovey with me, asks for favors and then when I give in, she goes back to being distant. I talked to her about it, she got mad, denied it all, and pointed fingers at me saying I was pushing her away. He got even more distant, til last week when she needed help. She got her way, as it was easier not to fight over it. Then got distant again. I don't know what to do. Any advice is helpful
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I have the ability to look back at some of your other questions. From what you write you are closer to you adoptive mother than you are of your birth mother; as you wrote last question. This is probably why, if you're talking of your birth mother, she is so distant.
You cannot change or fix someone who is a Narcissist this is who they are; this is their personality. You really have just two choices; you either find a way to adapt or limit your contact with that Narcissist.
My father was a Narcissist and worse blamed me for everything that was wrong in his life. After he wrote my wife a very insulting letter, one I have never read and one she never fully told me exactly what her said; I wrote one back to him. In the letter I told him of everything he ever did me wrong from as far back as I could remember which stretched back into my early teens.
At the end of the letter I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him until he apologized to my wife and made amends for what he stole from me. The worst part about him was he never would or could admit he was wrong. He would stop talking to me or my sister until we admitted we were wrong and apologize to him. I told him I've have had it and for once in his life he would have to apologize to me. He never did.
I am fine with this and this is how I handled a my Narcissistic parent. This may not be what you want or be right for you. Limiting your contact with your mom will make life easier for you though it means finding your own place to live.
Your 31 an adult with your own life to live. I think it is wonderful you want to know your birth mother and have a relationship with her. Just remember it is your adoptive mother who raised you, if we are talking of a true adoption here. If you were truly adopted and raised by your adopted family you do not owe your birth mother anything.
Even if she gave you up for adoption for all the right reasons. Your birth mother not the one who sat up with you all night when you were sick. Took you to after school activities. Helped you with homework. Provided you with all the e things a child needs while growing up and instilled in you the values you have today. While you may not have come from her womb your adoptive mother is truly your mother and the one you owe who you are today too. She is the one you should honor and if you can be helpful and build a relationship with your birth mother? That is all well and good, but do not allow her to use you as it appears in what you have written.
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