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helping a friend who needed a place to live 'temporarily'. was only suppose
Helping a friend wh needed a place to live 'temporarily'. She's started sleeping on my couch and her belongings, which mostly look like trash is taking over my living room. It's just passed a year since she moved in, renting a room from my husband and me. My 2 boys can't stand her. How can i ask her to leave without sounding mean...what do I say? Do I need to put it in writing?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I agree with the others. This is a common thing, you do something out of the kindness of your heart for someone you care about and before you know it they end up thinking they can stay with you forever and no longer have to try to get their shit together because your taking care of them.
First off does she have a job?
Is she putting money away so that she can get her own place or a roommate?
does she talk about moving out and getting her life together ever?? Or has she turned into a permanent fixture in your house like a child or a family member who isnt required to leave ever would act?
when shes in a good mood, talk to her about helping her find her own place and talk about how fun house hunting would be and decorating her own place, and just try to make it a FUN "we'll do this together" kind of thing. Act excited and start looking for places that would be within her price range FOR HER if you have and then tell her later about "some of the cute place i found for you today!" and say things like "ill call and we'll set something up to go take a look at it!" and if she says yes and goes along with it, once your IN the place say things like "you could put a really cute futon or couch here" and this or that over there, and so on. This will make her feel like this is a change for the better and that if YOUR her best friend and YOUR excited then she should be too and look at it like a positive thing. Tell her youll be there with her every step of the way, and to think of all the parties, and holidays she could have people over for and all that.
(((this is the best way to NOT have to get anything in writing and making it look like your just being a good friend and trying to help her get on her feet)))
if she has a job and some money put away then ask her how much she has in savings and use her financial info to look for places in her price range. Help her move if you have to, and try to keep a positive vibe to everything.
If it seems like shes starting to react negatively, say to her "well....dont you WANT your own place??" and act like your confused and dont understand why as an adult she wouldnt want bigger and better things for herself. The things she says back to you will tell you alot.
Ive had this exact problem before TWICE one with my brother and the other with a best friend so inbox me if you need more help. ; )
good luck!
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I understand in what you're going through, and its really nice of you to let her stay with you for a while. But think about it.. You have a family, and all of her belongings is taking over your house, and its distracting. First, if you want to get rid of her but in a nice way,try to talk to your family about it first. How you really care about her, and other things. And then, pick a good time to talk to her. Not when she's moody. When you do, don't sound negative AT ALL! Or else, she may think you're a bad person. Tell her everything that you need to tell her but in a positive way. You can also help find a place to live, cause that's what friends do!!
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If she is your friend then she should understand. Tell her, that it has been long enough and that your worried about her. Tell her that she needs to find her own place so that she can get further in her own life. Try to sound more understanding then mean or aggressive, chances are she'll listen more if she feels like your not using attitude with her. Good luck!
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I suggest you check with a lawyer. Given how long she has lived with you your home may now be her legal residence. As such you may have to go through a formal evection to have her move out. This is something that differs from state to state so it is best to speak with an attorney before you do anything that could hurt your efforts to have her leave.
There is nothing stopping you from asking her to leave as long as it is her decision as to when to leave. You could say to her; "You staying here was a temporary thing that is now a yearlong which is no longer temporary." "Don't you think it is time for you to move on into your own place?" See what her answer is and based on her answer you know what you may have to do.
If she should say your right, I'm sorry I know I have overstayed my welcome. Give me a few months to find someplace to live and I will move out. IF she says anything to that effect; get out a pen and paper and write it down that she (Her name) plans to vacate the premises (insert address) no later than (insert address. Have her sign it. If she asks why you want her to sign it tell her having a date in writing will be a catalyst for her to find a new place. In actuality if you do need to evict her that piece of paper will make it easier to do so.
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