|
Between a rock and a hard place on love
Okay first of all I have been married 8 ye ars and we have 2 amazing kids. Well In April of this year I had a miscarriage and well at the end of july i ended up dating and then seeing someone. Well now i am pregnant by him and he's staying with us in the mean time. I feel like such a crappy wife because i want my marriage to work but yet I want this relationship with this other guy to work because their is a huge possiblity that I am pregnant for his child. I wish I knew what to do but I don't anymore. I want to do what is best for me and my kids because they are my life. I know I am not the best wife in the world because I have cheated before but I have always used protection this time that i just sleep with someone because I felt unwanted and unappreciated. Now it's all coming crashing down on me and I feel so idiotic.
Opinions are greatly appreciated and people that have been in the same situation and could help with the advice would help too. Thank you all.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ask drs. at what point they can check the child to see who is the dad. At that point is when you will need to make some decisions.
What you never said about your 8 yr marriage is whether it was a good one or a troubled one. If it was a troubled one, was marriage counseling ever tried? If not, ask yourself why? Who wasn't willing to try to fix it. Was it perhaps that neither of you were a perfect match for each other from the beginning but you decided to force it and make it work cus of kids?
I can be frank with you cus I know what its like to be in a bad marriage, verbally abused, had 3 kids with him and the impact on children.
Since you already have two, if your marriage is savable and he's a decent husband and father, the kids need their dad. In my case, 3 daughters got to watch dad verbally abuse me and once in a while, them too. That kind of abuse taken in all their lives growing up had its impact. They all have problems with husbands and boyfriends and not choosing good ones. Now I feel really bad I didnt leave earlier.
I dont know your situation.
You mention cheating before. Do you even know why? Maybe it is a compulsion and you need to see a psychologist to figure out what it is that triggers you to do this sort of thing. Cus until you do and take care of whatever it is in you causing you to do this, you will hurt others, not just yourself. Cheating is bad enough but I cant imagine what your husband will do if the baby is not his and he deserves to know to be given the choice to stay with you or not. What options there are depending on your feelings are abortion, or adopting the baby out so hubby is only raising his own biological children but that is all stuff for you and he to figure out now with a marriage counselor and I still think there are some things deep down in your mind that need to be dealt with dear. I may be sounding harsh, but only want you to see that the truth is, all humans have their mental hang ups, anxieties, negative thinking, self doubts, just some of us have ones that are so many it leaves us emotionally crippled and afraid to do certain things, left wanting or feeling we miss out, and we hurt ourselves and others if we dont get treatment to discover what our issues are and how to stop destructive behavior. If you dont change and get better soon, I can guarantee it will affect the adult lives of how your kids live out theirs. take it from a mom who is watching the drama unfold in her childrens lives and most of it is really really bad.
I had lots of learning to get to the point of leaving the ex...lots of self discovery and transformation and it all took place in the mind..how I thought, what i now believed, many things I felt were truth that actually needed a revelation of the fallacies and where I was wrong before I could move on. I am a stronger person for it and a much happier one too. I love life and am satisfied. I want the same for you.
You are condemning yourself which is not helpful in getting better, getting help, trust me. I hear you say you are idiotic, a crappy wife,unwanted and unappreciated, which means you either have a low self image of yourself, or hubby has always said demeaning things that you decided to believe about yourself at some point. I got lots of those comments however I never decided to believe him.
Yes, we can feel like we are really stupid and dumb but life is a learning process. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we are ready for help and change in our lives and improving who we are, a day at a time, little by little. It's when we know we've hit bottom, are in a really bad spot and we dont reach out for the kind of help that will really transform us and choose to continue on our destructive path, then we are being really stupid and there's no one who can help such a person until they are really ready. Like the saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
I know you may fear seeing a psychologist but trust me, not all stick people on meds and years of therapy that barely help. There is a type of therapy thats been around for 40-50 years maybe more but not as well known yet. I would suggest you seeking therapists who are licensed in Cognitive Behavioral therapy or CBT. If you can't find someone in your area, then try this website and ask the Dr. if he can recommend someone in your area. www.feelinggood.com
Good luck.
]
More Questions: |