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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Embarrassingly I'm 21 and female, terrible self esteem, but I dont find that a problem, as the they say, if you haven't got the confidence fake it! Well here's thing I find myself soo lonely, I'm nearly always broke and I live on my own, I want to hang out with people and make friends, but I dont know where to start, friendships use to come easily, but now, as I've drifted from my last friends I realise I need to make the effort, but I never know what to talk about.. I would invite people to go places but I never have money! On advice on how I can go forward, what I can talk about, any fun/interesting things to do for free? I need to stop being such a loner! Life is so boring!
Surprisingly there is there are many ways to go out meet people and have a good time without spending money or spending very little money. It requires some work on your part but it can be done.
Start with making a list of all the things you like to do. Not a mental list but actually put pen to paper. List everything you might enjoy doing. Maybe you like hiking or taking nature walks, listed them. Do you like reading, list it. Maybe you like Art, photography, science even your church list them all. Now number them from 1 to how ever many you have.
Start with the top 5 and research what activities your community might offer. Start with your local park and recreation office. You can also use the web to find different activities. If reading is your thing many bookstores offer book clubs space to discuss different books they are reading. You would be surprised at the ages of people in these book clubs.
My sister and her friend are knitters. They formed a Knitting & Hookers (Crocheting) Club That club has blossomed from the two of them to over 50 women in our town to clubs being formed in other places. They meet in public places, my sisters meets in a Panera's restaurant during their slack hours in the afternoon and evenings. They have women from 16 to 68 who come to knit. Panera's likes having the restaurant look busy and some of the women buy coffee cookies or cake. Some even stay for dinner.
There are clubs for almost every activity you can imagine. Most cost nothing to join. what is nice about joining a club or activity you enjoy is you don't have that awkward part of not knowing what to say since you already have an interest and can talk with confidence on the subject.
Many of these clubs are coed and you never know you could just find a boyfriend if your interested in finding one, even if your not it could happen.
Give it a try and let me know how it turns out for you.
I live with three random roommates. They are nice girls and we get along well, but at least one of them has been consistently getting their period all over the bathroom, and not just on the toilet but on the floor, bathmat, etc. It is hard to say for sure who is responsible for the issue because we kind of get our periods around the same time. I just know that it isn't me, because I meticulously check the toilet area after changing my tampon/pad.
This started happening within the first month of us moving in. I waited a while and then said something to the effect of; "Hey guys, there's been period blood on the toilet seat for a few days now. I'm very squeamish about blood and would prefer not to touch it because it isn't mine." I ended up cleaning it myself, however, because I was sick of not being able to use my own toilet.
I know it's not *that* big of a deal to just wipe down the seat, but it's just really unpleasant. Currently there is blood down the sides of the toilet, on several splotches of it on the floor, etc. It's not really noticeable so it's plausible that the person who made the mess didn't notice, but *I* did and I'm not on the lookout for it.
What should I do? I don't want to be the one roommate who makes a big deal out of everything.
Missundersmock has the right idea. You are roommates not maids to each other. Each must be responsible for their own mess be it in the bathroom, kitchen or any other room of the house.
You don't say if you three are college roommates living away from home for the first time without mom to clean up behind you or just 3 ladies sharing a house or apartment. If any of your other 2 roommates are living away from home for the first time then she may be the culprit though it really doesn't matter. The house needs to be cleaned on a schedule and not by just one of you.
Having a house meeting and a regular basis, probably Sunday evening is a good idea. In this meeting you air any complaints one might have. You also assign cleaning duties for the upcoming week. You are all responsible for your own room of course. Then each of you is responsible for a different room in the house each week.
Roommate 1: Bathroom
Roommate 2: Kitchen
Roommate 3: Living room & Dinning room.
List out what needs to be done in each room each day and each week such as dusting, vacuuming, mopping so on and so forth. Each week the duties rotate so no one roommate has the same room each week. What is important is that each roommate knows what needs to be done for the room she has that week and can do so on her schedule. This way the house stays clean.
The bathroom is one room that requires extra attention. You use it you clean up after yourself. Meaning you take a bath or shower you rinse down the tub and shower. Wipe down the sink and counter when finished. If you leave a mess on the toilet you clean it. Once a week the bathroom needs to be scrubbed, toilet starting with the tank going to the floor and the inside of the bowl. The shower and tub get scrubbed as does the sink and counter.
The kitchen once a week everything gets wiped down and cleaned with a cleanser, the floor mopped. The refrigerator checked for outdated or spoiled food to be thrown out. If there is a dishwasher the dishes in the dishwasher get washed and put away.
The living room and dining is dusted and vacuumed weekly and any magazines put in place. Everyone is responsible for putting their own things away daily that might be left in the living room.
If you want you could even add to your house schedule who does the cooking each week if you like to eat one or two meals a day together. Just one thing the person who cooks does not do the KP that is how we do it in the Fire Station. In fact the schedule I gave you is how we do things in the station. Each shift each of us have a different chore and one of us also cooks. The house stays clean, our equipment is checked and ready for use and we are able to relax between calls in a clean and safe environment so we are at our best to help you the citizens we serve.
Talk to your roommates and try my schedule. It has worked in Fire stations since just about the time of the first fire station.
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 months now (we'll be 5 months in a week or so and our relationship is getting pretty serious) . Anyways, so my boyfriend is mixed...his mom is white, his dad is black. His parents are married, he lives in a house, his family is Christian, etc. My mom has already met his parents and they seem to get along great as well as my mom doesn't have a problem with my boyfriend! My brother likes my boyfriend too, but my dad doesn't and it's all because my boyfriend is biracial and he isn't white . My boyfriend has never really been over at my house to hang with me , only for my birthday party (when we were still friends) and my dad walked in on us cuddling . This stresses me out very much, just what can I do to get my dad to actually get to know my boyfriend and to get over the fact that he's mixed?
Have you ever known your dad to be racially biased? As a dad myself having long ago gone through this stage of life I can tell you dads see things much differently when it comes to their daughters than with their sons.
It has been written many times and said even more; a daughter will always be daddy's little girl even when she grows up and has a family of her own. A son is expected to grow up and be a man. Is it possible as missundersmock wrote that your dad is just not ready to see you in a relationship with anyone?
I would say that even thinking your dad is racially biased towards your boyfriend is a direction you should not go in without knowing for sure. The fact that you, your mother and your brother have no biases towards your boyfriend tend to lead me in the direction that dad has another problem with your relationship.
While I do not have a daughter I have helped my sister raise her two daughters. We live less than 2 miles from each other the girls were required to introduce their boy friends and boyfriends to me just as you might be required to do with your dad. My one niece brought over a boy I and her mother never liked. There was nothing really not to like he just wasn't someone we saw for my niece. Long story short she married him, against our advice and then divorced him 2 years later. She is now married to someone we all love and has a 2 year old child with a second on the way." I'm not saying this is the case with you and your boyfriend. What I am telling you is that parents are not blinded by love and we see things that you may not see. It may not be the color of his skin or the fact that his parents are of two different races that your father disapproves of.
My advice; talk to mom as she knows your dad best. Ask her why your dad doesn't like your boyfriend. If mom is evasive then maybe you’re right. If she gives you a reason you can deal with then go talk to dad and explain why you believe he is wrong. It could be that dads’ bias is simply what all dads believe for their daughters; “That there is no man good enough for them.” If this is the problem relax it will pass as he gets use to the fact you are becoming a young lady.
14/f
I'm usuallyA good kidI do my homework I aced my test and I do what I'm told. I've been recently hating who I am though. I hate how I'm a good kid and how I sometimes do crazy things with my best friend. I hate how i feel fat and annoying. I tried not eating, and when I barely lasted 6 hours I just started exceeding more. I feel like some poeple think I'm weird or a try hard or a teachers pet. I hate how the boy I like sees me only as a friend - and it's not the dating I'm after, it's the fact that someone likes me. Ive been obsessing over how so and so wouldn't have done the stupid thing I just did or so and so would've said a funny remark instead of nodding their head. And I keep hearing how you should be someone you admire. I admire brave, gutsy, smart, and funny people like the ones I read in all my favorite books( throne of glass, mortal instruments, divergent) so I decided I would do something they would do.
Yesterday my history teacher did an activity to make it feel like we were in the time period we were learning about-1800 factory workers and industrial revolution. We had a substitute that day and when we walked in she started yelling at us to color the picture in front of us fast and neat. Within 5 min we figured out that our history teacher was trying to make it like how it was back then in the factories . Thinking that we were supposed to rebel bc of the protesting part of it and the fact that the switch class told us to not do what the substitute told us to do, I told the substitute that I didn't think it was right. She told me to go to the office then. By that time I was scared, I mean didn't the other class say we were supposed to do this? Anyways I came back from the office and was about to explain how I thought we were supposed to protest like the workers did, the substitute got the other teachers involved. So my other teacher walked in started saying how he was so disappointed we couldn't just appreciate the activity and do what we were told. Then the entire class explained to the substitute that we weren't trying to be disrespectful, we just did what the other class told us to do that was in her class previously. By then , I realized what I got myself in to . I apologized over and over again and tried to explain but this woman was like "well you have into peer pressure " ok so that was yesterday. Today I came in and my real history teacher was angry. And sad. My friend Bianca told be that in the morning she saw her tearing up bc she was so sad she put so much work into that lesson and that my class ruined it. She also heard the substitute(who's involved in the play I'm in) say that I was "trying to act like in the play" or something. The other teachers also were saying that they couldn't believe that a student did something so disrespectful. Then when we came into class I apologized and she said "go sit down" so I didn't get to explain. Then she told us that because of our actions we had to write a 6 paragraph essay that was due by the end of school about some guy who invented the cotton gin. At lunch I came in and sort of explained it but she still said I'm so disappointed and all this other stuff. The entire class hates me now, even though they're telling me it's not my fault I see they hate me for it. And my favorite history teacher now hates me too.
The whole thing stemmed from me trying to be someone other people would like and admire and even then I messed up. My dad is also going through cancer rn so I feel randomly depressed at school bc of it and I want to cry but then ik people will think I'm overreacting.
I always do my hair(somewhat) and put together outfits in hope it will solve my problems. It doesn't. Having good hair doesn't change what's going on no matter how much I wish it does. I'm now dreading to go to achool. I stopped answering questions in her class and participating. Now I'm comparing myself to other girls in my class who would've never done that and aren't stupid like me.
Please don't give me the typical mom advice. I need something that I can actually do that might stop the guilt in my chest from exploding and the way that I avoid talking to some people bc Im starting think they hate me for what I did.
I think you have a lot going on in your life right now and trying to be someone your not is just adding to the problem. I really do not think your classmates hate you if they did no one would tell you that it was not your fault. As for your teacher I know she does not hate you. Did your friend know for a fact that your teacher was sad and tearing up over a blown lesson plan. If she did not talk to the teacher and get the facts then she made an assumption. Old saying about the word assume. When you break it down it read ass/u/me. Is it possible the teacher was sad over something else? Being absent the day before may have earned her a warning from the principal it may have been the warning and not the lesson plan she was sad over. Don’t ever assume, get the facts.
Young teenagers have a lot going on in their lives. More is expected of them, puberty is changing them especially girls. There is a whole new social order to contend with and many other things. You have the added problem of worries over your dad's health.
It is really hard trying to be someone or something you’re not. Most people cannot pull it off. It comes off as false and people see right through it. That's when friends and kids in school will turn on you. Your job right now is to be the best you that you can be. Be the girl you wrote about in the beginning. Getting good grades, staying out of trouble, most importantly love yourself for you need to be strong for your mom and dad while he fights this illness.
I learned something late in life that I should have learned while in school as it has really helped me be a better person. What I learned is the only person I have to be better than is me. What I mean is if I can be a better person tomorrow than the one I am today then I have grown in many ways. If I have grown that means I learned something, added value to something, participated in something that was meaningful to me, my family or community or as a salesman to my customers.
Being in sales and sales management I found that the motivation used was always to pit one against another. That didn't work well for me. When I found this motto I wound that pitting me against me was the best motivator as it worked. I didn't have to worry what the others were doing only about me. Moral of the story, the company had five regions and I was one of the top 5 salesman in the company and had the top region more times than not.
My advice is to be you and not worry about what other people do or say. Your teacher likes you for who you are and so do your friends. Your 14 and so are the boys you spend most of the day with. Give them time they will eventually warm up to you. Most are still trying to figure things out as you are and many are afraid to ask a girl out. If there is a boy you like go talk to him ask him to go out. When I was your age it was wrong today there is nothing wrong with a girl asking a boy out.
I'm a sophomore female in high school and I have been so confused about my sexuality. I've never dated a guy because no one has ever asked or had interest in me I guess. But for a long time my own friends thought I was lesbian because I'm a very affectionate person. I like giving hugs and I like holding hands with my friends when we walk down the hallway like idiots. But I only like giving hugs to certain girls, and I always get awkward or nervous around them. These girls were both on my team and have helped me so much and would always look out for me. I can't tell if I like them. Like I want to be with them and I want to talk to them and this will sound super weird but I sometimes daydream about them and make up scenarios about them being there for me and giving me hugs and making me feel better. That last part probably sounds really weird but I'm serious. I think I like guys. But I can't tell if I like them too. I wouldn't be ashamed if I liked them. But what am I? I just want to know who to love.
You're a Sophomore in High School which would put your age in the range of 14 to 15 years old. IF you were a Lesbian you would know this long before puberty started. Doctors and scientists are starting to understand that being Gay is not a life choice it is how a person is born. They are not as certain about bisexuality.
Given you present age being somewhat confused about your sexuality is normal. Given that you have not date or had much or any interaction with boys and that most of you social interaction has been with girl friends. I would say you are over analyzing things.
I can't say why boys haven't taken an interest in you. IF your a late bloomer then it could be your body has not changed enough to attract a boy. This is nothing to worry about for it will and when it does they will come. The flip side of that coin is you could be too pretty and boys think they are not good enough for you. Teenage boys have very fragile egos and don't accept rejection well. It just might be that you will have to go up to them and start conversations and ask them out.
The one thing I am sure of is that you are not a lesbian. Being affectionate does not equate to homosexuality. There are plenty of gays and lesbians that are far from affectionate.
My advice is to relax. There is no need to rush and have sex just to have sex and prove you straight or gay. As you mature your sexuality will make itself known to you. When it does you will be ready to explore your sexuality. Right now your not.
So I asked a previous question about my brothers who were constantly coming into my bedroom when I wanted to be alone, and how I had difficulty getting them to leave.
A lot of the answers I got suggested getting a lock on my door. A couple mentioned that them coming in when the door was closed was a way for them to try and see me in a state of undress.
I talked to my brothers and my mom about this, not quite so directly, but....
The result is that the boys have to knock if my door is closed, but that I am only supposed to close the door if I am a)changing; b) sleeping; or c) doing homework and want quiet.
So they have been pretty good about that. They haven't just waltzed in when the door was closed. However, they still take an open door as an invitation to come in. I leave the door open so that I won't get in trouble with my dad, but it doesn't mean that I want company!
Today I was sitting in my room after school, just trying to relax and get my mind off of school and stress for a few minutes.
My 15 y/o brother came in through the open door, so I told him that if he wants to come in he has to ask, and told him I would like him to leave. He said "that's not very nice".
I told him that I found it an invasion of my privacy to just walk in, and that I didn't appreciate it, and that I shouldn't have to ask nicely for him to respect my wishes every time he goes against them.
He said "if someone says something mean, that doesn't make it okay to say something mean back"
I left that statement unanswered, and went back to my previous point, saying he didn't have permission to be in my room, and asked him to please leave me alone.
He just looked at me, then at the wall. I asked him a couple more times, trying not to sound upset, but inside I was seething, because he blatantly ignored my request for him to knock, and he ignored me asking him to leave. I was about to ask my mom to get him out, when he finally left...
What do I do? I don't appreciate that they take my door being open as an invitation to enter, or that it takes so much effort on my part to get them to leave...
What I do not understand is why you parents insist the door to your room be open when you not doing something that require privacy. Your female, 17 almost a legal adult, you need your privacy. It is not like you have your boyfriend over and trying to have sex in your room. I wonder is the door to your parents room open except when they need privacy for what they are doing. Do they keep their door closed if they just want to be alone to say read or watch TV?
Your one brother is 15, he too needs his privacy and will need more privacy as he gets older. If he has to share a room with the younger brother this is a problem that should be addressed by your parents. Space should be made somewhere in the house for the older brother to go when he needs privacy. You should not have to forfeit your privacy because they are not able to give him the privacy he need, which is what I am thinking. In other words your parents are trying to keep a level playing field and not show any favoritism to any one of you.
Maybe they can't make a separate bedroom for your older brother. Building codes being what they are it may not be possible. What they can do and what I would do is section of a part of the basement or attic, provided you live in a house or townhome not an apartment, where you older brother can have his private space. By default the younger brother gets the shared bedroom as a private space as well.
Not knowing why your parents feel as they do limits how or what I can advise you on to help in this situation. I do agree that you are entitled to your privacy and that your brothers should not waltz in to your room uninvited door open or closed.
The only reason that makes any sense to me is the one of favoritism. Most parents feel I am one of these parents, that if you cannot do for all, you do not do for any." The last thing any good parent wants is one child feeling they are neglected or a brother or sister is the parents favored child.
The only thing I can suggest is to continue to discuss this with your mother this issue to find out the "why of the matter. You should also remind mom that shortly you will be of legal age and the legal control she has over you now ends on your birthday. Be polite about this as you will still reside in her home and be dependent upon her and your dad with that you must give them a certain amount of respect which they translate into control over you and your actions. I know for I am a parent and have made this mistake.
I'm a 16 year old female. Ever since I was younger id always have thoughts of being with a girl. I would really like to experiment but I don't know how I'd be able to? I don't know any girls that are lesbians :(
The thoughts you are having are nothing to be ashamed of or make you think you have lesbian tendencies. Every teenager going through puberty wonders what it might be like to have some type of sexual contact with the same sex. It is normal, it is part of learning about your sexuality. It does not mean your Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual.
Looking back on my own teenage years guys had circle jerks. Some of us had one on ones where we experimented which in a way helped us when we moved on to dating and finally having sex with a partner of the opposite sex.
In college a lot of girls I knew were thought to be Lesbians for they were more prone to be having sex with another girl. Later we became aware it was more out of necessity than any other reason. Roommates were prone to have sex with each other because it was available. There were more women on campus then me. It was safer you don't get pregnant having sex with another women. Finally it provided the needed relief from sexual tension.
After graduation most all of these women never had sex with another woman again.
As for finding another girl to experiment with. Your best friend probably has the same thoughts. I know girls talk about sex just the way boys do. The next time you and a friend are having that type of conversation you could bring up a question about people of the same sex having sex. Maybe ask a question about what happens in a circle jerk and then gently steer the question around to questions on women having sex together.
There are even television programs on that have themes with young girls experimenting with same sex. You could talk about if anyone had seen the program and their thoughts. These programs are mostly on cable but some are on broadcast networks.
Hi I am a 24/f I have had a really hard time with keeping a job, and about two months ago I got a job as an appointment setter, where my job is to call local government agencies such as city halls and county offices to see if where they'd be at with their website. I work for a company where we do websites for cities and counties. I call people but it's really frustrating. I constantly get rude people that hang up on me and yell at me over the phone. I try not to take it personal, but it's annoying because since I've started I have only gotten like maybe 5 presentations. We set up presentations and then someone else shows them what we have to offer. The girl that sits next to me has gotten like 30 or more at least. I'm so sick of it. She acts like little miss perfect. I asked my boss today how I Was doing and he asked me if I've been making 25-30 calls. I told him I was, and I usually do make like 25 calls. His response was "well since Amber has left we haven't gotten many presentations. My boss is the sales manager, and they really seem to like Amber. She's a kiss up, I mean seriously, I'm not jealous but when I first started with her I notice she'll go overboard with compliments. She hasn't been at work since her car recently broken down and she was trying to find a new place to live at. I've tried to be her friend and hang out with her, but she never answers her phone. I'll text her but she doesn't respond. She's said before that she's wanted to hangout but doesn't do anything. But anyways I'm sick of this whole thing. I do enjoy my job, but I'm scared I'll get fired again for the billionth time! I've gotten fired before because I didn't like my job or value it. And now I'm trying but it's so difficult. Right now I'm on a 90 day probation, and then they'll see if they want to keep me. I know if they don't I'll just have to get another job, but I really don't want to do that. I understand that it's not end of the world, but I'm tired of starting over. Also I'm tired of waking up everyday going to a job knowing that I suck at it. So what could I do different? If it helps we do follow a script. I follow the script exactly how my co workers do, and yet I still have a hard time getting appointments. So what should I do?
I doubt I can offer any constructive assistance with Amber. What I know I can do is offer you some constructive assistance with your job.
The telephone is a very intrusive device. It knows no bounds as to what it may be interrupting when it rings. This is why you get so many irritated, frustrated and rude people. When you do contact someone willing to listen to you everything depends on your voice. How you sound is the key to making the sale for the appointment.
First: I'm certain you have some sort of written or as it is called a canned presentation to give over the phone. You should know this presentation cold and not be reading it. It has to sound natural not canned. The person you are calling should be able to interrupt you ask questions and you should be able to adapt the presentation accordingly. When you can do this you will sell more appointments.
How you do this is simple. Practice, practice, practice at home in front of a mirror. Yes in front of a mirror because you need to smile and you need to make that smile heard over the phone.
When you know the presentations cold practice with some friends. You in one room them in another, not face to face. Talk to the mirror so you see your smile and have your friends interrupt you and ask questions. Then ask your friends to critique you. If you do this I guarantee your sales will slowly improve as your confidence improves.
Second: Take a mirror to work with you. Place that mirror in front of you, starting tomorrow. Make sure to smile when talking to a prospect. That smile will be heard. Just smiling should help improve your numbers.
If you do as I suggest in First, and learn the presentation cold and not read it you will improve. I can tell when someone is reading their presentation. It turns me off in a flash. It does so for two reasons. I was in sales and sales management for over 30 years. I blame sales managers for not properly preparing their sales people before throwing them to the wolves. Properly prepared will bring success. Part of properly preparing someone for your job is taking the time to role play with them until they have presentation down cold and can do as I have suggested to you.
Time and time again I have proven that a properly prepared sales person will be more successful than someone who is just handed a presentation and told to go sell.
As for Amber forget about her for now. Your job for now is to prove you are worth keeping after the probation is up. Do as I have instructed and the more comfortable you become with what you selling the better you will be. One other thing it. is okay to go off script and make it you own. Just remember not to offer anything that can't be delivered.
Good luck, I know you want to succeed. Follow my advice and practice at home and you will be successful.
Hii,
23,F.
Lately I've gotten close to my sisters ex who treated me like a little sister for years and everything was fine until 1 day we are sitting in his jeep and the roof top was missing so I was teasing him saying my back was soaked and he asked where and went to reach for my back and the next thing I know we are kissing. NOW. My sister and him were never official and it was only for a couple months and she broke things off with him 4 years ago, she's now happily married and she's actually friends with him. Would it be wrong for me to pursue this?
I do not see any reason why you shouldn't pursue
a relationship with this guy. Though out of respect to your sister you should speak to her and tell her you have feelings for him and want to pursue them. Since she is married and considers him a friend I doubt she will have any reason to tell you not to. She may also have some advice for you good or bad that you might want to know.
Hi. So I'm 14 years old, and I'm female. Basically, I'm not a nice person. I'm really full of myself, and I value myself more than other people. I talk about people behind their backs, and I have a lack of empathy for people. Like if an acquaintance of mine died I wouldn't care. I know I'm awful but I still think I'm 'awesome'. Yes I get self conscious, and yes I do get anxious- but a lot of the time I feel like I have too much self esteem. I attention seek as well. I've had counselling, it didn't help. I used to be so nice, like genuinely. But I've changed, and it's not as simple as just being nicer and appreciating people more, it's a habit that I can't get out of and I simply can't be bothered with other people. I want to change, but I wouldn't know where to start. My friends are starting to get sick of my bad attitude, and I don't want to lose them. I have told my closest friends, they seemed rather nonchalant about it. I don't know what to do and advice would be appreciated, but I don't want hate.
You are going to find this hard to believe but part of this problem is due to the hormones of puberty and how your brain and body are dealing with them. These hormones are very powerful as they are making significant changes in you and to you.
As the initial hormones of puberty degrease you will start to return to who you like and want to be. In writing to us you are saying to us and to yourself this is not who you are or who you want to be and that is a good start to correcting what you don't like. It is not going to be easy but you can change what you don't like about yourself and work against the hormonal influences.
Think about something for a moment if you think I'm wrong. Just before and during your period are the things you don't like about yourself more pronounced. If they are then I'm correct for during your period your hormones are more pronounced and always will be. In effect this is a time to learn to control those wild hormones for later in life.
Pardon my gutter reference for a moment though I'm sure you may have heard this expression, "she is on the rag. Guys usually use this to explain why there wife or girlfriend is being so different than normal. Unfortunately if you’re having this problem now and don't learn to recognize it and control it, you will suffer with it until menopause kicks in.
Should you now agree with me and understand the reason behind why you have changed I would suggest you get back into counseling. Now that you know the cause the counseling will be more effective.
I have asked a question on here before about this, but I have blackheads on my nose, and I have tried the biore nose strips, but they didn't work. I have tried them several times, and have made sure I have used them properly. I've also tried to use a DIY scrub with nutmeg and a little bit of milk, that didn't really work either. Are there any suggestions on what will get rid of these black heads?? Thanks!
These home remedies generally do not work. What you have is oily skin and your pores get clogged/. If an over the counter medication is not working then you may need something stronger.
I would suggest you see a dermatologist. Let the doctor examine the blackheads and make sure that they are what they appear to be. The doctor then can write you a prescription for a stronger medication and what cleansers to use to dry up the oil.
IF you have Health Insurance this type of doctor may be covered under your insurance. Depending on the type of health insurance, such as an HMO type coverage, you have you may need a referral from your family doctor.
He don't ever want to have sex anymore unless we are drunk. He says he is always tired.
Not knowing your ages, living situation or what other reasons he may have given you; it is impossible to give you any help or suggestions.
If you are in your teens, or twenties I will say there must be something wrong with him or he is getting it someplace else. For a guy in his twenties will screw a knot hole in a piece of wood if he is horny enough. I apologize for my directness but the truth is the truth.
If you are sure it is just he is tired then get him to a doctor for there is something else wrong with him. He could be depressed about something and should be screened for depression. He could be suffering from low Testosterone, something he can be tested for or other things.
Being drunk is not the answer to his sex problem as alcohol in that large a quantity will inhibit his ability. Most men when drunk are unable to get and or maintain an erection.
I'm about to enter my final semester at University and am very worried about the future.
This is because my mother is highly controlling and is trying to carve out my life for me.
She tells me I have to look for jobs in the north west and says things like I am to get a job and live at home for a few years, to save up
to then buy a place of my own.
The control doesn't end there though. I'm nearly 21 and she has ignored that I said I want to have a meal in a city to celebrated and said 'Oh it'd be better here instead'.
She doesn't even let me go round to the local shop without coming with me or asking several questions! She also hates it when I want to spend time away from home overnight with my boyfriend. This has only happened twice that she knows about, and each time she has said I've acted selfishly and not thought about her, and she's screamed her head of at me . When i tried to tell her that I'm now 20 she screamed at me and told me just to piss off sarcastically.
She does not let me do as I want, I am not allowed to go out if it involves spending the night away from home (not even in a hotel).
She also has to phone my boyfriends parents each time theres an overnight stay involved.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. My mum wont even let us go on holiday.
I love going to Uni because I get some escapism and can be myself. But I am forced to come home every weekend by her.
She does support me financially and uses this as a reason to win arguments involving giving me some freedom.
I really want to move out after I graduate but I don't know how? I'm deeply unhappy and depressed by the way she treats me. She said I will not understand until I have a full time job and a place of my own.
This is killing me
You may not like to hear this but I will say it anyway. You mother can only get away with controlling you if you let her do so. While you still may be dependent on her for some things you are also fully an adult in the eyes of the law. In a truly technical sense of the word when she restricts or forbids you to go out or to do something she is committing a crime called kidnapping. For she no longer can control your movements as she is no longer responsible for you. You are responsible for yourself.
If you want to spend the night with your boyfriend, do so. You are not obligated past the bounds of being kind to let you mother know where you going or when you will be home. If she wants to rant and rave or get down on the floor and kick her feet like a child let her. Continue to walk out the door. If she blocks your path tell her to stand aside or you will call the police.
Just make the threat you shouldn't have to call them. The threat alone should be enough of a slap in the face to let her know she can no longer control you. That you have the very same rights that she has.
In fact before you do what I'm suggesting try turning the tables on her. Don't let her go anywhere without telling you where she is going and when she will return. Stop her from going to someplace she may enjoy going pitch a fit. See how she likes it. When she asks why are you doing this to her. Ask her how she likes being treated this way as this is how she treats you. Then sit down with her and explain to her she no longer can control you. That for her peace of mind you will tell her where your going and when you intend to come home. If you are spending the night with your boyfriend she is not to call his mother as you are both adults. I'm not sure this will work and you may have to do as I said first though it is worth a try.
Just remember you are an adult and you do not have to answer to your mother any longer. If you don't let her control you then she cannot control you. YEs she will rant and rave for a while but after a bit she will realize she has lost what control she had over you. You have all the rights of any adult and this includes a sex life if you want one which is none of your mother's business.
For some reason, i can't take a crap. Can you tell me what i need to eat to fix my diet? Thank you.
There are many things that can cause constipation other than diet. At the top of the list narcotic is medications. These medication legal or illegal can and will bind you up tighter than Fort Knox if abused or taken for long periods of time.
Generally speaking if diet is the only problem causing constipation you could need more roughage in your diet. This would be more green vegetables and lettuce. You could also be dehydrated. Do you drink a lot of coffee or tea. These are both diuretics as are most soft drinks. Drink less of these and more plain tap water.
Constipation is serious. If a person remains constipated too long they can become seriously ill and eve die. If this is your problem then see a doctor for you problem may be more than just diet related. If you have no insurance go to a hospital Emergency Room. Life threatening problems cannot be turned away. Constipation is such a problem. They have to treat you with or without insurance
My college's tuition (including dorm) is going to be about 18k a year. I also have to pay a car payment of $300 a month and insurance of $120. So if I'm rounding up my expenses would be around 23.5k a year not including gas and some food expenses though I'm on a meal plan for 7 meals a week so I wouldn't have to cook that much as I usually only eat twice a day.
If I work somewhere between part-time and full-time can I afford my college's tuition?
This would be in the state of Florida...
It appears to me you are trying to pay for school as you go and graduate without any college debt. While I applaud the effort I believe your plan will fail as it is not possible to earn the money you need working part-time. You would need a full time job. If you try to go to school full time and work full time one or the other will fail if not both.
What I suggest is you sit down with a financial counselor at school and see what grants are available for you. Grants such as Pell grants are available on a year to year basis and many students are eligible for them. There may be other grants or even scholarships available.
Don't read this and say no I don't qualify. My son said the same thing. He said I made too much money for him to qualify. Long story short he received a Pell Grant and other Grants which significantly reduced his tuition. He then with the help of the finance counselor arranged for a student loan to cover tuition and other expenses. He did this each year he was in school. He also worked part-time for an ambulance company as an EMT while in school arranging his hours around his class schedule.
When he finished college he had saved enough money to pay off a major chunk of his college debt which he did and refinanced or rescheduled the remainder. HE is paying off about $10K at a very low interest rate and will soon pay that off.
You can do the same. Finance what you will need and work part-time as well but only enough hours as not to affect you school work. Bank half of what you earn and keep half for spending money. When you graduate you will be surprised at how much money you have saved if you are diligent at saving.
I like to stay up at night and sleep during the day. I wish sometimes that I could sleep all day, but for some reason people act like I just killed their entire family if I sleep past 11am.
I don't understand why it's such a huge freaking deal? I still get everything I need to get done and more, I just do it at night instead of during the day.
In fact, I think it's way easier to do things at night because you're not constantly waging war against mobs of people to get your grocery shopping or other errands done. I mean when I have to go to work or class I still get up for that, but as an adult I feel like it's my right to make my own schedule! Most of the time I wind up awake by 10am anyways because if I sleep past then somebody is jumping down my throat about it, ready to explode in a fit of irrational anger!
I don't get it. I really don't. Why won't people just leave me alone?! I feel like every time I try to sleep until noon somebody is threatening to throw themselves off a cliff about it.
People will call me names and assume that I'm an unproductive and no-good person. My family members will yell and scream and about it. I don't understand! What is wrong with people that they act like furious cave-men when somebody doesn't follow every little rule of society?
The answer to your question is somewhat simple as well as somewhat complex.
You are what is called a night person. You actually do better in the night than during daytime. Honestly there is nothing wrong with you for being this way and there are many like you.
The complex part of the answer has to deal with the fact that your body operates on a different schedule than the rest of society. The problem is that we have placed a stigma on people who have no reason to be up all night and sleep all day. We tend to believe they are lazy and slackers.
You mention you go to school that you get up for class. I will assume you are in college as you cannot arrange high school classes to fit your schedule. Your going to school, your taking care of yourself, getting you shopping done and all other things one needs to do just on a different schedule than say the main stream.
I see nothing wrong with your schedule. Who are they to say your wrong that you have to conform to their way or it is wrong. This is right for you so continue. I'm certain that if the time comes for you to conform to what society believes is the right schedule you will. For now simply tell them this schedule works for you for now. That as long as your healthy and meeting all your needs to just buzz off.
I'm a ftm and I'm 25 weeks pregnant and I've suffered from anxiety since I was a little girl. Through my pregnancy I've had stress and a ton of it but nothing triggered me. About 2 days ago I went to the hospital because I had a panic attack I couldn't catch my breath and I was shaking and nauseous and a crying mess. I've never really had panic attacks where I can't take a deep breath. I got released the told me it was all my anxiety because my lungs and heart were healthy. When I got home and the days passed every day it'd happen throughout the day and sometimes I feel like I won't be able to catch my breath and panic and it gets worse, has this happened to anyone? Any tips :(
I'm not a doctor so I cannot offer medical advice. If in all other ways you are healthy then the problem is either something environmental. Meaning something at home is triggering the attacks or it is a mind over matter problem. Meaning something is bothering you that you may not even be aware of that is triggered by something?
Try and think about the past few days and what was different about them that may have been the trigger. I know being pregnant can cause a form of anxiety one that all expectant parents have; especially the moms.
You have 40 weeks to realize you’re going to have a little person totally dependent upon you for everything. It is scary and dads feel it too. It becomes truly real for the mom when she feels the baby move for the first time.
I can tell you this. For the majority of us we become good parents as it is somewhat instinctive starting with the first time you hold your baby. Most of us manage to raise our children to be good citizens and to become good parents themselves when the time comes. Your maternal instincts will guide you and as our doctor told us. "Just enjoy your baby for their is very little if anything you will do that I can't fix."
My child is now 40 a paramedic-Firefighter with over a dozen lives saved in his career. My wife and I must have done something right for him to turn out as he has and you will too so don't let becoming a parent scare you and cause these attacks for you will do just fine.
If you cannot pin point what the trigger is for these attacks, which are not good for you or your baby. Then what I suggest is you seek out the help of a good therapist. Talk therapy with a trained therapist, someone like a psychologist, can do wonders in pin pint pointing and learning to deal with the triggers of these attacks. Once you can find out why the happen dealing with the triggers becomes easy. I think you will be surprised as to what causes these attacks and why they happen. Once you do you will be able to deal with them.
I've been dating this guy for almost ) months now, we met at church and we both said that we would wait and have sex for marriage. He is my first real boyfriend and we are both seniors in high school. As we started dating we began to make out a lot, soon it turned into him putting his penis in my vagina and vice versa but we both still had our clothes on. One day he began to put his hands toward my bra while we were making out, it has now gotten to the point where my bra is off and he kisses my boobs. He make sures and asks me if it's okay if he does it. I tell him that it's weird cause no other person has touched me there expect a doctor, parents or me. He says it's fine cause I haven't gotten used to it yet and we aren't going to have sex. I'm starting to think tnat all of this is immoral to what God says in the bible. So is all of this a sin?
This is the type of question that if you ask it of 10 different people you will get 10 different answers. In today's age of morality it is not considered as a sin and I do not consider making out a sin
sexual tension and frustration is bad for your physical and mental health just as any other stress or frustration is. Fortunately with sexual tension there are outlets short of intercourse for it. There is making out, masturbation and mutual masturbation all of which is not considered a sin by any religious group.
One thing that does concern me is you wrote; "soon it turned into him putting his penis in my vagina." If this is actually what happened then you have experienced sexual intercourse and are no longer a virgin. Once a penis penetrates a vagina, virginity is lost for both partners if both are virgins. Fingering is different and has nothing to do with virginity.
TO WHOM IT IS READING
FIRST, I MUST THANK FOR YOUR ATTENTION. I AM A HONG KONG STUDENT AND HAVE GOT A CHANCE TO GO ABOARD LEARNING IN THE USA. I AM POOR AND IT IS AN UTTERLY GREAT CHANCE FOR ME TO GAIN THE EXPEREINCE.
HOWEVER, WHAT I AM CONCERNING IS MY MUM WHOSE HUSBAND HAS DIED WILL BE LEFT ALONE AS I STEP AWAY. I HAVE TALKED TO HER FOR THOUSANDS TIMES, AND SHE HAS BEEN AGREEING TO LET ME GO, BUT WITH A FACE GRIEVOUSLY PAINTED. SHE ALSO SAID THAT IF I AM REALLY WORRIED WITH HER I CAN JUST STAY BEHIND AND IGNORE THE CHANCE. I KNOW SHE WILL BE MISSING ME SO MUCH AND I AM QUITE SURE THAT WITHOUT ME THE WOMAN WHO IS STEPPING 60S WILL DEFINITELY FEEL HOPELESS OR EVEN CRY PROVIDED NO RELATIVES HERE. I AM REQUIRED TO REPLY BY JAN 5 2016 BUT I FEEL REALLY DIZZY AND UNDETERMINED. I HOPE SOMEONE CAN HELP ME SORT THE BEST WAY OUT BY STATING ME THE PROS AND CONS, OR HIS OPINION. THANKS.
BECOMING CRAZY GUY
WIGZART
This is not a question where we can tell you to go or stay but one where we can maybe help you see the forest for the trees. In other words see a more clear picture of what you see as a dilemma.
You do not say that mom is in poor health needing a caregiver. If this is true then this is one problem that is not of a concern here. Mom being 60 is not considered old today. I read an article recently where it was said that today's 60 is yesterdays 40. Meaning mom is still quite young as long as she is in good health.
Opportunities like this do not come along very often. When they do we should take advantage of the opportunity if at all possible. Depending on where you will be living in the states Hong Kong is an 8 to 12 hour plane ride. You will have a return airline ticket. If your absence is too much on your mother you can be home within 24 hours .
There are also ways of making the distance closer between you. If mom can have access to a computer, it does not have to be an expensive one. IT just has to be capable of operating the Skype app. Set up a time you can Skype mom from wherever you are each day. This will do you both good. It will allow mom to miss you less by allowing you to tell her about your day and to see you each day and you here which will make you less home sick. I'm sure both you and mom have some friends and you can ask them to keep an eye on mom for you.
If this is a High school or college exchange program you will only be cone 4 or 5 months and both schools let out for summer break at the end of May to the middle of June depending on what part of the country you go to. This is a great opportunity and you should give it every consideration towards going. You will make new friends as well as learn new things.
My sister hosted several exchange students all of which she has stayed in touch with. One of them a young girl from Russia has in a manner of speaking became a member of the family and calls me Uncle. She has immigrated to the states and has become a citizen now that she is an adult. She has gone on to law school, married and has a young son. The opportunity to go to law school would not have come to be had she not taken advantage of the exchange program. By the way her family in Russia was and is dirt poor.
Do you think that is fair that for my parents dont give me pocket money amd i have stopped givig me anything for my birthday and christmas? Im a 15 year old girl and i do ski racing, i know its an expensive sport and i really appreciate what my parents do for me by willingly buying my equipment and my training. But the dont think I appreciate this at all, ad thats the problem. The decided to never give me pocket money to help fund my passion which i was fine with as i still got around £50 for my birthday and £100 for christmas for basic things like clothes and going out with friends, phone ect. I was hard and it takes me years to save up sometimes but i didnt mind. Now tho the stopped my money for birthday and christmas so i dont know what to do, i literally have no income. And before you say anything yes I have tried to get a job, but they all said i was too young. I tried to reason with my parents but then they would rant about how they are bending over backwards for me and how im so ungreatful and appreciate nothing. As a result of this i currently only have a broken phone and a broken laptop that i cant afford to fix, i never leave the house because i have nothing to wear and i cant affford the cinema or the bus to town or food, i literally have no social life :( am i actually being really ungrateful?
I cannot give you an answer as I do not know your parents therefore any answer I give you would be a guess.
What I can tell you is when my sister and I were about your same age a very similar situation existed in our home. Suddenly very weird and strange excuses were given to us for things we were promised. One example my father had built us separate bedrooms in what had been the attic of our home. We were promised wall carpeting. We came home from school to find our rooms had been tiled. We were told that since we did not keep our rooms clean they decided they would not spend the money on carpeting. Tiles my father installed, carpeting would have to be done by a contractor.
Then our allowances were cut and I was told to get an after school job if I wanted pocket money and I also had to pay for my car insurance. This all didn't happen at one time but over several months.
Then one day there was no school and I got nosey and started to look around the house. I found where my mother kept her checkbook and the bills. I found a bunch of bills marked past due and a loan application she was completing. I assumed from the bills I saw my parents had overextended themselves in remodeling the house. Instead of just finishing the attic my father raised the entire roof putting an entire second floor on with a full second bath and he remodeled the bath on the first floor. I know what that costs in today's dollars and I can understand that in dollars of the time how easy it was for my parents to over extend themselves.
What I'm saying is that in your parents zeal to support you skiing maybe in the hopes you go on to the Olympics that they have somehow gotten over extended and need to cut back.
It is very easy for a parent or any adult to get overextended with debt. It happened to me and I had to work myself out of debt. It was hard but as my parents did I did not let my son know just how bad things were. He still was clothed and fed and his medical was taken care of. His clothing though was not designer label and didn't always get the pocket money he asked for.
We all have our pride and this includes parent. So before you blame them for something find out if there is a reason behind what is going on.