|
I'm not a nice person and I don't know how to change.
Hi. So I'm 14 years old, and I'm female. Basically, I'm not a nice person. I'm really full of myself, and I value myself more than other people. I talk about people behind their backs, and I have a lack of empathy for people. Like if an acquaintance of mine died I wouldn't care. I know I'm awful but I still think I'm 'awesome'. Yes I get self conscious, and yes I do get anxious- but a lot of the time I feel like I have too much self esteem. I attention seek as well. I've had counselling, it didn't help. I used to be so nice, like genuinely. But I've changed, and it's not as simple as just being nicer and appreciating people more, it's a habit that I can't get out of and I simply can't be bothered with other people. I want to change, but I wouldn't know where to start. My friends are starting to get sick of my bad attitude, and I don't want to lose them. I have told my closest friends, they seemed rather nonchalant about it. I don't know what to do and advice would be appreciated, but I don't want hate.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Have compassion for yourself. There are obviously reasons for why you are the way you are and there's not necessarily anything wrong with who you are. Is someone telling you you're full of yourself and mean and lack empathy? A family member maybe? Friends?
Just because your method of kindness may not fit into the typical middle school ideal, or your family's, doesn't mean you are not kind. Being "nice" and being kind are too separate things. "Nice" can be fake and deceiving. Don't forget that school is majorly discriminating when it comes to moral correctness. Just think about that.
I'm not saying you aren't hurting people, but having compassion for yourself is the first step to becoming the person you want to be.
It sounds like you may be cut off from your feelings or you don't allow them to flow through you freely. I'd say go back to counseling. It won't bring instant change but it'll help you in the long run. Feeling your feelings is extremely important to mental health. Make sure you are actually feeling your feelings even if this is unacceptable in your house or in school.
You are allowed to not want to be bothered with people. I KNOW it's hard in middle school to see this. I've always "hated people" and felt like I was a bad person for not having many friends in middle school in high school and not absolutely loving the people I did hang out with. When I got to college, I had a lot of freedom to be myself and have alone time and guess what, that helped me find friends I actually did like. and not just people I'm forced to be friends with because we're trapped in school together.
Bottom line, have compassion for yourself. Middle school and high school are going to do everything possible to make sure you're stripped of this ability, but don't let it crush your soul too much.
]
You are going to find this hard to believe but part of this problem is due to the hormones of puberty and how your brain and body are dealing with them. These hormones are very powerful as they are making significant changes in you and to you.
As the initial hormones of puberty degrease you will start to return to who you like and want to be. In writing to us you are saying to us and to yourself this is not who you are or who you want to be and that is a good start to correcting what you don't like. It is not going to be easy but you can change what you don't like about yourself and work against the hormonal influences.
Think about something for a moment if you think I'm wrong. Just before and during your period are the things you don't like about yourself more pronounced. If they are then I'm correct for during your period your hormones are more pronounced and always will be. In effect this is a time to learn to control those wild hormones for later in life.
Pardon my gutter reference for a moment though I'm sure you may have heard this expression, "she is on the rag. Guys usually use this to explain why there wife or girlfriend is being so different than normal. Unfortunately if you’re having this problem now and don't learn to recognize it and control it, you will suffer with it until menopause kicks in.
Should you now agree with me and understand the reason behind why you have changed I would suggest you get back into counseling. Now that you know the cause the counseling will be more effective.
]
Well clearly your not too full of yourself to come here and ask for help right?? lol
Well lets turn the tables here, what if everyone around you started treating you the way you treat them?? how would that make you feel? And dont take this lightly either i mean REALLY people going out of their WAY to make life difficult on you.....you probably wouldnt like it. In this world you DO get what you give, so if you treat people the way you do, your GOING to get it back at some point.
Its kind of like The person who lies all the time. We all know someone that lies constantly do we? WELL....what happens when that person is actually telling the truth?? NO ONE believes them, and NO one is willing to back them up on it when things are serious. and depending on what the subject of what their saying is, they may be REALLY feeling like they NEED to be believed! and guess what no one gives a fuck cause "hes the lier"
Well, youll be seen as something similar to that. "oh shes the girl that doesnt give a shit about anyone but herself and is mean and uncaring" then when you actually ARE nice, it wont matter because of your past history.....I dont know, its just all about how you want to be treated. Some people are worth caring about more than others in this life and in your life and its your job to figure out which of those people are worth the effort. You have to figure out what is being nice and helping someone out with a favor, and what is selfishness on your part.
Everyone "values themselves" little more than others i mean thats pretty normal, but you dont go and act like or treat people that way. Most people are reasonable people until you give them a reason not to be. Unless your miss
understanding the things people say to you and just THINK their saying mean things, then thats a communication issue you have that you need to work on.
If you have alot of self esteem then why dont you use it for something good? teach a class full of kids, or stand up infront of a large crowd at school, or lead a group. Something that requires everyone to look at you, THEN see what people think of you after.....
you are your own worst critique so your probably playing this up a bit to be worse then it really is, but just treat people how you wanna be treated, i mean its not that difficult.
]
More Questions: |