Gender: Female
Location: New York
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Member Since: August 8, 2007
Answers: 35
Last Update: April 14, 2016
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trueadvice3
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My mom realm gets on my nerves. I am a 15 year old girl and recently I was going out with a guy. We went out for about a month but I had to break I off because he acted too weird. He was obsessed with me, would get really upset if I did not text back in five minutes, and he was jealous of my friends. At first, my mom did not approve of me being in a relationship but then when I broke things off she said things like "its your fault and you were mean to him". I am so confused I think she wants me to be unhappy, but my friends understood that I was upset and that he was creepy and not good for me. Why would my mom want me to be I an unhappy relationship and how could it be my fault? She also says my friends are weird and she acts like she wants me to have no friends and be lonely. I just want her to mind her business and leave me alone. (link)
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She wants you to be miserable like her. Some of us just have mothers who don't want us to be successful or happy. They show no sensitivity when something goes wrong and we need their emotional support above anything else. Often they kick us while we're already down, as your mom has done to you in this situation. Don't listen to her. Isolate yourself from her. When you go to college go somewhere far away. Trust me there are many people in the world who will nurture and love you times a million the way she never did. Don't waste your energy or precious time on her.
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All my life ive always been the ugly friend or ugly girl. It doesnt bother me as much anymore cause ive learned to accept it but its the people around me that keep on reminding me about it. Ever since grade 9 people would ask me if i had a brother, i do have a brother but he is 5 years younger than me so it wouldve been impossible for them to refering to him. So i would ask why and they would say i looked like this guy. Now grade 12 i finally figured out who the guy was and hes not really attractive to me so when a girl finally told me i looked like i could be his twin she said dont be offended because hes "Nice" that made me pissed off even more. I just want to know what its like to be the pretty girl im tired of being the girl where when someone jokes about dating me they say ew. In tired of watching my friends have boyfriends and i just stay at the sidelines im tired of guys treating me like im invisible im tired of girls always calling me ugly not directly but its obvious im tired of my dad telling me im pretty everyday because hes aware of my low-self esteem it just makes me feel worse. Also a couple days ago i went prom dress shopping and my dad said your prom is in 3 months and you still dont have a date what is wrong with you i know if it were your sister or brother they wouldve had one by now. News flash dad you have an ugly daughter. Anyways my question is what is it like to be the pretty girl and how can i fix my self esteem, ive tried wearing makeup because my dad and mom always beg me to wear it but i dont knkw the basics to wearing makeup i know that wearing makeuo wont fix my self-esteem in fact if my self-esteem is already low makeuo will probably make me feel more insecure cause then i wouldnt wanna be seen without it. Please help (link)
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Um, it's pretty awful that your dad said that to you. It's awful that your parents beg you to wear makeup. Realize that family is who you come home to at the end of the day. At your age, whether it is a good one or a bad one, your family is your foundation. The fact that they are speaking to you this way means they are providing a "foundation" that is cruel and low self-esteem inducing. You don't realize yet how incredibly powerful your parents' opinion can be when you're young and under their care. Even one nasty comment is life-changing without you realizing it. Your dad has no place commenting on your looks whether it's positive or negative. A mom is one thing; a dad is unacceptable. Just realize that your parents' comments are like a toxic drug. Try not to listen to them. By the way, I'm sure you are beautiful
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so i have sensory processing disorder (age 15, trans male) and my relationship with my mother is HORRIBLE. for the sake of the length of this question i won't go into detail, but basically it kills me to be around her or in the same building as her at all. when i was younger (like, up until maybe 10 at the very oldest) i used to love hugging her and all that, but now it makes me want to (and sometimes really do) literally scream and can even cause a sensory meltdown if/when she tries to force me to hug her. (i'm getting immensely uncomfortable just thinking about it) but the thing she always brings up is that i hug my friends with no problem, and it's true. i love to hug my friends and be physically affectionate with them, most of the time (sometime i do have a bad day and don't allow anybody to touch me) but i can't stand the thought of my mom laying a hand on my shoulder even. i'm not really sure what my specific question is, just....why? does anybody have anything to say about this, at all? i don't know this is something that's been this way for maybe 4 years and lately it's just been bothering me a lot, not that i dont want to hug my mom but just....i don't know. i also have adhd if that helps/affects any answers
thank you to anybody who says anything! i appreciate your time and help. (link)
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I don't think this necessarily has so much to do with you being a transgender individual. Not that it's not relevant, but I don't see it necessary to fixate on just that. I'm not a mental health professional but this probably has largely to do with your poor relationship with your mother emotionally, not just physically. Have you felt like she's deprived you of affection in the past? My theory is that you've been conditioned from a young age to close yourself off from her affection because it isn't stable or constant. Now when she tries to hug you it's confusing and a threat to your personal stability. Your mom also may not know how to give you affection without it being smothering.
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Hi. So I'm 14 years old, and I'm female. Basically, I'm not a nice person. I'm really full of myself, and I value myself more than other people. I talk about people behind their backs, and I have a lack of empathy for people. Like if an acquaintance of mine died I wouldn't care. I know I'm awful but I still think I'm 'awesome'. Yes I get self conscious, and yes I do get anxious- but a lot of the time I feel like I have too much self esteem. I attention seek as well. I've had counselling, it didn't help. I used to be so nice, like genuinely. But I've changed, and it's not as simple as just being nicer and appreciating people more, it's a habit that I can't get out of and I simply can't be bothered with other people. I want to change, but I wouldn't know where to start. My friends are starting to get sick of my bad attitude, and I don't want to lose them. I have told my closest friends, they seemed rather nonchalant about it. I don't know what to do and advice would be appreciated, but I don't want hate. (link)
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Have compassion for yourself. There are obviously reasons for why you are the way you are and there's not necessarily anything wrong with who you are. Is someone telling you you're full of yourself and mean and lack empathy? A family member maybe? Friends?
Just because your method of kindness may not fit into the typical middle school ideal, or your family's, doesn't mean you are not kind. Being "nice" and being kind are too separate things. "Nice" can be fake and deceiving. Don't forget that school is majorly discriminating when it comes to moral correctness. Just think about that.
I'm not saying you aren't hurting people, but having compassion for yourself is the first step to becoming the person you want to be.
It sounds like you may be cut off from your feelings or you don't allow them to flow through you freely. I'd say go back to counseling. It won't bring instant change but it'll help you in the long run. Feeling your feelings is extremely important to mental health. Make sure you are actually feeling your feelings even if this is unacceptable in your house or in school.
You are allowed to not want to be bothered with people. I KNOW it's hard in middle school to see this. I've always "hated people" and felt like I was a bad person for not having many friends in middle school in high school and not absolutely loving the people I did hang out with. When I got to college, I had a lot of freedom to be myself and have alone time and guess what, that helped me find friends I actually did like. and not just people I'm forced to be friends with because we're trapped in school together.
Bottom line, have compassion for yourself. Middle school and high school are going to do everything possible to make sure you're stripped of this ability, but don't let it crush your soul too much.
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I've probably asked this question before but I really don't care, I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm tired of people commenting on my voice. In grade 6 a group of guys made fun of me saying my voice was too deep mind you they've never hit puberty yet so their voices still sounded like little girls. Now it's not a problem anymore but now that I'm in highschool people keep saying I'm too soft spoken while others say that my voice is so monotone there's no emotion in my voice. This was news to me cause my family never complained about it but everyday someone new would comment on my voice and if they didn't comment they would mimic it and the way they would mimic it would be in this monotone dull voice. I've had depression from grade 5 to probably grade 10 cause I had very low self-esteem I still do but I just learned to accept it and also with issues at home but once I reached grade 10 I decided I was tired of being unhappy cause it was ruining my life people called me negative all the time and would criticize me but I guess my voice changed as I was in my depression cause I give read somewhere that a monotone or at least dull voice had to do with depression other times it's just that persons voice. What can I do to change my voice to more cheery? Cause when I talk with expression people think I'm about to cry, I used to be able to make people laugh now I just bore them when I tell them stories cause it's not the story that's boring but it's my voice. Please help (link)
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I always felt insecure about my low, dull, depressing, monotone voice and now I am an opera singer! People love my voice! Embrace what you have because at the end of the day it's you. Don't try to sound more cheerful and upbeat if it's not you. Just be yourself!
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I do not feel close to anyone. I feel like I just have surface relationships and it makes me sad. The biggest thing I lack is emotional support and feeling close to people. Being away for college was stressful but fun. I am on break and it wad a much needed break because I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I did not tell anyone how I felt beside one of my friends. But, now I am on break and I feel better but I am not happy. I am at home but I felt instantly depressed, becaude this home is not home to me. My mom is my mom but I dont have an emotionally connection to her or anyone. I lack closeness. I feel like I am so different because I dont have close relationship with family. I feel like I have surface relationship. I want a deeper connection. I just feel like my life is meaningless and it upsets me that I dont have close relationship, I need a support system. I can not do this alone. (link)
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I relate to this 100%. Have you thought about going to therapy? That might help to straighten out your feelings about this. It sounds like you like being away at school. Focus on the fun and good things about being away. Cherish your friendships and try to gravitate toward people who you can potentially show your deeper side. Maybe you have some inspiring professors or mentors to turn to in this way. I'm assuming you have a lot going on inside and are probably very passionate. Channel that pent up emotional energy into your passions and talents. This could bring you a great deal of future success and happiness. The family life is probably not going to get better. Home will probably never feel like home, I'm afraid. But the good news is a person like you gets to experience places, people, and things that most people don't. I can assure you, you will encounter meaningful relationships with people who understand you, as long as you follow your own special path. Always do YOU first.
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As complicated as my love life has been, this situation covers the most difficult thing I've had to face. My boyfriend and I have had a rough relationship for two years though we never gave up on each other. Our relationship had its share of drama and sometimes I felt he wasn't boyfriend material anymore. Over time as our relationship grew, our families and extended families as well as our community started to learn of our relationship and they were very happy. I'm 23, doing my master's while he's 26, and doesn't have much. Hes very determined to use his musical talents to make him great. Hes very well respected in the community and he does get paid for his gigs. He gets to travel from time to time to do what he does and they do pay him well. He also has a school where he teaches. U fortunately none of his income is constant and my family is worried that he's not doing anything to build a proper stable and strong foundation financially. He swears to me and everyone that he is but I can't help but hear my parents and almost everyone say that he needs to do more. My family is worried that he will only bring me down financially. There are many people I know who does what he does, and they say that he needs to do more. He feels, however, he is better and is more worth it.(which in a way is true, but still). Now, we cannot be together because of my family's wishes and I am having a hard time letting go. I told him I will wait for him to do what he has to do to gain that success while I continue to do what I'm doing. Maybe down the line, I can see if what he's doing is worthwhile. Only problem is, we still act like a couple when we're alone and I know it's going to get even more difficult when I can't go out in public with him anymore. I can't help but feel this might be a stupid decision. (link)
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Go with your heart. Ask yourself this: is your heart attached to his personality, your attraction to him, his talent, his charisma, his zest for life, etc. or his potential to support you financially? Because it sounds like you fell in love with a person who you are very attracted to and have a lot of fun with. You love that he is passionate and a dreamer, and sets out to find himself, and makes you feel good emotionally right? That is awesome! There is nothing wrong with loving someone for all these things. You are a woman in 2015 not 50 years ago. You will be able to support yourself no matter what. A marriage does NOT have to be based on the man supporting the woman. Both of you are young and both of you need to be finding yourselves and exploring and learning about one another. You don't need to rush marriage.
With all of that being said, if overall he's just a jerk and neglecting the relationship and not invested in you the way he needs to be, that's another story and I can certainly understand why you'd feel he's not boyfriend material. At the end of the day you really have to do what your heart is telling you to. Remember that you are smart and competent and more than have the ability to support yourself. BUT also remember that if your heart is telling you he's a huge a-hole that might be a sign you need to break it off.
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So I was going to this Halloween dance with my friends, I was going as a mime. I had this white T-shirt that I turned around so you couldn't see the letters on the front, and a black jacket to wear to cover up the words on the back of my shirt. My mom said we were going to the store because my outfit looked bad to her, I honestly liked the way it looked. We drove to the store and she picked out this shirt and jacket and made me try them on. I didn't like them, so we got into an argument, and she started crying in the middle of the store, she took me home and here I am now. I know I should feel bad for this, but I really don't, I feel like she deserved it. Whenever I cry like that I get yelled at, its no fair that she gets to do it without punishment. She's in the car outside crying right now, I don't know what to do, please help! P.S. I'm a 13 year old female. (link)
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Your mom is indeed a control freak. And she puts her needs above yours. There is absolutely no reason you should ever be yelled at for crying. Your mother putting her own emotional needs before yours is a form of emotional neglect and a sign of narcissism on her part. I was raised under narcissistic parents and now as an adult realize that I was not a brat and there was nothing wrong with my "behavior." Having feelings is not bad behavior; being who you are is not bad behavior! A lot of people will insinuate that you are being disrespectful and they are probably mentally still living in a time where abuse in the family is acceptable. Hang in there, only a few more years until college.
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I'm a white cisgender homosexual female. White racism isn't real, cisphobia isn't real, misandry isn't real, and heterophobia isn't real. Were white people enslaved and segregated for decades and still get killed in hate crimes? Nope. Do cisgenders get an increased risk of being bullied, suicidal, or killed? Nope. Did heterosexuals get burned and prevented from being married and have people insult them for holding hands in public, or people call things they don't like "straight"? Nope. Do rich people starve on the streets and have no clothes or water and need to work their ass off? Nope. Did males ever get sold into sexual slavery, rights taken away, pushed from science careers? Nope. It makes no sense to me these people who had everything handed to them on a golden platter with a silver spoon in their mouth already with a head start in life feel opressed. Why? (link)
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Because humans are always going to find ways to be victims. Nobody is perfect and everybody has something about themselves they feel has been discriminated against. There are people who'd say you are not oppressed because you are white. There are people who are going to say that a black heterosexual male has it better than a white female because he is a man. There are tons of ways for people to be victims and have privilege at the same time. Politically speaking there are people who have it better than others in the world, but as individuals we are all born with different circumstances and must make the most of what we have.
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21/f
I just don't like people!
I've read that a lot of people say or feel this way when they've had a lot of bad experiences, been bullied etc.
But this is not the case for me. I haven't been bullied and my experiences were never really that "bad". (I haven't been hurt etc.) I just feel like people bore me and I just can't find anyone who I actually like or sympathise with. Everyone is so pretictable and socializing just drains me because I can't stand to listen to daily boring conversations about meaningless things. The only person I can stand to be around is my boyfriend. But that's only because we can sit in a room together, enjoying eachothers company, without having to make conversation all the time. And when we do talk, I feel like he understands me. The fact that I have no friends doesn't depress me. I am happy being by myself. I do get invited to parties sometimes, but I decline because I feel like it's way too much work, since I don't enjoy myself around other humans. But recently I've actually started disliking people who try to make contact with me. There is one person in university, who was being quite nice to me. It was okay at first and we actually hung out a little, but after a while it got annoying and I started hating him for no reason. Now he keeps looking at me and it makes me think things like "Who does he think he is, what makes him think that he can look at me?". Same with an acquaintance who lives further away. We chat on facebook sometimes and I am fine with that. But now he keeps calling me and tells me that he wants to visit me soon (We've seen eachother in person many times, so he's not a stranger on the internet), and I just get super angry at that. No, I am not afraid of being close with someone and I am also not afraid of loss. There just isn't anyone, who I WANT to be close with because I can't relate to them and they just annoy me. I also don't feel empathy towards humans. Sometimes I even chuckle or think things like "ha-ha!", when something bad happens.
I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, but I don't care if people do get hurt.
I feel a lot of empathy towards animals though, so I doubt that I am a psychopath or anything like that. I love animals, I feel joy whenever I am around my cats. I don't expect anything from them, I'm just happy when they're there. And I don't need them to follow commands, so me liking animals has nothing to do with the fact that they don't talk back and listen to everything I say. (Which they don't, because they're cats) I even like that they have a mind of their own and only cuddle with me when they WANT to and not because they worship me.
I just feel so drained from being around people every day and having to make conversation (which I don't even do a lot). Whenever I get home from classes, I just sleep for 1-3 hours, because I'm really really tired.
I am not a sad or depressed person, when I can be by myself, I do things that I enjoy and it makes me happy.
I don't even want to change that I'd rather be alone, I just need some help on how to deal with NOT being alone. How can I get rid of the hatred towards people who show an interest in me? And how can being around them be less draining? Has anyone ever felt the same?
English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. (link)
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Are you around people who speak only english? If so, this could be why it's so exhausting to be around people! I can't imagine what it must be like constantly translating in your head and on top of that trying to communicate with emotions in a second language. Maybe there's a cultural barrier that makes it hard too. It's a great thing that you enjoy your own company. I'm the same way! It's an added bonus that you have a boyfriend and really enjoy his company. Be yourself, do what you enjoy, and ultimately that will put you on the path you're meant to be on.
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12 year old female.
I can think of people I like, but it seems the more i get to know people, the more i can't stand them. There are 4 of my friends where i can stand them. The boys at my school are all annoying fucks who think I'm a lesbian (and won't FUCKING let it go) except a few guys i can stand. Last year i got stuck with the most annoying bitchy girls. In a group project, two of them fucked around the whole time, the boy who started the lesbian crap was acting more on task then them (he has ADHD btw), the only thing the kids i get in a group project with seem to do is fuck around. The popular girls are ego-maniacs, the nerds are self-righteous assholes, two girls i thought were my friends are bipolar narcassistic cunts, a girl i thought was my friend is a dumb slut and got mad at me over nothing (I canceled my birthday party WHOOPDIEFUCKINGDOO) and through a shit fit WEEKS after it happened. Everyone i meet seems to want to fuck me over somehow. And no one can mind their own buissness. I don't want to go to school and hang out with all these dumbasses (link)
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You are upset and going through a rough time and have every right in the world to express yourself the way you want to. If that means cursing and getting it all out on here, by all means do it! You are at the toughest age of your life right now and the worst thing you can do is suppress your feelings because other people think they're inappropriate. You are not "unintelligent" for cursing either. All I have to say is keep being you, be true to yourself, and express yourself when you need to. You are very confident about how you feel and that is a GOOD thing. By the way, the next couple years may feel like hell in certain ways, but just know that there comes a point when you get older, things become clearer and you are free to decide what kinds of people to be around, even in school. 12 is a VERY rough age, I remember going through it myself, but eventually there's a light at the end
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So I'm a strong Christian and I'm 15 and going to be a sophomore. I have been a Christian for years. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he is a Christian also (17 and senior). As Christians we don't believe in marriage before sex but we have already been to third base together even though we say we won't go further. Is that too far? Inside I feel like it is but I don't know how to slow down sexual but keep up in the relationship. What should I do? (link)
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You are in charge of your body. Not any man, not the bible, not even God. Don't ever let anyone shame you for your sexuality. You are only 15 but hopefully in a few years you will go to college and see that (surprise) human beings were made to be sexual creatures. But you already know that--don't feel ashamed or guilty for it. I recommend you do some deep soul searching to find out who you are apart from the Christian faith.
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I have an elder sister who thinks that all of us in the sense my mother, my father and me hate her. She always thinks that my mother always shows partiality towards me and doesn't care for her at all when she does. All of a sudden
My sister acts kind of weird like a sadist and starts cursing my mom harassing all of us. She thinks that I am the reason behind all of her problems. she makes me want to feel like I ruined her life by being born. We can just find out how annoyed she is of me being in her life through her actions. I just want to die and forget that I was ever born in this family. Please someone help me out. And by the way I me and my sister are studious and dont want our studies to get disturbed. If anyone helps me in solving this issue I owe them big time!! I am a female and am 15 years old and my sister is 17 (link)
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You do use the words "we" and "us" a lot in this post. It seems you always have someone on your team whether it be your mom, dad, or all three of you together. Can your sister say the same for herself? Has it occurred to you that maybe she really is an outsider in this family? Maybe no one has ever been there to truly nurture her unique temperament and personality the way yours was nurtured. Having your family on your side is a fundamental human necessecity and it doesn't sound like she has this from you, your mom, or your dad. Clearly this is something you've never had to think about because you've always had it. Think about it now.
Furthermore, using group mentality to try and help her will get her nowhere. She needs genuine kindness from each individual member of her family. Let's see if you guys are up to that task.
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I have always had a wacky personality and loved to make people laugh, but everybody hates me now. Ok ok I know I might be overreacting, but it's kind of hard to not feel that way when your friends are calling you crazy and stupid. I'm starting to think I'm really going insane! I have started crying a lot more and acting really shy. I just want the old me back! I just want somebody that understands me. I am a 13 year old female if that helps. (link)
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I know how you feel. I go back and forth between two extremes, really serious and reserved and really, really goofy and wacky. I am pretty much the clown of my friend group. So it goes to show the more confident you feel, the easier it is to let your guard down and be your crazy, goofy self. With that being said, there are times I feel it's a little too much and I overwhelm myself with the wired energy I have, with too much laughing and too much fooling around. My friends see it just as much as I do and I start feeling like this absent-minded fool. That's always a sign to me that I need to slow down and take a breath and reel it in. So sometimes you do need to put some of that energy to rest. But be friends with people who genuinely appreciate you for how funny and entertaining you are. If they are making you feel bad all the time, screw them. Get new friends or let go of the need to have them take you seriously. At the end of the day, joke's on them.
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Lately I've been feeling really gloomy. I've asked lots of people online for advice, and they suggest I might be depressed. I'm kinda swapping back and forth with the idea, and I've taken test online and they say Im depressed. The thing is, even when I feel well, I just about always prefer depressing stories, movies, songs, anything depressing. I' even seem to enjoy it after I experience pain. My mom was even speaking to me a few months ago how that wasn't normal. I know I've had depression in the past for personal reasons, and I know it was severe then, and I know what I'm feeling now isn't nothing like what is was then. I haven't experienced any kind of tragic event, and this has been going on all week. Is there some way I could find out for sure if I have depression without some multiple test or going off to see a professional? I try too keep this kind of thing from my parents too. Anything I can do besides that? (link)
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I recommend you see a therapist who can help you sort out your feelings and see more clearly. With that being said, don't feel like there is anything wrong with you for tending toward dark things. Sad music for example, is just as beautiful and moving as brighter, more conventionally pleasing music. Look at your emotions this way. Have compassion for both the good and the bad. In time, that will automatically make the bad feelings not feel so bad after all.
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I want to start off an say that I am in a great place in my life. I feel happy, beautiful and hopeful. However, I am trying to move forward from a recent rejection and I just want to hear some encouraging words. So, I got rejected by a guy I notice at school. I had decided to give him my number and he never called. When we see each other in class, neither one of us says hi or even hold eye contact. I was sort of surprise he did not call but they are reason other than me that I have to consider. However, this is the first time I seen someone who I am attracted to and he seems smart , but I only know him from school. I just want to move on knowing that the right guy would find me to be great as I see myself. However, I did notice this guy and I wanted him but since he did not call, I have to move forward. I would love something to make me feel better. (link)
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Right now, you are on a kick. Everything is going well and you feel powerful, confident and successful. But the one thing you can't control is situations that involve other people. I know the feeling. Just keep being amazing and focus on the fact that you feel happy and beautiful right now. Life is not perfect, so you must appreciate the good. I'm going through something similar right now. I have a close friend I've been crazy about for years, and am always going through a viscous cycle between being hopeful and feeling like he has absolutely no interest in me. It's so repetitive and tedious. You are better than me because at least you took that plunge, and indicated to this guy you like him. I am too afraid to tell my friend I'm in love with him, and as a result, never experience rejection and that's why I've never had a boyfriend. Don't get caught in the same stupid cycle as me. You can't be afraid of rejection and you can't let rejection get you down. I commend you for putting yourself out there. Be proud of yourself for that.
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Hi. I am a teenage girl, and I'm supposed to sing in a Talent Show next week. I'll admit it myself, I tend to get really nervous before any kind of public speaking, but people have always told me to share my gift with the world. It's not that I don't want to, I'm afraid I'll mess up or do something stupid, and embarrass myself. Are there certain techniques I could do to relieve my anxiety about this? Advice is much appreciated. Thank you. (link)
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Trying to get rid of the nervous energy is just going to perpetuate it. Keep remembering that it is normal to feel nervous and you are going to no matter what. Embrace the energy. This is your body's way of telling you you are excited and it makes sense you are a little scared. It does get easier to perform the more times you do it. If you use your energy anticipating positive things instead of messing up, etc. the negative stuff won't even be a thought. Before I sing in a performance, I make sure I'm prepared in certain ways. For example, I envision the space I'm going to sing in, the lighting, whether or not I'll be able to see the audience's faces, whether I'm looking up to the audience or down, plan what I'll be wearing, and how I'm going to walk. When these extra things aren't as much of a shock factor, all you have to do is go out and sing. My advice to myself all the time and to you is to just go out and do what you do! Don't think or worry or make any changes last minute. Impact people's lives with your beautiful gift and do what you do!
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im now 20, in college, and it's the same. like it seems like no matter how nice, funny, well dressed, good at a class, etc. you are, making friends is a complete mystery. i know snooty girls with best friends, nerds with best friends, mean girls with best friends, you name it. i think my weirdest trait is that i ask questions during class.. that's the main thing. but they're always good, never dumb questions. in school i probably overall talked more with teachers during class than i ever did with other students. and my mom said i was a little too "uptight" (wtf) and i have no idea how. im a fun, spontaneous person but you're not going to see me doing drugs or being promiscuous or anything. i have no idea what my mom meant. the closer i am with someone the easier it is for me to call or text them. most people im not that close with, hence i am 20 and i still rarely ever use my phone for anything beyond music and calling my parents once every 2-4 weeks, maybe a sibling, aunt, grandparent, too... that sort of thing. ever since i was 10 or 11 i have looked online about how to make friends and now that im 20 i just completely give up cause nothing works. everyone is nicer online, hence why it's easier for me to make "internet friends". its also a lot easier cause its easy for me to find others with similar interests. i have more friends with similar interests online than offline, actually. im not even that weird. i feel my problems would be alleviated if i lived in a major city like new york or chicago. i try to act like having no best friends (since elementary school) doesn't bother me but deep down its really annoying. like i try to keep myself busy on my weekends alone and ive dealt with it. somehow i was able to get through high school as a major loner (not even by choice. people complain on having a handful of best friends but that was the dream to me) without like committing suicide, cause i cant bring myself to doing such a thing. i know things can get better but they dont. it just pisses me off cause if i become successful what if suddenly people that had ignored me and had sometimes snubbed me suddenly started being nice to me? the idea of that kind of makes me hate people in a sense. i mean i dont hate people by default.. i dont get how i even repel people when nobody else repels me. people who are different from me are even interesting. im your friend as long as you want to be friends, and usually that means they're the ones not pursuing something. and because i havent had much real life social interaction growing up i view a lot of things in.. a theoretical way. like love, and even talking about teenage life. i've never been kissed or on a date, despite honestly being above average in looks, wearing basic make up, dressing business casual, you know, keeping myself in check. and other silly things like sleepovers i mainly know of through what i've seen on tv and read about. it's pretty sad to me. but yeah. im just in a mood right now where im fed up with trying to reach out but fed up with being alone too. cause i realized today i really wanted to talk about the grammys with someone but i have no one i can just go talk to who can really be interested enough to talk to me back. im someone who can talk to a stranger like an old friend. it's just.. human interaction is so annoying sometimes, too. i feel like retreating underground forever and going to a party where i am loved (by more than just family members) at the same time. but all in all i want to scream but i cant scream cause i am in my dorm. i mean even if i get my dream job what is it if my personal life is forever books and the internet. i feel like such insecurities had a big effect on me from the time they occurred around middle school, cause only since then did i start having trouble in school with procrastination and lack of motivation, despite always having big dreams. i do the best in school in the beginning of the year, before the depression kicks in. (link)
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You are probably a very intelligent, unique, special person. I've been through this before and I still have a lot of periods where I feel disconnected from people, even my best friends. In high school, I had barely any friends and was an onlooker to all the girls in their cliques, wishing I could be a part of it. Needless to say, I was very anxious about making friends upon entering college. I realized that if I wanted to make friends and show people the fun, interesting, crazy person I really am I had to show it. Showing it took sacrifice. I had to let go of always trying to be the perfect good girl to please my parents and teachers. This is something I'm still working on but the hurdle I was forced to overcome beginning of freshman year helped the process along tremendously. I had the attitude that I'd never drink or party or care about my appearance and I realized that these things are not so bad and in moderation very fun and helped me to make a lot of friends and be on the same wavelength as everyone else. I stopped hiding girls who were prettier than me as "sluts" and people who weren't as into school as me "dumb." It was really difficult to open my mind in the beginning and a little scary but ultimately got me to make friends and be a happier person. I'm also in a major studying what I love, in an environment where I can be my quirky self and not be judged as weird. From what you say, it sounds like you are really really smart, but also adventurous and fun. Show people this awesome person that you are. Step outside of your comfort zone. Don't worry about being "normal." In time you will find your niche and be glad you didn't. Also, I can tell you are a thinker and get inside your own head. Share what's inside of your mind with the people around you. Remember, you can achieve anything if you want if badly enough. Don't give up; it'll get better!
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I am suffering so much that suicide is the only answer. I cant go on. I have lung disease, heart problems, both caused by living next door to a meth house. My brains are fried. I am homeless. I am a mess. I dont have family or friends that could help. I am a mess.. What can I do to save myself.. I am 54 (link)
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We need you here on this Earth. You have people in your life who love you; more people than you think. I love you and I've never met you before. We human beings have an innate bond with one another and need each other to survive. I know it sounds very lofty. But I really mean it and I hope it comforts you to hear. You can fight this. You think you can't but you absolutely can. Talk to someone. There will always be people who care about you. The world loves and needs strong people like you. Please, please seek treatment if you are able to do so, surround yourself with people who show they love you, and keep fighting. We need you here.
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Okay so, my dream is to be famous. To be a singer/actress. But the things is, i get nervous and shy to sing in front of certain people or big crowds. I know im good, im not conceded or anything but i dont know why i get so nervous if i know im good? help? I dont know what the problem is. (link)
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It's just the shock factor of performing in front of people because you're not used to it. From experience I can tell you that one of the only ways to feel more comfortable is to keep doing it. The more experience you get, the better it feels.
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