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Do I wait for him?
As complicated as my love life has been, this situation covers the most difficult thing I've had to face. My boyfriend and I have had a rough relationship for two years though we never gave up on each other. Our relationship had its share of drama and sometimes I felt he wasn't boyfriend material anymore. Over time as our relationship grew, our families and extended families as well as our community started to learn of our relationship and they were very happy. I'm 23, doing my master's while he's 26, and doesn't have much. Hes very determined to use his musical talents to make him great. Hes very well respected in the community and he does get paid for his gigs. He gets to travel from time to time to do what he does and they do pay him well. He also has a school where he teaches. U fortunately none of his income is constant and my family is worried that he's not doing anything to build a proper stable and strong foundation financially. He swears to me and everyone that he is but I can't help but hear my parents and almost everyone say that he needs to do more. My family is worried that he will only bring me down financially. There are many people I know who does what he does, and they say that he needs to do more. He feels, however, he is better and is more worth it.(which in a way is true, but still). Now, we cannot be together because of my family's wishes and I am having a hard time letting go. I told him I will wait for him to do what he has to do to gain that success while I continue to do what I'm doing. Maybe down the line, I can see if what he's doing is worthwhile. Only problem is, we still act like a couple when we're alone and I know it's going to get even more difficult when I can't go out in public with him anymore. I can't help but feel this might be a stupid decision.
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Go with your heart. Ask yourself this: is your heart attached to his personality, your attraction to him, his talent, his charisma, his zest for life, etc. or his potential to support you financially? Because it sounds like you fell in love with a person who you are very attracted to and have a lot of fun with. You love that he is passionate and a dreamer, and sets out to find himself, and makes you feel good emotionally right? That is awesome! There is nothing wrong with loving someone for all these things. You are a woman in 2015 not 50 years ago. You will be able to support yourself no matter what. A marriage does NOT have to be based on the man supporting the woman. Both of you are young and both of you need to be finding yourselves and exploring and learning about one another. You don't need to rush marriage.
With all of that being said, if overall he's just a jerk and neglecting the relationship and not invested in you the way he needs to be, that's another story and I can certainly understand why you'd feel he's not boyfriend material. At the end of the day you really have to do what your heart is telling you to. Remember that you are smart and competent and more than have the ability to support yourself. BUT also remember that if your heart is telling you he's a huge a-hole that might be a sign you need to break it off.
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This is where things are going to get intense and I apologize if anyone is taking offense to this, not completely but yeah. Honestly if this man makes you truly happy, feel good about yourself, feel loved, etc, then his financial well-being shouldn't have an impact, money is powerful in everything except love. He is probably just trying to find his place in this world right now and you (if the above was the case) should be there to support and help him find this. Grow together, become one. there's going to be times where both of you will pull eachother down at one point or another,wether its now or later. you are NOT your parents, their expectations iin this world should not have an impact on how you decide to love your man and wether or not you will be with him. It sounds like the heart doesn't want you too to be apart, be together, but don't let others influence it, its not heir business, nor their problem.
IF YOU REALLY JUST WANT TO BE WITHOUT HIM STILL:
have fun, I've already explained the connection, but if you wabt to ignore it it will be difficult. if this is your decision message me and i'll get more details and help you with how to do so.
-An Overgrown Weed & Sincerely X
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I think it is great that you are taking your family's concerns into consideration. What is wrong here is that at 23 you are an adult and your families concerns are just that, CONCERNS. As an adult you are no longer bound to obey your parents on any matter especially matters of the heart.
No one, not any of us, your parents or extended family can tell you exactly what you should do in this situation. Only you can decide. If you want to wait to see if your boyfriend can make a living from music then wait. Not knowing exactly what his hopes or goals are I can't give you any estimates of what his chances at success are.
I have friends and colleagues who play in bands and consider themselves successful if they have regular bookings as club bands or play at catered events. They being colleagues all have 9 to 5 jobs that pay the bills and the band is as much recreation as it is supplemental income. This may be the best he can hope for.
My advice is to forget about what your family is telling you to do and continue to see him if you wish to. There is no reason as an adult for you to hide your relationship. If you truly feel this man is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with though you want a more financially secure future for him and you. I would suggest you give him a date by which he is either making a substantial income or you part ways. I would suggest you make that date you graduation for your Master's Degree.
By that time he is either making a substantial income from his music or he has a nine to 5 job to do so. Set an amount you believe is substantial to support the lifestyle you want for both of you.
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