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I don't like being around people.
21/f
I just don't like people!
I've read that a lot of people say or feel this way when they've had a lot of bad experiences, been bullied etc.
But this is not the case for me. I haven't been bullied and my experiences were never really that "bad". (I haven't been hurt etc.) I just feel like people bore me and I just can't find anyone who I actually like or sympathise with. Everyone is so pretictable and socializing just drains me because I can't stand to listen to daily boring conversations about meaningless things. The only person I can stand to be around is my boyfriend. But that's only because we can sit in a room together, enjoying eachothers company, without having to make conversation all the time. And when we do talk, I feel like he understands me. The fact that I have no friends doesn't depress me. I am happy being by myself. I do get invited to parties sometimes, but I decline because I feel like it's way too much work, since I don't enjoy myself around other humans. But recently I've actually started disliking people who try to make contact with me. There is one person in university, who was being quite nice to me. It was okay at first and we actually hung out a little, but after a while it got annoying and I started hating him for no reason. Now he keeps looking at me and it makes me think things like "Who does he think he is, what makes him think that he can look at me?". Same with an acquaintance who lives further away. We chat on facebook sometimes and I am fine with that. But now he keeps calling me and tells me that he wants to visit me soon (We've seen eachother in person many times, so he's not a stranger on the internet), and I just get super angry at that. No, I am not afraid of being close with someone and I am also not afraid of loss. There just isn't anyone, who I WANT to be close with because I can't relate to them and they just annoy me. I also don't feel empathy towards humans. Sometimes I even chuckle or think things like "ha-ha!", when something bad happens.
I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, but I don't care if people do get hurt.
I feel a lot of empathy towards animals though, so I doubt that I am a psychopath or anything like that. I love animals, I feel joy whenever I am around my cats. I don't expect anything from them, I'm just happy when they're there. And I don't need them to follow commands, so me liking animals has nothing to do with the fact that they don't talk back and listen to everything I say. (Which they don't, because they're cats) I even like that they have a mind of their own and only cuddle with me when they WANT to and not because they worship me.
I just feel so drained from being around people every day and having to make conversation (which I don't even do a lot). Whenever I get home from classes, I just sleep for 1-3 hours, because I'm really really tired.
I am not a sad or depressed person, when I can be by myself, I do things that I enjoy and it makes me happy.
I don't even want to change that I'd rather be alone, I just need some help on how to deal with NOT being alone. How can I get rid of the hatred towards people who show an interest in me? And how can being around them be less draining? Has anyone ever felt the same?
English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
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1. scenario
You desperately want to look special and untouchable. You want from people to desire your company. So first you make contact. You give advantage to the boys because they will easier fall for you. And that is not because you are so interesting but because they have expectations. You chat with them in order to show them your value. When they show their interest you won, so you don`t have need to hang around with them or to chat anymore.Being ignored they are having just more and more interest for you. And your ego is fed.This went so far that you actually wrote all this on some forum to seek confirmation about how you are special from random people. That is the reason why you don`t have female friends...Actually why you don`t have friends at all or at least a person with you share some interest with who you can speak about something you are passioned about. In similar way is functioning your relationship. Your guy adores you because you treat him in the same way he feels about himself, and in the same way you feel about yourself- unworthy.Find self value.
2. You are in love.But not ordinary love it is possessive relationship. One of you is quiet, introverted person and the other is the person who controls partner`s decisions, time and actions.i suppose in that case you are introverted person because you have problem to interact with people , problem to express yourself, to explain how much you want them in your life or not.. So you are the one who feels guilt if don`t satisfy someone's needs. Even if those needs don`t match with yours.You put other`s feelings before yours.. So you are shaped by your enviorment. You feel trapped and have desperate need to escape. That is why you have to run away from people..because you attract only people who want to invade your life ..just like your boyfriend. The truth is that people are not empty. In every area that you have interest and passion there are people with who you can have interesting conversations instead of daily boring conversations . Instead of that you are focused on your boyfriend and cats and people you dont like. Because you don`t know the other way to fill your own emptiness.
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Hey I have had the same problem it's normal at times because I can only talk to a few friends and my boyfriend about how I feel so I can relate.
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I like Blue592's answer a lot and it could very well be a reason you find it hard being around others. My sister once hosted a Russian exchange student we have all fallen greatly in love with. I think of her as one of my nieces and she to this day calls me Uncle. When she first arrived she did find it exhausting to constantly convert English to Russian and back to English just to do her school work and this is a girl that speaks 7 languages. English, Russian and French being her main languages.
There is one other possibility that coupled with the language problem could be causing the problem you write about. You just may be a very introverted person. Introverted people do great conversing or communicating in the second person. Email, phone calls, letter writing and so forth. In person communication is hard for an introverted person. Just why this I really don't know for certain though I do have a theory.
I believe that introverted people are also perfectionists or closet perfectionists. When communicating in the second person you can be certain of everything you say before you send off your message. Even on the phone you can take a moment to collect your thoughts before speaking. In person you are expected to instantly answer or communicate which does not allow for perfect communication. Just my theory.
I have not felt exactly as you have though I think I understand how you feel. I have spent my entire professional career in Sales and Marketing. Every day all day I am interacting with people and yes it gets very tiring. In the evening when I get home the last thing I want is to interact with more people. My wife and I have diner, are children are grown and out of the house now. We talk about our day and then she goes off and does her thing and I do mine.
We don't have a bunch of friends. We are happy just being together sitting in front of the TV, cooking together or just being with each other.
IF you can interact with people at school and later in the workplace then I see nothing wrong. What you do when your not in school or working is entirely up to you as long as you are happy and content. If this bothers you or you wish to find out why you are this way and if there is a way to overcome how you are. Then working with a therapist such as a psychologist might be something to consider. Otherwise just relax and enjoy who you are.
By the way you knowledge of the English language is excellent.
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Are you around people who speak only english? If so, this could be why it's so exhausting to be around people! I can't imagine what it must be like constantly translating in your head and on top of that trying to communicate with emotions in a second language. Maybe there's a cultural barrier that makes it hard too. It's a great thing that you enjoy your own company. I'm the same way! It's an added bonus that you have a boyfriend and really enjoy his company. Be yourself, do what you enjoy, and ultimately that will put you on the path you're meant to be on.
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I could never tell English wasnt your 1st language as you communicated perfectly!
The only thing that comes to mind is that some people have personality types where they prefer to be loners, are easily irritated by others wanting to socialize with them, try hard to keep people from getting into your personal circle meaning, you want them at further than arms length away, and of course lots of the things you mentioned about yourself. these personality types are the miniority in society but are just as valid a personality as any other. That fact that most dont understand you is likely because the majority they meet are one of two types that are friendly and social and actually like meeting people.
I am glad you have given this thought and can rule out psychopath, sociopath and that it is not due to a past filled with bad experiences.
That only leaves the possibility of a social disorder or it being normal for your personality type. A person with a social disorder more often laments the lack of ability to connect with people, wanting to know how, rather than be bored with and want to avoid them so I dont believe that applies. I could be wrong but you expressed yourself well and thoroughly so my tendency is to think its based on your personality type. If you care to determine if you fit a particular personality type and it can explain away who you are, that might be helpful to you. If you have a name or label you can present to the chatty friendly type where you can say, this is the type of person I am so I don't enjoy socializing and don't want any people in my life, then so be it. But I would advise you learning to rein in your temper and anger and not let it out on the unsuspecting who assume you are as social and approachable as most. They deserve to be their cheery outgoing self as much as you deserve to be you. Heres what you can do. Explain kindly that you are not a social person, not interested and ask that they do not approach you or make any further attempts. If they approach you a second time, remind them you told them once already that you are not social, you werent just in a bad mood as they might think but this is who you are and you do not want to talk or meet or anything but be left alone. And if they approach you again, the 3rd time you will not be very nice with them. All along here, talk firmly but not in anger. If someone doesnt honor your wishes and comes at you a 3rd time, let em have it. No reason for hitting or violence but I am talking about no more Mr/Ms Nice guy and giving them a piece of your mind with angry tones now. I am a Scorpio and as such have had to learn to rein in my temper and I use this formula all the time in life. Most people do not come back a third time to do the thing I've asked them not to. Its over issues other than approaching me social as I am the Supporter type personality and very approachable.
I have not personally felt drained being around crowds of people. there is such a thing as an individual who is what is termed, an energy Vampire but this is rare. I have on occasion felt it. The person doesnt know they are doing it either. Instead of sucking blood, this sort of person sucks energy out of you to boost their lagging or non existant energy levels. Its common in people with social and mental disorders who do things to actually lose or use up their personal energy too quickly and can happen also in those who are chronically physicallly ill. I have a relative like that and only on occasion when her energy is low and I am around her do I end up feeling shaky and nervous, agitated, tired and just drained, even if she was just being friendly. Subconsciously the body just reaches out and starts to pull energy out of others. If this is happening to you with ALL people, they can't all be energy vampires and there might be something in your make up and makes you more vulnerable and easy for even those who dont need your energy to suck it from you. I would have to suggest seeing a counselor for that.
Regarding feeling hatred towards people interested in you, again hold your temper and explain to any guys who start to show an interest and actively try to pursue you that you are just trying to brush him off cus you aren't interested in him but interested in others. the fact is you just aren't interested in any relationships, boy-girl relationships, friend relationships and so on. Or with men, if you are female, you could tell them you are gay (homosexual) and that will instantly end any romantic pursuit from men. However I assume you're either in school or have a job and need to interact at a basic level with students, teachers, or co-workers and supervisor or boss/employer. You will need to learn to determine what is the needed talking interacting regarding doing the work and when a person is straying, trying to take it into a social/buddy conversation. I believe that if social people want to ask how the other is or what they did last weekend, that is fine as long as the school studies and/or job gets done. You need to realize that most people are not like you. Many are fake and don't really care, many having annoying social habits, but there are always the well meaning intentions of people like me mixed in. I had a cubicle mate much like you. I learned to keep talk strictly to the job, not socialize and certainly not stand anywheres near her. Her sister was opposite, approachable and the kind to give a pat on the back in encouragement as the supervisor she was. Not all people will adjust as quickly as I did. But you must do your best. Say nothing when irritated, just take many deep breaths before you do respond and remind lets say a co worker that you are glad to talk strictly about work related things because in an office, it is important to have good communication and help each other but remind the person you are not the social type. Its not them, its you, you prefer to not socialize. You dont want to make them feel bad or guilty for who they are but just remind them to seek friends elsewhere. ANd enjoy your cats.
Good luck.
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