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Feel unloved
I feel so unloved. I am 23 and have never been in a relationship. I do not get along with my family and don't have a single person in my family I feel I can trust or is truly there for me. I am living alone in a new place, and I really do like it, but I don't have friends yet. I've been really disconnected from some of my old friends lately, as we are on our own separate paths. I've never been a relationship person. I've always been the emotional drama queen in my family and that caused a lot of issues in the family dynamic. In the past few weeks I got to know a guy over tinder, who I had really high hopes for. As soon as I implied I wanted to hang out with him and get to know him in a public place for our first meeting (as opposed to as opposed to what he did, asking me every night after midnight to come over his house, which I didn't do) he stopped texting me. I feel extremely disappointed and rejected. Every time something like this happens I feel more and more like I'll never find love. Not in a boyfriend, not in my family. I just feel really alone and unloved. I feel like I am obsessed with my career as s defense mechanism. When it comes down to it I think I just want to be a part of the vast human experience that involves love
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
So you know you are or have been a "Drama Queen." That's a good thing for it gives you a place to start and something to work on to correct. You can work on it by yourself or you can seek professional guidance from a therapist. This is a choice you make. If you know what makes you a drama queen then you can proactively work to correct it. Just remember change does not come quickly it will take time for people to notice.
If you seek professional help there is a very good up side to this. First after discussing this with your therapist you can tell close family first you’re working with a therapist to correct this then later other family and friends. Thought the best thing about a therapist is an instant best friend that you can trust your deepest and darkest secrets too. There is a reason people become drama queens and usually it is because at some point they have been truly hurt. A therapist will help you unlock that hurt and deal with it productively so you can lead a better life.
As to the guy on tinder? As a long time firefighter we have a saying, "Nothing good comes after midnight." You were right not to go to his home. His intentions were less then honorable and you could have been seriously hurt. You did the right thing by not going to his home.
As to making friends and finding someone for a relationship. I have a stock set of ways to meet people and make friends that can lead to relationships. For you I think the best way is to go to one of the mating sites such as Match,com or eHarmony.
The reason for suggesting these sights is they are in a manner of speaking a custom fit. You put up your profile of your interest and what you are looking for. You search profiles of men that are returned to you with similar interest and communicate with them through the site. If they are or you are interested you arrange to meet. From there nature takes its course.
I know of several people who never thought they would be in a relationship let alone find the love of their lives. Found them through one of these sites. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. IF you are a religious person it is possible you religion also runs a matching site.
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You yourself admit you've never been a relationship person, followed by stating you are the emotional drama queen. When everyone including family want to keep you at arms length and don't seem to enjoy being around you and wanting you in their lives, you kind of have to wonder if its something you are doing? You wouldn't even have to say a word or do a thing because people can pick up with their subconscious the invisible signals that go out from you that make a person not want to approach you in the first place. It may not be obvious to you as to what the issue is but sometimes people exhibit a social behavior that turns off people and keeps them at arms length. Now everyone is entitled to be the center of attention at some point, thats normal, but when it is the kind of attention sought by being a drama queen as you said, that pushes people away. Another vibe that a person emits that turns off others is low self confidence, verbally putting oneself or others down all the time, being a fair weather friend meaning you only seek out people when you Need something from them, not to be there for them and give to them. When there isn't a balance of give and take and equal caring and love, there is an imbalance and that will kill relationships too.
Sometimes a person is born without the natural instincts most others have to just know how to act socially and reciprocate. I couldn't tell you what you might be doing wrong but I know it can easily be fixed. I would think it is high time for you to seek out a counselor and let them know whats going on and perhaps a professional with expertise on such things will be able to give you the best advice on what to do.
Do not believe that for some reason you are unloveable and have nothing to give to society as that is not true. I can say that not knowing you because it is simply a fact of life that we all are precious and lovable and have something to give in the world of ourselves. Just for you, it may not come as naturally and you may need to be taught. In addition to seeing a counselor, if it were me, I'd get some books on how to relate to people and since you're likely feeling a bit depressed too, you might try "Feeling Good" by Dr. David D. Burns. This is a book that can help with feeling depressed and unwanted because there are usually some negative thoughts that are always at the root of all our problems in life. I've read it and it helped me as the abused wife in a relationship after i left him. But I still think its best to also see a counselor who deals with this kind of thing and if they can discover a disorder you may have, they'll have the tools to help you learn to work around it and get positive results in life. Once you have some tools and knowledge of how to go about relating the best ways socially you will see things improve. As for men, you will attract one, after you've dealt with yourself, learning to be the best and healthiest person emotionally and mentally and also self confident as a test done with men proved that men are very attracted to self confidence in a lady. When I was seeking a 2nd husband thru a dating site, my self confidence in the words of my profile and how I spoke and communicated in person drew the attention of many men. I even had one needy guy begging me to choose him as the next love in my life. I of course didnt go for him but the most self confident man who had the attributes and things in common with me as well. So I'd say you're a couple steps away from finding yourself a boyfriend yet but it is highly possible. Let me know how things go and what you discover from reading books on the subject and what your counselor says as I'd like to be your on going cheering team! to encourage you on ward.
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