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Super Scared My Sister's Not Gonna Understand
My sister had a premature baby this past summer whose about to get out of the hospital most likely next week. My parents and I went down there when he was born, but went home after we knew that everything was gonna be alright and planned to go back when he got out of the hospital.
Now, here's my problem. I've been sick lately with this strange respiratory thing and my doctor told me not to go near the baby until it goes away, which she said could be a while. I'm not gonna be able to go visit my sister or the baby from September 17th until probably when we go to our family's Christmas. I feel bad because I know she'll be disappointed, maybe even hurt if I'm not there next week, but I can't let the baby catch this virus.
What's scary is that I was a day later than I was supposed to be to get to town for the baby's gender reveal party because I didn't feel well. I don't want her, my brother in law, of anyone else to think that I just conveniently get sick every time I'm supposed to go visit her.
My phone's been malfunctioning lately and because of that, I haven't been able to talk to my sister. I don't want her to think that I don't answer her calls or respond to her texts because I'm not interested in hearing how she and the baby are. I live in the same town as my parents and have told them about my phone, but I don't know if they've told her.
Now, everyone's probably thinking, "Just tell your sister what's going on. She'll understand. Of course she's not gonna want you around the baby." But my concern is that she either won't believe that I really am sick or she won't believe that I've remained sick for that long. What am I gonna do to prevent hurting her feeling and making her Think I don't care about her or the baby?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Hopefully your parents know of your illness, how long you have suffered with it and the doctors telling you that it is not in the baby's best interest you be around the baby. Impress upon you parents how important it is to you that your sister understands this virus is a long term thing that you suffered with and have to let it fully clear before you be around the baby.
Until you get your phone fixed snail mail still works and there is something to be said for snail mail that can't be seen in an email. A heartfelt letter does convey emotion. It can be seen in your hand writing. So take the time to sit down and write a letter to your sister, brother in-law and the baby explaining why you can't be there.
I know exactly how you must feel for like you I miss a lot of family things because I am physically disabled. I have a great nephew who I adore who lives in Texas. I live 3 1/2 hours away by air. In order to travel by air I must fly in Business or first class due to my injuries and then only if I'm not in pain. That is what disables me I suffer from a chronic back pain suffered in a car accident. I would love to spend more time with him but I can't because of the cost. I can afford the cost if I knew for certain I would be physically able to travel that day. We make do with facetime and Skype.
Both of those apps make it possible for you to be there for certain occasions when you can't physically be there. Skype allowed me to be there at his 2nd birthday party and watch him open presents and blow out the candles. My sister brought me home a piece of birthday cake.
Once your phone is fixed with the help of modern communications it is possible to be there even when you cannot be there physically.
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So the problem is that you have a negative thought pattern showing regarding this situation. Is this the only time in your life you have feared the worst in a situation, of being misunderstood? If this is a pattern for you, you may want to get professional help. Second, has your sister ever not believed you in multiple situations in the past and thought the worst of you that you are avoiding her cus you dont like her or something? How many times has this happened? If its never happened, then you are letting your negative thought rule your actions meaning you remain frozen undecided as to what to do and suffer in the meanwhile emotionally. You say you live in the same town as the parents, hopefully close enough to visit, can't you check with them if they have told sis and what her reaction was? Why would you believe that as family they would not explain your not appearing or responding, they are adults old enough to know that your sister is likely to wonder what is up and you are family, so its likely 97% sure they said something unless some event caused it to slip their minds. Your asking them now in person would remind them if thats the case and they could call and inform sis what is up.
How often have you not been believed by people when you explain yourself? Is there a history of this happening more often than not.
See, you are not responsible for how another persons brain perceives and processes any information regarding you. What counts is that you know you are in the right, have done all you can in the circumstances and that your heart is in the right place. If others have a problem with taking things wrong, taking things personally, and jumping to conclusions regarding anything you say or do or dont do, then it would be the other person who has a problem with a negative thought pattern that holds them up in life. It is something only they can get treatment for to get better. Same for you. So the real issue here is...who has the on going problem with a negative thought pattern? If sister does, it should be obvious by now because it wouldn't just be you but other family, friends and anyone else that she has problems believing and always questions others real intentions. If she's never displayed that kind of behavior, then perhaps its you. I am not trying to put you down dear. It is just a fact that humans naturally tend to think more negative thoughts first before thinking positive ones and I have to admit it happens to me all the time. the difference for me why its not a problem is because I've learned how to not dwell on them and allow my emotions to get all caught up in it. When I recognize a negative thought come to mind like, "Did I do something wrong cus that store clerk just sounded awful snooty when she talked to me but was nice to the person before me." I would have to capture that thought. Obviously I was just standing in line, waiting my turn doing nothing so there is absolutely no reason for me to be at blame so I can relax and not take it personally. I can also try to be more observant as the clue may be in front of me. Does she have frown lines, look to be in pain, rubbing her forehead cus maybe she's kinda short with me cus she's simply got a raging headache. i can put myself in her shoes. I've been there and know when I am in pain, I dont mean to but have sounded a bit harsh too with others. Maybe the customer before me was giving her a hard time and complaining and threatening and she just used up all her positive energy on trying to diffuse the situation and the customer affected her mood so now she unconsciously snaps at me. I dont have to take it personally and can go a step further and say something to help her feel better, serious or joking like "I promise to not be a nasty customer like the last one so you can relax again" or "I am so sorry that person dumped on you. It's not you dear. I always like your cheery friendly personality. He's the one with the problem. Just let that negative crap he threw at you roll off like water on a ducks back." I use this as I have done this and it sure helps the clerk feel better and sometimes I even get a sorry from them for not actiing friendly. Its really about you having a positive frame of mind and using it to communicate positively with others even in life situations that are negative, no matter if its questionable and looks like you could be at fault or the other. People today are so afraid to talk to others or say anything, even explain things for fear of getting their head chewed off. Granted there are a few people in this world that you will come across in public who are always unhappy, can never be pleased, carry a chip on their shoulder, and have an anger problem. I have witnessed many people in public recieving the brunt of such a persons ugliness and I hasten to go counteract that with some encouraging, kind words after they've gone. So yes, you may at times run across a person like this and the situation may be such that you cannot just walk away from such an individual especially if in a service industry. You need to realize that these types of angry people are the m.inority and that it was nothing you did wrong in most cases. even if you or someone else did an error, it can never be any so great that it warrants that kind of nasty negative treatment from a person. You need good perspective here with your situation. You worry about things before they happen or more likely things that never do develop or turn out exactly as you worried about. So why spend a life worrying about things when you can live a life without worry?
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