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whats it like being the pretty girl?
All my life ive always been the ugly friend or ugly girl. It doesnt bother me as much anymore cause ive learned to accept it but its the people around me that keep on reminding me about it. Ever since grade 9 people would ask me if i had a brother, i do have a brother but he is 5 years younger than me so it wouldve been impossible for them to refering to him. So i would ask why and they would say i looked like this guy. Now grade 12 i finally figured out who the guy was and hes not really attractive to me so when a girl finally told me i looked like i could be his twin she said dont be offended because hes "Nice" that made me pissed off even more. I just want to know what its like to be the pretty girl im tired of being the girl where when someone jokes about dating me they say ew. In tired of watching my friends have boyfriends and i just stay at the sidelines im tired of guys treating me like im invisible im tired of girls always calling me ugly not directly but its obvious im tired of my dad telling me im pretty everyday because hes aware of my low-self esteem it just makes me feel worse. Also a couple days ago i went prom dress shopping and my dad said your prom is in 3 months and you still dont have a date what is wrong with you i know if it were your sister or brother they wouldve had one by now. News flash dad you have an ugly daughter. Anyways my question is what is it like to be the pretty girl and how can i fix my self esteem, ive tried wearing makeup because my dad and mom always beg me to wear it but i dont knkw the basics to wearing makeup i know that wearing makeuo wont fix my self-esteem in fact if my self-esteem is already low makeuo will probably make me feel more insecure cause then i wouldnt wanna be seen without it. Please help
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I am sorry to hear that you are getting comments that are negative instead of building you up. Our teen years we all tend to be fearful of not being accepted and have low self esteem, low self confidence. I have no answer how to stop people being rude and trying to not let it bother you isn't going to help if you are getting constant bad comments. About the only thing that might help a little is what you think of you, with your mind, your thoughts and that means retraining how you think. I've always thought myself to just be average looking. Today my husband actually told me that he had something important to tell me that he thought I might not be aware of. He said I am one of those females who grow prettier with age rather than more plain or old/elderly looking. Not that I wasn't pretty by my pics from my teens, 20s and during child rearing but when most women are losing their looks, that I am gaining them. Now that I've given it some thought, I think that may be the case with many young gals whom others feel look like the ugly duckling from the fairy tale...which when it grew up, wasn't even a duck at all but an elegant swan, ending up looking prettier than all the ducks that teased it before. You may be average looking, not ugly but you will come into your looks more and more as the years pass. I never dated in high school, the guys were too immature for me and never wanted to go to prom...but I dont feel I missed anything. Not having a bf in highschool isn't the worst thing when most of them are too immature yet and any relationships during HS dont last long and crash and burn.
So all I can think of is to say to yourself when you get cruel comments about your looks is to say inside yourself or aloud when alone, 'just wait and see.I may look like the ugly ducking to you right now but someday I will be prettier than you.
Its one thing to be prettied up on the outside as most the girls are but without their makeup and clothes and special hairdo's and nails and perfumes, I'd bet you money that a good chunk of them would freak out and worry about not having friends or bf's if they had to live without it. What it means is that they have a false sense of confidence about themselves. I have seen enough movies on the subject and those stripped of their looks by some freak chance are totally lost, not knowing how to cope. Basically, you and I and everyone else has been tricked since birth into believing what some people at the top in media consider beauty to be. The funny thing is if you go far enough back in history, you will see by paintings and photos that women who were considered beautiful in the past had a totally different standard to match up to. Painting of nude women centuries ago all had small breasts and rounded tummies instead of humongous breasts and flat tummies. Then one upon a time, the stick look was in, being extremely thin and the Twiggy look that your grandparents might recall. The problem with a one look fits all or all must meet that look is totally against people having their own likes or sense of taste or preference, not that theres something wrong with others but each one of us has preferences. Some men, not boys dear, but grown men, have had enough time to discover what their tastes are and some prefer the 'natural look', not hair coloring or makeup and no boob implants or tummie tucks or botoxed lips.
Dustin Hoffman put it correctly that we all have been 'brainwashed' into what we think is a beautiful or handsome person. Take a look at this 3 min. you tube interview of the epiphany he had when preparing for the role of doing the female, Tootsie in a movie. He also breaks down crying to realize how many wonderful women he had never even spoken to because they didn't look beautiful the way he had been brainwashed to believe is beautiful.
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You are right that makeup won't likely help much in stopping rude comments, even if it did something for your looks because in the minds of others who have also been brainwashed, until they grow up and mature and begin to learn to think for themselves rather than follow where they are led like a dog on a leash, they will continue to remain stuck in their opinions. If your Dad had to be made up to look like a woman for a TV role, and found that no guys turned to whistle at him in the makeup and dressup, I think it would hit him hard just like it did for Dustin Hoffman. The same goes for the guys at school. If the girls had to be dressed to pass for a boy, and had to convince a girl to go out with them to prom, they'd likely not be considered cute or handsome enough and girls would turn them down. It takes a little trick of how your mind looks at it for peoples opinions to start to change, including your own. I wonder what your Dad would think of the Dustin Hoffman interview piece.
You might try you tube for looking at how to's on makeup or hair styling, etc. But what makes a greater impression is having self confidence. I built mine by imagining myself to be confident like an actress I felt I had similar eyes with. I know its hard and a stretch but if you can find even just the shape of your eyes or lips to be the same as that of an actress you like, you can in effect borrow the confidence that such an actress has in front of people. Its on a subconscious level that others pick up on it. Perhaps not HS kids. but i Did this when i diorced, a self confidence boost trick I hoped would help. I don't look anything like the actress even my eyes dont look like hers but I felt they fell in the same classification as expressive, deep set eyes, that are alluring and catch the attention of others, just a different look. You have to believe this part in your head. Which I did. Then everytime i stepped out of the house and into public or another building, I'd picture myself looking like her entirely, as far as attention grabbing and people not able to resist looking at me because they found me beautiful and sexy. Big surprise. Immediately women and men were walking up to me commenting on how pretty my eyes were and most the time I wasn't even wearing makeup. My eyes werent all of a sudden beautiful, it was those invisible vibes of confidence, confidence of an actress that i Borrowed. It was enough for me to not need her anymore in my mind. All it takes is a little boost to get your own self confidence going and this hon was an immediate experiement that began working in days of my practicing visualizing myself as being as pretty and confident as her. I hope you can make use of it. HS kids have the disadvantage of not having a frontal lobe of brain completely done maturing and that hurts judgement and such and isnt mature and done growing until we reach at least age 25 or so. So don't expect this to work on the kids your age but parents, teachers, and other adults I think you could count on watching to see if they pick up on anything being different about you. good luck dear.
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Um, it's pretty awful that your dad said that to you. It's awful that your parents beg you to wear makeup. Realize that family is who you come home to at the end of the day. At your age, whether it is a good one or a bad one, your family is your foundation. The fact that they are speaking to you this way means they are providing a "foundation" that is cruel and low self-esteem inducing. You don't realize yet how incredibly powerful your parents' opinion can be when you're young and under their care. Even one nasty comment is life-changing without you realizing it. Your dad has no place commenting on your looks whether it's positive or negative. A mom is one thing; a dad is unacceptable. Just realize that your parents' comments are like a toxic drug. Try not to listen to them. By the way, I'm sure you are beautiful
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"All my life ive always been the ugly friend or ugly girl. It doesnt bother me as much anymore cause ive learned to accept it but its the people around me that keep on reminding me about it. Ever since grade 9 people would ask me if i had a brother, i do have a brother but he is 5 years younger than me so it wouldve been impossible for them to refering to him. So i would ask why and they would say i looked like this guy. Now grade 12 i finally figured out who the guy was and hes not really attractive to me so when a girl finally told me i looked like i could be his twin she said dont be offended because hes "Nice" that made me pissed off even more."
Do you think it could be possible that the girl that said you could be this guys twin meant that you look like you could be RELATED? and not that you literally look like a guy? Sounds like thats what she meant and that YOUR just taking it the wrong way hunny. Stop taking everything so personally.
"I just want to know what its like to be the pretty girl im tired of being the girl where when someone jokes about dating me they say ew. In tired of watching my friends have boyfriends and i just stay at the sidelines im tired of guys treating me like im invisible im tired of girls always calling me ugly not directly but its obvious im tired of my dad telling me im pretty everyday because hes aware of my low-self esteem it just makes me feel worse."
Then try NOT hanging out with people that say things liek that to you. Try speaking up and saying something to one of the few friends you have to will listen, understand, and tell everyone else not to say things like that when your around.
Dont be mad at your parents because your always going to be their "baby" and all parents think their children are beautiful. They say things like that out of love. If you were a parent you might understand that.
"Also a couple days ago i went prom dress shopping and my dad said your prom is in 3 months and you still dont have a date what is wrong with you i know if it were your sister or brother they wouldve had one by now."
You dont HAVE to have a prom to go to prom. You should probably tell him that. Alot people go with just their girlfriends and its still just as special. It has nothing to do with looks. Voice your discontent with his comments and to stop comparing you to your siblings.
"my question is what is it like to be the pretty girl and how can i fix my self esteem, ive tried wearing makeup because my dad and mom always beg me to wear it but i dont knkw the basics to wearing makeup i know that wearing makeuo wont fix my self-esteem in fact if my self-esteem is already low makeuo will probably make me feel more insecure cause then i wouldnt wanna be seen without it. Please help"
Its not really about your looks, its about how you carry yourself, how out spoken you are, and your vibe. Try walking with some confidence, look straight ahead, ignore anyone that might be looking at you that doesnt know you and pretty soon they will WANT to get to know you because just in the way your walking down the street, you look like you know what your doing and have it together (at least to some degree) If you need help with make up you can walk into a MAC store and tell them that you need to find a shade of foundation that matches your skin well, and they will help you find what looks right. Just tell them you havent been able to find a shade that closely matches. ; )
You can always go on youtube and look up tutorials about make up and watch what their doing and go from there. We all have to start somewhere when it comes to things like this so dont be ashame because you dont know how. Its like anything else in life. ITS LEARNED.
I dont know what exactly to tell you about self esteem but one thing i DO know is that if you choose to believe that your ugly based on what other people think of you then its going to just get worse later down the road. Theres no use in believing everything you hear, even when its from people that supposedly care for you. You have a brain of your own and if you know you have value then flaunt it. everyone has something special to contribute to this world, you just have to find what yours is.
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edited: foundation is meant to EVEN out your skin tone, not disguise or "cover" flaws (just so you know) And if you dont have the money to spend on make up then tell them to start buying if it for you if they want you to wear it THAT badly. THEN see what they do.
Tell your mom what your dad is saying, im sure that on some level she will find it wrong and possibly speak to him about it.
Ignore certain comments, parents can say things sometimes that are sort off the cuff and make mistakes too. When i went to my prom with my guy and another couple we knew, we ended up just sitting at our table the whole time and watching other groups of people who had come WITHOUT dates together dancing and honestly its looked like they were having way more fun.
i got ONE dance out of my guy and it was the last one at the end of the effing night! ((alot of guys dont like to dance)) and girls do, so to ME going with a groups of girls could be alot more fun.
Tell your parent to stop putting the same expectations they have for your other siblings on you (like the make up thing or the dating thing) your each different and that needs to be recognized.
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