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why do some men find me intimidating?
I've been told by a few men that I've had crushes on and I approached, "You're too good for me and I don't deserve you" Huh? How is someone too good for someone? I have a good head on my shoulders, a good job, and I take care of business like a woman should, I have morals, values and self-respect... how challenging can that be for a man?
I had asked this guy out last year and he said lets just stay friends, I said yeah ok....and then a week ago he came out the sky blue and said you're too good for me and I don't deserve you...WTH?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Even as modern as we have become today guys are still looking for girls/women who are somewhat dependent on them. Being smart, independent and able to care for yourself is, well intimidating to many men but not all men.
Take my son for instance; he is a firefighter/Paramedic. It takes a special person to be in a relationship with a firefighter or police officer as these are two dangerous jobs. My son loves his job especially when assigned as a paramedic. Helping people keeping them safe; he feels he was born to do this job and he is good at it. Okay he had help in this direction as he is following in my footsteps. Though like me he needed to find someone who would not be totally dependent on him.
The trial and error system of dating produced a number of relationships but each relationship had different degrees of dependency. Finally I suggested he try one of the dating sites such as Match.com. There is a space on the listing where you can describe what you are looking for.
In his search he needed a perfect fit, not someone who would fall in love with him and either try to change for him or try to change him. It took three tries and the third try was the charm as I am soon to be a father in-law. she is smart, has an excellent job with an excellent income and growth potential, a good head on her shoulders and has a life apart from him especially on shift. He works 8 24 hour days a month but can be held over for an additional 24 hours after each shift if needed and having just been promoted he is held over often.
I believe like my son you need to find that rare man that is looking for an independent women such as you. He is out there and while they are rare given the male population they are also plentiful in number by themselves.
My suggestion to you is rather than continue to shop for a man try special ordering one by signing up on one or more dating sights. You may go through one or two relationships before you find Mr. Right but you will find him that I can almost guarantee. Be specific in what you are looking for an describing yourself in who you are.
IN time these men who are looking for women who are dependent on them will go the way of the Dodo bird, we just haven't gotten there yet.
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They just aren't into you.
It's nice to think that you are just too awesome and they are insecure—and maybe their insecurity is part of it. But the more important takeaway from this is that these guys aren't that into you—not into you enough to overcome whatever insecurity or opposition they have—and are choosing to tell you that in a way that is complimentary and flattering.
And the truth is, if these guys reject you with that kind, half-truth then they aren't a good match for you anyways.
The last thing you need in your life is a guy that needs constant reassurance that he is 'good enough'.
You may also consider the kinds of men you are crushing on. I see no problem whatsoever with a woman approaching a man or asking him out—but if your type tends to be more reserved or introverted, then too much directness might be uncomfortable for them. Not because you're a woman and they are a man, but because they are a more reserved person in general. If calm, steady or introverted men are your thing, take it a bit slower with them and express your interest in their character, hobbies and opinions for a while before you express romantic interest.
It's not about changing yourself, or toning yourself down, it's about recognizing that other people's feelings are important and that the approach that one person finding flattering might turn another person off.
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Heres the problem ok. (cause ive gotten this so many times i cant even count, luckily i found a guy who was up to the challenge and he says he couldnt be happier)
Guys who have sort of a low expectation of themselves will also have the same of a partner. They can also be intimated because they feel your really going places in life and that they cannot compete with that. They dont want to feel like they cant be "the man" and so WE as successful females end up basically getting punished for having our lives together.
Before my hubby i was a rising model, making good money, working for two major clothing stores, going to school, driving. i mean everything, and the guys around me LIKED ME but were afraid of me because i was an equal. I was just as smart as them and could have intelligent conversations with them and see through any B.S. (not that i would jump to conclusions of was ever mean about it) But i had ALOT of "male admirers" and male friends who (because they saw me as an equal) it somehow made me not girlfriend or wife material?? (thats a head scratcher I KNOW) And those guy friends ALWAYS ended up getting together with dumber, low on the scale of intelligence and job levels, and somehow seemed to like it!
It could just be the guys your going after who knows. But for ME its was intimidating to be smart, well rounded, and have my own life going on. Find a guy who has his life going on and youll find your equal! ; )
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