|
Tactile Sensory Issues with Mom but not Friends
so i have sensory processing disorder (age 15, trans male) and my relationship with my mother is HORRIBLE. for the sake of the length of this question i won't go into detail, but basically it kills me to be around her or in the same building as her at all. when i was younger (like, up until maybe 10 at the very oldest) i used to love hugging her and all that, but now it makes me want to (and sometimes really do) literally scream and can even cause a sensory meltdown if/when she tries to force me to hug her. (i'm getting immensely uncomfortable just thinking about it) but the thing she always brings up is that i hug my friends with no problem, and it's true. i love to hug my friends and be physically affectionate with them, most of the time (sometime i do have a bad day and don't allow anybody to touch me) but i can't stand the thought of my mom laying a hand on my shoulder even. i'm not really sure what my specific question is, just....why? does anybody have anything to say about this, at all? i don't know this is something that's been this way for maybe 4 years and lately it's just been bothering me a lot, not that i dont want to hug my mom but just....i don't know. i also have adhd if that helps/affects any answers
thank you to anybody who says anything! i appreciate your time and help.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
hi, OP here, i made an account specifically to reply to adviceman49 because i feel this needs to be addressed:
i do appreciate you trying to help but you have not at all answered my question. i mentioned my being trans because i did not want to say i'm a girl bc i'm not, but since my question has to do with mental health i felt just in case it should be known that i was assigned female at birth. the rest of my question was not at all centered around that, nor did i even mention that after the first time. instead, what you've done is essentially say "i don't know how to answer your question because i am not a psychologist, but you should find some way to get a psychologist through the mother that is the problem of the entire question." and then the next two paragraphs you not only pinned my problem on my gender, but also assumed that just bc i mention it, it's an issue for me. you tried to teach me how to be trans basically, and tried to tell me the steps i need to take to be a True Man. can i ask you why you assumed i needed to be educated on this? where in my question did i ever mention needing help on transitioning? i apologize if i'm coming off as rude but i believe that your answer was also rude and several people that i showed this too agree as well.
TL;DR: @adviceman49, you ignored my question almost entirely and then tried to educate me on a topic that i can clearly tell you aren't educated on yourself. ("if you wish to fully transgender" "as your transgender role would dress" "THE surgery" [which surgery? there are actually several]) i've been on this website for several years, and i've noticed that you try to reply to basically every question. now i'd like to give you a piece of advice: before you answer a question, please make sure you know what you're talking about, and make sure you actually address what the question is asking.
]
I dont know a WHOLE lot about being transgender but i DO have a friend who has a son that has sensory processing disorder and adhd as well.
Her son has been though alot as well with his mother and she still tries to love him through it, but realizes that he just needs his alone time sometimes.
Have you ever been to the therapy they offer for this? or done the treatment? My friends son had been doing a number of things to act out because of how deeply he was affected by it and the things he'd had been through over the years. (hes now 12) her life is stable, and shes trying to make the best of things by giving him and her two other kids the most stable life she can.
She takes him to his therapy once a week, and she was told to give him a form of treatment here she takes a soft brush and brushes his bare arms and legs for a few minutes each day, then slowly increases the time she does it until he is totally ok with it. its really helped, idk if you know about that at all but its something to consider.
He also used to spit all over the place all the time because he claimed that he didnt like the feeling of his spit going down his throat, so she had to give him a cup all the time or a rag to spit into.
Since she broke up with the abusive father of her two youngest kids, he has almost completely stopped spitting and his sensory issues are slowly getting better.
Do you have issues with certain fabrics too? or how tight clothes are on your body??
Ive become quite familiar through the years with her sons disorder but i know its effects all people slightly differently. Maybe you can ask your mom to get you into therapy and then tell them about you and your moms issues and they will try to tackle that too because sometimes this condition can be really effected by close relationships like this.
]
I don't think this necessarily has so much to do with you being a transgender individual. Not that it's not relevant, but I don't see it necessary to fixate on just that. I'm not a mental health professional but this probably has largely to do with your poor relationship with your mother emotionally, not just physically. Have you felt like she's deprived you of affection in the past? My theory is that you've been conditioned from a young age to close yourself off from her affection because it isn't stable or constant. Now when she tries to hug you it's confusing and a threat to your personal stability. Your mom also may not know how to give you affection without it being smothering.
]
This could be just something some teenagers go through the why of which I can't say as I am not a psychologist. Since you are a transgender person I would suggest I you wish to fully transgender any time in the future you might seek out a qualified psychologist to work with who would be better capable of answering this question as well.
If you do intend to fully transgender you will need to work with not only a psychologist but a psychiatrist as well for several years as they will have to sign off before you can have the surgery. You also have to live in the role of you new gender as well during this time. Meaning dressing as your transgender would dress, using the public restroom of that gender and so on.
If you start now by the time your 18 if you wish to fully change your gender you will have accomplished or be close to accomplishing the prerequisites before a surgeon will talk to you.
]
More Questions: |