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My Parents never let me have any money for myself
Do you think that is fair that for my parents dont give me pocket money amd i have stopped givig me anything for my birthday and christmas? Im a 15 year old girl and i do ski racing, i know its an expensive sport and i really appreciate what my parents do for me by willingly buying my equipment and my training. But the dont think I appreciate this at all, ad thats the problem. The decided to never give me pocket money to help fund my passion which i was fine with as i still got around £50 for my birthday and £100 for christmas for basic things like clothes and going out with friends, phone ect. I was hard and it takes me years to save up sometimes but i didnt mind. Now tho the stopped my money for birthday and christmas so i dont know what to do, i literally have no income. And before you say anything yes I have tried to get a job, but they all said i was too young. I tried to reason with my parents but then they would rant about how they are bending over backwards for me and how im so ungreatful and appreciate nothing. As a result of this i currently only have a broken phone and a broken laptop that i cant afford to fix, i never leave the house because i have nothing to wear and i cant affford the cinema or the bus to town or food, i literally have no social life :( am i actually being really ungrateful?
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I dont think your being ungrateful i must say that as someone who does not work and doesnt have the responsibility of maintaining an entire household, it sounds like you MAY not be realizing that your little "hobbies" come last.......especially if they are expensive ones.
This Isnt about fairness its about the reality that nothing in this world is promised. Things arent always going to go your way sometimes even if youve done everything in your power to make it.
Your parents most likely have other bills to pay and then times when hard, their going to do the responsible thing and cut back where ever they can just for the time being until things pick up again and theres more money coming in to the house. As a parent myself, i know that if my son wanted to do some sort of sport or hobby for an sort of long, extended period of time that its GOING to cost and arm and a leg to maintain that for them because of the equipment and lessons that are required there. It sounds like their trying to protect you and not wanting to alarm you by just telling you the simple truth, which is probably that they cant afford to do things for you right now.
They probably feel bad enough as it is right now. The PROBLEM with this kind of "im going to shelter my child from the truth" is that whatever excuse they come up for, that involves giving up money to you for something is ALWAYS going to sound half baked, and or mean and needless and leave you feeling like they are just being fucked up (like what your feeling right now) Instead of just being straight with you and telling you how it is right now.
My mother never sheltered me from things, she told us how things were and although i wasnt happy about it, she never left me feeling like it was because something I did wrong. That in itself is the right thing to do. The more a parent shelters their child from the truth and tries to make it seem like their just "choosing" not to give you any kind of financial support, the more friction it creates within the house causing more harm then good.
For now if you want money then it sounds like your going to have to stop the skiing for a while and just ask if you can have an allowance for the time being instead until things are back to normal. Ask them to just be straight with you and tell you the REAL reason why they cant do it anymore. Your old enough at your age that they should be able to tell you whats really going on, so weather it was the loss of a job or just some bad choices on someone part money wise, you should be able to know about it too. Your a member of the family and you live under the same roof.
Now when you try to do this you need to remember to STAY CALM, do NOT go off on them saying childish things, and saying that "its not fair" because all your will seen as is a brat. Ask "how did this happen?" "will everything be ok?" "is there anything i can do to help?" Adults will see you as more mature if you can stop. Listen, and hear them out, and then be reasonable with your responses. Try to have sympathy if they tell you that they messed up, or that they were fired from a job because they probably already feel like shit right now and dont need you giving them more grief about it all. They will use any childish behavior against you later and say "this is why we dont tell you about shit like this" see where im going with this??
your not ungrateful, your just young and dont fully understand everything they might be going through right now. But now that your at the age your at, its ok to start asking them the tough questions, and asking for more honesty.
good luck. ; )
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I'm with adviceman, I wonder at the sudden change, of helping out and now not. It could so easily be that they are facing a budget crunch and anything deemed not a necessity like a roof over ones head and food on the table is getting cut out. The excuse they gave you is perhaps just how they are interpreting things. I dont know you and what you in innocence may be doing or have done that they see as being ungrateful but my guess is that you are not doing anything like that on purpose and so whatever you assume is normal and reasonable is not being seen the same way for them.
I raised 3 kids and know how the way I see things and they interpret can be vastly different and is often due to the generation gap and how the parents were raised, and especially what they had to make do with and whats available and seen as normal for kids today.
I could tell you all sorts of stories. Growing up, with 3 siblings, none of us ever got any allowance tho some friends did. We didn't feel left out or that we had mean parents, they truly were always strapped for money being the lower end of middle class trying to stay there so some luxerys had to be cut out or never included. My brother had a paper route to earn his money and my oldest sister and I did babysitting to earn money and back then we got 5o cents to 75 cents per hour. It took a lot of saving up to buy anything then too. We all shared one old bike. So when we were able, we all bought our own bikes. My youngest sis, not old enough to babysit yet had no earnings and the parents couldn't afford to buy her a 10 speed bike so she could keep up with us when we went bike riding, so I bought her one with my only saved up money. Though prices were cheaper, so was the pay and so the hardship to afford things were still the same as today. The only thing is that there wasnt a big fuss yet about selling brand name clothing to kids, no cells or pc's yet or any of the very expensive and not long lasting technology of today. Yes, I have a cell now and wouldn't go back to land line. And I still use a lap top since its easier on my older eyes but my kids did beg for their own computers when younger and said all their friends had their own. Most kids didnt even have cell phones of their own yet, only a few when my kids were in school. They didn't get allowance and had to earn their own money too. But luckily Dad had a side business where he needed a new computer every 2 years to keep up with the constantly updated programs he needed to use to do his business, so one by one, they each got one of his old computers, otherwise, they would have had to share one with me. My guess is that since you look around and see what your friends what in spending money, you feel its unfair you don't have it. However, the only actual law any parent needs to follow regarding the welfare and care of their children is to provide shelter, food and clothing. Law does not have stipulations on what type of housing such as a house and your own bedroom rather than shared, vs a tiny apt. or going out to eat alot vs home cooked meals from food bank food, or non name brand clothing, just functional ones that keep a child clothed appropriate to the weather at the time. I hardly believe you can not leave the house due to having nothing to wear. If you truly had nothing to wear as you stated, you'd be walking around inside the home totally nude or in underwear and you wouldnt be attending school at all which would bring officials to your door to speak with your parents. LOL What I am saying is that what you stated is an exaggeration and not the actual picture of what your situation is. I am sure you have clothing to wear, it just not what you want to wear, or you are sick of it and want something newer or a fancy more expensive name brand which may not be possible on parents current budget even though they gave you another reason, maybe due to pride and not wanting to worry you with their financial difficulties. I understood my girls wanting certain name brand and popular with teens... shoes, that cost twice the amount of what I had budgeted for. ONe asked for it and I told her, I would pay the amount I had budgeted and if she wanted to put up the rest of the price out of her own hard earned cash then we'd get it. One was willing to do that. Another daughter was not. When she thought hard about blowing all her long time to save cash on this popular tennis shoe, all of a sudden, it didn't seem like such a good deal to her. SHe had other things more important to her to use her money on and settled for the store brand. Sometimes we tend to mix up what is needed with what is wanted. Those are two very different things. I think its a good idea to have a good talk with the parents and find out if its a financial reason for them cutting off the funding of certain things for you. And if not, exactly what is it that they see you doing that causes them to believe you are ungrateful. If you approach them saying you truly want to know so you can correct your behavior, then they may be willing to tell you. As long as you can keep your cool and not become angry or dramatic over it, you may gain some perspective that could help you in other areas of your life if theres some attitude you appear to have that you totally have no clue you are doing. I know theres not much of regular paying jobs to get at your age but there are younger kids and teens who have found ways to earn money long before being old enough to get the regular jobs. I mentioned babysitting. My husbands daughter at age 12 was creating clothing for avatars on IMVU, and by the volume of sales and paypal and having a bank account, had at least 600. US dollars or more per month and was ordering all the clothes she wanted from catalogs that her parents couldn't afford. I have read a story on line of two sister grade school age who had a business going to several neighbors homes daily and scooping dog poop up, something many pet owners hate doing and they were making good money at it. Other young kids, a whiz at todays electronics would charge to older folks like their grandparents age to spend some time showing them how to use their new cell phone or computer and thats not at all about repair. Thats a big market for kids. I have to take my phone to a store to have someone show me how to use it and would be quick to pay a young teen a one time training fee to show me how to set things and use things on mine when ever I get a new one. As it is, I have my daughters who though rolling their eyes will show me how to use something. Put your mind to it and you may just find a way to offer a service that could give you the money to go to movies and eat out with friends and maybe even buy a few clothing items you've been wanting. I hope this helps give you another perspective on your situation. Good luck dear.
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I cannot give you an answer as I do not know your parents therefore any answer I give you would be a guess.
What I can tell you is when my sister and I were about your same age a very similar situation existed in our home. Suddenly very weird and strange excuses were given to us for things we were promised. One example my father had built us separate bedrooms in what had been the attic of our home. We were promised wall carpeting. We came home from school to find our rooms had been tiled. We were told that since we did not keep our rooms clean they decided they would not spend the money on carpeting. Tiles my father installed, carpeting would have to be done by a contractor.
Then our allowances were cut and I was told to get an after school job if I wanted pocket money and I also had to pay for my car insurance. This all didn't happen at one time but over several months.
Then one day there was no school and I got nosey and started to look around the house. I found where my mother kept her checkbook and the bills. I found a bunch of bills marked past due and a loan application she was completing. I assumed from the bills I saw my parents had overextended themselves in remodeling the house. Instead of just finishing the attic my father raised the entire roof putting an entire second floor on with a full second bath and he remodeled the bath on the first floor. I know what that costs in today's dollars and I can understand that in dollars of the time how easy it was for my parents to over extend themselves.
What I'm saying is that in your parents zeal to support you skiing maybe in the hopes you go on to the Olympics that they have somehow gotten over extended and need to cut back.
It is very easy for a parent or any adult to get overextended with debt. It happened to me and I had to work myself out of debt. It was hard but as my parents did I did not let my son know just how bad things were. He still was clothed and fed and his medical was taken care of. His clothing though was not designer label and didn't always get the pocket money he asked for.
We all have our pride and this includes parent. So before you blame them for something find out if there is a reason behind what is going on.
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