about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I want my boyfriend to get tested for STDs before I have sex with him, so where could he go to get this done? Whats the procedure? How long does it take? How much does it cost? And how long does it take to get the results back? Thank you.

I will add just one thing to what the others have said. Once the results of the STD tests are back make sure you use a condom when having sexual intercourse. Some STD’s can lie dormant and undetected yet still be transmitted during sex. HIV is one of the STD’s that can take several months to detect after being infected. A condom is your best protection against STD’s.

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16, Female

Last weekend I went to a party, I didn't drink because it was school the next day. I was walking home with my boyfriend and mum had called me and asked where I was. I told her i was almost home, she said that dad was on his way and he wasn't happy. I knew I would be in trouble, and dad would go off at Kieran for being with me.
Turns out instead of going off a Kieran he just left him, to walk home alone. I felt so bad. When we got home dad was yelling at screaming at me, so i just walked away, didn't talk to him for a week after that, it made mum and dad fight I hate doing that to them.
Why are my parents so much more protective than anyone else's?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

There is an old saying that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. All parents worry about their children, some more than others. Every set of parents have different parenting styles and different parenting skills. None of this make one set of parent’s better parents than another set. What makes one set of parents better than another set is how their children behave when their parents are not around to supervise. How their children grow into adults is another measure of how one set of parents may be better than another.

One painful truth about life and children is that children will always see how far they can push their parents. The psychologists call this testing their limits, at some point a good parent will set a boundary and the child will learn that this is as far as they can go. At some future point as the child grows and matures the good parent will extend that boundary. This is all part of teaching a child how to be a good citizen and to obey the rules of society.

You went to a party where alcohol was served; you did not drink because it was a school night. You have set a boundary for yourself, which in one sense I commend you for. Had it not been a school night I believe you would have participated in drinking.

Setting boundaries is the job of a parent, to enforce those boundaries and to constantly reassess them and adjust them as the children mature and are capable of accepting more responsibility. If you believe your parents are being too strict with you them I suggest you stop and look at yourself first. Do you constantly fight your parents over the boundaries they have set? Do you do immature things? Do you do these things just to anger them? If the answer is yes then the problem is you and not your parents. You have not earned the trust they want to see in you to extend your boundaries.

You may not like what I have had to say, but I am being as straight forward as I can be. What you can do after you have looked inwardly is sit down with your parents and have a frank discussion with them. Start by thanking them for being good parents. Then ask them what they are looking for from you so they will be comfortable in extending your boundaries. Tell them part of your rebellion has been fostered by seeing your friends with more freedom then you have.

If your parents are the good people and parents I think they are they will talk with you and set new boundaries that will be yours to lose.

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hey i was just wondering how can u tell for sure that you are ready for sex?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

Are you ready for sex? This question is asked a lot in many different ways on this website. The following link will take you to a website I found that will help you answer that question. http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

Everyone matures at a different rate. While your body may be able to physically have sex you may or may not have the maturity needed to handle the physical aspects and possible outcomes of sexual intercourse. Also the longer you wait to have sexual intercourse the more enjoyable it will be for you. For the teenage boy sexual intercourse is 90 % hormonal release and 10% notching his gun belt.

When I was young we use to make out in the back seat of the old man’s Chevy. I later found out from my wife this was not much fun for the girls. Those girls that did did so because they were pressured by their boyfriend to put out as it was called. Speaking for the boy the sex was mostly for the 10% side. The 90% side could have been satisfied with a hand job.

What I am trying to say here is you will know when you are ready. Do not let some boy who is only interested in getting his hormones satisfied push you into doing something you are not ready for. When you are ready make sure you are on some form of birth control and the boy uses a condom.

My hope is that you will not have sex with until you are emotionally old enough to handle it. I would also hope, and this is a big one, that you would sit down with your mother and talk with her about boys and sex. Yea I know it’s hard to think about talking to your mom about this stuff. But remember mom was once your age and had to go through what you are now going through. I would suggest you say to mom that you really need to have a girl/girl talk and could the two of you go someplace together away from the house. Believe me when mom hears that you need a girl/girl talk she will know what you want to talk about and I’m sure she will make the time.

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I am thinking about killing someone. I know I shouldn't but I can't stop thinking about it

I can only add to KarenR's advise which is excellent advice.

If there is no one around to help you go to the neares hospital emergency room tell them you are experiencing Homicidal Ideation. Big words but they will understand them. If you cannot get to the emergency room or the adults in your life do not beleive you pick up the phone and dial 911 or what ever the emergency number is in your country. Tell them the same thing, that you are experiencing Homicidal Ideation.

What will happen is you will be asked to stay on the phone with them while they dispatch help to you. You can expect police and Fire Rescue service to respond. The police are responding to make sure everyone is safe. They are there to help you as is the Fire Rescue people. The police are not there to arrest you or harm you in any way only to help. Do as the call taker tells you to do when the police and Fire Rescue arrive and the Fire Rescue people will take you to the hospital for help.

Do this now before the Ideation becomes reality.

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heyy you may not know the answer to this..like for vacation we're going to the yucatan penisula, the riviera maya and im sorta freaked out are we gonna get killed in the drug war?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

There is no way to answer this question. The areas you mentioned are aware of the concerns tourists have in visiting. These areas are very dependent on tourism and have taken every precaution to provide for the safety of their guests.

I am sure your parents are just as concerned and would not go to these places unless they were satisfied that everyone’s safety has been seen too. Since you are still concerned I would suggest if you have not already done so, that you talk with your parents about your fears.

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im only 13 but all the girls at my school have huge boobs. i dont. so the guy i like wont notice me. should i stuff? or i am thinking of saving for implants. tell me what you think i should do please.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

As for the size of your breast; at your young age no reputable Plastic Surgeon will do anything as far as breast enhancement until you are at least 17 or 18 years old and have completed your growth cycle. You may just be a late bloomer. My sister was a late bloomer and at the age of 50 had to have breast reduction surgery because her breasts were so large they were causing back problems. So just hang in there you will eventually fill out.

As for boys and what they notice. You’re going to be surprised by this, but not all boys are interested in the size of girls’ breasts. Many young boys are attracted to long hair, or girls’ legs. Others like girls’ that are smart or like sports. Then there are the boys’ who want girls who like to go to museums and literary type of things.

My advice; there is someone out there for you. He may not be part of the in crowd but he will be fun to be with because you and he will like the same things. So take some time and figure out what you really enjoy doing. Then start doing those things. When you do you will find a boy who won’t care about the size of your chest. The boys who only care about the size of a girl’s chest are very shallow and are only looking for sex. They feel the bigger a girl’s bra size the faster she will be to jump into bed with him.

I may be old but I remember being a teenage boy and teenage boys will never and have never changed. Be patient, be selective and enjoy life. Most of all don’t rush to grow up. Enjoy each age as they come. Your teen years are some of the best years of your life and you should enjoy them not rush through them.

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i was getting fingered by my boyfriend that i am very much in love with, later i walked him to the door and he noticed he had some crusty shit on his fingeres he used earlier. is that normal or am i just extremely nasty? and how do i prevent it from happening again?

Your normal. You might want to go to this website for mor information on female masturbation and other sexual information. Your boyfriend was actually masturbating you when he fingered you. This website has an entire chapter on that topic.

http://www.clitical.com/sex-tutorials.php

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I'm a 26 year old female and I just want someone to please tell me what you think! Ok here goes... About three years ago I meet this guy... And real and kinda soon I fell real fast for him... We became inseprable, and I have a daughter that's five and she grew attached to him as well... My family did to and he and my brother became fast friends... We were so in love... And a year later he broke up with me after a argurment... But instead of telling me it was over he decided to just dodge me... He never even spoke to me or my family members... He wasn't even man enough to come to me and tell me how he felt... And my daughter who grew attached to him was deeply hurt... It really took me about over a year to get over him and to this day I still harbor hate and resentment issues towards him... So about 6 months ago I went to enroll my daughter in school... and to my disappointment his mother works there... So I had to run into her... Even though I didn't feel it I was nice and I spoke to her... And until today I really never held a convo with her... I would just see her around in school... But today I had to actually go to her office to talk to her about my daughter missing school... Because she was sick... And his mom is the school nurse... So we begin talking... And she started bringing up his sister... And how she was doing... And then she brought up him... She actually told me that he was getting married... To his exgirlfriend which is his sister best friend and the women that she wanted him to be with all along... She even went as far as to take his fiances picture off her desk and show it to me... Ok now here goes... My opinon of it was that she was super insensitve... She shouldn't have brought that up to my face and it was like she was bragging and boasting about it... It really hurt my feelings because even though we've been broken up for two years now... I still had a small hope that one day we will reunite and now it's totally out of the question... So please someone anyone tell me about this siuation let me know what you think thank you

This is what was suppose to come to you. What I deleted was a little fire house humor ment for a friend of mine who was complaining about nonsense 911 calls.


The two answer that proceed mine go in opposite directions concerning the mother of your ex boyfriend. I agree with the first response in that the mother was probably just trying to be friendly and put you at ease by bringing you up to date on members of her family you would know. She was a little insensitive about the former boyfriend but she may not have known how badly his actions were in leaving you. So the benefit of the doubt might be given here.

As far as your ex is concerned you may want to consider yourself the lucky one here. Can you imagine being married to someone who would rather runaway from a problem then face up to it and resolve it? Regardless of what the problem was all problems are like dancing, it takes two to make it happen. Being married to someone like him, male or female, is loaded with pit falls. You know how hurt you are now; imagine how it would hurt some years down the road if you were married to this guy and every time you two had a disagreement he gave you the silent treatment or ran home to mama. I�m sure it would hurt much worse especially if you two had another child together.

My advice is to get over him; he was and is bad news. If need be seek the help of a counselor. Carrying this desire for him this long is not good for you. Stop resenting his mother; she has done nothing to hurt you and you are going to have to interact with her as long as your child attends that school.

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im 14/male and i think im gay for awhile now ive been attracted to guys and i really like a guy were friends we hang out a lot together
and ive developed strong feelings for him im a bit nervous and not sure how to tell him how i feel i think he likes me so do i just talk to him im worried if he rejects me and i dont want it to get out i might get picked on what should i do?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

At your present age I would be hesitant to place a label on your sexuality. At this age both boys and girls are still trying to figure out their sexuality. To label yourself as a Gay or even bi-curious would not only be wrong but self defeating at this time. To even put this in the category of a phase that most young people go through would not be right either.

There are a number of reasons for sexual attraction to someone of our own sex at this age. First and foremost is the fact it is safer and easier to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the changing hormones your body is producing. Parents think nothing of two children of the same sex being behind closed doors, sleeping together, even in the same bed.

My advice: Don’t put a label on your sexuality at this time. Just enjoy learning about who you are sexually. When you are more adult if you still want to put a label on your sexuality then do so, but for now just enjoy being you.

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Hello,
I was just wondering what kind of positions are there avaibale for young woman that want to participate in the army or airforce?

Thankyou ,
Betty

Today’s Armed Forces have much more to offer Women than they did years ago. The best advice I can give you is to check out the different Military Websites to see what each of the services have to offer. As far as I know only the Army offers you a guaranteed career choice before enlistment.

If say Police work is something you are interested in, which is one of the most popular choices, then you should talk to a recruiter and see if the Military Police MOS, as they are called, is available for when you want to enlist. Have a second and third career choice in mind as some careers are more popular than others and are not always available.

Today’s Military has very few restrictions on jobs for women. A woman can be an auto mechanic, aircraft repair, Fire Fighting, Truck Driver, Air Traffic Control and many more opportunities that may interest you. The person with the best information as to what is available for you is the recruiter once you take the Military Aptitude Test.

Good luck and Thank You for considering a military career.

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My two best friends aren't my two best friends anymore. We got into this big argument and we completly ignore each other. I talked to the cousler and my parents about this because they make jokes and make fun of me. Now all of a sudden, other girls that hang with my use to be best friends ignore me. Everyone ignores me in their little group. I feel like I have no friends anymore because of the fight. I even feel like moving to another school. I need advice! :(

This question needs to be answered by someone closer to your own age. I'm old enough to be your grandfather. Please resubmit to a younger advisor

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Hi there,

As a moderator I would really like your input on the current changes around here:

http://www.advicenators.com/disc_topic.php?t=1698

... please and thank you!

(Reject this, please, after you have read it.)

I like what you are suggesting. I would also like to see if there is away to follow up on some questions. There are some mental health questions I would like to follow up on but as things are I see no way to do so.

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I have a question for anyone that might know, preferably somebody who knows from experience. How much does it cost to get an ambulance to come pick you up? Will the people who run the ambulance be able to help me or do they need to take me to the hospital? I guess overall what I really need to know just in case it is how much does an ambulance ride cost? Does it vary or is there pretty much a set price? I have been having some problems but I don't know if I can afford to go. Can anybody help me?

As a member of a County Fire Department I can tell you the fee varies from one jurisdiction to another. Most emergency ambulance transports, those dispatched through the local 911 system, charge a fee for the type of transport: Advance Life Support with one or more paramedics or Basic life support with two EMT’s. Then there is usually a per mile fee and a charge for any drugs used as well as any oxygen administered during transport. The bill for this service is sent directly to your insurance carrier. If you do not have insurance the bill can be sent to Medicare or Medicaid depending on your age. The same is true of the hospital bill.

You cannot be refused service by a County or State emergency health service provider or Hospital based on your inability to pay for service. The hospital social worker will provide you with the necessary forms and assist you in completing them to obtain coverage from State and Federal programs designed to cover your hospital and transport expenses.

If you live in the United States and are sick and need to go to the hospital and cannot get there by yourself. Pick up the phone and dial 911. The call taker may ask a lot of questions; answer them as best you can. This information is used to dispatch the appropriate emergency service.

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okay so im really stressed out at the moment. i live with my mum and my two little siblings are living with their dads and are really happy. mum and i live out of town so the only thing i can do at home is go on the laptop and do jobs. ive had a boyfriend for well over a year. so, the only people in my life at the moment are my mum and boyfriend. i also have my cat. my mum has a full time job so i dont get to see her very much. and she went to china a few days ago. i get so lonely. i feel like i have no one at all and im stressed out of my mind. i dont have many friends at the moment, they just dont seem to like me very much anymore. anyway, i started cutting myself on my hip, so people dont see of course. i feel like it help me because its distracting me from thinking about everything. because i have so much time by myself im always thinking and getting stresses out heaps. i told my boyfriend the other night and he got really mad at me. i saw him yesteray so ive got other things to think about other than how fucked my life is at the moment so im not wanting to cut myself. i just need to be distraced from thinking so much. it drives me mad. i would talk to the school counciler but i use to work for her at a berry farm so i wouldnt feel comfortable talking to her. so i just want something to distract me, keep me occupied so i dont cut myself again. i'll be moving into town next month so that will help. i hate being by myself. im not scared i just get lonely. please help me.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Panic attacks, cutting and low self esteem are all symptoms of depression for which you should seek a doctor’s help. Once under a doctor’s care it is possible you will see things in an entirely new prospective.

How do I know this? I too suffer from depression and fight every day from regressing back into the depressive ways of my past. With the aid of medication and the aid of a good therapist I have been able to keep my depression under control. I now see life in an entirely different light. I interpret thing entirely different than I have in the past. I find it amazing how depression affects ones impressions of just about everything.
What I would like you to do is calmly sit down with your mum or your dad and ask one of them to take you to the family doctor. Take the letter you have written us with you to the doctor and let him/her read it. I am positive that after reading your letter the doctor will prescribe some medication to help you feel better while arrangements are made for you to see the appropriate specialist.

I am not sure if you live in the U.S. if you do these Hot line numbers are available for you to call. One I recommend is at Boys & Girls Town. The Number there is: 1-800-448-3000. The call takers there are specifically trained to help you and to help you locate professionals in your area to deal with your depression. If you do not live in the U.S. there are similar organizations that can be found on-line in most countries.
You can also go to any hospital emergency room, again bring the letter with you that you have written us. Do not worry about the cost; there are programs to cover the cost. Once the doctor’s read what you have written they will know what they need to do for you to help you feel better.

Lastly if at any time you feel like cutting yourself, don’t. Instead pick up the phone and call 911 or your country’s emergency number. Tell the call taker what you are thinking of doing to yourself, they will send the appropriate emergency service to help you. Do not be afraid, they are there to help you.
There is help out there for you; you do not have to hurt yourself to feel something. Please call the hotline for advice. See your doctor or go to the emergency room for help.

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Female/27/US

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about nine months. While I love him and believe that he loves me... Recently I've come to realize that we have a lot of problems.

Communication is the first and biggest. Right now it's my biggest problem because he's been depressed... or something... for about a month. All the symptoms are there, along with his tendency to avoid everyone, including his family and myself. I've tried to approach the topic before... sometimes I beat around the bush, sometimes I'm direct... and he won't talk to me. He insists that he isn't upset about his grandmother passing away. He insists that he isn't stressed out about work. He insists that he and I and our relationship are peachy.

I don't know what to say to him anymore.

On top of that one major problem... There are several other smaller problems.

I don't know whether or not he would be willing to have another child. (He all ready has two children from a previous marriage.) This is an important issue for me, and will become more important as I grow older. I have been direct about this... I'm still waiting for an answer.

He doesn't have a lot of time for me anymore. When we first got together, he complained about my schedule and not getting to see me more often. Since then... He's taken on several home improvement jobs in addition to his full time job and I found out tonight that he's recently joined a softball league. While I'm glad he'll be getting some exercise and maybe making some friends (he doesn't seem to have any) I'm wondering where I fit in...

Lastly, we have problems in the bedroom. I feel really awkward saying that; I won't go into detail. I'll just say that he originally told me that it was 'Baby Scare Syndrome.' I suspect it's something else completely... But he won't talk about it and refuses to see a doctor.

I guess I'm asking for a man's perspective on these issues. I really don't want to break up with him... But I have no idea how to work this out. Sometimes I think that maybe I'm just over-reacting. Sometimes I think... If he's going to be this way forever, can I really accept that? Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated... Sorry this is so very long.

Your question is a hard one to answer from any perspective. Only you can make the decision to stay or go. All I can do I can do is help you put some of your questions in the proper perspective.

You spoke about your boyfriend possibly being depressed. As I myself have battled with depression for a number of years I believe, from what you have written, you may be correct. One of the key symptoms is the problem you write about in the bedroom. You did not say exactly what the problem was but depression can cause erectile dysfunction or the inability to ejaculate. There are other causes for these problems as well; they are not strictly limited to depression. To rule out the other causes a complete physical by his doctor would be in order.

The question concerning children: You write that this is an important part of what you want as part of your life. If your boyfriend will not commit to fathering a child with you or even commit to wanting more children then I would say this has to be looked at as a major stop sign in whether stay with him or not.

As to the other things you write about: It could be the depression, it could be he has just reached a level of comfort with you that he feels comfortable that you will be there when he returns. The extra jobs could be an attempt to build a nest egg. Without being inside your boyfriends head it is impossible to say just what he is feeling.

If your boyfriend is truly suffering from some form of depression you must find away to get him to see a doctor and into some counseling. If he does not get a proper diagnoses and treatment the depression will only get worse.

My advice: Sit down with paper and pen. Draw a line down the center of the page, at the top of one column write GOOD POINTS. At the top of the other column write BAD POINTS. I know this sounds silly but I have found writing things down so I can look at them helps when I am faced with tough decisions. Then list his good points and bad points. Under the bad points place a star next to the things he needs to commit to or needs to change if you are going to stay with him. Then the two of you need to talk. Be up front with him. Tell him what is bothering you and what he needs to do to make you happy. If he won’t commit to change or give you answers to your questions then I believe you will have the answers you are seeking and can make the decision you are struggling with.

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My boyfriend and I were talking about sex the other day. We both want to wait until we have a stronger relationship (we've only been dating a few weeks) and I'm glad we both agreed on that. He said he was interested in seeing my vagina though. He said that there wasn't anything bad about me showing him myself down there but I'm not sure if that's ok?
He told me he'd show me his penis if I wanted to see it and I kind of do want to see it. Obviously we haven't even touched each other sexually yet but I'm kind of thinking that we'll end up doing something if we get naked lol But I don't want to have sex yet...but I do want to make him happy and I am kind of curious about what his penis looks like (but what if it makes me horny or something and we end up having sex?!).

So, I sort-of want to show him but I'm scared. What do you all think? Should I show him my vagina or should I tell him that it's too early in the relationship and I'm too uncomfortable with it? :\ I really want to make the right move here...please help...

Keep your clothes on. Once you take your clothes off things can get out of hand. Next thing you know he is asking to touch you, then you get excited and bam your pregnant.

Right now your clothes our your best protection against unwanted pregnancy. Once they are off anything can happen.

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So, I'm kind of short, I think. I'm like 5'2" or 5'3" so and I don't think I'm going to hit any more growth spurts that will make more more average in height. I never really had a problem with being short and my boyfriend hasn't really said anything about my height in comparison to his yet.

My boyfriend is something like 6'6" though and he's a year younger than me. I was thinking that he might hit another growth period and get even taller because I heard that boys mature faster than girls.

My best friend said we look weird together because he's so much taller than me and I'm sure she wouldn't lie to me about it. Yeah, my boyfriend has to bend down a lot to give me a kiss but I think it's cute that he lifts me up a little when we hug.

I don't know though. I don't want to be made fun of, especially if people are doing it behind my back and I don't know about it. My best friend said she'd stick up for me but I don't know if it's worth it. From how she described it, it makes me nervous that I'm not going to be able to make new friends next year (because they'll be laughing at me) if I'm still with my boyfriend...and it's kind of wrong to intentionally date someone for just a few months, right?

What do you think? Is my boyfriend too tall for me?

For some reason we all seem to obsess over the wrong things. What really matters here is whether your boyfriend treats you well; if you enjoy being with him and if the difference in your height bothers either one of you. If the answer is yes, yes, no then don’t worry about what others think say or do. Just enjoy the time you spend with your boyfriend.

Dating is all about getting to know someone. Finding out if the two of you are the perfect fit we are all looking for in a life partner. When I was in the Military one of my friends was 6’6” and he married a girl who was 5’ 1/2” and was far from pretty. Once you got to know her she was the most beautiful person you would ever want to meet. He had his short comings in other ways but the thing of it was, and this is the most important part, they were a perfect fit for each other. Their strong points made up for each other’s weak points.

The only problem they had was when people judged them on looks alone and didn’t take the time to get to know them. For the people that didn’t take the time it was their loss for these were two beautiful people.

So my advice is not to worry about what others think or say. Let you feelings be your guide and you will have a much happier life.

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My best friend is dating an older guy and has been for almost a year now. I know she is a little older than me so I thought she knew what she was doing but they had SEX and now she's PREGNANT at 19! She didn't even tell me that they actually did IT! Well, he's 35 though and now she's all about marrying him so that he can be the baby's daddy on paper too.

I keep telling her that this is a really bad idea because he's much too older for her. My mom is so shocked and thinks it's disgusting that he took advantage of my friend like that and I agree! I don't think there are any real laws against this (is there?!) so I don't think there is anything we can do except try to talk her out of this mess.

What can I do to help her get away from this creepy older guy? I have to convince her that he is NOT good for her. What 35 year old actually goes out with a 19 year old anyway and then has sex with her?! What is my friend thinking ruining her life like this and actually having this baby and thinking of marrying the man? Please help me help her

In the eyes of the law your friend is above the age of consent. This means in the eyes of the law she is capable of giving consent to having sex and entering into adult situations such as signing certain contracts.

Don't be surprised when her thity-five year old boyfriend refuses to marry her but swears he will support her and their child. This is where you and her friends step in and get her to a lawyer who will see to it the legal paperwork is done and ordered by the courts to make sure the boyfriend lives up to his promises.

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I'm going to graduate this year and so we have this senior prom coming up. Everybody is making a big fuss about buying expensive prom dresses and getting all dolled up with their boyfriends for this dance and I really am not interested in it. I'd rather just chill with my friends, watch some bad movies and eat some junk food, and make a long night of it at home.

I've never been really girly so the whole $300 dress thing doesn't appeal to me. My boyfriend is cool with me not wanting to go to the prom and thought maybe I should even have my own home-party instead so that I could "do something special" too.

The problem is with my mom. Ever since I started high school my mom has been really excited about my prom day. She talked about going dress shopping and getting my hair and make-up done. She's really big into photography too so I'm certain she had photos in mind too.

Now, I thought about telling her that I'm not interested in going to the prom but if she wanted to help me have a little party with my friends instead it would be nice. She's helped me have parties before so it isn't that she would be against that--it would be that there wouldn't be a prom "thing" for me.

I know she's been waiting for this for awhile, especially to see me all dressed up, but it isn't something I want to do. What do I say without sounding like an evil cunt? I don't want to hurt her feelings with this.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

Parents have a bad habit of living vicariously through their children when the fact of the matter is the event is for the child and not the parent.

As a parent I feel you should celebrate you upcoming graduation in a manner that that suits you and your friends. As a firefighter with a Rescue Squad I am happy that you and you or friends have decided to stay home a chill out in a safe manner. That makes a few less that I and other firefighters like me have to worry about on Prom nights.

As for telling your mother how you wish to celebrate your prom night: I have always found that the truth works best. Remember that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Will mom be disappointed, probably? While she try to talk you into going by telling you how you will be missing out on one of the greatest nights of your life, probably?

If you and your friends are truly not into the fuss and bother of the prom then you have to tell her just that. Point out to her that by staying at home how much safer you are partying at home then out on the road with others who will be celebrating and possibly drinking and driving.

Whatever your reasons are for not wanting to go to your prom they are your reasons and you will live with your decision. From a safety standpoint I support your decision to party at home.

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Well , me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year . &+ He says he loves me and stuff, &+ He got a condom . He wants to have sex, and his birthdays coming up... But idk what to do? Im still kinda intimidated by us having sex. Its not like im scared . It's just im nervous to. Idk what to do or how to do it? Help !

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

There is a very good reason you feel the way you do. At age 13 you are way too young to be having sexual intercourse. While you may be physically capable emotionally you are not ready and the feelings you are having is your mind and body sending out stop signals.

Your boyfriend on the other hand is struggling with the raging affects of puberty on his body and the need to relieve the sexual tension he is dealing with. That tension can be relieved without sexual intercourse though either masturbation in the privacy of his bedroom or having a girlfriend masturbate him which is more commonly referred to as a hand job. A hand job is something you might be more emotionally able to handle at age 13.

Before you make any decision as to what you are going to do there is a Website I would like you to visit. This site is dedicated to those who are planning to have sexual intercourse for the first time. The site will not answer the questions you have but will pose questions you may not have thought of: http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

Two things you must make sure your boyfriend understands. He must use a condom and he needs to know how to properly wear it. Second and most important; If at any time you decide to stop and you say to stop or say no, stop means stop and no means no. He is to immediately stop and not pressure you to continue.

My hope is that you will not have sex with your boyfriend for several more years until you are emotionally old enough to handle it. I would also hope, and this is a big one, that you would sit down with your mother and talk with her about boys and sex. Yea I know it’s hard to think about talking to your mom about this stuff. But remember mom was once 13 and actually had to go through what you are now going through. I would suggest say to mom that you really need to have a girl/girl talk and could the two of you go someplace together away from the house. Believe me when mom hears that you need a girl/girl talk she will know what you want to talk about and I’m sure she will make the time.

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