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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

i dont want to live any more. everybody thinks im so happy. they think i have a great life. even my friends dont know who i really am inside. im so miserable. i feel empty. i dont want to live any more. i went to school today and realized i just dont belong here at all. this is what i want to do. i dont want to live any longer. i dont want to feel this void any more. nobody knows how it is. everybody thinks i'm so funny and happy and inside i feel like i'm dying. i'm such a fake. it's like i'm stuck in this dark place and i can't get out and there's no other way to end this suffering of mine.

how can i end my life without causing a lot of pain or mess? i dont want to suffer any more. what can i do that is effective? this is going to be a surprise to so many so i'd prefer it to not be so messy so nobody has to like clean up a mess. nobody understands this feeling. im so alone

No one on this website is going to tell you how to commit suicide. We are here to help people find solutions to their problems. Right know I hear depression talking. Something very deep inside is bothering you and that's okay, we can fix that. Not the we of this website, but we the people who love you and will miss you if you hurt yourself.

What you need to do right now is pick up the phone and call 911. Tell the dispatcher what you wrote to us. Stay on the phone with them if asked you to, which I'm sure they will ask. They will send help to you. Most likely it will be Police and Fire/Rescue.

Do not be afraid, everyone is there to help you and make sure you are safe. Do as they say and they will start you on the road to feeling better buy taking you to the hospital.

They are going to ask a lot of questions and it is important to answer the questions. If you start to feel overwhelmed tell them and they will back off and let you relax a bit. How do I know this? I have responded in these situations on the Fire/Rescue side and I have suffered with deep depression. There are better days ahead that I can assure you of. Take the first step and pick up the phone and call 911; you do not need mom or dad permission to do so.

ok i know nobody here is a doctor but maybe someone has dealt with this before. for a week or two now i've had pain in the upper part of my spine that goes from around my lungs/heart up through my neck. at first i thought maybe i had slept on it wrong but it doesn't seem to be getting better. when i lay down with my head propped up it's uncomfortable and i can feel pain in that area. also when i lean my head back like looking at the ceiling, or tilt my head to either side i get a sharp pain in my upper spine. i asked my ex boyfriend about it as he's in EMT school and he said it could be nerve damage, or a muscle sprain/spasm. i dont have health insurance so my choices of going to the doctor are limited, i can really only visit the clinic at my university. does anyone have any other ideas of what it could be or how i could help ease the pain? i haven't done anything out of the ordinary to cause myself injury so idk =/

Because of a recent change in health insurance laws, as recently as last week, you may have health insurance under you parent’s policy if you are under 26 years old. If one of your parents has family coverage from their employee health insurance you may be covered.

As to your neck/back pain: Without X-rays and MRI’s most doctors would have trouble diagnosing your problem. When I had a pain similar to what you are describing it was because of a pinched nerve. A friend described pain similar to what you describe and it was a bulging disc in his neck. It could also be a slipped disc it is very hard to tell without radiography.

A doctor can treat the symptoms and make you more comfortable. Without any scans or X-rays all they will be doing is make their best guess based on what they can feel.

My advice is to go to a hospital emergency room, they cannot turn you away. They must treat you no matter if you can pay or not. If the doctor order scans they will do the scans. How will they get paid; there are programs they can charge your visit off to.

I really like thhis guy he's sooo cute and i just wanna have sex with him soo bad .but im scared bcuz i told ive lost it already but i have nott and hes gonna know bcuz i donnt think ive popped my cherrry yet and since i havent had sex yett i donnt know how im going to react to it and i really dont wanna embarres myself .Whatt do i dddo?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.

Before you make your decision please review the following website.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html

hi, i was married for 21 years. i was a stay @ home mother for that time, home schooled our children 2 boys @ home 15 and 11. he was an abusive man @ times, very abusive. through out our marriage he would leave and come back, leave and come back... well, he ran off about 2 years ago, come to find out, he was seeing another woman. when he left, i was devestated. i had a nervous breakdown last january, but am doing good and am in school to be a nurse... i tried dating about 8 months after he left, but i figured out that i'm just not ready for that. anyway, i do have a lawyer and he's been good, but there are still some unanswered questions. we went to our first court date and the judge gave temp orders for my husband to pay child support, all the bills and house payment, child support 2 be taken out of his check via garnishment. well, right after court he quit his good job. he does still pay the house payment and bills, but i only get a 3rd of the child support. 350.00 a month. he says with, this new job, he can't afford to pay me. it's been tough living on that. my soon 2 be ex-husband is always threatening me that he will no longer be paying for the house and bills and that i'm going to be homeless. today, he informs me that he wants a dna test done on the two boys. no doubt those boys are his. all i ever did was stay home w/ them, school them and i had the self esteem of a flea. well, we go back to court on the 9th of november. am i being unreasonable? after i get my education, i don't want a dime from him, but i do want him to support me while i go through school. 21 years i put up w/ him.
thanks

Kay

Every state has different laws in regard to child support. Most recently the federal government has passed laws regarding child support as well. If your soon to be ex is under court order to make specific payments for to you for your support such as the house payments and other bills then he has no choice. He either pays or he is in contempt of court and the judge can put him in jail; something you might want to have you lawyer request. It will show your soon to be ex he can no longer control you.

Back to child support; his wages can be garnished for the court ordered support wherever he is working. If you know his social security number you can your lawyer can find out where her is working. Should he be earning an insufficient amount to cover his court ordered support payments he can be ordered to get a second job, find a job equal to the one he had at the time he left or be held in contempt. You can also place an attachment on his state and federal tax refunds.

As for alimony or other money from him. He abused you for 21 years. Take whatever the courts award and you are entitled to. Many states are 50/50 states meaning 50% of whatever you have between you during the marriage is yours including any and all retirement funds he may have amassed, any savings, even if he depleted them since and half the value of the house.

If you can prove the abuse, and from what you have written as to his actions since the split, you should not have any trouble doing so. The courts will bend over backward to punish him and reward you.

so all my friends have already had sex, and me, well, i havent. im scared its gonna hurt and such. i have a very low pain tolerance. its beyond low. anyways, i feel like im uncomfortable with my body. im comfortable with it, i just dont know if im comfortable with anyone else seeing it. i really love my boyfriend and when its the right time, i wanna do it for the first time with him, but i wanna make sure im comfortable. is there anyway to do this? and is there any explanation for the way i feel?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than fore the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.

Before you make your decision please review the following website.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

I just don't feel the same about life anymore. I'm M 15. I feel like nobody likes me & tries to avoid me. I feel like I'm desperately waiting for something thats not going to happen. I'm tired of the same old krap every day. I feel like I have no life anymore. I really want it back. I don't hang out with people or go out anymore. Every activity I do is always alone. While my friends go out and have fun, they're all happy & social. My story is just: Wake up, go to school, I have a few happy times in school. Then go home, play a game or two. Watch a show with my pops once a weak & take naps. While my peers go places & do stuff. I feel like I'm not good enough to do anything, like a lonely Lame guy. I feel anxious for a change in my lame boring routine. I'm also starting to became more and more angry at the world.... : ( ughh WTF!

You have given us a hard question to answer as we need to know more about you. For one thing it sounds as if you are developing a mild form of depression. IF so this in and of itself could be the root cause of your problem. I would suggest you ask mom or dad to make an appointment with your family doctor for a physical. While your there asked to be screened for depression.

Waiting for something to happen usually means whatever you are waiting for does not happen. In today's world, even at your age, you have to be proactive. If you want something you have to go after it. If your friends of old are avoiding you it could be they have found new interests. Interests that you have not yet matured to or may not be interested in.

What this means is that you have to take what interest you have and find new friends with the same interests. I'll give you one example and you can build on it. Lets say you are interested in remote control airplanes. Look for a flying club in your area and join the club. In this club you will find people your age, younger and older who have the same interest. Within this group you can make new friends, you have to be proactive in making the friendships. They may or may not come to you. It depends how the club is set up.

If I am right in my thoughts and you build on this idea you will make new friends who have interest such as your and life will be as it was.

20f.

I'm comfortable with my body but the only thing I'm not comfortable with is my labia. It's longer than normal ..which makes me SOOO unbelievably self-conscious. Even if I feel comfortable with a guy and want to have sex ..I just can't get over this. Yeah maybe they won't care ...but in my head it's such a big deal. Girls, you should know when you feel self-conscious about something it ALWAYS gets to you no matter what anyone says. I don't know what to do. I shouldn't be afraid to have sex because of this, but I don't want any guy to be grossed out :(

I'm quite a bit older than you and maybe my thoughts might not be what you looking for; though I will offer them anyway as I was once your age.

Just what is normal? If you ask a guy he will tell you a guy with a big long, thick penis is normal. If you look at medical evidence the average vagina can only accommodate about 6", so is that what the normal length of a penis should be.

The nice thing about the human body is we are all different. So you have a longer labia; big deal. All that means is there is that much more to suck an nibble on during oral sex. Unless the longer labia causes you pain or other problems during sex I wouldn't worry about it. IF some boy should say something about it in a derogatory way he is not only a fool but sexually inexperienced.

Enjoy what you have, you have been blessed with a very special sex organ. as I said if you are not having any pain or other problem during sex caused by your labia just relax and let your guy enjoy you.

What's the borderline between "you can do it as long as you wokr hard and never give up!" and setting yourself up for failure?

I'm aiming for a career as a nurse, but really, there's only a couple of nurses that I like. None of my friends and family love them since they've had bad incidents with them and just think that they're all bitches. And with my experiences as a student working alongside them, I agree 90%. It's kind of hard to become one too but even though I'm average smart, I give it 200% to everything that I do. But it's so hard and I kind of think that it's my limit. Like, I wish I could be smarter, but I think that it limits with people to an extent. But even if I do make it, I'll be surrounded with a lot of co-workers that I will most likely won't like. And I've already given up like my life so far declining social invites, volunteering, etc to just become the best and educated nurse that I can be and become one as soon as possible. Do you think that I can make it evenutally or am I just setting myself for failure because of my perfectionist ideas?

Have you ever heard the story about the little engine that could. The idea behind the story is that attitude is everything. Most every profession is 90% inspiration and 10% perspiration.

What does this mean, if you can stand one more cliche it means you don't have to be the brightest light bulb in the bunch to light up a room. Being smart is not everything. Being able to take whet you have learned and put it to use is what is required. I know lots of people who are extremely book smart. When it comes to taking what they know and working with it; well lets just say they will never light up a room.

From what you have written you are developing a self-defeating attitude. The people you are working with right now are probably training you. If I am right they are suppose to be hard on you. This is the time for you to make your mistakes while they are watching you so they can catch them. They want to wear you out. Nursing is a tough job; you make a mistake and someone can die. They need you to make your mistakes now while they are watching you. They need to see if you can take the pressure. If you can't cut in nursing school you won't make it in a real ER or a busy ward.

If you want to be a nurse you need to develop the attitude of the little engine that could. I know you can do it, you know you can do it. Now show them you can do it.

My own little play on another cliche: There are leaders, followers and people who sit on the sidelines. I'm betting you can be a leader if you want to.

When I came home from school, my mother was bawling in tears because of what her sister told her happened to my grandmother at the hospital last night. my mother told me and I was very angry and decided to call the hospital, speak to the manager, and have a good complaint about the nurse that gave my grandmother, her patient, VERY poor treatment given to her. But I guess my mother is pretty messed up because she didn't tell me things 100% exactly, which means I did not tell the manager the 100% truth (unknowingly. So thinking back about it now, I kept pausing alot trying to rememebr the exact words she told me to the manager on the phone, so she probably thought that I was trying to make up stories to make that nurse sound really bad to get her fired. Which don't get me wrong, the nurse should be fired for the things she did that were unprofessional. But overall, the things that I told her were half and half true and false. And the manager will try to have a talk and find out who that nurse was by the end of the week and let me know.

So I told her a few wrong things, which doesn't make the nurse sound any better, but when she discovers some things I told her happened that weren't true (because I don't know what my mother was thinking when she told me)by the time she calls me back, she's going ot think that I'm an asshole when I'm just really concerned! SO what happens now? I was so angry that I had to call ASAP to get my grandmother the help that she really needs and to make sure that that nurse gets what she deserves, but now I feel so humiliated and embarrassed and like I'm about to have a breakdown!

First of all the unit manager, unfortunately, gets these types of calls all the time. She understood that you were upset and depending on how you presented your side to her she may have also understood the information was third hand so she is investigating to get at the truth of the matter.

There is nothing for you to be humiliated at these things happen where loved ones are concerned especially when they are ill and in the hospital. Unfortunately nurse like the rest of us have bad days too, even though they are expected to be at the top of their game everyday all day. Your grandmother may have gotten poor treatment but if it was the correct treatment is what counts.

Now what you need to do, when you can remain calm, is call the unit manager back and have all the facts. I would suggest you write them down first so you can check them off as you go. Apologize for how you acted in the first call, you can explain that you were upset and afterwards you have learned not everything you spoke of was as you made it out to be.

Discuss with the unit manager what went on in your grandmothers room that night. One thing you need to know is if this is something your Aunt observed or another family member observed or is something your grandmother told your Aunt. This is important as elderly sick patients sometimes do not perceive things as they would if they were not ill.

Calmly review with the unit manager what you know, you might even suggest a meeting with the unit manager and the nurse before you jump to any conclusions.

When you have all the facts you can then make your decision. At the very least you can request that this nurse not be assigned to care for your grandmother for the duration of her stay at the hospital. This is your right. Do not ask that she be fired as this would put you and your family in a legally liable situation should the nurse wish to press the issue in a Court of Law.

hi im kayla and i have a really important question!.. can a guy go to jail for being 20 yrs of age and dating a girl who is 14 turnin 15 right before he turns 21 can he go to jail an is that ok cuz to me it sounds fine as long as they dont do anithing are they wrong for this?? please answer as soon as possible .. thanx i would really appreciate it !!!!!!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

How many different ways do you need to be told this relationship is wrong? Lets’ start with the legal definition of wrong: The man you are dating is 6 years your senior; in many States just the fact you are dating could constitute statutory rape even though you may not have had sex. If you two have crossed any State lines together, without your parents’ permission, this is a violation of the Mann Act which is a Federal Law. Then of course they can throw in contributing to the delinquency of a minor, possible kidnapping charges and a host of other charges depending on the State you live in.

If this man is not a sexual predator, which I believe him to be, then something must be wrong with him as a normal 20 year old man does not date a 14 year old girl. He has to want something from you he cannot get from a woman his own age. Eventually he is going to want sex from you, just when, where and how is yet to be determined.

Most likely it is your sexual inexperience he is after and just what his plans may be I have no idea. What I do know is that you are in danger and need to stay away from this man. You need to tell your parents about him and about your relationship with him. As I said above I believe this man to be a predator and your parents will most likely agree with me. They will know what action to take to protect you.

You wrote us because your instincts tell you something is wrong. Follow your instincts and follow my advice to inform your parents. Have I tried to scare you with what I have written here? The answer is a definite yes. As I have said I believe you to be in danger, maybe not immediate danger but you are in danger every time you see this man.

18/f
I've worked at a restaurant for 18 months now. I have liked this guy,erik but i asked him out twice before and he made up excuses, so i gave up on him and stopped trying. the chefs (john and nick)know i like him and they all tell me he likes me too.they make jokes about us getting married, and its funny, and me and erik laugh about it seems to be flirty and make jokes ourselves but it just reminds me how much i like him and how i need to get over it.
last night i went out in the parking lot talking with john and nick and there was balloons all over my car. the balloons all had messy guy hand writing on them saying "i love you" "you complete me" "go out with me" "to ashley (me), love erik"... and i got so excited and happy. till the guys starting laughing, claiming that it wasnt them, but i know for a fact it was because john is religious and if you ask him to "swear to god"...he wont lie..and he wouldnt say it. i called erik double checking and he says he didnt do it.
i dont wanna tell the guys that i cried on the way home about it because i work with all guys and i dont want things between me and erik to be weird if he knows i got really upset about it.but it seriously got my hopes set so high then crashed down.i took it really personal. they play jokes on me all the time and i never do anything back. i know they care about me and they wouldnt do anything to hurt me.
i want to prank them back to let them know they can't mess with me like that anymore because i dont feel talking would help.
Any ideas for pranks?
or should i say something to john and nick
should i give up on erik as well if he seems so un-interested in dating me?
sorry its long and a lot of questions, thank you so much.

I'm the wrong one to ask this question of as it has been over 40 years since I have been in a dating situation. What was permissible then would not be looked at as joke today. I would suggest you ask some one like KarenR, Smartone or HildaJrCarter.

ok so i was just wondering if you get stopped at a road block, and the cop asks to search your car do you have the right to deny it? considering you're not drunk or anything like that but was just driving along & happened to hit a road block. i know if you get pulled over for whatever you have the right to deny it but at a road block would you be obligated to let them search?

i'm in Georgia if it helps.

thanks!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

If you have nothing to hide it is better to let the Police search your car and let you be on your way. They can only do a visual search without a better reason so the search only takes a few minutes. If you refuse to allow the search, the police will bring in a dog to search the exterior of your car. If the dog alerts to whatever substance it is trained to detect, then the Police have to absolute right to search your car as they know have probable cause.

Police Officers can ask to search a vehicle whenever they suspect an illegal substance or objects may be in the vehicle. You do not have to be going through a checkpoint. At any traffic stop an Officer can ask to search a vehicle.

It is always better to cooperate; if for instance the Officer gets a whiff of some weed they will ask to search the car. The Officers will always ask if there is anything illegal in the vehicle. If there is don’t lie, a small amount of weed and your cooperation may mean the difference between a desk appearance summons and going to jail for the night. The Officer primary job is to get the drugs off the street, if you cooperate and do not have a criminal record the Officer has options to release you to your parents, if you are under age, with the desk appearance ticket or arrest you. If you are an adult with a clean record the desk appearance summons is appropriate if you have cooperated.

If nothing is found they will thank you for your cooperation and send you on your way. If you are a teenager and you are going to be late getting home most Officers will call your parents and explain that you were delayed by them at a traffic stop; where you are as well as how long it will take you to get home while traveling at the legal speed limit.

We entrust the police with keeping us safe, in doing so we will on occasion come in contact with them. They are only doing the job we as citizens ask of them, so even if we have something to hide and we know we have done wrong, they will find out. It is best in the long run to be cooperative. Tell the truth, do as they say and it will work in your best interest.

I tell you this not as a cop as I am not, I’m a fire fighter. But someone who is old enough to be your grandfather and as a firefighter has seen the results of those who try to run from the police; It is just not worth it. You will eventually be caught and you endanger not only your life but the lives of the Officers and others.

I want to commit suicide. I want someone to help me do this. Please let me do it.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
No one on this site is going to advise you on how to commit suicide. If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 NOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). If you have not already done so I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. There number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.

As a parent I can tell you that your parents still love you. Parents never stop loving their children. There are times when we may not like them very much, but we never stop loving them.

Please call the hot line I recommended above. If you feel like hurting yourself before you can get to someone that can help you please call 911. Tell the call taker how you are feeling, they will send help. The normal response is to send both Fire Rescue and the Police. Do not be afraid, the call taker will most likely want to stay on the phone with you until help arrives. The police are there to protect you and the others not to harm you or arrest you. The fire rescue people are there to take care of you and to take you to the hospital.

You do not say what is bothering you to cause you to think of suicide. Whatever it is it CAN BE RECTIFIED or mitigated that I am certain of. Please call the hotline or go to the hospital for help. I know there are people who love you and would miss you if you were to do this.

If nothing else please remember this: There are people that love you. Your parents love you and five people who have never met you have taken the time to write to you to convince you that hurting yourself is not the answer and ask you to seek help for whatever is causing you to feel this way.

I am 42 and i want to commit suicide. Im down and at rock bottom. Advise me how i can do this

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
No one on this site is going to advise you on how to commit suicide. If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 NOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). If you have not already done so I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. There number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.

You do not say what is bothering you to cause you to think of suicide. Whatever it is it CAN BE RECTIFIED or mitigated that I am certain of. Please call the hotline or go to the hospital for help. I know there are people who love you and would miss you if you were to do this.

My husband and I are always in fights. He wants things his way and I want things my way. I was about fed up with him and was going to pack my things and leave and he told me he wants to go to marriage counseling to try to resolve this and work our marriage out. I know he wants to save it since he approached me about therapy. Do you think marriage counsiling really works or should I just give up now save us the money?

Just like any other type of counseling, you will get from marriage counseling what you put into it. That is to say; you both must be committed to working with the counselor, being open to what is said in counseling and most importantly not holding something said in counseling against the other.

The counselor cannot fix your marriage but can guide your discussion and suggest ways to overcome the problems you are having. Both you and your husband need to be fully open and trusting with the counselor in the telling of what is bothering each of you about the marriage. It can be that one of you is too wrapped up in their work. One of you is a penny pincher while the other would like to have nice things and yes most importantly if there is a problem in the bedroom this needs to be discussed. When it comes to problems in the bedroom be assured the marriage counselor has heard them all so if this is a problem be open about this. Many a marriage has broken down because of sexual dysfunction between partners.

I would also suggest one more thing. Constant arguing and your attempts to control each other are two signs of depression. I would suggest that you both visit your family doctor and be screened for depression. Both, one of you or neither of you may be suffering from depression. If one or both of you are suffering from depression it is best that you find out and get treatment before and while you are getting marriage counseling.

Ok I haven't started my period yet and in early October I'll be 14. My mom started when she was 12 and so did her mom... But my dads mom started after 14 and moms sister and her daughter started at 14. I know I'll probably start at 14 but I want it to just come. People say what you think will happen so I I think about it more will it just come? Or will it wait longer tht way.? Also is there any way I can know when it will cone? Thanks... ASAP please!!!!

Everyone matures at different ages. Your body will mature when it is ready. There are some external factors which may affect why you are not maturing as fast as the other women in your family. Have you ever looked at some of the women Olympic athletes? Have you noticed that many of them as old as 21 still do not have the bodies one would expect of females of that age? Have you ever noticed that once they stop competing and working out each day their bodies fully mature? Well many of these same women do not have periods either.

If a woman is very athletic, for reasons I am not aware of, her body holds off maturing. If you are very athletic this could be the reason you have not had a period yet. I would say once you stop training your body will mature and your period will arrive. If you enjoy the athletics you are doing please continue with the knowledge that when you are no longer interested your body will finish maturing.

If you are not into athletic and are really concerned about being a late bloomer or not blooming at all; ask your mother to make an appointment with her doctor. Her doctor will do a battery of test to make sure nothing is physically wrong with you and that you are just a late bloomer. This should put your mind at rest.

Being a male I do not know what it is like to have a period; from what my wife has told me and what I have seen my sister and a number of girlfriends go through, once you get your period you will wish you hadn’t. So I would say enjoy whatever cramp free time you have left for once you do get your period you are looking at thirty to forty years of monthly cramps and bloating.

So i want to pursue a career in child psychology or psychiatry. Working as a therapist for unlucky children.

What are some volunteer opportunities where i can work with children? I am a High school sr age 18, i would job shadow but im not sure if thats only for those who are already in college.

I'm not quite sure just what you can do in the fields you want to train in as an untrained volunteer. I would start by speaking with your High School Guidance Councilor as they might know of things open for you. Some of the places I’m thinking of would be your local hospital to see if you could help out in the pediatric ward. Your local Police Department may have some form of after school program they run for troubled youths or a Police Athletic Association that they need help with. Your County or City Youth Service Office may have something you could help them with also.

I am sure if you make an effort you will find something that comes close to fitting what you want. It will take a lot of phone call or preferable some in person visits to the places I suggested before you find what you are looking for.

The thing is, my boyfriend stepdad and mom asked my dad already if i can go with them, but my dad flat out said no, then he turned to me and told me i could start crying because he wasn't gonna let me go. So many things bother me about that, the fact that he answered so rudely and put me on the spot when i wasnt saying anything. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and my family knows his family. so i thought that it might of worked but it didn't. and the problem with talking to my dad is that we dont speak to eachother. Im 18 and i've never talked to him ever, there was one time but he was drunk. do you kind of see where im coming from? My sister says that i should just go. And im thinking about just going because im talking about the person that means the most to me.

If you are 18, legally your father cannot stop you from doing anything as you are of legal age. Now here comes the butt; being of legal age also means your father no longer has to be responsible for you. He no longer has to feed you or cloth you. There is nothing that says he must pay for any higher education you might wish to get, allow you to drive his car, pay for the cost of insurance so you can drive that car.

There is probably more to this story than you have written, be that as it may the old adage still applies: “As long as you live under his roof you live by his rules”. So if you want to take advantage of the fact that you are a legal adult and can do as you please, also remember Newton’s first law of Physics as it can apply here. That is; “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. That is what I wrote above that your father has options too should you decide you are too adult to listen to him or abide by his rules while living under his roof.

As I said, I’m sure we do not know the whole story and there will be other times you can vacation with your boyfriend, Is this the time that you want to push the envelope and test your wings.

Kinda 2 questions in this any help would be great..I have 3 kids with an exhusband in which i was married to for 10 yrs. and inherrited 3 more kids when I got remarried. My kids go back and forth from my house to their dad's. Their dad also remarried. So I have an issue where I have to be notified on EVERYTHING when it comes to my childrens school. Even if it is not my day to have them I still expect their dad to call me and let me know what is going on with school such as were there notes in folders and if so what they say, did my 5 yr old have a good day or was he in trouble, If they have homework did they do it and did you help. It was my choice to leave ex and I realize I chose to not see my kids 24/7 when I left but am I a total biatch for asking him to do this for me. My kids are 9,7,5. am I being over protected of them? Second I feel like I am distant from my 3 step kids when my kids are not around. I feel guilty that they see me more and gets to do alot more with me then my own bio kids. My stepkids mother is no longer apart of their lives (mothers choice.) So I am their only mother. I have no clue why I feel this way I really wish I didnt I love them all very much, I hate feeling guilty that my hubbys kids get hugs and kisses from me every night and my own children only get them half the week. confused, sad,and hurt any help would be nice. Thanks

AS for the question about your step children; I understand your guilt and feel it is probably natural to feel as you do. I do like the part of your writing where you say you love your step children for it makes what I’m going to say easier to suggest.

You are carrying a double load of guilt around. The guilt about your step children and the guilt about your own children and the mothering you cannot supply 24/7 because you chose to leave their father. To carry this type of guilt around is not good for anyone, you or the children involved and probably is not good for you present marriage either.

I believe there are two things you need to do. First; you need to unburden and come to terms with all this guilt you are carrying around. This is not something you can do alone, you should seek the help of a professional therapist for some talk therapy. Talk therapy will allow you to unburden yourself to someone who is trained to help you find the answers you need and who will keep your conversations totally confidential. Second; you and your ex need to revisit custody of the children. The present arrangement may be satisfactory to one of you but it is my belief that it is detrimental to the children. I find it hard to believe a judge signed off on this. Children need stability, there is nothing wrong with joint custody of the children, meaning both parents are involved jointly in the children’s well being. Physical custody of children as young as your children needs to be more stable. They need to sleep in the same bed, have the same friends, and ride the same bus to school each morning. When this stability is removed they can be physically hurt by other children through teasing as other children will not understand why this is so and resort to teasing and fighting.

The custody arrangement of the children has to be about the well being of the children, not your desire to supervise homework or to know what type of day they had at school. Yes, this is important for both parents to know and once the physical custody is modified you and your Ex need to sit down and arrange what the non custodial parent wants to know and when. Maybe all that is need is a weekly recap of general events, but immediate notification when notes are received from teachers, parent teacher conferences, when one of the children is sick or of one of the children has been hurt or gotten into a fight. Have it written down and put into the custody agreement. You have to work for the betterment of the children. What you and your Ex want for yourselves is secondary.

I really hate my Dad because he's a prick and is always grounding me for this and that. Like I come home only like 1 hour later and he's FREAKING out. He doesn't like me I swear. The only thing I can think of is that I'm sexually abused or something and maybe he did it! I'm so mad at him. Is there like a test I can take to see if I'm sexually abused? Like a FREE test because I dont got a job.

Whoa hang on a minute. Let’s not accuse your dad or anyone else of sexual abuse just because you think he is a prick. If I am reading what you wrote correctly he has every right to freak out when you are late coming home. If you are home and an hour after you are home he starts freaking out and getting on you for things; well that’s different. You are not exactly clear on what the hour represents. It appears as if you are an hour late coming home for somewhere without calling to say your okay or asking permission to stay out later.

Let’s look at this from his perspective as a parent in the real world today. The world today is not a nice place. People are abducted off the streets in large and small towns all across this country almost every day. Children, teenager’s even adults are being raped, murdered and kidnapped from places we expect to be safe in. Hardly a week goes by that the nightly news does not have a report on something of this type taking place somewhere in the country.

So you are an hour late, you have not called to ask permission to stay out later or to say you are running late. What do you think is going through your fathers mind while he waits, hopes and prays you come walking through that door? I would say you earned everything your father says and does. You failed to do right in the do right zone. Do you have a cell phone? Do your friends have cell phones? Did you even think to call home? It is common courtesy to relieve the worry of others when you are expected someplace at a specific time and find that you are going to be late. This includes your parents, even if it means you are going to be told to come home immediately when you would prefer to stay where you are a bit longer.

Like it or not your father loves you. He freaked out as I would have when you did show up. You are lucky I’m not your father; for I have seen both sides of these situations as a volunteer firefighter. I have had to cut dead teenagers out of wrecked cars, once with their parents watching as they crashed two blocks from home. I’ve been in the ER when the parents are informed their child is dead. A friend who volunteers with me works as a County Police Officer, I once asked him which is worse cutting the victims from the wreck or making the notification. He said the notifications were by far the worst part of his job.

So again I ask you, put yourself in your fathers place for a moment. He is almost positive you are at some point going to walk through that door, but he also has to worry that there will be a knock at the door before you do come home and two police officers will be standing there telling him you are either dead or gravely injured and in the ER.

You are the one that is wrong, you earned whatever you received; to accuse your father of any type of abuse, especially sexual abuse is spiteful. You need to get your act together. You need to apologize to your father for even thinking like this and to thank him for being worried about you. There are many parents out there that do not worry about, love or try to protect their children. You need to get your act together young lady.

I have never written a response like this before and hope I never have to again.

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