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Free tests to find out if you were sexually abused?
I really hate my Dad because he's a prick and is always grounding me for this and that. Like I come home only like 1 hour later and he's FREAKING out. He doesn't like me I swear. The only thing I can think of is that I'm sexually abused or something and maybe he did it! I'm so mad at him. Is there like a test I can take to see if I'm sexually abused? Like a FREE test because I dont got a job.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
If you don't remember being sexually abused, then you weren't. Whatever reasons you have for this bad relationship with your father, you need to solve it with communication.
There is no test. You ask yourself, has my father ever touched me sexually? If the answer is no, then you're not a sexual abuse victim. I also can't think of a worse way to handle a conflict with a parent.
If you're not feeling loved, tell your father this and how it makes you feel. Then listen to what he has to say and ask him questions. Start a dialogue.
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If he doesn't like you, why would he want to sexually abuse you?
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Whoa hang on a minute. Let’s not accuse your dad or anyone else of sexual abuse just because you think he is a prick. If I am reading what you wrote correctly he has every right to freak out when you are late coming home. If you are home and an hour after you are home he starts freaking out and getting on you for things; well that’s different. You are not exactly clear on what the hour represents. It appears as if you are an hour late coming home for somewhere without calling to say your okay or asking permission to stay out later.
Let’s look at this from his perspective as a parent in the real world today. The world today is not a nice place. People are abducted off the streets in large and small towns all across this country almost every day. Children, teenager’s even adults are being raped, murdered and kidnapped from places we expect to be safe in. Hardly a week goes by that the nightly news does not have a report on something of this type taking place somewhere in the country.
So you are an hour late, you have not called to ask permission to stay out later or to say you are running late. What do you think is going through your fathers mind while he waits, hopes and prays you come walking through that door? I would say you earned everything your father says and does. You failed to do right in the do right zone. Do you have a cell phone? Do your friends have cell phones? Did you even think to call home? It is common courtesy to relieve the worry of others when you are expected someplace at a specific time and find that you are going to be late. This includes your parents, even if it means you are going to be told to come home immediately when you would prefer to stay where you are a bit longer.
Like it or not your father loves you. He freaked out as I would have when you did show up. You are lucky I’m not your father; for I have seen both sides of these situations as a volunteer firefighter. I have had to cut dead teenagers out of wrecked cars, once with their parents watching as they crashed two blocks from home. I’ve been in the ER when the parents are informed their child is dead. A friend who volunteers with me works as a County Police Officer, I once asked him which is worse cutting the victims from the wreck or making the notification. He said the notifications were by far the worst part of his job.
So again I ask you, put yourself in your fathers place for a moment. He is almost positive you are at some point going to walk through that door, but he also has to worry that there will be a knock at the door before you do come home and two police officers will be standing there telling him you are either dead or gravely injured and in the ER.
You are the one that is wrong, you earned whatever you received; to accuse your father of any type of abuse, especially sexual abuse is spiteful. You need to get your act together. You need to apologize to your father for even thinking like this and to thank him for being worried about you. There are many parents out there that do not worry about, love or try to protect their children. You need to get your act together young lady.
I have never written a response like this before and hope I never have to again.
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If you have no memory of being sexually abused, it's almost entirely impossible that you were.
The idea that sexual abuse is an oppressed memory is a simple lie - a complete fabrication from pop psychology in the 70s and 80s. Many, many people suspected they were abused, and through different kinds of hypnosis and therapy they CREATED the memory of abuse and came to believe in it completely. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of innocent people were put in jail because of stupid random tests and dreams and hypnosis ramblings were taken as evidence. They are not evidence of abuse.
The same thing happens to people who think they were abducted by aliens. They go out and talk about it so much, dream or use hypnosis to CREATE the experience of a memory that is so real in their brains, they can no longer tell the difference between the real memories, and the ones they designed for themselves.
Your father might be a horrible awful person. He might be unfair and cruel and a jerk. Unfortunately, some parents are bad fucking parents. They just suck at it. That doesn't make them abusive. There is no law against being a bad parent, and not all bad parents abuse their kids. Some just aren’t good at it.
It's tough to be a kid of a lousy parent. It really, really is. But you can't go around deciding you were sexually abused. Not only it is completely unethical and downright evil, it makes it harder for everyone out there who WAS sexually abused.
Find an adult in your life that can be your ally, a teacher or coach, and talk to them about your problems. Ask them for help in getting you some therapy or counselling to help support you through this rough time in your life, and to deal with any badness that is unfairly thrown your way. Handle your problems by handling the real problems you’ve got, not by trying to imagine some other horrible problem.
There is enough real shit to deal with in life without making crap up.
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Don't accuse your dad of sexual abuse because you're angry at him. If you believe in God that's the kind of thing that sends you irrevocably to hell. If you're athiest it's still immoral, self centered, and cruel.
You said that you come one hour later.
Is that one hour late? You were an hour late, got grounded and yelled at for it, and think he's a prick for it?
If the above is correct, point blank, you're a spoiled brat. You have absolutely no conception of the serious nature of the accusations you're willing to fling around, and you're willing to do it because he rightfully punishes you for being way past any reasonable breaking of curfew.
Your parents have the _right_ to exert control over your life. This is because you are a child, and need structure and discipline so that you can learn how to function in the real world. It's obvious you have neither, so to answer your direct question, no, there is no test you can take to see if you were sexually abused.
One last word.
Lies have to be maintained. It creates a gulf of trust. You would have guilt, separation, the knowledge that you did something sufficient to probably make the majority of your family hate you for the rest of their earthly existences.
That's not a fun situation to be in. And the momentary triumph of doing something he can't do back to you will be swallowed up by the years your family suffers because he's in prison, because he died in prison after inmates found out he was in for child molestation, after he ends up living under a freeway because he's a registered sex offender and can't be within a half mile of anything remotely school related.
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I don't know anything about your past, but I can tell you that you should really think twice (no, make that ten times) before accusing your father of sexually abusing you with no evidence other than what you've said here. You could cause some serious problems, and maybe even land your father in jail, all because you've got a beef with his parenting skills.
Sounds to me like your biggest problem is that you're a teenager. That's right. You're a teenager, and your father has the gall to try and parent you.
Look. Everyone goes through this. When I was 16, I got grounded for a month because I came home an hour late. I hated my parents. They were being unfair. Little did I know at the time that they were just worried about me because I hadn't called.
As long as you live under your father's roof, you have to follow his rules. That means taking the punishment you deserve when you break those rules. Those rules exist to keep you safe and to keep the household running smoothly.
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