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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

How I can I get along with better

Hi, I'm one of the older adviser on this site. Old enough to be most of the questioners grandfather. Hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful to you.

The advice given by sousou1234567 looked to me to be very good. I would only add that you and your husband consider marriage counseling.

Here is why: You see I too was a very stubborn and controlling husband. It took a life threatening auto accident that has left me disabled to open my eyes and learn something about myself I never saw.

Because of my injuries I suffered a serious depressive episode. While in counseling to deal with this I learned that I have been suffering from depression for longer that I knew. I dealt with my depression by being stubborn and controlling. As I put it as long as everything was in its proper place and in its proper boxes, within my mind, then I could exist and function at the levels I needed to.

Which was great as I lead a very successful career life. Looking back I now wonder how my wife and family was able to live with me. My wife knew there was something wrong. Neither she or our family doctor where able to convince me to see someone about this.

Is your husband depressed, I can't say. Anything is possible. He may just be a stubborn person, which is character flaw you were to blinded by love to see. Hopefully he is not that stubborn in his love for you that the suggestion of seeing a marriage counselor will allow you; to both workout this problem and identify if he may have other problems that may need help.

my mom just told me i was acting like a b**** while she was screaming at me and i said 'well i could say the same for you' and she goes 'but you wont cause ill kick your a** if you do. im the adult and you are the kid so you might wanna keep your f***ing mouth shut.' do u think its fair that moms can trash talk their kid all they want cause they think they are all high and mighty but when their kid tries 2 stand up for themself, the adult can flip out on them and be like 'dont talk back to me or ill smack you b****!'? i mean seriously i want to know your opinion on that. also, i want 2 know if any of your parents are like that too. thanx!

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I hope the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.

Neither parent or child has the right to trash talk to each other. When a child does it, it is disrespectful. When a parent does it, it is verbal abuse. Verbal abuse if continues is a form of mental abuse.

Not knowing you well enough I am troubled on how to tell you or advice you on the best way to proceed. Abuse of any fashion is wrong, be it mental or physical. No child should be subject to it and there are services in place for you to seek protection.

My question is do you feel you are being mentally abused to the point that you need to seek such protection? Does mom talk to you like this on a daily basis or only when you do something she doesn't like and you two end up in an argument? At other times do you and she have normal conversations. If your answers are yes, yes and no, the absolute worse case scenario is that family services can remove you from your home and place you in a foster home.

There is still one more question that needs to be answered. When you and mom are having these arguments are you in fear of being hit; if so is it with her hand or something else? Where on your body do you think you need to protect yourself?

Not having answers to these questions I'm going to suggest you call an organization called RAINN. This stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They Operate a 24/7 hotline staffed by trained volunteers you can talk to who will most likely ask you the same questions I have. Once you have answered them they can refer you to professionals in your own town who can help you. The hotline number is: 1-800-656-HOPE.

If you feel you are in imminent danger I would suggest talking to your teacher or Principal at school. By law they will know what needs to be done to properly protect you.

I may have taken the deep end of your question and hopefully I have. I would rather be wrong in how I interpreted your question and supply information that could help you just in case I have read something correctly into your question.

I'm 14 and a girl and I think I really want sex or the touch of someone else. I think about it a lot and I sometimes dream about it. I know I am really young so sex isn't really the best thing...I know about masterbating but I am afraid to touch down there. As in like skin to skin. Like using my finger. And I don't think I am comfortable on putting some house hold object up there either...and I definatly can't get a dildo. I need help...any adivce?

Hi, I'm I am old enough to be your grandfather and I hope the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.

Lets start with there is absolutely nothing wrong or sinful about masturbation. Most all organized religions, including the Catholic Church, condone masturbation. Contrary to what some parents may tell there children you will not go blind and you will not grow hair in the palm of your hand. You think I'm joking, there are some parents that do tell their children this.

Masturbation is a natural way to release the pent up hormonal urges you are experiencing from puberty. The slang for masturbation for a girl is generally called fingering, for a guy it is generally called wanking, or jerking off. What ever you want to call it as long as it does not become an over riding compulsion there is nothing wrong with it.

Masturbation is the safest way to relieve your sexual tension. It is also the best way to learn about your bodies own sexual needs so that when you are ready for sex and mature enough to enter into a sexual relation you know what you what from the relationship in a sexual manner.

When you wish to masturbate you should go to your your room, close and lock the door, so that you not be disturbed. Dim the lights, put some relaxing music on, undress and lie back on you bed. As you relax and get into it let your other hand caress your breasts and pinch your nipples. Allow this hand to roam over your body. In this manner you will learn more about your sexual needs and increase your pleasure.

I agree you are too young to be thinking of having sexual relations. Many of the girls that write to us and many of the advisers have said they regret losing their virginity as young as they did.

While you have not asked for this, I am going to include a link to a website I would like you to visit. It is a site that answers the question: "Am I ready for Sex." I think all teenagers should look at this site and I found it when answering that question for several young ladies who have written to us.

The one thing the site does not say that you should keep in mind. Young males are driven and programed to mate as a way to deal with pent up sexual energy. They confuse lust with love. Do not let a young man push you to do something your not ready for just because you are afraid he will find someone else that will. There are other ways to satisfy his needs without having intercourse and the possible pregnancy that could come form it.

When you are ready for intercourse always have the boy wear a condom and you should be on birth control for at least 30 days before your first sexual intercourse. The condom is only 85% effective in preventing pregnancy when worn correctly but is 100% effective in preventing the transmission of the HIV virus and STDs. Birth Control Drugs are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. End of Grandpa lecture.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

I am 15, a girl, and I recently was diagnosed with cancer. I start chemo tomorow. I am going to loose all my hair and throw up a lot. I am very scared because I always thought I was healthy. My friends and family come to see me a lot but after a while I think they will forget about me and not come as often and not talk to me anymore. I was told I probably wont live much longer and Im soooo scared! Please help.

Hi, I'm old enough to be you grandfather and I hope that the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.

First, I'm sorry you are ill. When it comes to Cancer diagnoses doctors make them based on the evidence at hand. They really have no idea how you will respond to treatment. I have found that will illnesses such as yours recovery is 90% mindset and 10% medicine.

I know that sounds strange but even the doctors will tell you if you set your mind to beating this your chances of doing so go way up. Our bodies are wonderful things, they respond to what our minds tell them.

It also helps that you find the best doctors you can. Not knowing where you live I can't make a recommendation but if you live near a Cancer Center of America Hospital you should ask your parents to take you there.

There is also St. Jude Children's Hospital; no child is ever turned away regardless of the ability of their parents to pay. This hospital was founded by the actor Danny Thomas on that principal.

There are hundreds of stories where doctors have told patients that they had non-operable cancer. Then after chemo and or radiation there was no sign of the Cancer. They were in total remission. Your job is to keep the faith, have a positive attitude and know that you are not going to let some little bug defeat you.

Yes you will lose your hair, but it will grow back and think of all the lovely wigs you can get. To minimize throwing up instead of three big meals a day eat many small meals each day between chemo treatments. The doctors will also give you medicine to minimize the nausea.

I do not think your friends and family will forget about you. Friends and family know how important it is to keep your spirits up to help you beat this illness, so I'm sure they will be there for you. I remember reading a story where someone your age was going through what your going through. She was so concerned about loosing her hair that everyone in her class shaved their herds in solidarity with her. It made the newspapers that's why I remember it.

I'm not saying the doctors are wrong, what I am saying is the doctors can be proven wrong. How you approach your illness will effect how the illness effects you. Attitude is everything.

My sister say they wish they hadnt lost there virginty why is that..?
Also, i was wondering wht do u have to do to be prepared for sex like wht do i have to do so hes not discusted or something like im not sexauly active but i want to know if i ever decide that im ready..?

I am old enough to be your grandfather. I believe in giving straight answers to the questions I chose to answer on this website. The given below is the best information I have or have researched for your question.

I found the website, shown at the end, while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. Sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at your same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always have him use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urges without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. At your present ages you can have all the intimacy of sex using these alternatives without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
My advice is to wait a few more years, let you and your bodies mature a bit more so that you can fully enjoy a sexual relationship. Don’t let pear pressure force you to do something you may not be fully ready for.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

I am 13 female and i have had this friend ever seice 5th grade. we are now in 8th grade and he says that he loves me and that i have to kiss him on his b-day (he is 14) and that i have to date him and telling me what I can and can't do in my life. I used to like him until he started to get controlling and telling me i have to kiss him if i want to or not. I even locker by him at school. But I like another guy, but he dosne't really want to talk to me cuz the guy keeps telling everyone that i am his girl and am taken. And i was fluirting with a guy and he totally freaked out, he said i can the only guy i can talk to is him, but he goes and fluirts with all the girls in our grade and a few in the grade older then us. I really don't know what to do, he has been my friend for a long time and i don't want to hurt his felling, but i want to have a life, any suggestion would be wonderful and very very helpful.

Hi, I'm old enough to be you grandfather. I'm an adviser on this website to answer questions like your hoping that the wisdom of my age will be useful.

We receive many questions like yours, from young teenagers with controlling boy friends. There are a few different ways to handle what is happening. Most importantly your boy friend has to learn, possibly the hard way, that his controlling ways are not acceptable.

The first way: You tell him straight up that you do not like his controlling ways. You are not a piece of property he owns and controls. You go on to tell him you are not his girlfriend. You are friends and you will continue to be friends IF he changes his controlling manner.

Second way: Since this is happening at school you can inform a teacher or the principal. His controlling is a form of bullying. I'm sure you are aware that schools right now are acutely aware of students being bullied in school.

Third way: The way I most like. You go and tell your parents what is happening with him. Our primary job as a parent is to care for you, to watch out and protect you.

In this instance what is happening with your friend, if allowed to continue could escalate to a point that someone could get hurt. I'm not sure you will fully understand but someone who is a controller will always be a controller. It is a character fault. This is not something that can be corrected with medication.

Character faults have to be dealt with in a manner that trains the person to first recognize their behavior is wrong, then train them how to deal with it. Left unchecked a person with a controlling personality will eventually hurt someone. It may or may not be you. You have the opportunity now to stop him before he hurts someone.

By going to your parents and telling them what is happening they will know what to do to protect you and see to it that he gets the help he needs.

So my advise is that you have three choices but I would prefer that you go and talk with your parents. As I said our main job as parents is to protect you. So give them the opportunity to do so.

I'm 15 and I am only 4"10 and i wont be growing more because my parents are short...anyways I was wondering if I were to have sex(when I'm older) will the guy be able to fit in me and will it hurt more becuase i'm so small?

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I answer questions on this site for questions just like yours. I want to make sure you get truthful answer based on research I am able to do and wisdom that comes with my age.

First: Lets remember that all babies are the same size when their born and your vagina must stretch to accommodate their passing through the birth canal. If the vagina can stretch to accommodate a child passing out; it can stretch to accommodate a penis going in.

Below is a chart I found on the average size of a vagina. Remember these are the average sizes; the medium between the smallest and largest and does not take into account the vagina's ability to stretch.

Average Vagina Size

Relaxed
Length 3 1/2 to 4 inches
Diameter 1 Inch

Aroused
Length("tented) 5 to 6 inches
Diameter 1 1/2 to 2 inches

I want to take a moment to talk about your height. at 4' 10" and 15 years of age you may not have finished growing. The only way to know for sure is to have an x ray of the growth plates in your bones.

You are still caught up in the hormonal imbalance of of puberty. Just because your parents are short does not mean you will be as short. It is still possible that over the next 3 years you will experience a growth spurt.

If you are concerned at all, and you should not be, about your height. You could talk to your family doctor and see if the doctor is willing to see if your growth plates have closed.

I hope I have answered your question(s).

Ok so about 3 weeks to a month ago, I was REALLY sick! My throat was in excruciating pain!!! My ears felt like they were gonna pop. So, I went to the doctor and he gave me antibiotics. I started to feel better. But, I was a little weak. Around Friday, I started to get a really bad pain in my ear. I thought maybe I had an ear infection. At night, the pain gets worst! I'm talking bad!!! Likw when I swollow, it hurts my ear. When I talk, it hurts my ear. Its not a small pain. Its excruciating and keeping me up at night. Its my right ear and on my right tonsil there's white dots. I'm going to the doctor today, but I just wanted to see if any of you can give me your opinion on this...

Thanks!

Definitely keep your doctors appointment. None of us are doctors and cannot and should not be making any type of diagnoses. While it may sound like something recognize not being a doctor and not having the ability to examine you if we were; we could be entirely wrong.

When it comes to physical injuries or illnesses always go to the professional.

im 15yr old girl and the guy is 19

we started going out and everything went well but when we were dating for 3 months my parents made us brake up...(legal stuff) so we broke up but we still have feelings for eachother and we still talk the way we used to except we dont say we are a couplee so what does that make us? He is not my boyfriend and i am not his girlfriend but we still talk like we are. We dont have sex or anything like that but when we get to see eacohter we cuddle and stuff sometimes do stuff but nothing more to it. When a new guy asks me if im single i dont know what to say because i AM single but in a way im taken and same goes to the guy i like. We are not confused of what we feel but we are comfused of the title we have. What kind of relationship is it that we keep?

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I answer questions on this website to give truthful answers to questions like yours based on the wisdom and knowledge that comes with age.

The legal stuff your parents are talking about is more for your boyfriend then for you. There is not any state that I am aware of that recognizes the age of consent at age 15. Your boyfriend on the other hand is well above the age of consent and is consider an adult in every state.

Now this is where it gets a little confusing. The law recognizes that love knows no age limits so they have built in a 4 or 3 year rule depending on the state you live in. This law allows for a 3 or 4 year difference in age before the older person can be charged with such crimes as contributing to the delinquency of a minor, Statutory Rape and any other child related sex crimes the state wishes to add. Sex does not have to be taking place between the two for the older person to be charged with these crimes.

Those are the state crimes, the Federal Law has there own crimes and their own age limits. The most popular charge they have is if you and your boyfriend happen to cross state lines. This law is called the Mann act. The Mann act in brief is when you cross state lines for the purpose of IMMORAL acts. Here again you do not have to do anything it is intent that they look at.

So, that legal stuff you your parents speak of is actually very real and very serious. It is intent based, meaning you don't actually have to be having sex, just being together is enough for him to be charged with a crime if someone wants to file a complaint.

You need to check what the age of consent is in your state. Most likely it is either 16 or 17. Until you reach the age of consent you place your boyfriend in serious danger, should someone want to get him in trouble, just by being with him.

I realize this is not what you want to hear. When I read "(legal stuff)" I felt you were not aware of the true meaning of the legal problems that could unfold should someone want to cause trouble for him. Now you know and it is up to you as to how you two move forward.

14/female
I am emo, and recently, a weird kid at my school asked me to give him a blowjob. He said that if i didnt go out with him that he would kill himself. He said that if I don't give him a blowjob, he will tell the whole school sexual lies about me.

Before I knew he existed, I was at my friends house when he showed up. My friend left the room for like an hour. He touched me, and I kept saying stop, and he knows that it was wrong

He even made a fake Facebook account as a fake person so that he could talk to me. I did not/don't want anything to do with him. On facebook on his fake profile he apologized. I believed him.

I dont know what to do. I just want to kill myself so that it all stops. I'm truly petrified. I want to end it all. Nobody knows that I an emo besides my closest most bestest friend (: I call her my lil' sis :)

I don't know what I should do. If I kill myself, I will leave my friend, and I told her that I would always be there for her. Idk if my life is even important anymore... (sorry this is so long.. I just needed somewhere to turn to)....

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. It is questions like your as to why I am an advisor on this website. It is my hope that giving straight answers to questions ans the wisdom of my age will be help full.

First let me put what this boy has done to you in real world perspective. By intimidating you into giving him a blowjob he has committed rape. Yes, oral sex is a form of sex known legally as sodomy. By forcing you to commit an act of sodomy he has committed rape. If you did not give him the blowjob he is guilty of attempted rape by his intimidation of you to get you to give him a blowjob. If your friend left the room knowing that he was going to do this then she is an accessory before the fact and just as guilty.

Killing yourself is not the answer. You will leave behind friends and family that love you who will be hurt and angry.

This boy has broken the law, he may not realize it, but he has. He has hurt you in the worst way a male can hurt a female. You need to show him that what he has done is not only morally wrong but against the law as well. If he did this to you he may have done it before and he will do it again. He must be stopped.

There are two ways you can do this. If I was your father I would hope you would be confident enough in my love for you to come to me with a problem such as this. Sure I'm going to get upset, not at you, but at him for hurting my little girl. Yes I will question you as to just what happened, not because I don't believe you or trust you. But because I need to make sure I have the facts straight so I can take the appropriate action.

Now just what is the appropriate action: I have two choices. I could go to his father and talk with him. Tell him what you have told me. Based on my conversation with his father I could leave it there trusting that his father will take the appropriate corrective action with his son. If I come away with the feeling that his father feels his son has done no wrong I have the option of filing a complaint with local law enforcement and letting them handle the matter.

The other choice you have, and I would suggest no matter what that you call them, is to call an organization called RAINN. This stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a hotline that is open 24/7 to help people just like you find people in your own town who can help you deal with what has happened. The number is; 1-800-656-HOPE.

I would hope you would do both, talk to your parents and call RAINN. At the very least call RAINN and let them help you, that is what they are there for.

i had a boyfriend for 2 yeras.i broke up with him 2 years ago.now my parents arranegd my marriage with another person. can my husband be able to find that i am not a virgin? is hymenoplasty surgery realy worthless & have side effects? how much cost of this aurgery?in calcutta which hospital do this surgery? please dont tell that "tell him the truth" it is the matter of my parents selfrespect.i dnt want my parents suffer for my fault.

Hi, I'm one of the older advisers on this site. Probably old enough to be your grandfather. In general it is my hope that the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to those hows' questions I answer.

I have to go along with DangerNerd in his answer to you. I also researched Hymenoplasty; after reading the benefits and possible post operative side effects, I would have to advise against such a procedure for you.

There is an old saying about telling a lie. You need to write it down for you will always remember the truth but you never fully recall a lie.

I understand the tradition behind the arranged marriage that some cultures believe in. What I don't understand is that in this day and age, especially if you are living in the USA, that parents still force this on young women.

You have two choices here. If you are living in the USA or an other western country. You need to be truthful with the man your parents have chosen for you. You can do this in two ways. You tell him that you are not a virgin, that is number one. Number two is if you do not wish to marry him, or that you do not wish to follow tradition and marry by arrangement. You should ask him to keep your secret and hope that he does.

If you do not live in the USA or other western countries but live in what we refer to as the old countries; then I would suggest you simple tell this man you do not believe in arranged marriages and leave it at that. I am not aware of any of the old countries, with the exception of one or two of the Muslim ruled countries where you can be forced into an arranged marriage.

I hope I have been helpful to you.

how do i know if he is gay and what advice on how to deal with him?

Hi, I'm one of the older advisers on this website, definitely old enough to be your father and probably old enough to be you grandfather. It is questions like yours that I became an advisor so that hopefully the wisdom of my age may be helpful to you.

Your question gives way to a question from me as to why are you asking this question. What has you husband done or what have you seen him doing to make you wonder. You could every right to be concerned if you believe your husband is participating in gay sex. Your health is at risk if you and he are having sex as well.

I don't usually suggest confrontations, though this is a somewhat unusual and difficult a situation.

If you have evidence that points to him leaning to or having gay sexual relations you need to have a conversation with him. You need to tell him of your concerns and show him your evidence. If the evidence is his looking at gay porn on the computer then you need to tell him your concerned with his choices in porn viewing and your concern for your own health as to where that viewing may be leading him.

Regardless of his answer you should insist that you both be checked for HIV and STDs. If you two continue to have sexual relations, you need him to wear a condom until the results are back.

Now the other side of why you feel this way could be from your own sexual relations with your husband.

Has he asked you to finger his anus or stick your finger in him during foreplay or sex. If he has there are several good reasons for this.

There are a large number of nerves around the anus and anal area, as you may be well aware of. It just may feel good to have you finger and possibly lick him back there.

As to sticking you finger in him: the Prostrate Gland resides just with the anal cavity, about the depth of the average index finger. If you gently massage the prostrate while giving him a handjob or blowjob, it can result in a mind blowing orgasm for him.

Has your husband asked you to use a butt plug, dildo or strap-on and actually have anal sex with him. I can see this type of request from him, if it is happening, being the reason for your question.

One answer is that by doing so for him you are satisfying his gay inquisitiveness. This is possible that a male could be hiding his gay side behind a heterosexual relationship and satisfying it through heterosexual relations.

The other view is that this is quite normal sex between two heterosexual people. You could feel very pleased that your husband is comfortable enough in his relationship with you and your view of his manliness to ask you to indulge him in this type of sex.

It also allows him to be more passive or sublimated for a bit, giving you a more dominate position over him. Something he may subconsciously need to give his life more balance.

My views on sex and sex play are very liberal. I believe there is nothing weird about anything two consenting adults want to try as long as both parties consent and no one is physically harmed. This means that there has to be open communications between partners and both partners need to know the others limitations on anything they trying, even in marriage.

So the real short answer to your questions is: You and your husband need to have a conversation about your suspicions. Based on his answers you can proceed accordingly.

im 19 and im seeing thia boy and im just wondering will it seem wrong if i give him a handjob i know im not ready for sex yet but im willing to give him a handjob but i don't want it to seem wrong. Is it wrong?

Hi, I am one of the older advisers on this site and it is questions such as yours that I have chosen to be an advice.

I have very liberal views when it comes to sex. Basically my views boil down to two very basic rules.

The first Rule:There is nothing wrong that can be done between to CONSENTING adults as long as both parties CONSENT and neither party is truly physically harmed.

The second rule is: COMMUNICATION; you and your partner need to communicate both your needs and your limitations. In what you have written you need to communicate to your partner that you are willing to give him a handjob but that is the limit of your sexual interest at this time. He needs to understand this before you start any type of sex play with him.

For now it is a handjob, in the future you may allow him to finger you. Whatever steps you take, including when you actually have sex you need to communicate your limitations. Whatever you and your partner are planning to do together it MUST be MUTUALLY acceptable or it doesn't happen.

If you and your partner(s) follow these two basic rules; with the understanding that NO means NO and STOP means STOP even if you are already having sex, you can have a wonder sex life. Sex is something to be enjoyed as well as for procreation. If you, when you are ready and you decide to explore the different aspects of sex you need to remember my second rule, communications. It is no ones business but yours and your partners as to what or how you do things. There is never anything weird about sex if both parties, or more, are consenting.

Hopefully I have answered your question. I think your boyfriend would enjoy getting a handjob from you. Given my views on sex I believe you now understand that nothing is wrong as long as you both consent and both know the limitations involved. I see no problem with his consent, just make sure he understands your limitations. Remember communications is also key to a happy sex life.

Im 13 and my friends talk about their girlfriends quite often. they ask if iv'e got a girlfriend and I reply "iv'e never had one".
WHY IS THIS!

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grand father and I hope the wisdom that comes with age will be useful to you.

Those that answered before me have given you some useful advise. My advice will be more along the lines of grandfatherly advice. I'll try to keep it light.

Your 13 which would put you in middle school in the eight grade I believe. You have just entered you teenage years and you worried about having a girlfriend?

How about slowing down a bit and waiting for puberty to set in a little longer and get your hormones under control before you have to deal with the hormones of a women. There is nothing written that says when you become a teenager that you have to be in a relationship with the opposite sex. You have a life time to deal with that.

Being in a relationship with the opposite sex can be and is fun. But you need to be mature enough to understand what a relationship is all about. Frankly at 13 neither you or a girl could possibly have reached that level of maturity.

Sure you can have friends that are girls. You can even hang out with girls. I would really like to stop short of calling outings with girls and boys together at your age,dating. If a bunch of you were to get together and meet at the mall to hang out together that is not what I call a date. Yet today I'm told it is considered to be a date. Why, I don't know other than for some reason young people your age are in a rush to feel older.

Life is revolves fast enough, there is no need to put it in overdrive. When the time is right, you will know it and you will ask a young lady for a real date and then to be your girlfriend, which is a long term relationship.

Until then slow down down, relax, take life as it comes to you. You have plenty of time to start dating.

18/f

I'm not really lovin life right now. Lots of stress, problems and drama. I don't have any trust-worthy and loyal friends.. they all put me down and make me feel worse about myself. I talked to my parents about this and they said to ignore them and stop being "friends" with them. I took their advice and didn't bother to talk to them ever again. But now I feel like such a loner. I try to make friends but they never really stick. We become friends for a few months and then things die down. I'm pretty busy outside of school so I don't have much time to party or hang out. On top of "friends" putting me down, my parents put me down sometimes too. They make me feel like shit sometimes. They point out my imperfections and make me feel worse about some things. but other times they make me feel ok. I just have such a low self-esteem.. :( I have a boyfriend who is literally MY LIFE. he's my best friend. he makes me feel so amazing. the majority of my happiness is just from him because he makes me so happy :) however.. there have been times when we were close to breaking up. those times were the worst because I literally felt like I had nothing.

I've tried to boost my self esteem by buying/spoiling myself with pleasures like shopping and eating junk food. I've tried yoga, meditating, doing new things like starting ceramics, starting to sew and make fashion, etc. but nothing really makes me feel great about myself. I just need some advice please. How do I make myself happy? make my self esteem better? My boyfriend always gives me compliments. he says i'm beautiful and amazing. most of the time i just say thank you, but i never truly believe it. Part of me believes that I'm not special at all. whenever i look at myself in the mirror, i never think i'm beautiful. i never think i'm an amazing person. I don't look at myself like i'm magnificent. I'm just "blah".

I know this is a problem. I'm a senior in high school about to graduate this spring. I'm just so sick of feeling "blah" all the time. I want to be happier. I want to feel good about myself. I want to have confidence in myself and know i'm amazing. but i don't get that feeling right now. please help! thank you so much :)

Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and I hope the wisdom that comes with being my age will be helpful to you.

It's tough being a teenager these days but I'll let you in on a little secret. The friends you make in High School rarely last past graduation. Once you finish the public school system everyone's life seems to go off in all different directions. Many off you will go off to college. One or two will go off to Military Service and a few will remain at home and attend Community College or start looking for some type of employment.

What happens at this point is our goals in life start to set in. We are no longer care free with the singular goal of just getting through high school. Our outlooks change, some of our values change, mostly for the good. Our interests tend to change based on the direction of our goals.

This is where you will find the answers to what you believe is your problem. If you are going off to college there are a host of opportunities to extend one's social life. There are numerous organizations both on and off campus based in a variety of interests to choose from that one can join. Many of these organizations are centered around you college major. Others are plain social clubs based on social interests, such as camping, hiking, literature and many others far to numerous to list.

Life is what you make of it. You can go off to college and be totally goal oriented and not take advantage of the social aspects offered or you can seek out those social aspects that are interesting to you. From these interests you will make friends that will not desert you, who will understand you as they have similar interests as you.

Not going off to college; these same social clubs are available in your community. You just need to seek them out. Many our available through your place of worship or employment.

When we look in the mirror we are not always seeing our true reflection. The person we really are. That person resides just below the skins surface. This is the person people need to get to know, the caring, nurturing person I know you are. You can alter your outward appearance, you cannot truly alter your inner self.

Your allowing your low self esteem to drag down how you view your outer self, which in turn is hurting your inner self. I believe once you graduate and get out from under the stress associated with all this you will be able to lighten up on yourself. You are a magnificent person, I can tell this from the way you write. You just need to believe in yourself more.

My advice: Don't be so hard on yourself. IF someone puts you down that's their problem not yours. Their the ones that are short sited or jealous of something you have or better than them at. As for being a beautiful person; I know you are, you just have to believe it.

I dont want to be told to go to a doctor i have tried they cant find anything.

I have had ultra sounds, xrays, cat scans, mri, blood, etc. I am on the depo shot for birth control. That is the only medication i was taking at the time. I just started 2 days ago my anti depressent again which i had been off of for 6 months. I get extremely sharp pains in my stumochany where from the top to my lower adominal. I have also been having chest pains but on my right side of the chest. Occasionally in my lower adominal it hurts when i urinate. I get nauses. There is no way im pregnant either ive had pregnancy tests done as well.. any ideas. I know you guys arent doctors but made just one of you have had the same symptoms.. i hate not knowning. oh i also have a mass on my ribs but i dont think that has anything to do with this.

Hi, I'm one of the older advisers her. Probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful.

I agree with the Director, you need to find a doctor who can find out what is wrong with you.

I'm going to tell you my story. At the end of it I will give you my advise and you will understand why I am advising you as I am.

I have personally found, and I live in a very urban area, that we all have the old doc Walker's. You know the doctors who practice in the local area. Everyone tells you that their doctor is the best. Well I have a great family practitioner and she is great for most things. Then I was in a serious car accident that almost killed me. She sent me to an orthopedist she trusted. He couldn't find anything wrong and he sent me to his partner a back specialist. He too could not find anything wrong.

As life would have it my son was also involved in an accident as a paramedic the ambulance he was working in was involved in a head on collision. The two of us saw the same doctors with the same results. Leaving both of us in agonizing pain.

Together we felt there had to be a better way. We live mid way between to areas that have 5 world class teaching hospitals. We looked at all 5 hospital on the web; discussed the pros and cons of all of them. The cons were mostly our ability to get to them. Once we settled on a hospital we called the patient referral line. I spoke with the referral specialist and was surprised when we were referred to a neuroSurgeon, I was expecting an Orthopedic referral.

Turned out this Surgeon was ranked in the top 5 in the Country. He properly diagnose both of us. My son was referred to another surgeon for back surgery. My injuries while now properly diagnosed are unrepairable. I was referred to a rehabilitation Hospital for Pain management. The same Hospital the NFL, MLB and the NHL send their players to.

When you run the gamut of local doctors without relief its time to go to the major leagues. Even if it requires you to travel you need to find a good teaching hospital. This does not have to be a hospital that has a school attached to it. It can be the area level one trauma hospital. These hospital general have young doctors fresh out of school to do their internship and residency in. The staff doctors at these hospitals are generally the top doctors in their field.

Each of these hospitals also have a patient referral line. call the patient referral line, tell them of your problems. They will set you up with the doctor they think is best qualified to treat you.

As was the case with my son if a consultation with another doctor is needed to treat or examine you, they are right there in the hospital. Your records, testing, x rays and anything else the first doctor may have done are there for the second doctor to look at. Nothing gets, lost or redacted.

Then there is the added benefit of these young doctors fresh from school, with fresh knowledge and looking to shine. This is where your going to get answers.

So my advice is to find a teaching hospital, trauma center and call their referral line to see one of their doctors.

My kid is yelling over xbox live so loud I can't think. I asked him nicely to quiet down and he told me to shove it. I'm going to shove it alright... What should I jam in his piehole to shut him up?

Hi, I'm one of the older advisers on this site,probably old enough to be your father. Hopefully the wisdom that comes with my age will be helpful to you.

I agree with NinjaNeer about taking his power cable away and hiding it someplace he can't find it. If he replaces it I would take the xbox itself away and hide it as that is more expensive and harder to replace.

As to his lack of respect. I would like to say a trip to the woodshed is appropriate but in this day and age you would probably get in more trouble that he is being to you.

I think a little community service is advisable here. Depending on his age there are many different things he can do. For every hour of xbox he wants to earn back, at a disciple level you desire. He will need to do an hour of satisfactory community service work.

Places that he can do community service work at would include, the local hospital, churches and senior citizen centers. Depending on his age and ability get around town, you can also check with your counties department of ageing to see if there is anything he may be able to assist a senior citizen with. Where I live there is plenty of work for strong young men to mow lawns, assist with gardening,shovel snow,and general house maintenance.

Depending on his age many fire companies and the local police run cadet programs where he can join and work with them. The cadets do not run calls as such but are allowed certain ride along privileges and do help out around the stations.

I found groundings and loss of privileges does not always work. Community service time did work. In fact it lead to my sons career path. He now has a degree in emergency medicine and is a paramedic/firefighter with a local fire department.

Name key (fake names):
Me: Annabeth
Boyfriend: Jaysyn

I'm 16, a sophomore in high school. My boyfriend, Jaysyn, is a senior, 18. He's really sweet, and it didn't take me long to fall head over heels for him. I met him last year when I was a freshmen and he was a junior, and we started dating one month later. He was always very sweet and understanding about the whole sex thing: he wanted it, but every time I tried, I told him the truth--I'm no where near being ready for that, even if I might want it. Every time I said so, he was really sweet, saying he understood and wouldn't dream of making me do anything I wasn't ready to do. Lately, he's been going back on that promise. He's been getting kind of physical about it, too. Pushing me and shoving me and stuff; a couple of months ago we were at his house watching TV in his room because he gets free movies on his XBox through netflix, and he started kissing my neck and touching my leg and stuff. He was getting really touchy, and pushed his hand away and told me to stop, and he got really mad and he raised his hand as if he was going to hit me, but instead he just pushed me away from him, and I almost fell off the couch. I left when he did that and I went home. He called me five times an hour all night after that, and almost ten times the next day. Since then, he's been getting more violently, and touchy feely and rough, and when I deny him sex he gets really pissed. Last night I got up to leave and he grabbed my arm so hard I thought my wrist would break. Then he pushed me and I fell into the table--my knees are bruised. He called me a whore and a tease and told me I was being a bitch, and I left. This morning we had a date, and I didn't expect or want to go on the date after last night, but he showed up at my house right on time. I told him to go away and started to close the door, but he forced his way into the house and apologized for last night and got my oat from the closet and we went out and actually had a good time. He was really sweet, and he acted as though last night never happened. What do I do?

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I answer questions on this site to tell you the way things are. The straight truth as I know them and advice based on the wisdom of my age.

The other advisers are correct when they say this is not a relationship you want to stay in. I will put this in the real world meaning of what is happening to you.

By virtue of the age difference between you and him; this will have to be based on the laws in your state. Your boy friend is could be and is guilty of some of the following crimes.

1. Attempted Rape.

2. Assault

3. Battery

4. Forcible entry

5. Attempted Kidnapping

6. Based on the age of consent and the laws of your state possibly statutory rape.

Items one through five are real crimes committed upon you when he attempted to force you to have sex with him. When he grabbed you and through to the floor items two through five were committed.

Your boyfriend may be only 16 but he is showing the type of personality he has; which is an abusive one. So far you have not been seriously hurt; but what about the next time or his next girlfriend.

My advise is that you tell mom and dad what has happened. Let them decide how to proceed for here. They will definitely tell you; and I agree, that you cannot see this boy anymore.

If you were my daughter I would be calling my local law enforcement agency to ask their advice. Your boyfriend has committed real crimes. Yes he is only 16 and you my not want to get him in to this type of trouble.

Look at it from another point of view. By asking local law enforcement does not always lead to an arrest. There are other options available such as referred to juvenile services for behavioral correction under supervision. In this way you are helping him realize that his actions in treating you are unacceptable and have serious consequences if he doesn't change his way.

Then there is the question of his future girlfriend, wife and children to consider. By allowing law enforcement to step in an take what they feel is the appropriate action you could be saving many people a lot of pain and harm.

So please tell your parents and let them handle this from here. Tell them everything you have told us.

what does it mean when your hands begin to shake really bad out of no where and then you being to cry for no reason?

edited answer: I'm sorry you are not all that pleased with my answer. Fact is panic attacks can be signs of something more serious, if that is what is happening to you.

None of us are doctors and we made a best guess estimate based on what you told us. Your parents know you best and will know if you are having a panic attack or something more serious. Never hide illnesses from your parents; unless of course you like being hospitalized for long periods of time, or worse.

Am I trying to scare you; yes. Panic attacks are serious business and precursors to more serious illnesses. So stop trying to hide from it.

I tell thinks like they are. You may not like my answers but you can always count on getting straight answers from me. I have been a first responder long enough to know you need to speak with your parents and let them take you to your family doctor. This could be nothing more than nerves over something going on right now; or it could be an indication of something that needs monitoring or medical intervention. Only your doctor knows you well enough to know for sure how to move forward with this.

Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the advice and wisdom that comes with age will be useful to you.

You are probably having some type of panic attack. Everyone has them at one time or another. The problem comes in if they are recurring with any regularity. By this I mean on a daily, weekly or multiple times a day.

If so you need to tell your mom or dad what is happening and let them arrange for you to see a doctor and find out the reason for this.

As I said the occasional panic attack is generally not consider anything to worry about. When they happen multiple times a day or even a week they can be a signal of something more serious and in need of a doctors care and intervention.

My advice: Let mom and dad know what is happening and how often this is occurring. They will know if you need to be seen by a doctor.

I attend a nearly all white academy, but, me being black, I have never fit in. Every day, being teased because I'm no good at sports, because of my race, anything. My teacher had stopped me after class and asked if things were okay because he had been worried about me. I was too afraid to tell him anything. I also had lacrosse practice (they require you to play sports at school) and I spent twenty minutes sobbing in the bathroom because I was being made fun of. I'm also confused because I don't see why I am treated differently from everyone else. I'm always the one by myself. I just don't want to deal with this anymore. The only person (well, thing) I have to talk to is an old teddy bear. I can't talk to my teachers, my dad won't listen and my mom doesn't have the time to listen. Please help...

Hi, I am old enough to be you grandfather and I am also white. I am so sorry this is happening to you.

In this day and age it should not be happening; it even hurts me to have to write and give you advice on something that should not be happening.

Bigotry is the worst form of bullying, which is what is happening to you. You should have told that teacher when he asked if you were okay. You have the same rights and privileges of any other student in that school. You should not be sobbing in the bathroom before practice or at any other time.

Being teased because of your race is protected by law, as is religion and other practices. I know exactly how you feel as I was of a minority religion when I was in high school. At that time there were no laws to protect me and the schools did not have zero tolerance rules to enforce on those who harassed or bullied me. You have these protections.

My advice is to go to this teacher and tell him what is going on. If he is the teacher I believe him to be those that are harassing and bullying you will be dealt with.

I can't promise you will fit in any better or make any new friends. What I can promise is you will be able to walk the halls and eat in the cafeteria without fear of being bullied or taunted.

What is happening to you is so very wrong and should not be happening to you. Please go to that teacher and ask for his help.

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